"The weight of my love would crush a normal heart, but you have a super heart, a sweet heart that can handle this wild, chaotic love that I have to give.. I don't know how you can handle, but you do.. you stay day after day, and it mesmerizes me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you and thank you for loving me when nobody else in their right mind would.."
My feelings are so strong for you that my love has grown muscles, haha - eUë
"I don't always make the right decisions, I know that.. but you stay by my side anyway, and that's saying a lot. In the end I always make the right decision, but you stuck with me until I did, you didn't run away like most people would.. and for that I truly love you. It's easier to throw someone away than make effort, but you make the effort.. and that's speaks volumes about who you are inside, you have integrity and that's a beautiful thing to have."
"I like that you stay with me, even when it gets hard.. you stay. That says a lot about you.. most people would leave by now, but not you. Thanks for not giving up on me.."
Let's normalize sticking around even when people are going through a hard time - eUë
pairing : oc!willow egan x dad!kian egan & platonic!westlife
summary : whilst kian and jodi egan's eldest little girl always seemed to draw the short straw in her life, what if she actually survived and beat her cancer? what if she actually never died after the third westlife show during a week-long showing of westlife concerts? what if she made it to her tenth birthday and every other birthday after that? what if her short straws began to grow back healthy again in the same way she had?
a/n : since writing the original version of this for kian, i decided to write an alternate ending where willow egan doesn't die because i still can't believe i wrote about child loss and she actually survives and sees through what was thought to be the rest of the end of westlife in 2012 and then their reunion in 2019 as a teenager, even though in the original, i have the timeline as this being written during the reunion and as willow being younger than koa but i've decided to change it lol so, sorry!
willow egan was eight-years-old when she was diagnosed with cancer. she already wasn't considered a "normal kid" because of who her parents, kian egan and jodi albert, are. however, the moment the young girl and her parents heard the news of the heartbreaking diagnosis, they knew exactly how the press and other kids willow's age would react. to the other kids and everyone else, not only did willow's parents and their fame make the girl weird but her new cancer diagnosis made her even weirder and as though she was an exhibit in a museum.
when willow was nine-years-old when her dad and his bandmates were doing a week's worth of concerts to "make up" for the fact they had halted production on their recently announced new album. there was a moment, during the third westlife concert that everyone, including willow herself, thought that she wasn't going to make it through the day and wake up the next morning. but, she did wake up the next morning, she opened her eyes the next morning and cried out for her daddy. in a rage of emotions, georgina byrne, who is the wife of kian's bandmate nicky byrne, rang kian in a frenzy of her own emotions.
thinking the worst, kian was mere seconds away from dropping everything at dublin's o2 arena until he heard the very voice he had thought, imagined, he would never hear again when he just stopped for a moment and took that as his chance to just breathe. his little girl was alive and she was okay.
willow's pov | flashback to cancer diagnosis
i could tell my parents felt like the walls in the doctor's office were closing in on them. they, like me, never imagined to be getting this news after it was just supposed to be just another regular hospital trip for me, eight-year-old willow egan.
whilst i wasn't in with my parents whilst my doctor, dr phelps, told them, i could still hear them since the hospital is never as soundproof as one thinks, "...mr egan? kian, did you hear what i just told you?" dr phelps questioned my dad, who until now had never really called him by his first name as dad responded after blinking a couple of times
"no, sorry, what did you say? could you please repeat that?" it was obvious that dad was still so far away from dr phelps' office mentally, doing his best to not tune out a second time since it was important news that dr phelps was telling my parents
"i was saying that, with willow's recent diagnosis of terminal cancer, she can still try chemotherapy and maybe a little bit of radiotherapy but we are not certain that it'll work in the way it usually would if we had seen it earlier..."
ahh, yes, i could see the wheels in my dad's head start to turn as he realised what the conversation was about. his eldest and only daughter, me, had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and were having a conversation about the roads of treatment for me and how successful they could be for a small eight-year-old who had many ailments before this new one. as i watched from the waiting room, i could tell that dad could feel a cry building in his throat, mum also feeling it as well, holding his hand tightly as i knew they both wished they were anywhere but in dr phelps' office at this moment.
i watched as dad continued the conversation, "...ah, umm, so, theoretically speaking, if our daughter...willow, was to undergo a round or couple of chemotherapy and maybe radiotherapy, how long would you say we'd have her with us, realistically?" dad gulped as i watched the way he fiddled with the scrunched up tissue in his palm as he squeezed mum's hand with his other hand
dr phelps paused before he continued, "now, mr egan, i really couldn't tell you because this is so new and so late in finding the cancer in willow's system that we truly have no idea how long it could potentially prolong her life but, once the chemo and radiotherapy do start, then we can start estimating things like that..." dr phelps responded as i could tell that dad felt his heart shatter, mum feeling like she was holding all of his heart and hers together, dad's face almost crumbling as he then turned away from the dr when he caught a glimpse of me, which i quickly turned my head to make it seem as though i was in conversation with my uncles nicky and shane, who had lovingly put their hands up to take care of me whilst uncle mark put his hand up to take care of my three younger brothers, koa, zekey and cobi
hesitating to turn his head back around, he quickly did so before continuing on, making me turn to look back at my parents and dr phelps, "...she doesn't deserve this..." hearing my dad so heartbroken and his voice so croaky from his tears was not something i'd ever heard before as he brought his tissue up to cover his face, mum comforting him whilst dr phelps sighed solemnly
"...no, she doesn't kian, no one her age does. she's so young but, unfortunately, these things happen and it's absolutely cruel but i promise, we'll do everything we can to make sure your little girl has the best chance of surviving and beating her cancer since she was so strong during all of her other surgeries and ailments," dr phelps was confident in the idea that once again, i was going to survive another diagnosis but heartbreakingly, i could tell mum and dad thought otherwise and it seemed as though, in my eyes, i too thought the same thing
as mum, dad and dr phelps continued to chat, i silently slipped my hands into both of uncle nicky and uncle shane's hands since i was sat in the middle of them. i was absolutely terrified and it didn't take a genius for uncle nicky and uncle shane to figure it out either and the looks we shared with each other weren't as helpful as we hoped they'd be.
present time
as i remembered the day i was diagnosed, i remembered that i didn't cry like i had imagined myself i would have. because if you know my family well, most especially my dad as well as my uncle shane, we're literally the definition of crybabies. like to the point where it's been mentioned in interviews before that my dad is so emotional that he cries at the drop of a hat and that uncle shane is very similar that he is also a crier. so the fact i didn't cry after my cancer diagnosis is something i'm just realising years later at nearly nineteen years old and that's insane to me. completely insane because at eighteen, nearly nineteen, i'm still the crybaby that i was until my cancer diagnosis.
right now, i was hanging out with my younger brother koa, we were literally just getting ready to head out for a surf since i could drive and had my own car and could drive us down since both mum and dad were at work, nan (dad's mum) taking care of the other two boys, zekey and cobi for the day. everything was completely fine and happy as koa and i got ready separately (obviously) but, as i was taking a little bit longer, koa had knocked on my door to check in on me. i was no longer fine and happy, as i slipped on my bikini and reached up to grab my wetsuit, i had caught a glimpse of my scar from my porthole where i would get my chemo put in. it was really the first time i had seen it since i had been named in remission and by every technicality, cancer-free. and i hadn't realised how traumatising and ugly the scar actually was until this moment when i actually took a moment to stop and look at it after actively avoiding my glance from it for so many years.
and i cried.
i cried my eyes out nearly nine whole years after my initial diagnosis.
i hadn't cried this much or this hard i don't think since i told aunty georgina, uncle nicky's wife, that i thought i was going to die during the third show of a week-long string of westlife shows. which were done in replacement for the album at the time that they had put on hold so they could take care of me for that period of time. and obviously, hearing koa knock on my door meant that he had heard me break down into tears. and usually, similar to dad and mum but especially dad, i'd usually try to hide it in front of my brothers but this time, i couldn't. not because i couldn't control my tears but because i needed to stop hiding my emotions from my younger brothers.
after his knock, i heard his voice and it made me smile, "...you okay willow?" he asked as i tearfully giggled, wiping my hand underneath my nose
"you can come in if that's what you're asking koa, my door's unlocked," i tearfully chuckled as i turned away slightly from the door and looked back at myself in my full-length mirror
i then heard my door slightly creek open as koa walked in, he then noticed me in the mirror and his face fell as he saw my tear-stained face. immediately, he rushed over and pulled me in for a hug as he quickly noticed what it was that i was staring at in my reflection.
and then, the next thing he said was the utmost sweetest thing in the world and made me cry even more, "don't let that scar upset you anymore because it's the reason why i even have the ability to hug my older sister every day! you may think it's ugly but i see it as the reason why you're still alive and why i can still have my older sister with me! if it's making you so upset to look at it in your bikini, which i think you look great in by the way willow, we don't have to go surfing today if it's making you feel a bit icky to do so. we could just instead go for a walk along the beach and go surfing over the weekend with mum, dad, zekey and cobi?" koa sincerely asked as he didn't let me go out of his hug as i smiled, shocked at how this little kid, my little brother was so emotionally intelligent
pulling back out of the hug, tears still streaming down my cheeks but for happier reasons this time, i nodded my head, "that sounds perfect, koa, thank you, little man! you are such a sweetheart and i love you so much, buddy. of course, we can go for a walk on the beach and then go surfing with mum, dad, zekey and cobi over the weekend. i'll just throw some clothes over the top of my bikini and then we can hit the road, that sounds okay koa?" i asked after thanking my brother as he nodded his head, swiftly leaving my room without another question as i then threw on a pair of linen pants and a halter crochet top before grabbing my phone
meeting koa downstairs as he handed my a pair of flip flops, my car keys and handbag, we said farewell to our nan and our two younger brothers and we got into my car and drove down to the beach.
flashback | willow's pov
it was the third show. the third show of the week-long shows that westlife was performing when i thought i'd be not waking up the next day. it was during the day that aunty georgina was looking after me when i genuinely thought my life support machine was going to go awol and that i wasn't going to wake up the next morning. i was absolutely terrified to close my eyes, worried that if i did, i wouldn't wake up tomorrow. suddenly remembering all the other times i was tired and knowing that i'd wake up the next morning, however, more recently, falling asleep and just closing my eyes has been scary for me.
shaking with worry, i reached over to grab aunty georgina's hand which she immediately grabbed, "what's wrong, love?" she asked without hesitation as i tried to calm down as best as i could
"i...i'm so scared to fall asleep, gina. what...what if i don't wake up tomorrow morning?" i whispered fearfully as georgina softened as she held my hand, squeezing it tightly
"oh, darling. don't be scared, i'll stay here, awake with you all night and make sure nothing bad happens to you throughout the night. you are safe sweetpea! aunt georgina's got you!" she whispered as i nodded my head but still didn't want to close my eyes
however, with some more encouragement from aunty georgina, and my favourite westlife album, we managed to get me to close my eyes and fall asleep. just hoping, praying, that i was going to be able to open my eyes the next morning.
and i did. i opened my eyes the next morning.
and i cried out for my dad, even though i knew he wasn't here.
and in a rush of her own emotions, aunty georgina rushed to grab her phone and ring him.
and i just knew he was ready to drop everything, thinking the worst, and to leave dublin's o2 arena when he heard the one voice i think he also thought, imagined, he wouldn't hear again.
i was still alive.
present time | 2022
finally, after what felt like forever, and the hell that was the coronavirus pandemic and constant lockdowns, concerts were finally safe enough again to do at full capacity again. so, here the entire westlife family were at the aviva stadium in dublin and it was an emotional moment, that's for sure. and it wasn't just because we were finally able to have tours and concerts again, but because i was eighteen, an age that no one thought i'd be able to reach because of the cancer that i was now in complete remission from and it was actually the anniversary in which i was first diagnosed back when i was eight years old and i was now eighteen. so, i just knew that at some point in the show, most likely just before or during you raise me up dad was going to talk about it and get very emotional over it which would then get me emotional over it all over again.
and, who would've thought, i was correct? however, i did not think it would have him inviting me up on stage before you raise me up but, in all honesty, i didn't care. i grew up with the westlife fans so i wasn't uncomfortable onstage so, i went with it.
smiling, i walked on stage and over to my dad, standing in the middle of him and uncle nicky. getting smooshed into a westlife sandwich has honestly always been my favourite thing about having my dad as one of the members. even at the age of eighteen, i still enjoyed all the hugs the same way i did when i was a little kid.
dad then grabbed my hand and grabbed the attention of the entire audience, still shocking me at how easily he and my westlife uncles could control the audience as he then introduced his speech before the next song.
"hey dublin, how are we feeling tonight, alright?!" dad shouted, the same introduction for every single one of his speeches at a westlife concert, making me giggle as the crowd cheered at his question
giving me a smile, he then continues with his next introduction about me, "so, as everyone possibly already knows, this is my eldest child and my only daughter, willow who is eighteen years old..." he trails off as shock ripples through the crowd which makes us all laugh, including me because i truly also sometimes forgot that i was also eighteen
"...i know, it's crazy to say i have an eighteen-year-old too so, don't worry, it's just as shocking for me as it is for you guys! but umm, that's not the reason why i invited her on stage, the reason i invited willow on the stage with us tonight is that, on this very day when she was eight years old, we were told that willow had cancer..." he trailed off as i smiled softly and squeezed his hand tighter as he smiled back, uncle nicky, uncle shane and uncle mark all squeezing close by as well
taking a deep breath, dad continued, "...and for a while, we didn't think willow would make it through the week-long shows we had done during that time period after she had turned nine because, during this time, it seemed as though willow's chemo was not effective anymore. it was during the third show of this week-long period that she thought she wasn't going to wake up the next morning. i remember because we were here, in dublin, but at the o2 arena and i got a phone call from georgina, nicky's wife. and immediately, i thought she'd be on the other end in absolute hysterics telling me that willow had died but, she hadn't. she had rung me up because willow had woken up and had cried out for me. hearing my daughter's voice that day, just as i was ready to drop everything and leave dublin's o2 arena for my daughter, to then hear that she was okay and she was alive was all i needed to know that she was getting better and maybe, just maybe, she'd recover and be okay again..." dad once again trailed off as it started to get way too emotional as i smiled, feeling slightly embarrassed as the crowd stayed in pure silence, which is probably why i felt a little bit uncomfortable at the same time since they are usually never, the westlife fans, this quiet
"...so, for this next song, if we're throwing out some dedications which we always do, even if we don't necessarily say them, i want to dedicate this next song to willow and the rest of our children, this is you raise me up please sing it if you know it, dublin!" dad finished introducing and he only had a couple of tears streaming down his cheeks as we had a group hug before the song started
i stayed on stage during the whole performance of you raise me up and it felt magical looking at all the flashlights shining brightly as they swayed side-to-side from my vantage point on the stage. having the privilege to even be alive and be in complete remission from my cancer
then, during the instrumental part of the song, dad raised his microphone to his mouth and spoke up again, revealing some news that we had only just found out this very morning to the point that i don't even think he had told shane, nicky and mark.
dad smiled brightly as he got everyone's attention and he announced the news, "...this morning, we found out the best news in regards to willow and her cancer. we got told this morning that she is finally in complete remission and has been said that she is cancer-free!" he smiled tearfully as i turned to see how shane, nicky and mark reacted and it made me teary-eyed
giving me the answer that this was the first time they had been told us well, nicky, shane and mark rushed over and pulled us in for a group hug where i started to happy cry. in pure joy that i was healthy again, my cancer is finally gone and i didn't have to be constantly in the hospital anymore.
the band then finished the rest of the song, singing it directly towards me as we then all rushed off so they could do their quick change before their encore.
*
the show had finally finished and as we relaxed and enjoyed each other's company, i got a notification saying that dad had posted to his instagram and i just knew instantly what it was he had posted about. he had been saying all day that he had wanted to also make an instagram post, announcing that i was officially in complete remission and cancer-free so, he did.
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kianegan when willow was eight-years-old, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer with the uncertainty of surviving. however, all these years later and i have an almost nineteen year old who i got to see reach all of her special milestones, like her tenth birthday, her high school graduation, her eighteenth and soon her nineteenth. she also got to see all of her brother's birthdays, all of their births and will be healthy enough to watch them grow up even more and watch them reach their special milestones. my daughter stayed and it is with the biggest joy to say that willow is in complete remission and cancer-free!
i love you so much, willow, and if i had to watch you go through cancer all over again, i would do it because it reminded me of truly how special and irreplaceable you are. you were me and mummy's first baby and our first daughter, you know we would do everything and anything to make sure you were your happiest, your healthiest and your best. and i truly do believe that this next season in your life, with you cancer-free and no longer have to be in hospitals constantly, you'll be truly successful in every single thing you wish to do with your life! you are such a strong girl and even though you always say me, mum, koa, zekey and cobi are the reason why you stayed, i truly believe that it was you that made yourself stay and gave you that strength to push through. dad loves you willow, thank you for staying 🤍
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willowegan i love you so much, daddy! i am truly so grateful to be cancer-free! and don't thank me for staying, of course i'd stay 🤍
kianegan willowegan i love you more baby girl and i know you're grateful and so am i 🤍
jodialbert these photos of our little girl! i cannot believe she's nearly nineteen 🤍
kianegan jodialbert i know right? it makes me feel so old, like, we nearly have a nineteen-year-old!
markusmoments i swear to god, we need to stop telling each other things for the first time on stages! last time that happened, i told you all that layla was a girl! but, in all seriousness, it brings me so much happiness that willow is cancer-free!
kianegan markusmoments lol, we really do! and it brings me so much happiness as well, getting that phone call from dr phelps was like a dream come true!
rokeating wow, willow is finally cancer-free! i'm in tears, i cannot believe it! such good news to be heard after all the negativity in the news lately 🤍
kianegan rokeating i know! and trust me, i was crying my eyes out writing this and i still struggle to believe it and i'm glad to be the bearer of happy news after all the negative news 🤍
caileano best news ever, kian! hearing that willow's cancer-free was truly the highlight of the entire evening!
kianegan caileano i agree! i had moments where i just wanted to scream it out way earlier in the show but i knew i couldn't!
georginaahernbyrne this is great news kian and jodi! i'm so glad that willow is finally cancer-free! it seems as though that time from eight years old to eighteen/nineteen has been a whirlwind but also somewhat of a fever dream!
kianegan georginaahernbyrne i know! so am i, it's been a long, windy road but, i'm glad we've finally reached the end of it!
liked by kianegan, shanefilanofficial, nickybyrneinsta, gillianfilansligo, stormykeating, nicolefilan and 99k others
willowegan life since being cancer-free 🤍
*
being a survivor of childhood cancer, amongst other things throughout my life, i knew i wanted to fight this big bad the moment i was told i had the "big c". since entering complete remission and being labelled as cancer-free, i've graduated high school, i've travelled back and forth between the uk and ireland, i've turned eighteen, i've gone on nights out with my parents and westlife uncles and aunties, i've gone to concerts with my cousins and i've surfed.
i've been able to live my life in ways that i hadn't been able to do in years and i didn't have to worry about the scars, i didn't have to worry about being tired, i didn't have to worry about the fear of simply closing my eyes and not being able to open them the next morning. i've been able to take care of and hang out with my three brothers, koa, zekey and cobi, i've seen them grow up from when they were born to their handsome selves now. when i was battling cancer, i couldn't do the things i can do now, i couldn't surf, i couldn't drink (i mean, that was because i was underage the majority of the time), i couldn't go to physical school and had to do it online when i wasn't violently ill, i couldn't travel back and forth between the uk and ireland, i couldn't have an extravagant ninth birthday or tenth for that matter, and i couldn't go to concerts with my westlife cousins.
when i had cancer, i was constantly riddled with the fear and anxiety of not being able to live another day because of how tired and exhausted i was. having to watch and hear your parents, but most especially your dad, cry and not being able to help them other than offer a hand or a soft smile for comfort was soul-destroying. the number of times i watched my dad cry as he sat in the same hospital chair over and over again just to make sure i was still breathing through the night is no longer countable since he had done it so many times. the number of times i had to watch my uncles and aunties cry as they also sat and watched to make sure i was still alive throughout the day is immeasurable. thankfully, i didn't have to see my brothers or cousins cry a lot but, on the same token, it makes me feel sick to think about the times that they did cry and i wasn't there to tell them that everything was going to be okay. but now, whenever they do cry or they are upset, i can be there for them straight away because i stayed alive and i didn't let myself leave my family without me. because i couldn't do that to them, no way.
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kianegan i love you, more than words can describe willow! you strong, brave girl!
willowegan kianegan i love you most daddy! and i'm only strong because of you and mum
shanefilanofficial crying my eyes out reading this!
willowegan shanefilanofficial i cried writing this, believe it or not!
nickybyrneinsta hearing your dad announce on stage that you're finally cancer-free after completing complete remission is the best news to hear!
willowegan nickybyrneinsta i genuinely had no idea that he hadn't told you guys yet! so seeing how you three all reacted made me cry!
gillianfilansligo i'm still screaming over the news that you're finally cancer-free!
willowegan gillianfilansligo so am i aunty gillian! it's the best feeling ever!
stormykeating i am so beyond relieved that you are cancer-free, sweet willow! i remember when i first met you when you were just a little baby and now you're a glowing eighteen-year-old
willowegan stormykeating aw, thank you stormy! i am relieved too and thank you again!
nicolefilan i'm literally bawling my eyes out! i'm so glad you're cancer-free willow!
willowegan nicolefilan so am i! i cannot believe it sometimes!
