"And after an amazing run, runner bowser_lover_64 was able to shave off 300 milliseconds from the previous world record, also held by himself, and all that in just 4 months of grinding with approximately 1440 runs."
here is the contact tracing report - you can see the direct thought process of “why does this 43 dollar veal ribeye taste so bland?“ followed by “i am going to make a better steak by myself at home and nothing will stop me“
like, it’s not like I asked your vesicle fusion mediating proteins to cleave and block acetylcholine release... you can’t keep deflecting responsibility for your own actions onto me just because I “put something in your food”
I’m 5’4” and 115 pounds. I have the body type of Sméagol and the joint integrity of Gumby. What could possibly be “fair” about insisting upon single combat when you have an innate physical advantage?
I am not capable of growing longer arms, but you are capable of inspecting your contact lense solution for signs of tampering, checking that live scorpions have not been sewn into the lining of your boots, and not accepting food of unknown source and preparation... stop whining. It’s the definition of fair and equitable. Take some responsibility for once in your life!
Funnily enough, I’m not 100% joking. While many animals have paw pads, the particular kind of soft, squishy beans found on housecats are an adaptation for stealth. Squishy beans mean you’re looking at an ambush predator.
I was originally going to feature Siobhan largely due to excitement about the consistency applied to celtic imagery (including using braids instead of locs).
However I felt this selection of his work showcases how once you get away from the expectation that your female characters must be sexy and wear poorly observed/designed bikinis.
So because parkour is such a ridiculously male dominated sport, the "correct technique" for a lot of these movements that you're taught when you become an instructor plays to a male body's strengths: upper body strength, higher center of gravity, etc.
She demolishes this course by moving in ways that make sense for her body. She doesn't muscle her way up to her over a wall, she just throws a leg up over the wall. She doesn't use upper body strength to do the salmon ladder, she uses her hips!!! And it's fucking incredible.
So many girls and young women walk away from parkour because every movement caters to the strengths of men, because doing what makes sense for their bodies is seen as "bad technique" to be trained away.
If pre-transition me had seen this I would have cried tears of joy.
She is taking advantage of the strengths of HER body rather than the "correct" strengths, and it is HELLA FUCKIN IMPRESSIVE.
Like, that salmon ladder omg??? Any male trainer who wasn't willing to work with a person's distinct strengths would tell her she should hang by her arms and go up one rung at a time. But she uses her core strength to go from being above the bar to swinging and using momentum to move it up FOUR RUNGS and then in an equally smooth move across to the other side.
She probably wouldn't be able to finish this course if she stuck to the "correct" way of doing things, but she's doing them in ways that allows her to use her strength to her advantage, and so she fuckin demolishes it.
ETD is working a lot later than usual. He usually’s home by 5 or 6 these days, and Holly Mop seems to understand when this is, so at 5 she got up on the bed all excited. When he didn’t show up, she went back down for a nap. I woke up from a nap at 6ish to find her gone and found her sitting in the kitchen staring at the back door, tail wagging. But for every passing minute, he didn't come home the sadder her tail got.
It’s now 9pm and she’s resorted to old habits.
Crying at mommy from the Sadness Corner to Make Papa Come Home.
The worst part about writing fantasy is being keenly aware that you’re writing fantasy, which means that you always have to straddle a thin three-way line between anachronism, cliche, and clunk.
Take money, for example. You can’t just have people in a fictional fantasy world walk around using Euros. You consider something generic, like ‘silver coins,’ but before you know it your world starts sounding like a shitty ren faire.
So you think about the world you’ve built and its needs and its history to come up with some unique and relevant terms. But if your terms are too unique and relevant you wind up writing “yarr, you’ll be ransomed for a hundred Trade League Silver Gyrblonks” and realize your worldbuilding is now getting in the way of basic readability.
“Nevermind. They’re using some basic silver coin and then enough gold to be worth ten silver coins is called a ten-piece”
…Si, si, el Peso!
Trying over, they’re minted by the king so they’re called crown coins, or, these days, abbreviated, they’re just Crowns
Naturligvis, vi skifter Daler ud med Kroner!
—
The Lesson Of The Day is that all the names are already claimed by IRL, and all the almost-good-names that you could invent to get around that were used by some SFF author in the seventies e.g. I bet you can’t do Suns and Moons for your gold/silver coins, I bet some author did that already.
Very interested in the hardest part of this beign the vampires trying to trick someone into granting them permission to enter the premises earlier in the day
they enter the museum while it’s open to the public (and the Welcome sign is on display). they turn into bats and hide in the rafters until the museum closes. the only hiccup is when the overhead announcement comes on and politely requests all visitors leave for closing. the vampire are forced to flee, but come back the next day with tiny bat-sized earplugs.
downside: this requires going out in daylight, leading most of the team members to show up in long black victorian formalwear, complete with lacy parasols, which they insist on carrying with them throughout the entire heist (much to the frustration of the team leader, who just wore sunscreen and a raincoat).
depending on how invitations work, it is possible any random human can invite them in. one of the vampires gets their Ultimate Frisbee buddy Oakley to tag along and invite them in after closing.
downside: the gang spends the rest of the heist gently mocking the idea of a vampire playing association ultimate frisbee (“so what, you turn into a bat and catch it with your fangs? do they make you crawl up the wall when it gets stuck on a roof? if you turn into a cat to get it down from a tree, do you end up stuck in the tree?”) this ends in a Climactic Twist Ending when Oakley reveals they don’t play ultimate frisbee, just dog park frisbee. In the sense that they met when the vampire transformed into a wolf to gatecrashed a game at the local dog park.
(Bonus points if Oakley is a werewolf. extra bonus points if this is revealed in a post-credits epilogue where, on the next full moon, the entire gang transforms into creatures of the night and joins Oakley at the park for a frisbee game of Bats vs Wolves)
Final option: to gain legitimate entry, an invitation is needed from a museum employee. this presents two possibilities:
the vampires pretend to be incredibly rich eccentric patrons who want a private nighttime tour of the museum. (this is convincing due to the fact they are rich and incredibly eccentric.) the vampires get inside, planning to hypnotize the Curator supervising their tour.
downside: they immediately discover the Curator has been left immune to hypnosis by years of post-grad exposure to droning history lecturers. the vampires leave their least competent member to distract her while they carry out the heist–in the ensuing 90 minutes, the vampire and the curator accidentally Fall In Love after bonding over their shared fury about british archeological theft.
(In the sequel they get married and spend their honeymoon robbing the British Museum in order to return sacred objects to the cultures from which they were stolen. this is made more complicated comical by the fact vampires are unable to interact with holy objects. also, they are lesbians.)
alternatively: the gang simply bribes a security guard into letting them in after closing. the security guard then tags along, offering helpful advice for disabling alarms and transporting antiques. it turns out Security Officer Greer only applied for the job bc they too were planning an Elaborate Acrobatic Burglary, but then their partners quit to join Cirque du Soleil and “I can’t exactly perform a Double Cartwheel Birdie Flying Trapeze Boomerang Special without a partner.”
downside: the gang becomes too attached to ask Greer to leave. They carry out the heist as intended, but this time pretending to be circus performers to explain their vampire powers. Turning into a cloud of smoke to bypass locks? Magicians never explain a trick. Spider walking across ceilings to bypass alarms? Contortionist. When it comes time to fly from roof to roof, they decide turning into bats would give away their secret, so instead they help Greer, in a sparkling moment of triumph, execute the perfect Double Cartwheel Birdie Flying Trapeze Boomerang Special!
Greer and the gang escape (by tightrope walking) into the night with all the plunder they can carry. Tearfully, the gang begins to say goodbye (bc they can’t keep up the pretense of being circus performers forever) when Greer casually asks how a bunch of vampire ended up working in a circus.
(Greer assumed from the beginning they were vampires, because of “how you dress, how you talk, and mostly because none of you showed up on camera back in the CCTV control room. Why did you think it took me so long to let yall in?”)
I cannot for the lives of me decide which synopsis I like best
(all ideas shared on this blog are public domain, feel free to go nuts. you can find more story ideas like this on my ko-fi)
It never fails to tickle me how Studios could have billions of dollars to work with, yet a random tumblr user still comes up with a story that’s still infinitely more interesting than any story that’s come out in the past 8 years.
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