[sawxix]

funniest possible singular sentence in the english language has already been conceived n it's the first line of the tardis wiki article on "sex"

[sawxix]

the past tense implying sex has since been eradicated. the six (6) different synonyms all with 1-3 linked sources. those extensive citations juxtaposed with the extremely vague given definition of "an action performed by two or more people" . it's so fucking good. I could never put together a sentence this funny even if you gave me a full paid year off 2 do it

[marshlings]

something i embroidered for my mom’s upcoming birthday 🫑🥕 pattern by yula!

[victusinveritas]

[roadien60]

Source:

FAQ: The “Snake Fight” Portion of Your Thesis Defense

Q: Do I have to kill the snake? A: University guidelines state that you have to “defeat” the snake. There are many ways to accomplish this.

That thing went viral af when I was doing my phd

Also if this were real I'd have had to fight a really freaking big snake

[parkchanwoohoo]

[fluentisonus]

people are like you just need to apply to 10 jobs a day meanwhile each of the jobs want you to write them 1500 words of uniquely tailored sycophancy & then manually input your cv into their custom application form 3 different times

[parkchanwoohoo]

Got kicked out of the X-men school because my only superpower is giving dogs insomnia. No yeah it's like one directional, I can't remove it. Yeah I know it's not called the X-men school but like you knew what I meant, everyone knows what I meant

[hydrattan]

I was feeling agitated and artblocked yesterday so I decided to give my brain a rest by watching TV and then the next thing I knew these were in front of me

[florthier-than-thou]

I’m new to Canadian BL—why can’t they fly?

[romanceyourdemons]

in retrospect my father was kind of iconic for how he handled it when he called someone a twat in front of little kid me and i asked what that word meant. the answer he came up with was, and i’ll always remember this, “no one knows what it means. it’s a mystery”

[pwhl-mybeloved]

yesterday my uber driver told me he stopped wearing glasses and just decided his eyes were better and I was like man as the passenger in this elantra I would like you to keep more secrets from me

[hymen-restoration-project]

My girl said she wants me klarnally (we fuck in 25% completion installments over the course of 3 months until climax)

[bhramarii]

no mondays in the cambrian era

[neueclear-deactivated20260129]

[rockergiirl]

*test driving a car with the salesperson in the car with me* hey do you mind if i test the sound system with my music?

yeah sure go ahead

*connect my mp3 player*

*song starts and the vocals are clearly my voice*

i love crashing my car, crashing the car i'm driving is my favourite, the only thing i love more than crashing cars is crashing cars with other people in the car with me

[fluentisonus]

looking at jobs is like vintage toothpick sorter entry level immediate start ..... wow maybe I could be a vintage toothpick sorter.... *starts to envision a future where I am deeply involved in vintage toothpick sorting* *scrolls down* "5 years vintage toothpick sorting required Minimum!" *my dreams of vintage toothpick sorting dissolve into dust"

[shadowblade8192]

9/11 could never happen today because the twin towers arent there anymore for some reason

[cryptotheism]

If you're having a hard time just take a bunch of uppers and downers on an empty stomach, then drink a gallon of milk without peeing, turn off all the lights and run around in circles until you feel like throwing up. Then open up all your apps, doomscroll for four hours minimum, and then tell your loved ones that something bad is gonna happen to you, and delete your accounts, remove the sim card from your phone, get behind the wheel of a car and drive really fast towards the nearest government building.