Discover Top Posts Tagged with #whatever... i dont even care...(lying so hard)

i used to draw . once upon a time

#i tbknk standard time is ruinous . i get home and it feels like bed time #ntm ive been drawing but nothing feelss … right …#rly wish i could hack the twt artist mindset and have smth i like every other business day #that kind of consistency is beyond me .i need to learn #its like my style cycles whether i like it or not and i have one good week of the month b4 i start to struggle again #thinking ab mangaka and comic artists whose literal job relies on them being consistent .ohgg ..<trembling like that tiny dog on the bucket #irs like i forgot how 2 draw people .even though im keeping up w my gestures #in a way it feels like the more i practice smth the more i forget how to do it . i guess im Too focused on it and just notice everything i #otherwise wouldnt have but i dont even think i have a baseline . my bad days r as bad as they were when i first started drawing #like is it the aphantasia . o wonder . like if i dont Know what i want to make then its not as if i have a visual ref to go off of in my hea #head #its also kind of hard bc i rarely use photo references for poses or whatever bc i have the other issue #of making it Too Stiff and Too much like the model etc etc so i just prefer to skip it entirely #but then that becomes my pref and when im in a slump ill try using photo refs and it just makes me feel even less able😭😭#UWGRHHHHHHG whstevr . im going to blwo us all up #i dont care (lying)#i think i used to have this mindset where. if i just practiced hard enough there will come a day where i dont struggle as much #or that ill reach a level of proficiency where i can still produce smth i enjoy even on bad days #but i dont think that will ever be a reality and i dont think it has ever gotten easier #if anything it feels Harder because im now cognizant of where i want to be w my art and how it feels so out of reach #pacing in circles like a freaking lion #days like this i feel trapped in my skin.claustrophobic

I made Margaretha in animal crossing

#i kept forgetting to post this ummm #whatever........#yes im obsessed with her yes i love her and yes i did already use my S tier ticket on her valentines skin #margaretha nation we stay winning #i love her #im kinda super really sad that my infodump about her flopped so hard #i thought people would reasonate with it but i guess thats what happens when the fandom and character arent super popular☹️#whatever... i dont even care...(lying so hard)#animal crossing #acnh #acnh custom design #identity v #idv #margaretha zelle #closing night

anyways start of phantom hourglass you're tasked with finding linebeck. when oshus first brings him up, ciela says she remembers him from when he visited recently. the woman by the cave exit refers to him as a brave soul who docked recently. at the tavern the bartender says that linebeck left for the temple of the ocean king and the old guy corroborates this. they both strongly advise against going there after telling link it's where linebeck went. guy at the docks says linebeck showed up recently but hasn't been seen for a few days. in any case, linebeck's been on mercay a few days, and hasn't been seen for some time while some people know where he went.

no one in town brings up the idea of looking for him or even seems worried?

#hes so. what is going on with him man #salty talks #in this case its less him and more the way other people see him. but still him. mannnnn #linebeck #phantom hourglass #is my point clear here? people are aware of where he is and that he's been missing for likely a bit now #and despite the ppl in town knowing of him and many admiring him there is no hint of worry or interest in seeing if hes fine #like oh its been a few days since weve seen him. weird. oh well. DAMN?#like i assume the assumption is like oh he can handle himself. he's been in there a while at least and everyone who brings up the temple #is like DO NOT FUCKING GO IN THERE so like. what im seeing is a weird like. linebeck getting this reputation and shit for people to like #and admire him likely out of some loneliness but then it results in everyone just assuming you can handle yourself and you need no help #like hes probably looking for something out of this. but then people just think hes cool and whatever but then... dont seem to care if hes #actually doing alright? like they dont really care much abt him as a person (except that guy in blue possibly? hes the one who points #out that linebecks been missing but he also doesnt seem to express worry) like at the end of the day its still a lack of genuine connection #kinda just fascinated by what these sorts of implications can further imply about linebeck #even without my layers of headcanon its kinda sad? like linebeck is lying and lying to come off as cooler and braver and people like him!#but to what end? they don't seem to actually care about him. does he try to connect to them on a personal level? does he know how to? does #he want to? does he care to? what's going on. in any case theres quite a lack of positive personal interaction going on in linebecks life #its hard to pin him down in a canon sense. how much of it is some lying act when is he being honest how does he feel abt all this #he never really mentions other people and his little speech thing before the last temple of the ocean king run feels the most authentic #and its like... hm. i am replaying with my friend when i have the time so i will be getting it all back in context bit by bit #i write him as a lot quieter than he is in game but hes also just in different contexts. he's definitely disconnected from other people #whatever he makes me feel sick in a good way #like i get the vibe hes just. not interested in genuine interaction he just wants people to like him and to leave him alone?#like i think by the end the only person he really seems like he wants to be close to or feels close to is link #n link is like. everything he wants to be n have. so. link is good i think theyre friends by the end

watch nanbaka

#guy who is unbiased about this. clreary.#its been rough weve been noone all evening. i dont think narfi can truly leave host so were just stuck blurred to hell.#waetber. im focussing on the only part of me that i know and its emo boy kissing.#mostly we skip anime intros while binging bc. it just gets repetitiveee. dont care enough.#nanbaka is a exception tho what a fucking banger.#good show. kinda fucked that it'll be part of us forever because of me but wtv.#im not even a real introject i think. ok the voices are telling me im lying maybe i am #none of the others at the core are fictives that im aware of so im. whatever.#it doesnt matter.#we should try and read the manga. i have got no fucking clue about aannyyy of the lore past the anime.#hm. painted our nails black with some red deco bc we dont have red polish.#beign a person is hard. but then again maybe thats the whole blurring were experiencing. cant really fix that .

Be still and know that I AM God

you don’t have to “flip” shit

if you still believe that you have to flip every thought you have, as if you’re playing whack-a-mole, smashing each doubt you have back into the ground of your mind just for it to pop back up again, putting you through a loop, you STILL don’t know who you are. Because if you’ve ever played whack-a-mole that’s how it works, you smash the mole into the ground, and what does it do? it leaves for a bit, only to pop back up again and again, whereas if you would just let the damn mole out of the hole it would probably crawl away and never come back. Just like those thoughts you try so hard to suppress.

Now why do you feel the need to fight the “negative” thoughts? you do this because you still suffer from a case of mistaken identity. You do not truly believe that you are god, you still believe that you are human, and that the ego’s thoughts are your thoughts. You still believe that life, your thoughts and feelings are things happening TO you, when it actually happens FROM AND THROUGH you.

Now what does this have to do with negative thoughts? Well it means that they aren’t really your thoughts, those are the thoughts of the ego that lives in your old story. Let them pass. There’s no point in getting mad at your ego for thinking that, that would be like getting mad at a blind person for not seeing, just pointless, the only thing you must do is let it pass.

Let’s say you have a brand new car, a mercedes maybach for example, as you are about to get into your car, someone runs up to you and screams a list of things in your face: “YOU DONT HAVE THAT CAR, WHY ARE YOU LYING TO YOURSELF”

“WHAT IF YOU NEVER GET THE CAR”

“WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU’LL GET THAT CAR BY TOMORROW”

all while the door to your mercedes maybach is open and you’re about to get in…🧍‍♀️

are you going to run into the middle of the parking lot, completely abandoning your mercedes, just to have a panic attack?? are you going to again, abandon your mercedes to run after that person and scream back “I HAVE MY CAR, I HAVE MY CAR, I HAVE MY CAR” looking equally as crazy?? OR are you just going to decide that theyre just a crazy person, get back into your car and drive home? So in other words, are you going to abandon being calm in the new story just to “stick it” to the negative thoughts?

This is all you have to do: “wow that was crazy seeing as i have all that i want and creation is finished, good thing those aren’t MY thoughts”

As soon as you see the need to fight “your” thoughts, you have identified with them and see it as a part of you that you must get rid of. Like an inner conflict as if it’s the hyde to your jekyll. Those thoughts don’t belong to you so don’t feel the need to correct them, let them pass knowing that you are god.

༄༄༄

I’ll give you another example, Two mothers: Kelsey and Jennifer, Kelsey has a well behaved daughter, Lisa and Jennifer has a badly behaved daughter, Rona. 9 times out of 10 if a mother like Kelsey is in the store with her well behaved daughter and sees Rona kicking at her mother and swearing, she’s not going to correct the child, because the child isn’t hers. She’s going to observe the child’s behaviour only to look at her well behaved daughter, thank whatever higher power that this bad ass kid isn’t hers and keep it pushing with her shopping. See those negative thoughts as the rebel child that you’re thankful isn’t yours. Observe and let it pass, all the while being grateful for the new story.

Although i’m not religious, the biblical god never swayed in the fact that he was god even when multiple people doubted him. That’s how you need to be, the ego will doubt, but that isn’t your problem because it isn’t you!!

If you had what you wanted you wouldn’t care about those thoughts, a negative pedestal is still a pedestal, need i remind you. As pure consciousness, you should also know that everything just IS, nothing is “negative” until you label it as such.

So you’re taking the time to: 1. label those thoughts as negative and 2. decide that they are SO worthy of your attention that you need to spiral/ “flip” them. That sounds quite exhausting?

Why do you care so much? Is it because you think those thoughts are blocking you from what’s yours? But i thought creation was finished, so why would that matter? why are you going back…again?

Its like in the movies when a person is bullied, they always get the advice “don’t dignify the bullies a response”

If you know who you are why are you letting thoughts, that don’t even belong to you, waste your time, who are you proving yourself to when it’s just you here?

IF IT DON’T APPLY, LET IT FLY

©salemlunaa

the first time robby attempts, pills, a lot of pills, he doesnt have an emergency contact. he doesnt get taken to ptmc. no one has to find out. no one does find out— at least not for a while.

he and abbot have had far too many beers. first at a bar, then back to robby’s place and it just. slips out. maybe forces itself out. maybe something has been bubbling just under the surface for months, and he just needs to tell someone. its one thing being lonely, robby has known loneliness intimately his whole life. its another having to keep an attempt so close to his chest for months, years (he isnt sure).

“jack.” he pauses. this isnt something he should be doing probably. his inhibitions are lowered into hell. gehinnom. wherever the fuck hes sure he’s destined for. he has abbots full attention now— a glaring spotlight blinding him. the light is hot and he cant see right from wrong. “jack, have you ever— i mean—“ hes fucking this up already. jack shifts to face him from the other end of the sofa, his remaining leg resting over robby’s lap.

“spit it out, man.” jesus fucking christ. whatever. he cant do this. robbys just staring down into his beer bottle, like it might tell jack for him. he takes a swig. then another. then he finishes the bottle. for fuck’s sake. hes such a fucking pussy.

“nevermind.” hes staring ahead at the tv. its off, theres no noise in the room, nothing to drown out the desperate gargling despair trying to force out of his throat. his vocal chords do the work for him anyway, before he can stop it. holy shit. it comes out like vomit, fast and hard and acidic and devastating; “when i had to go home last year. i— uh,” hes choking on it, on the air, on the palpable fear growing in his chest, “i was in hospital.”

immediately, jack’s face falls from a tentative mix of anticipation and confusion to something warmer. its terrifying. all robby can see is jack standing up, putting on his leg and leaving. as soon as he finds out. the big dirty secret has been crushing his back for months.

“why?” the room’s silence grows. its deafening and painful. robby wants to cover his ears and hide under his bed. holy shit. fuck fuck fuck.

“i dont— i dont know. i took so much advil. i think there was some ibuprofen too. shit, i dont—“

jack’s silent. hes going to walk away. who wouldn’t. robby pauses and realises his eyes are blurry. hes fucking falling apart and no one is ever going to want to pick up the pieces. the jagged, rough pieces of his body scatter across the floor. fuck. he shouldve tried harder, taken more. jack is pulling away, he’s sitting up. he takes robbys phone wordlessly. robby doesnt care to see what he’s doing with it. abbot has his password, he could rob him blind, take everything. he feels the same sicky feeling he did when he od’d, his chest is burning and his stomach is cramping. he’ll take it lying down, as he does everything else. he wont fight jack, he would never win. even if he tried, even if he wanted to.

“mikey. why don’t you have an emergency contact? when did it stop being janey.” jack breaks the silence and robby looks up. the tears in his eyes havent fallen, and his vision is clearing. he’s really not going to cry about this.

“i hated the thought of bothering her.” that part is true. he omits that he took her off when he planned his attempt. just in case.

“okay. well you have one now. i don’t expect to be contacted though. i know you understand why.” robby can only nod. he’s in a state of shock over jack still being on his sofa. jack hands him another beer. he probably suggests robby gets therapy, but the roaring of blood in his ears drowns out everything but the low, careful tone of jack’s voice.

#tw sui implied #the pitt #da pitt #jack abbot #dr robby #rabbot

Astrology Observations

~ Lie to me ~

Song for today:

🔥 I hate when people get hurt by someone with a specific placement and then, they start writing bad stuff just to feel better with themselves. Mind you I was hurt by people with Cancer and Virgo placements because I have bad synastry with these signs, and I never wrote shit about them. I just let it be 👁️👄👁️ not everyone with the same placement will hurt you

🔥 Mars at 6° 18° degrees can make the chest/abdomen area of the native to look extremely attractive (waist snatched in Genz terms)

🔥 Having Inner planets like Moon or Sun aspecting your Chiron can indicate that lots of people tend to project into you especially emotionally

🔥 Saturn is very slow yes. But once you reach whatever Saturn is looking for, that thing will stay. For example 6h = jobs, 9h = education/travel, 12h = healing and protection, etc

🔥 When they have Mars aspecting Pluto they can be highly obsessed with you even when angry. Something like "I love you even when you play too much with my nerves"

🔥 Sidereal Chiron can actually be more painful than tropical Chiron. Like with Sidereal Chiron things trigger you more badly, you can have hidden traumas

🔥 Sidereal Gemini placements can actually turn up to be big gossipers. Especially if you have Mercury or Lilith there

🔥 To be crazy is to be happy and so that's why fire mercuries and mars do everything they want. They're crazy...but they're free

🔥 I think the Ascendant/Rising in the sidereal is the more pure part of yourself which you don't show to everyone only to some selective people

🔥 If you have a hard time to find a partner or have a relationship you should probably start looking more on your 5th house and the 7th house in the sidereal chart since they can uncover a different love path for you and see with which one you relate more

🔥 True Lilith (Different from the normal Lilith in your chart) for me feels to be the place where you are having the most desires

🔥 11th/7th house Pluto can feel like you're absorbing everyone's energy. Especially your friends energy and you tend to become like them. Is very important to take care with who you're hanging around with

🔥 Saturn or Capricorn/Aquarius in the 2nd house can definitely doubt themselves/being overly critical if something doesn't work out for them

🔥 If you have a dominant fire chart or have north node in a fire sign. Being confident matters a lot in your life. Almost can become a life lesson for you.

🔥 5th house Venus/Sun/Mercury or these planets ruling your 5th house can indicate having multiple crushes/people you like

🔥 Juno aspecting the Midheaven especially in good aspects can indicate your partner having a big impact on yourself and your career

🔥 Mars or Lilith in the 10th house can be known for a certain scandal or drama but at the same time can have a legacy for being a bad bitch

🔥 Part of Fortune in Aries or Aries Degrees 1° 13° 25° are gifted with a good personality. They're extremely likable. Easily getting along

🔥 Aquarius Neptune generation are born with a big compassion for the collective but also for the subconscious collective, great minds work together

🔥 Lilith/Pluto/Neptune in the 1st house can have attention upon them even without knowing. Secretly liked but big presence

🔥 I love air moons so much. There is a sort of nostalgic/happy family when you surround with them. They have the best words and know how to make your day. I loveeee them so much I love everyone who is compatible with air moons. I'm biased bc i love Aquarius moons and Aquarius Placements in General

🔥 Pisces Mercuries have their own broken humour which is adorable. You definitely trust them or you dont trust them at all (they can be good at lying)

🔥 Taurus placements especially the moon and Mercury love complimenting people. They like to make people feel loved and appreciated. And they may like to cook for others

🔥 Moon square Moon in synastry is a diabolical placement. You don't get along emotionally. Love bombings. Cold feelings. Feelings stuck in a relationship. Get outtttt. It is so easy to spot them, when they're 3 signs apart like Aquarius x Scorpio/Aries x Capricorn/(Libra x Cancer) = THE WORST

🔥 Ascendant square/opposition Mercury might struggle with flirting or talking romantically to the other person. They have good intentions

🔥 Jupiter at the 9° 21° 12° 24° degrees can help the native with expanding their mind. These people can be intuitive

🔥 Libra combined with Capricorn placements can make someone highly indecisive or someone who's shy to ask for support/help

🔥 Virgo Moon is all about releasing stuff that no longer serves you. Natives with this Moon placement are so good at getting rid of old things/things that they no longer need

🔥 Every time you have your moon return which can happen white often basically when the Moon gets under the sign you were born with, it is good to do things that can activate your moon. For example Moon in Libra: self-care/Moon in Capricorn: take a break/relax, Moon in Pisces: Meditate, Moon in Aries: manage the stress, etc.

🔥 I hope you all have it well after the solar eclipse from yesterday!! 👁️👄👁️. We had to start this week strong. Take care and have a beautiful week guys ❤️❤️!!