Definitely feeling some kind of way about seeing people say “Cishets shouldn’t write about [LGBTQ+ topic]” the very same week that Becky Albertalli came out and talked about how much the backlash against her “cishet” authorship of Love, Simon made her self-discovery and coming out process unutterably hellish.
Reasonable boundary: “I hate reading cishet writing about [LGBTQ+ topic]. I absolutely hate that portrayals by cishets are given more attention, marketing, and awards than authentic LGBTQ+ voices. I think it’s awful and infuriating. I want to only pay attention to works by authors who I know are writing by personal experience, I want to curate fanfiction that I know is by and for [LGBTQ+ group], and I want to encourage publishers and awards committees to shift their focus also.”
Unreasonable boundary: “Cishets should not write about [LGBTQ+ topic]. If you are a cishet, do not do this.”
Part of this is basic locus of control. A reasonable boundary talks about you: what you see/feel/read/experience, what you want to see/feel/read/experience, and what you will do because you feel this way and want this thing.
Part of it is practicality. Our ability to persuade people to go along with our boundaries is limited by how much reach and influence we have. You especially don’t know what reasons people have for not agreeing with you. Someone who disagrees out of sheer cussedness and desire to spite you might get tired and give up someday. Someone who disagrees because they have what they feel is an equally valid, equally good need to do what you don’t want them to do can go on forever.
That’s especially true when it comes to the LGBTQ+ community and artistic expression, because a lot of us legitimately need the safe conceptual safe to imagine what something might feel like before ever committing to feeling like we might possibly end up there someday.
If you say “cishets shouldn’t write” something about being LGBTQ+, the people you’re most likely to hurt are not cishets secure in their gender and sexuality who aren’t going to be wounded at all if they can’t include something to titillate or earn woke points.
The people you’re most likely to hurt are eggs and baby gays and LGBTQ+ people who are just barely beginning to look at those parts of themselves, who will listen to and obey you, because they desperately want your acceptance and approval and believe that their self-denial will make your life easier (when it won’t, because ten other people behind them will forge ahead and write the thing anyway, so it’s not like you’ve really been spared much).
If you want to influence what people write and how, form a collection or a hashtag or something so you and the people you think are authorized to write about the topic can find each other. (Try not to be shocked when you still hate half the work they produce because human experience is vast and tastes differ a great deal and articulating exactly what it is you’re looking for is always way more complicated.)
Oh, and stop hatereading. You know you don’t like it. Leave it alone.
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