#vampire jokes

[yoursghouly]

ahhh yes my favorite rule of vampirism: once bitten, twice gay

[missfortunetherogue]

Just took psychic damage from a sneak-attack dad joke I got from a Google search gone wrong (the culprit, once again, is my poor impulse control lol). And because I had to read it, so do you 😉 I intended to search about vampires' body temperatures since I was on the phone with my best friend and we were having a debate about it and I wanted to prove I was correct.

But then the first suggested search query that popped up was "what is a vampire's favorite fruit" and the chaos gremlin in me activated.

The answer: A neck-tarine. Owwwwww.

[academic-vampire]

Guys how am I supposed to give myself a pep talk in the mirror if… if I’m… a vampire ? 😞

(Do I have to give a pep talk to like… a portrait of myself?????)

[thumbtackmafia]

Turns out the vampire i was dating is just a regular freak with an oral fixation.

[imheredisappointingmyparents]

Balkan vampires who drink rakija instead of blood and no one can tell whether they are vampires or random Balkan uncles. They are also not afraid from the cross but from wooden spoons and slippers.

[suikamelon6]

When Dale visits his vampire mates, he didn't know they are budding comedians.

But no one dares tell Lestat he sucks. Don't quit your day job, Lestat. Or your night job.

[takemetoa-library]

I love how so many symptoms of mental illness could also be signs that you are a vampire.

Awake all night? Haven't felt the sun on you in ages? Violent mood swings? Anti-social behaviour? Incessant urge to kill every stupid human around you?

Congratulations! You either have a crippling mental illness or are a newborn baby Vamp.

[the-random-hamlet]

Not Mine. Thought to Share.