colombia is not the only ghost that haunts javier. a non-chronological series (i'll order them in the masterlist) of pure javier angst. it's one sided stavier, mainly focusing on javier. heavy TW for this one, read the tags!!
♡︎ mile high - MDNI male reader drabble
♡︎ late night at the precinct - MDNI male reader oneshot for toomanystoriessolittletime's fucking with a view challenge
♡︎ sugar - TW MDNI DDDNE male mexican reader oneshot for perotovar's sleep token challenge
JOEL MILLER (game + hbo)
ཐི༏ཋྀ feral joel miller series ཐི༏ཋྀ (ongoing)
you find a man, alone, far beyond the walls of the boston qz. you think he might be infected but quickly you realise this man is feral; or, joel has spent the last 20 years living in the wilderness in untouched isolation, until you find him.
♡︎ mating season - MDNI DDDNE gn reader oneshot
♡︎ mating season drabble - MDNI DDDNE
♡︎ small bump - MDNI CW joel and his wife's story
OBERYN MARTELL
♡︎ be a good boy - MDNI male reader oneshot for mushgloomz's ppcusmutchallange
♡︎ "you are slow today" - male reader oneshot
FRANKIE MORALES
♡︎ a fitting punishment - MDNI CW male reader oneshot for mushgloomz's ppcusmutchallenge
DIO MORRISSEY
♡︎ open wounds - MDNI TW solo dio
♡︎ well i get what i deserve - TW solo dio
♡︎ the rise and fall of my salvation - TW solo dio
♡︎ bleed the freak - MDNI TW dio with x and raven
MARCUS MORENO
♡︎ outlook good - MDNI male reader oneshot for clubsoft's hyetto? writing challenge
TITO CABASSA
♡︎ ultraviolence - MDNI TW gn reader oneshot from an rp
♡︎ nine to nine - MDNI TW male reader
PAULINO (SWEET LITTLE LIES)
♡︎ porque te quiero - MDNI male reader oneshot for mandaloriankait's ppcupride writing challenge
JACK 'AGENT WHISKEY' DANIELS
♡︎ shattered whiskey glass - jack "agent whiskey" daniels x gary "eggsy" unwin
STEVE (HERMANAS)
♡︎ “when was the last time you ate?” - MDNI TW gn reader
OMAR ASSARIAN
♡︎ "to the max" - MDNI male reader
DAVE YORK
♡︎ worst of you (drabble) - MDNI CW young male reader
ZACK GOFFMAN
♡︎ mourner's kaddish - solo zack angst
♡︎ sufganiyot v'levivot - solo zack comfort
PEDRITO PAIRINGS
── .✦romantic
♡︎ tboy shots (gone gay) - MDNI trans dio morrissey x trans eddie from buffy
♡︎ chupa mi verga- not his - MDNI javier peña x m reader x joel miller
♡︎ i just miss you - TW dave york x frankie morales
♡︎ desperado - javier peña x silva
── .✦platonic
♡︎ "when it's your turn..." - javier peña, joel miller, + tommy miller
── .✦two (or more) for one
♡︎ there's a tunnel under ocean's blvd - javier peña, lucien de leon flores
PEDRO PASCAL (RPF)
♡︎ pre-cannes pleasure - MDNI male reader
de THE PITT
MICHAEL 'ROBBY' ROBINAVITCH
♡︎ nuach - נוּחַ - MDNI CW jewish male reader
DENNIS WHITAKER
♡︎ clean up, aisle whitaker - MDNI male reader
FRANK LANGDON
♡︎ langdon tries heroin - CW solo frank (ao3 exclusive)
♡︎ divorced langdon drabble - gn reader
♡︎ rehab - CW solo frank
♡︎ regressor langdon masterlist - solo frank, frank + robby
PITT PAIRINGS
── .✦romantic
♡︎ fragile heart - hucklerobby week - MDNI TW robby x dennis
I’m kinda surprised I still manage to find character/scenes I can re-create.
As of now I’ve created 10 character collections, 2 Pedro Specials, a Dave York Special, a Javi Gutierrez Special and 3 Dieter Bravo Specials. I never thought I’d still be doing this several months after I created the South Park versions of Nic Cage and Javi Gutierrez just for a little fun. 😂
summary: zack goffman working through his grief with hanukkah food
tags: minor hurt mainly comfort, zack praying, lighting the menorah, eating sufganiyot and latkes, mention of reggie luckman
word count: 883
a/n: feeling a little better than yesterday after prayer. now craving the comfort of sufganiyot and latkes
sufganiyot and latkes topped with sour cream and salmon sit on zack’s bench. they’re fresh, crisp and warm still. his friend, reggie, had dropped them off an hour ago after noticing zack’s absence from the synagogue. he himself had been tentative to attend but stayed committed to going. zack on the other day has been trapped in his fear and grief, too consuming to allow him to leave the house.
he had thanked reggie and found an excuse to make him leave him alone. he didn’t particularly want to be alone, but being around someone in his depressed state wasn’t something he was dying to do. he promised reggie he’d go to temple tomorrow and have afternoon tea with him afterwards as as trade off for reggie not staying.
he takes the plates and brings them down to the coffee table, placing them beside his menorah. he had been considering not lighting the candles this year in the wake of what had happened; a symbol of the loss of light in his home now. but he felt himself grow anxious as the time to light them came. it’s what he’s always done, so he must do it.
he kneels down, lights the shamash, and takes it from its branch, beginning his blessings as he lights his candles, “baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tsivanu l’hadlik ner shel hanukkah.” he places the shamash back on the branch and continues to sing softly, “baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, she-asah nisim laavoteinu v’imoteinu bayamim hahaeim baz’man hazeh.”
blessed are You, Adonai our G-d, Sovereign of all, who hallows us with mitzvot, commanding us to kindle the hanukkah lights.
blessed are You, Adonai our G-d, Sovereign of all, who performed wondrous deeds for our ancestors in days of old at this season.
he sits down on his feet, watching the three candles burn in front of him. he turns to the basin he left beside the table earlier, dipping his hands in to wash them.
“baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha-olam,” he mutters, rubbing a hand over the other, “asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav vitzivanu al n’tilat yadayim.”
blessed are You, L-rd our G-d, King of the universe, who has sanctified us with Your commandments, and command us concerning the washing of the hands.
he grabs the small towel next to the basin, drying his hands thoroughly. he looks at the plates and decides the order to eat them in; sufganiyot first, latkes second, to make things simple. he begins brachot.
“baruch atah Eloheinu Ruakh ha’olam, boret minei mizonot,” zack utters, moving his eyes to the latkes, “baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha’olam shehakol niyah bidvaro.”
blessed are You, L-rd our G-d, Ruler of the universe, who creates various manners of food.
blessed are You, L-rd our G-d, Ruler of the universe, at whose word all came to be.
feeling like a kid again, rushing through brachot as his tum grumbles, his mother scolding him for being so impatient, zack grabs a sufganiyah and takes a bite. he moans at the taste; reggie’s family makes exquisite food, the jam is rich and plentiful and the outside is fried beautifully. zack reminds himself to thank the luckmans someday soon. he wants to save the second one, having only been gifted two, but the sweet taste and the comforting nostalgia are too tempting for zack’s pained soul. he quickly devours the second, the smooth jam and crisp exterior feeling as though it’s patching up his heart.
he wipes his mouth, turning to the two latkes, stacked and topped off with decadent sour cream and freshly smoked salmon. his spirits have been indefinitely lifted, a large smile cracking across his lips as leans over the plate, ignoring utensils, desiring to eat as he did as a child, content and without shame in the privacy of his own home — only him and hashem.
he breaks off a chunk of the latkes, using it to spread the sour cream, pulling a piece of salmon off and popping it in his mouth. he remains respectful of hashem, only taking bite sized pieces at a time, despite his desperation to scoff down the latkes. he quickly chews through each bite, his restraint only going so far.
he cleans off the plate, stomach and heart full, before washing his hands again. drying them again, he stands up and sits himself down on the couch, relaxing into cushions. he hums softly, a smile of satisfaction on his lips as he gazes up at his ceiling. his hands idly rub his stomach as he feels content. the pain from before is still there but the warmth of hanukkah is putting it at bay, wrapping zack in a warm blanket, pressing a kiss to his forehead like his mother always did.
placing his right hand over his eyes, he begins to utter, solely on instinct, “shema yisrael, Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai Echad. baruch shem kavod malchuto l’olam va-ed.” finishing the shema, he lowers his hand to his stomach, smiling some more.
he loves hanukkah and all the traditions that come with it, he loves hashem, and he loves being jewish. despite the pain, he persists, as all jews have, and will continue to.
tomorrow he’ll see reggie and tell him how much better he made him feel.
a/n: the first day of hanukkah and i had to witness my people die, too close to where i live. this is my way of processing it
zack kneels down, alone. he knows he shouldn’t be alone, he should be in the temple, surrounded by minyan. but he can’t bring himself to move. he knows he shouldn’t allow himself to grieve in solitude, but the thought of being around anyone right now is too painful.
siddur clutched tight in one hand, the other covering his eyes as tears slip down his wrist and under his sleeve.
“yitgadal v’yitkadash sh’mei raba b’alma di-v’ra chirutei,” he mutters, his voice shaking, “v’yamlich malchutei b’chayeichon uvyomeichon uvchayei d’chol beit yisrael, ba’agala uvizman kariv.”
exalted and hallowed be G-d’s great name in the world which G-d created, according to plan.
may G-d’s majesty be revealed in the days of our lifetime and the life of all israel — speedily, imminently,
he stays silent for the next part, his gut twisting with guilt. he should be with minyan. in his mind, imagining himself surrounded by his fellow men at temple, he thinks, “v’im’ru: amen. y’hei sh’mei raba m’varach l’alam ul’almei almaya.”
to which we say: amen.
blessed be G-d’s great name to all eternity.
zack feels his tears run down his cheeks, dripping off his chin, hitting the pages of his siddur. his hands shake as he curls into himself, his words broken by sobs as he struggles to continue.
“yitbarach v’yishtabach, v’yitpa’ar v’yitromam v’yitnaseh, v’yithadar v’yit’aleh v’yit’halal sh’mei d’kud’sha, b’rich hu,” images of his pain flash before his eyes and he desperately scrambles to continue speaking, needing to return to hashem, “l’eila min-kol-birchata v’shirata, tushb’chata v’nechemata da’amiran b’alma.”
blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He,
beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world
his skin feels cold, gooseflesh rising under his sweater, as his words become pleas for hashem to take him in His arms. he refuses to stay silent this time, a horrid sound of the ache in his soul as he says, “v’im’ru: amen.”
to which we say: amen.
zack drops his siddur, hand pressed hard over his eyes as the now empty one braces him against the cold wooden floor. he curls his hand, nails scratching at the wood.
“y’hei shlama raba min-sh’maya v’chayim aleinu v’al-kol-yisrael,” he whispers, his throat throbbing from the screams of pain he had before he was calm enough to come pray, “v’im’ru: amen.”
may there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us and all israel.
to which we say: amen.
he knows he’s nearly finished. only one more line to utter and he’s completed his kaddish. his heart still feels like it’s bleeding out and he feels further from hashem than he ever has. it makes him nauseous.
“oseh shalom bimromav, hu ya’aseh shalom aleinu v’al kol-yisrael,” zack clutches his stomach, letting his body curl over and his head drop to hit the floor as he chokes out the final words, “v’imru: amen.”
may the One who creates harmony on high, bring peace to us and to all israel.
to which we say: amen.
he drops his hand from his eyes, sopping wet, and wipes it on his sweater before lunging up to his bedside table. he grabs at the small clay golem there and presses it to his chest.
placing his siddur, open to the now wet kaddish, he places it on his window sill to dry. he shuts his curtains, a barrier between him and his siddur. he lays himself down on his bed, curling up, one hand clutching the golem and the other cradling his magen david.
“ani mugan,” he mumbles, rocking himself gently, “Adonai, ani mugan.” he has no tears left to cry. his eyes sting in the darkness of his room, his desperation and pain now poured into his two symbols of faith, of home, of safety.
