Professional Lurker

25 and suffering.

[geniusbee]

these are getting weird

[shitpostinguniverse]

[hypnoticwinter]

[slashercatz]

[lixiesbabyhands]

how does it feel to be the funniest person on earth

[alanaisalive]

The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

[iguanamouth]

oh shit

[throughshadow-to-the-edgeofnight]

[alanaisalive]

As the OP of this post, I’m going to threaten that if this gets to one million notes by the 10 year anniversary on 1 June 2026, one year from today, I will get a lower back tattoo of the loch ness bear monster.

[docd666]

Y'all know what to do Tumblr.

[blasphemousclaw]

society if people discoursed abt characters being evil not because theyre obsessed with holding fictional people to arbitrary moral standards but because characters being evil is cool and interesting and sexy and tragic and thematically complex

[dorothylarouge]

My edo period samurai roommate keeps telling me how i’ll bring shame and dishonor to our apartment if I keep forgetting to wash the dishes. Like whatever dude, I’m not the one carrying on a passionate yet illicit affair with the daimyo’s daughter whose hand has already been promised to another.

[lagtrainzzz]

もう大名に「真に申し訳ございませんでした」と言いましたよ！と、お前は、我の浮気を公衆に明かさないと言いました！！

[dorothylarouge]

Bullshit dude last night I saw you texting O-Sumire haikus comparing her to the flower which gives her her name

[oneheadtoanother]

[enjoylentgreen]

[zayzaycomics]

link, zelda, and ganon: reincarnates with noticeable differences

beedle:

[calledoutpost-deactivated202103]

found the killer post again bc i lost it

[queermania]

just saw a birth announcement thing that was like "3 inches went in. 19 inches came out" and i am on the floor in tears i'm laughing so hard what is wrong with heterosexual people

[mxchinewxlf]

[chocolettchoo]

[queersona]

therapist: cunt dracula is not real and cannot fuck you.

cunt dracula:

[queersona]

[jojo pose] count dracula. [different jojo pose] nice to meet you. [jojo walk cycle] alexa, turn down the music! [the obnoxious music doesn't change volume] mr harker

[virtualgirladvance]

Cuntula

[mysticalalleycat]

[fernsnailz]

i think we all need to complain about LED headlights more. please can we all complain about them more. night driving is nearly impossible for me to do now without having to white knuckle my way through a thousand evil suns. every time i see those headlights in my mirrors i take 2d6 radiant damage. i want to destroy every single LED headlight under my feet like they’re goombas

[goodzillo-deactivated20220127]

how fucking arrogant can you be to think any eugenics program could ever weed out “fascist genetics”. even if the “dark triad” was a reliable precursor to fascist ideology and even if “dark triad traits” could be reliably linked to genotype (they aren’t and they can’t be), how fucking far to jupiter are you if you think you can remove it from a population of seven billion, let alone in some “anarchist” manner? how do you programmatically sterilize anyone in an “anarchist” manner?

[ms-demeanor]

Do you ever see some discourse float by and think “Maybe I’m not hanging out on the worst parts of Tumblr, actually”

[professional-funposting]

jesus fucking christ

[totallynotagentphilcoulson]

[butchdykekondraki-moved]

once again thinking about the solid snake panty lines tweet

[butchdykekondraki-moved]

genuinely one of the mgs tweets of all time

[butchdykekondraki-moved]

dont let solid snakes panties distract you from solid snakes corset btw

[butchdykekondraki-moved]

cowards. reblog solid snakes panty lines (and corset)

[nyadversary]

big shoutout to the gas station near my house which is running a deal on energy drinks and thought the best way to express this on their large LED sign was to make it read BANG MONSTER 2/$5

[nyadversary]

update: you'll be pleased to know that they rethought their sign and have changed it to read MONSTER BANG 2/$5

[nyadversary]

i have terrible news about the economy

they raised the price of monster bang :(

[glitchgirlgasm]

Monster bang inflation 😵‍💫

[plumped-up-furrys-deactivated20]

monster bang inflation 🥺🥺🥺

[homeboygirl]

im gonna getcha! im gonna getcha!!!

omg stoppp!!! hehe ^_^ !!!!

[benjaminbadger]

The funniest thing I have read tonight

[bloodstainedmuzzle]

Resident Evil 4 Remake (2023) Leon S. Kennedy [ 1 / ??? ]

[palm-top-tiger-deactivated20240]