aagh

sideblog for posting brain disability stuff. my posts are tagged “#teeth screaming static” :]]] (they/them rn) 20yrs

[mleprae]

[teethstatic]

wagagahagag

[dslur]

mentally eel

[dslur]

mental eelness

[teethstatic]

when your mood is getting better, but you then you miss one (1) therapy session

[teethstatic]

“expectation”

an experience so overwhelming / unexpected / like the drop in you stomach on a roller coaster / like the seeds in a jalapeño /this is what it’s like

scitter through the maze / adrenaline pumping, despite no visable threat / weave between the walls like a frightened rabbit /scream forwards, find the way out

imagine waking up / and the world is not quite right / like a blockbuster movie, a hypothetical apocalypse / but only for you

every smile is genuine, yet stilted / your name doesn’t sound right in their mouths / the street lights beam in the wrong frequency

there is no real danger / but how terrifying a place to be / normalcy vanished from beneath you / no recognition outside of your own mind that something is wrong

every conversation is a slippery obstacle course / turns of phrase that don’t make sense / jokes that don’t land, questions rhetorical answered proposed not for quite that answer

it would be comical if it weren’t so mortifying

what’s happening? where is the world that should be? the axis has been tilted, the months shifted slightly to the left

“explain it,” they say, “what is so strange?”

but how could i answer? “the light bends around your face wrong,” i say, “you talk so strange. it’s like everyone has read a rulebook on how to function here except me.”

was there a meeting i missed? is this all some orchestrated joke? an alien the size of a chihuahua, introduced as human. i am shaking and yipping and people look at me like this is strange.

the stars keep spinning. the traffic keeps flowing.

[teethstatic]

“positive re-enforcement”

every moment tastes of bile / head titled down into the drain / slick and burning, dripping out my nostrils

in a way, the weak, fizzy feeling in my arms and behind my eyes is comfort, but a kind of comfort so deeply based in despair that it cannot be felt as a good thing.

a crumb is not made sweeter if it is larger than the last— not when you are starving.

these tiny necessities cannot feel of luxury when every meaty organ is being weened apart, your insides fueling you from the inside.

outside of the animal brain, the morsel only pains you— reminds you that you are being tortured;

a sunrise can only be wholly beautiful when it is not the herald of continuation of horror

[teethstatic]

audio

[teethstatic]

maladaptive daydreaming. recognition of The Self through the other. self-isolation that both prevents and enables self-actualization. a playlist titled “animatic material” that is actually just songs to trigger daydreams into worlds where i am understood and loved completely.

audio :)

[teethstatic]

audio

[teethstatic]

when Will Wood said

🎶 “...too weird to love, too scared to die, too alien to take you home / horrified at the sight of my reflection in your eyes, i don’t belong there / well it’s your conclusions that make mine delusions, so i make you sane / you can thank me later...” 🎶