rey

any pronouns / 24 / lilaclands on ao3

[taissanatalie]

all these words, i don't just say

travnat fic • e rated • 9.3k words

"Natalie always knew she’d regret letting Lottie near Travis.

Or, thirty-six year old Natalie pays Travis a visit on his birthday, and discovers that she and Travis held more secrets from each other than she'd thought."

please check the tags

[its-a-state-of-angst]

CHAPTER THREE of All I Wanted...was you....(my modern slightly dark Benophie story ) is finally here...I don't know why it took so long because I pretty much had the plot done in March but a variety of things stopped me getting there, but I finally finished it.

Here's a sneak peek of Chapter Three Chance Encounters below:

Benedict didn’t want to be like this, even if he was back to his old habits of distraction, which involved many events and places that were usually “fun”. But despite his efforts, none of them were able to fill that emotional hole that was growing within him.

He tried to hit it off and flirt within anyone that came his way,  or faulting at that, drink and coke himself up to oblivion. But nothing

worked. He didn’t even want to have sex with anyone, which was something that really alarmed Ben. Suddenly everything felt hollow and futile, everyone seemed fake and with that, nothing truly mattered.

He couldn’t remember when he felt so consumed by such negativity, perhaps the last time was around his father’s passing. But no one had died, and yet Benedict had been in a haze of grief. The truth was though he was grieving for himself and the reality that nothing and nobody seemingly compared to his mysterious lady in silver. Even two months on since he danced with her that faithful night.

While he had given up on looking for someone who clearly didn’t want to be found, even stuffing his previous sketches of her underneath his bed. She still haunted him, more than he wanted to admit.

Find out what happens next here x

Catch up on other chapters here: X X

[sophedicts]

EDVARD MUNCH — “The Kiss” (1895)

“Another important feature of the motif is the couple’s abstract conjoined form and the faces that shade into each other. This is Munch’s way of underlining that the couple are as one, and the picture is a beautiful expression of belongingness and togetherness between man and woman.” “It is quite something to spend your entire life feeling like you are somehow out of place, and then to meet someone who understands you before you even say a word. Someone whose singular qualities match your own. Whose kindness makes you feel warm. Who can read your mind from across a whole room.”

[nataliescatorccioapologist]

About Doomcoming:

While it may not be an entirely realistic depiction of sexual assault, the symbolic horror of Doomcoming is still portraying a very real message about the reversal of gendered power and the logic of sexual violence. Doomcoming intentionally ties power to sexual violence, which shows how quickly people can reproduce the same oppressive dynamics they once experienced once roles shift.

Doomcoming, along with Travis’s role in the story from that point forward, is meant to function as a deliberate reversal of what women experience in society. In this new society in the wilderness, Travis loses the privilege and power he once held as a man, and the girls now possess authority over him. The violence against Travis is driven by domination and possession. He stops being perceived as a person (they notably envision him as a prey animal) and his body becomes something to be claimed and objectified. Does that sound familiar?

These girls come into the wilderness conditioned by misogyny. They have lived their entire lives in bodies that are surveilled, sexualized, dismissed, and controlled. They have been placed into passive, suppressive roles in order to be considered acceptable and desirable by society. Doomcoming becomes a catharsis of that accumulated powerlessness. Claiming Travis functions as proof of dominance. They’re experiencing a thrilling adrenaline in the feeling of no longer being the powerless ones. This catharsis is not healing or “female revenge.” The girls are inverting the logic that harmed them rather than dismantling it. They are moving from victim to perpetrator; maintaining the same hierarchy but placing themselves at the top this time.

Sexual violence is not about attraction. It is about taking.

The symbolism of the hunt that occurs afterwards is intentional. The girls’ perception of Travis as a stag as they chase him is important. The stag is a traditional symbol of virility and masculinity, but here it is rendered prey. In patriarchal societies, women are often reduced to bodies to be pursued, consumed, and dominated. Doomcoming reverses this as Travis as the stag is hunted, cornered, and his agency is removed completely.

Lottie placing the antlers of a stag on her head while preparing to kill Travis is an embodiment of misogynistic violence itself and a symbol of Lottie taking on the power men hold in society in this moment. The antlers signify the adoption of the same logic that has historically harmed women. This is patriarchal violence redirected.

Shrooms and psychosis cannot be used as an excuse or as the only explanation for the girls’ behavior. These elements merely exist to elevate and intensify what is already there. What Doomcoming depicts is the activation of power structures and urges that already exist, once social constraints are stripped away by the wilderness and inhibitions are lowered due to mind-altering substances. Nuanced discussions about Lottie’s psychosis can be had about this scene, but not if it’s done so to excuse the harm caused or to serve as the only explanation for her actions here (as there are many other factors involved in her behavior during this scene which do not involve her psychosis or her spirituality).

One of the most unproductive responses to Doomcoming is the fixation on what to call it instead of what was happening. Debates over whether the girls should be labeled “rapists,” because it was interrupted before it reached the point of rape, or whether intent matters more than outcome ultimately function as a form of avoidance. Step out of your instinctive need to defend the girls for a moment and look at this scene objectively: A group of people hold down and physically restraint one person, they hold a knife on him, and they begin to kiss him, touch him sexually, forcibly rip his clothes off, and all of this is done while he’s visibly terrified and repeatedly telling them to stop. The only reason they do eventually stop is because he manages to escape them. This is sexual assault, point blank. Arguing semantics will only serve to minimize the moment and show your own discomfort with recognizing your favorite characters as perpetrators of SA.

And it’s not a one-time thing. The effects of it on Travis are lasting and prominent. He apologizes for his own assault (in the script he says he deserved it), he isolates, he breaks down into sobs while talking about it. And, in Seasons 2 and 3, he is noticeably quiet, submissive, and conforming/assimilating to the group’s demands. He keeps himself safely in the background and rarely speaks up. He turns to substance use to cope with trauma.

Lottie continues to hold power over him, cross his boundaries, and cause harm reminiscent of his sexual assault. Sexuality leaks into his spiritual devotion to her because the original violation was in itself bodily, intimate, and power-laden (this can be interpreted in the scene where Lottie calms his panic attack and he becomes visibly aroused, and when he envisions Lottie offering him spiritual comfort while he is having sex with Nat). Lottie occupies a paradoxical role for him. Lottie is connected to this traumatic moment of sexual violation and helplessness, but she is also the one who offers meaning afterwards. Trauma bonds often form when the same person who causes harm also provides connection, guidance, or relief. Lottie does not need to consciously exert sexual power over Travis. The power already exists because she mediates his relationship to the wilderness, to the group, and to the narrative that allows him to survive psychologically. This internal battle Travis has around his gravitation and resentment towards Lottie remains with him for his entire life and leads to his death.

Doomcoming is an incredibly important part of this show and to understanding these characters. I consider it the best episode in the entire series. To minimize and deny what Doomcoming is actually portraying is not feminist. That response is exactly what the episode is critiquing. It replicates real-life misogynistic logic by excusing sexual violence when it is uncomfortable, inconvenient, or disrupts the instinct to sympathize/identify with the perpetrators.

I know it sounds silly to take a fictional show this seriously, but the topics being discussed here are very real, and there is a perpetuation of rape culture in many of the things I see being said about Travis and Doomcoming online. Embrace this scene for the symbolism it’s actually portraying, its connection to the show’s thesis on womanhood, power, and catharsis, and the valuable fandom discussions about sexual violence that stem from it.

[whatyourehungryfor]

Very well said!

There is nuance here, of course. The girls have had bad experiences around loss of agency and the general trauma of just being a girl in the 1990s (misogyny has hardly gone away but just take a look at any tabloids from that era for an idea of the kind of putrid misogynistic culture of the time), and they think taking the power themselves will prevent it from being lost again (it won't). The bottom line and highlight of how well Doomcoming is done though is the fact that this sexual assault is portrayed explicitly violent and horrifying in contrast to moments like Hannah's more sympathetically framed murder of Kodi.

The girls very much perpetuate the patriarchal ideas they absorbed. For good measure to drive home this point they literally slut shame Travis and Jackie (who is at this point marked as an other). This is not the last time agency will be removed in a power bid, as the whole "vying for control over a pregnant woman's body and her baby" is well. Yknow. Then there's every terrible thing Shauna does in retribution and cannibalism in general.

Yellowjackets is also somewhat unique in that the only people to not really participate in the direct sexual assault and attempted murder of Travis are the people who have been stated to have some kind of trauma regarding sex. I say "unique" because rather unfortunately many pieces of media tend to be of the mind that experiencing sexual violence means you will perpetuate it yourself. While it can lead to unhealthy ideas and a cycle of trauma, of course, and while there are cases where this is portrayed well, this is not always the case and sets a bad precedent that trauma is an excuse and/or a precursor to committing violent and violating acts. Jackie, for her part, is in a bit of a middling position in that she is somewhat coercive with Travis and has sex with him in a dubiously consensual situation spurred on by her own problematic notions regarding sex, but she remains a bit more sympathetic because she had no idea Travis was drugged and the oddly transactional way she views sex is mostly informed by Jeff generally being an ass and Shauna induced whatever the hell she has going on rather than any intent to harm Travis specifically. But the people who are least involved? Ben has been violated by Misty and has insecurity regarding his place as a gay man and he just trips out. Nat, most importantly, has been taken advantage of (by someone who has hurt Travis as well!) and slut shamed on the regular but is horrified by the others and does her best to comfort Travis even though they are fighting. She is pissed at him and the one openly attracted to him, but she does not express this violently the way the others do. Nat really isn't a saint and we can see that in how she treats Lottie and Travis in other contexts, but here she is fully able to look past her own hurt (and hallucinations) and put a stop to the situation.

Something something also the way Nat, Travis and Jackie all begin to ride the outskirts of the group because they either didn't participate in ritualized group sexual violence (Nat and Jackie but I dunno Nat gets a pass for being useful) or were victims of it (Travis), and Jackie by virtue of calling this out (for mostly selfish personal reasons regarding Shauna, to be fair, but still some genuine concern) is then completely ousted and abandoned. Surely this has nothing to do with the way the patriarchy seeks to uphold itself by attacking any dissenters.

In summary, it did not have to be violent, but violence is learned from somewhere and can reflect itself with horrifying consequences. The Wilderness brings power and could bring more power by unpacking some unhealthy ideas about what power is and gendered expectations and then dismantling them, but instead power is wrongfully and disastrously sought through violence.

[nataliescatorccioapologist]

Love this! And I absolutely love the point you made about the ones who didn’t participate being those who have experienced some form of sexual trauma themselves. Something I never considered before!

[yjbuzz]

These are great points, and I’m fascinated by the observation that the non-participants are those who have experienced sexual trauma (at least explicitly, within the show’s canon).

I just want to add that the catalyst for this outburst of violence (the shrooms) was also the result of—I’ll just put it super bluntly here—Misty’s attempt to roofie and date-rape Ben. It’s really interesting that Misty takes the dated, sexist advice that Jackie (echoing her mom) gives her (“the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”) and interprets it in such a way that totally upends the gendered power dynamic it perpetuates, but in a totally horrifying way. (Ofc this isn’t the first time she’s drugged Ben to exert her will over him, which brings up questions regarding the relationship between gender and disability, but that deserves its own post.) While most of the girls attempt to rape Travis, Misty tries once again to assault Ben, throwing herself on top of him. The next morning she blames him for the assault and is on the verge of outing him when the bear shows up and distracts everybody. Misty’s desperately looking for a scapegoat here, and while we know she ultimately lands on Jackie, Ben is her first choice, and it’s telling that she immediately uses his sexuality as a way to turn the other girls against him.

I think it strengthens OP’s original point, that while Travis’s assault is taking place, there’s a parallel assault happening elsewhere in the woods, and that both assaults are partly the culmination of Misty’s longer term abuse of Ben, who both holds power as her adult, male teacher and lacks it as her disabled (and gay) patient.

[depressoespressoxx]

Benophie:

[silverstar-cat]

cw: discussions of slutshaming, sexual assault, classism and racism

i've been thinking about how tai's and jackie's slutshaming of nat give insight into the complex influence of classism on their personal relationships and what this reveals about the social hierachy between the yellowjackets.

both tai and jackie use nat as a sort of punching bag to improve their social standing. tai tries to deflect nat's reasonable criticism about the situation with allie by insulting her, while jackie attempts to distract from her own fears and insecurities in the wilderness by going against nat. even though it's pretty unprovoked in both situations, they both choose to not only attack nat, but also bring slutshaming into it, which imo is directly tied to classism (more on this in a moment). i think it's interesting to see how the social hierachy in the team is influenced by classism and how this developes in the wilderness.

your class position can influence your sexual activity in many ways and i think you can see examples of this in nat. @softantlers has made a really good post about nat, poverty and gender a while ago that i think everbody should read. among other things they argue that the misogyny nat experiences often intersects with classism. for example both tai and jackie combine their slutshaming with somewhat classist insults. tai tells nat she "smells like a wino", a term that is specifically associated with homelessness (source) and jackie calls her a "burnout", which is associated with addiction and lazyness (source).

furthermore, nat's sexual experiences themselves might be influenced by her experience with poverty. for example, richer families are more likely to have the capacity to surveil their children's free time, including their sexual encounters. we see nat's dad get specifically mad, because her mom failed to keep an eye on her due to her alcoholism (something obviously not inherent, but connected to poverty). on the other hand, it seems logical that someone with "less to lose" regarding their social standing also cares less about their reputation and is more open to different sexual experiences.

it is also important to note that poor women and girls are far more vulnerable to sexual assault, since poverty increases the risk of getting caught up in dangerous situations and once in that situation, it's more difficult to get out due to lack of social/economic power (source). women in poverty are also less likely to receive help in abuse situations due to the belief that they can take it (more on this here). of course this is really simplified and generalized, but it seems to fit nat's experiences in some ways. while nat generally seems to enjoy sex, she also recounts having a negative (possibly non-consensual) experience with an older guy at a show and jackie hints at nat being mistreated by men. in short, a connection between nat's sexuality and her class status can definitely be assumed and this also shapes the way others see her.

tai and jackie definitely have a different class position than nat, but i'd argue that there's also a clear distinction between tai and jackie themselves. jackie is heavily implied to be upper class, while we don't really see hints at this position for tai. she's definitely well-off, but her living situation reads more like a stable middle class household to me. but of course, this is only speculation. i think the difference becomes more obvious when you look at the way jackie and tai are navigating their class status.

it's often shown that jackie grew up sheltered, making it difficult for her to adapt to living in the wilderness. i think this also goes hand in hand with a kind of classblindness. to me it seems that jackie wasn't really aware of her privileged situation until the crash. she never had to worry about her social standing, naturally having a strong influence on the team and all her needs met. before the crash, she seemed to have a good relationship with nat and i don't think jackie consciously looked down on her. this changes when jackie suddenly loses her influence in the wilderness. her attack on nat seems like an attempt to reinforce the previous social hierachy, clinging to her former privilege of "upper-class girl".

meanwhile, tai seems to be aware of the insecurity of her social status. she's puts in hard (and if necessary ugly) work for her goals and things aren't just given to her the way they are to jackie - even though tai is a better player than jackie, she isn't made captain etc.

due to her sexuality tai's social position is unstable and her attempts to keep it secret mean that she constantly has to watch her words and actions. even though she brushes it off as "just not being interested in the drama" when talking to van, it's clear that she's very aware of the social risks of "being found out" which is also acknowledged by coach ben in the trial and obviously van in the adult timeline.

her Blackness also forces tai to constantly navigate different forms of respectability politics. i'm white so i obviously don't have the best understanding of this, if you're Black and have another/better understanding of this please chime in!! generally, i think these rules she has to follow are pretty obvious in the adult timeline, especially in s1ep4 when she's at that rich people event talking to diane rafelson.

but even in the teen timeline tai often takes on a mediating role (e.g. between jackie & nat, shauna & lottie etc... she pretty much intervenes in every conflict) and i think she constantly feels the need to be in control of the group and herself, only allowing some parts of herself to show.

in this interview (starting 2:15) the interviewer asks jasmin if other tai could be an allegory for codeswitching with "regular" tai being the side of her that has to adhere to respectability politics and other tai representing her repressed Black rage, which i think is a really intriguing way to see other tai. and in this interview (starting 17:20) jasmin says that she believes tai would have pretended to eat jackie if other tai hadn't taken over, so that she wouldn't be ostracized by the group.

tldr, i think taissa is very aware of her instable and vulnerable position in the group and puts in a lot of effort to be accepted by the people around her.

and in that sense i think tai's slutshaming behaviour can not only be read as a deflection from her own mistakes, but also shows tai's deeper understanding of the social hierachy. since she knows her own position is unsteady, she goes against someone whose position is even less secure. her choice to use nat's sexual experience against her is interesting since she has to know that her own sexuality isn't really more socially accepted. moreover, she's also kind of doing the same things she shames nat for doing (smoking and sex), just in private. i wonder if tai's issue with nat partially comes from a bitterness that nat is able to these things so openly, while she can't really afford to do that.

tai's conflict with nat pretty much stops in the wilderness. this obviously has to do with a lot of factors, mainly them having bigger problems (and imo tai has pretty reasonable priorities). but i also think the fact that tai is granted more freedoms regarding her sexuality allows her to be more forgiving towards nat.

meanwhile jackie's conflict with nat starts in the wilderness. jackie can't adapt to the new situation leading to her losing her influence on the group. this prompts her to reflect her position more and i'd argue that she developes some kind of class consciousness. to her, privileges that she didn't have to abuse before, now seem like the only power she has left.

[nataliescatorccioapologist]

I love that they both get teary-eyed in this scene. To me, it just shows how much care and respect is behind that anger. You can see the betrayal on Tai's face, she trusted Nat, had faith in her, and she can’t believe she would lie to her. And the moment Tai exposes her and raises her voice, Nat bursts into tears. She knows she’s disappointed Tai, someone she deeply respects, and she’s feeling the weight of having let her down.

Forever thinking about Nat’s line to Taissa in the adult timeline, “You know I don’t like it when you yell at me” and how much truth there was underneath the teasing of it. Tainat sisterisms are so good.

[moonepiphanyyyy]

[redfoxraccoon]

Bridgerton meme dump - Benophie Edition

[sophedicts]

I recently came across a post in the tag implying that Benedict and Sophie’s first love scene lacked a certain amount of trust and intimacy because of the elaborate camera angles and overhead shots that were used to capture the passion between them. It was an offhand comment that was made in service of another ship, but it still irked me enough to write a long-winded essay about it because of how vulnerable and narratively significant the scene was for both Benedict and Sophie.

That surface-level kind of reading of the sequence is genuinely baffling to me because, of all the sex scenes the show has included, Benophie’s first love scene stood out to me precisely because of how intimate it felt on the first watch and every subsequent rewatch. For all intents and purposes, it was a scene that served as a “first time” for both Sophie AND Benedict, regardless of the latter’s past sexual dalliances. Though Benedict had been deemed a notorious rake by high society, on a fundamental level he is just as inexperienced and unfamiliar with this foreign situation as Sophie—an emotional virgin when it comes to serious, romantic love. This distinction is important because, from the outset, it establishes Benophie as equals in their first sexual encounter, something I find particularly profound within a season that so frequently emphasized the class dynamics and power differential between them.

After baring his soul to Sophie by stripping himself of all his defenses and wholeheartedly committing to a person instead of fleeing from any serious form of attachment, Benedict puts himself in an insecure position of humility/vulnerability as he confesses his abiding love for someone who has remained guarded and reticent about her feelings as a means of self-preservation. He is completely uncertain of whether or not Sophie will reciprocate his feelings, but still he abandons his inhibitions and submits to the risk of giving all of himself to another person. Because of this, he has reached a tipping point and can no longer return to the carefree days of treading “shallow water,” instead plunging himself straight into the deep end by dedicating his entire life and future to loving Sophie. This confession is such a distinct departure from Benedict of the past, who hid behind a mask of casual nonchalance to conceal his fear of loving anyone outside of his family due to the potential losses/sacrifices/responsibilities that such devotion entailed.

During their first love scene, Benedict's earnest vulnerability is manifested in the way he constantly seeks to maintain eye contact with Sophie, so incredibly attuned to her and responsive to her pleasure, so emotionally present even with every change in their positions. Likewise, that same vulnerability is reflected in the way Sophie chooses to relinquish control over her own feelings/impulses and finally lets down her walls, unleashing her desire for Benedict and trusting that he will accommodate her needs and refrain from hurting her. It's the perfect melding of passion AND intimacy because, through all the physical acrobatics and cinematic shots of their *ahem* enthusiastic love-making [hello stamina], Benedict and Sophie’s unspoken, spiritual connection remains unsevered. These are two self-proclaimed outsiders so estranged to the kind of love that comes from being truly seen and understood as people despite their vastly different backgrounds/stations in life...and they cling to each other through it all because of that trust, that bone-deep connection and recognition of their true, unguarded selves as mirror reflections of each other.

The episode ends on that final close up of Benedict and Sophie with their faces pressed tightly together, an incredibly intimate shot that leaves the viewer feeling as if they are intruding on such an intense, private moment between two people; what's on full display is the depth of their love and devotion to each other that unifies them in spite of the many obstacles that seek to divide them—the perfect emotional climax to the episode as both characters fittingly reach their physical climaxes together. Benedict's expression in that particular shot conveys how being with Sophie for the first time has forever changed him, a man reborn. His love for her is transformative, revitalizing, and self-actualizing, "[shooting him] back to life" as it pushes him to live in the moment and reevaluate the lens through which he views the world. It challenges him to embrace the fullest, most authentic version of himself by shedding off that familiar, untouchable facade he once wore so proudly.

If you ask me, it doesn't get any more vulnerable and intimate than that. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[eddieripps]

eyeless

[taissanatalie]

tagging a ship/character to hate on it will never be a normal behaviour and i fear the people who do it only look like they want attention in the worst way

[taissanatalie]

It's my 2 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

old as hell

[taissanatalie]

sorry to my yj moots but i might share some bridgerton stuff too here 😭😭

[bo-kryzze]

NATALIE SCATORCCIO 2.09 "Storytelling"

[forthehonoroflove]

BENOPHIE + SMILING

[emmaharwoods]

YERIN HA as SOPHIE BAEK BRIDGERTON — 4.06, "The Passing Winter"