#vent.meow

[notsocutelife]

I keep forgetting that normal people don’t feel slightly uncomfortable at all times, and they can just go about their day without sparing a single thought on how their body is feeling. One of my first thoughts, when seeing people having fun outside, is always ”how are they not in unbearable dicomfort rn?” until I realize that oh yeah I’m chronically ill and most people aren’t bedridden lmao

[notsocutelife]

That one japanese jirai girl is blowing up on twitter & tiktok, and the comments are almost completely full of people either making fun of her, or fetishizing her and her struggles. She’s clearly in a very dark place in all ways, and making content could be helping her cope with her situation. She didn’t put it out there to get treated like this. I can’t believe the lack of compassion and critical thinking skills in some people, she’s a real human being. Why is social media normalizing this?

[notsocutelife]

Apparently 1 in 4 Finnish men believe women can deserve the abuse they experience, and most of them are from younger age groups :))

Kinda wanna translate the whole YLE article just because I can. I’m so tired of seeing ppl online put my home country on a pedestal, when they have no idea about the issues actively happening and ruining lives here. Our domestic violence rates are extremely high, we’re one of the most racist countries in Europe, and I’ve experienced firsthand how full of holes the safety nets ”supporting” our weakest citizens are. Nobody ever talks about that stuff tho, I wonder why.

[notsocutelife]

I always tell myself ”I’m not feeling that good today, I’ll reply tomorrow when my head is clearer”, but then the next day I’m still just as brain fogged, so the cycle continues until eventually I just freeze, unable get myself to write anything anymore because it’s been too long and they definitely hate me now

[notsocutelife]

I need to keep buying trinkets or my depression will consume me and I’ll probably end my existence. Universe, please send me ur strongest soldier…. preferrably a billionaire

[notsocutelife]

I wish my social battery was normal (๐•̆ •̆๐)

I always make people wait from hours to days, sometimes even weeks or months, so I can process their words properly and form a coherent reply that sounds normal. If I take really long to reply despite being online, I swear it’s not because I’m uninterested or I hate you, I’m just trying to form thoughts in my dusty brain and also maybe get over my social anxiety (ᐢ ܸ. .ܸ ᐢ)՞ ՞ I really hope writing about my life like this will help a little bit in getting over that weird mental block I have.

[notsocutelife]

How tf do I manage to have a severe chronic illness that restricts my body’s ability to restore energy, while simultaneously having crazy imsomnia as one of the main symptoms for when I’m in post extertional malaise HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE??? LET ME SLEEP, IT’S 8AM!!!!!!

[notsocutelife]

I know I’ll have to step up for myself and leave eventually. I’m not happy or free where I am now, and I can’t see myself having a fulfilling life under someone else’s control, but cutting myself off feels scary when the system is already pitted against people like me and I don’t even have the full knowledge of how to survive on my own. It feels reckless. I’m convinced I won’t make it if I try, but I also know I won’t survive if I stay where I am. I can feel the deadline of making that decision ticking closer, but I’m still stalling at the crossroads. I feel too unprepared and sick for the decision I know I must do, but I don’t think I’ll ever feel ready. I just need to do it.