Fandom: Fire Emblem Fates
Characters and Pairings: Camilla, Xander
Warnings: Past child abuse (nothing too explicit, but heavily referenced), transphobia, transphobic parents
Summary: Xander and Camilla are trying to clean the attic when they stumble over an old photo album (modern au)
Notes: Both Xander and Camilla are trans because the world needs more of this
A could of dust rose from the box he opened, making Xander cough for the 34th time since he walked into the attic. He was close to call it a day, even though they haven't even made it through half of the stuff they needed to go through.
"Why do we have so much junk?" Camilla complained from one of the other corners, going through another box.
"Capitalism", Xander answered, waving away the rest of the dust on the box he had in front of him so he could go through it with less coughing attacks. Camilla snorted to his answer as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Both of them continued in comfortable silence, a silence only broken by the music that was put on in a low volume, the happy tones filling the air. Camilla hummed along as she opened a new box to rummage around in.
Xander was deep into a box with old books he didn't even know they had, or when they had bought them. Some of them were old enough to date back to his grandfather's childhood, and Xander itched to open the old books and see what his grandfather had been reading as a child.
"Hey, Xander! Come here!" Camilla suddenly called out, excitement in her voice. Xander tore his eyes from the books and looked over to his sister.
"What is it?" he asked as he made his way over to her. Camilla was sitting cross legged in front of the box, a big black book in her hands. She had opened it, looking at the first pages. When Xander sat down next to her, looking over her shoulder, he realised what the book was.
"You found the photo album", he said, a smile spreading on his lips. "I haven't seen this in ages!"
"I know, right? God, the last time we put a photo in this must have been... God, I don't even remember!"
Xander nodded, his eyes looking over the photos. The first photos were old, very old. They were of Garon and Katerina, his first wife. Xander pulled the book a little closer to him, looking down at his mother. Longing and sadness tugged at his heart as he ran his finger over the photo.
"There were few times father looked as happy as he did on this photo", Camilla mumbled, her head on Xander's shoulder as they looked at the photos. Garon and Katerina's wedding was the first photos, and they did in fact look happy. One photo they were outside the church, Katerina towering over her husband, the white dress flowing down on the stairs to the church. Garon was, as Camilla had pointed out, shining with happiness, a big smile on his lips and one arm wrapped around his wife's waist. There were a lot more wedding photos, and after a few pages Xander was also there in the photos. A tiny child in his mother's arms, glancing shyly at the camera. Camilla giggled.
"You were so cute!" she cooed.
"Heh. Yeah, I was, wasn't I?"
The last picture with Katerina was the three of them, Garon, Katerina and Xander, sitting in the grass outside the manor where they lived. They were underneath the appletree. Xander was sitting in Katerina's lap, trying to put flowers in her hair as she put flowers in Xander's. Garon had one arm around Katerina's waist, smiling as he too put a flower in Xander's hair.
Then they flipped the page.
Katerina was gone, and for a few photos the only ones in them was Garon or Xander. The photos had a more sad feeling to them, Camilla noticed, as she looked on her brother. A small child, but looking into the camera with that cold, serious expression she only recognized from when he had meetings at work. Xander let out a sigh, and Camilla squeezed his hand. He squeezed her's back, and then they flipped the page again.
Now Camilla was there more, being the oldest of Xander's half-siblings. She was smiling in the pictures, clinging either to Xander or Garon. Both Xander and Garon seemed more happy in these photos, even if Garon still looked rather cold. Camilla's mother was in a few of them, and in one there was all four of them. Camilla laughed a little.
"Look at this! This was back when you had long hair!" she giggled, and she was right. Xander had long hair in the picture, perfectly braided and lying over one shoulder. He was dressed in a purple sweater and a black skirt, holding his hands in front of him and with his head held high, the same serious expression on his face.
"You had short hair", Xander replied, pointing at Camilla who was standing next to him. She was dressed in a white shirt, her hands held behind her back and with a small smile that didn't convey any happiness. Her short hair had been brushed away from her eyes. They were standing right next to each other, picture perfect older sister and her little brother.
"Hey...", Xander said after a while. "Wasn't this the time when the neighbour's kid pulled my hair and you punched him in the face? Or was that later?"
"Oh? Wasn't that after Leo was born?"
"If we find a picture of it, I want to put it on the fridge!"
Then Camilla's mother was gone from the pictures, replaced by a few other women, and finally Leo. One picture had Xander, Camilla and Leo in it. Xander was holding his new little brother, and Camilla was cooing with him. Xander's serious expression had melted into a happy smile, proudly holding Leo in his arms. Leo looked less impressed, making both Xander and Camilla laugh as they looked at the photo.
A few photos later they found another family picture. Leo was four or five in this picture. He was dressed properly, and looked straight into the camera without shying away from it. Camilla was standing on Leo's right side. She was again dressed in a shirt, this time with an added waistcoat, and her hair was short and clumsily cut. This time she didn't even bother to try to smile. Xander was standing on Leo's left side, the braid cut off and into shoulder length hair. He was wearing a dress in black and purple, holding his arm in a way that made it hard to tell if he was posing or if his arm was hurting. Xander wasn't smiling either, his eyes filled with sorrow. Behind his children Garon was standing, his hands on Camilla and Xander's shoulders.
"This was..." Xander begun.
"After I skipped my hair dresser appointments for the fourth time. I was trying to grow my hair out", Camilla mumbled, looking at her short hair. "Father wasn't happy."
Xander nodded, remembering the way Camilla cried as their father cut Camilla's hair himself. That night, while Camilla continued to cry, Xander had sneaked into the kitchen, taken the scissors and cut off his braid. His long, proper hair had turned into a short bob cut. Garon had been livid the next morning. But afterwards Camilla had hugged him tightly, and that was all Xander really needed.
Xander stroke his thumb over Camilla's knuckles, and they both queitly went on, none of them commenting the picture or the incident anymore. Leo was growing up as well, and both Xander and Camilla stopped to point it out, smiling and laughing together. A few more women was in the photos, but neither Xander or Camilla stopped to make a comment except the occasional "what is her hair?" and "god that dress was awful." Elise was starting to turn up in a few pictures as well, smiling bigger than any of her other siblings. Xander's hair had grown out again, aginst his will, and Camilla's was kept short. There was one photo they both stopped at, though.
It was a diner in town, where they never went with their father, since he despised the place. Camilla was wearing a long dress and lots of make up. Her nails were painted and she smiled as she drank her milkshake. Xander was sitting next to her, dressed in a hoodie that hid any hint of breasts, his long hair pulled back into a pony tail so he could pretend it wasn't there. Xander was smiling at the camera too, holding a cheeseburger in his hands. The next photo was the other side of the table, Elise with her pigtails and big toothy smile sitting next to Leo who was busy with his DS and couldn't care less that his picture was taken.
"That was the time Father was out of town", Xander remarked, looking at the picture with him and Camilla. "That was the only times we could go to the diner."
"The only times I could wear dresses in public too", Camilla said, eyeing the make up she had on and cringing. Well, at least she was better at make up now. "Hey, isn't this the time when someone made a mean comment about my outfit and you said 'Leo, Elise, I want you both to know this is not something you should ever do' right before you threw your milkshake at the person?"
"Haha, yes it was! God, I was so reckless back then. I also remember that girl's firend trying to punch me and you kicked them in the ribs."
"Aaaand then we got kicked out."
"I also remember driving around the entire town trying to find a place that sold nail polish removal to take your nail polish off before father came home."
"Of all the times to come home early he of course had to choose the one time I was brave enough to paint my nails." Camilla shook her head at the memory. "But we made it! Thanks to Leo stalling him in the hallway."
"While you and I were scrubbing the nail polish off in a panic."
As they continued to look through the album they found more pictures of Leo and Elise, and more family photos. Their father never got another girlfriend after Elise's mother, which none of the siblings complained about. In the end the photos were mostly of the four siblings, and only one or two with Garon in them, often in another stiff family photo.
Even though there was no photo of their father's funeral, both Xander and Camilla could pinpoint the time when he died. All they had to do was look at each other's appearance. After their father's funeral Xander's hair was cut short, very short. It wasn't until later that he felt comfortable even growing it to the jaw length that he had now. Camilla's hair was slowly changing, growing longer and longer until it reached a point Camilla felt comfortable with. One picture was of Xander and Camilla. Xander was sitting in the couch with Camilla on the floor in front of him. Camilla was laughing as Xander braided her hair.
Any hint of breasts disappeared from Xander, to the point where he could go around shirtless with only thin scars that witnessed about what had once been there, while Camilla gained some. One photo was from all of them at the beach. Xander was shirtless and with a pair of sunglasses on, while Camilla was in a bikini that finally fit her and a big sunhat. Leo had a shirt on and a book pressed against his chest, looking after the closest shadow so he could sit and read, while Elise looked like she was vibrating of wanting to jump into the water already. All of them were smiling.
The last photo was of all of them, back in the same diner. Xander's curls now reached his jaw, fixed in the hair cut that would stay as his preferred one. He had a shirt and waistcoat on, with a cheeseburger in front of him. Camilla was sitting next to him, her long hair braided. She was dressed in a purple blouse and a black skirt, smiling at the camera as she drank her milkshake. She had gotten much better with the make up, and her nails were manicured and gorgeously painted. Elise was smiling widely, the menu in hand as she waited for her pancakes. Her hair was parted in two pigtails that Xander and Camilla had worked a long time on, with bowties in her hair. Leo was sitting next to her, dressed in a black sweater and for once smiling at the camera.
Xander and Camilla smiled at the photo.
"It took a while, but we turned out quite nicely, don't you think?" Xander said.
"Yeah, we did. I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self how good everything turns out to be."
"Same here... I don't know if I would have even made it to this point if you hadn't been there to support me, sister."
"Likewise, brother dearest."
They smiled at each other, squeezing each other's hands a little. Then Xander closed the photo album and let it rest in his lap. Camilla stroke the black cover as they sat in silence, thinking about the past.
"I think we should take this downstairs and put it in the bookshelf. It shouldn't be up here collecting dust", Xander said finally, putting the album down on the floor next to the box it had been picked up from.
"Seconded", Camilla agreed with a smile. "Well, we should get back to work. This attic isn't going to clean itself."
Xander nodded as he turned to pull his previous box closer. If they were going to get done some time soon, then they better get on with it. He was also itching to go through his grandfather's books and see if there was any he would like to keep for himself. Then he heard Camilla gasp.
"Xander! Come look at this!" she called out as she reached out and grabbed Xander, pulling her brother closer again. Xander leaned over to see what Camilla had found this time, a smile spreading over his lips as he saw what it was.
"No way", he breathed. "I thought Leo had burned all of these!"
But clearly there was one Leo had missed, because it was there, clear as day, A photo of Leo when he was fourteen, standing in a ridicolous pose with two fingers pressed against his forehead. He had an eye patch in black and blue, a collar around his neck, and a long overcoat. His hair was dyed black and white, and he had eyeliner on to make himself look even more dramatic. Xander and Camilla looked at each other.
"We're not showing him this, he'll burn it", Camilla said.
"... How about we put it in one of grandfather's books?" Xander proposed, holding up one of the books he had taken from the box.
They carefully placed the photo inside the book, and then put it down on top of the photo album. Both of them smiled at the growing pile of memories.
"How about we call it a day?" Camilla asked. Xander nodded, and they both gathered up the photo album, the book, and the laptop that they had used to play the music. Camilla was first down the stairs from the attic, carrying both books. With the laptop under his arm Xander turned and closed the lid to the attic. He didn't see the cloud of dust that rose up on the other side of the door, or how it floated down to cover the rest of the memories that were waiting to be discovered.
