it really is crazy that women's clothes don't fit anybody. fat women can't find clothes, skinny women can't find clothes, tall women can't find clothes, short women can't find clothes, big chested women can't find clothes, small chested women can't find clothes. who the fuck are these being made for
Just found out a blog that had some absolutely STELLA fics on it has gone and I’m heartbroken I never got to read anymore of Egyptology 101 🥺 goodbye @moonlit-steven. I loved that blog. And to the author of said blog- I loved your work and I hope wherever you are in the world you’re doing well!
Hello, my sweet fanfiction readers, the late night scrollers, and the midday day dreamers. I think it's time we do a little check in.
Take a big deep breath for me and let it out slowly. Have you drank water today? Eaten a little snack? I'm so proud of you for waking up today and for keeping going. I know the world is a scary place, and there's so much bad, and I appreciate your willingness to continue to try. I hope your scrolling brings you comfort and peace, I hope you find a safe place to land for a little while.
I'll let you get back to your scrolling soon. What are you looking for today? Enemies to lovers? Found family? Accidental baby acquisitions? Will it be a reader insert or a completely new AU? I'm sure your comfort characters are waiting for you, for your next adventure, or to revisit an old one. Just a small reminder before you go, you are loved, you are wanted, and you matter. Your comfort character would love your every flaw and would love you in all stages of your life. From your best to your worst, they would love you and want you to stay. If you love them in every universe and stage of being, flaws and all, then you can believe they'd love you the same. If there's a million different universes, then there's at least one where you're their favorite comfort character, too, and I promise they're rooting for you every step along the way.
Your comfort character believes in you and so do I, the girl on the other side of the screen who will always be a safe place to land. You are loved, you matter, you are important.
the dirt under my nails is - yeah. it won't wash out. although that's actually from when i dug myself out again. i suppose success and defeat can look the same in a mirror.
it’s both comforting and heartbreaking that over time you will slowly forget the little details of someone you once loved so deeply until their memory is just a hazy blur like a dream you once had and can’t quite remember anymore
Warnings: none really, this is a calmer chapter than the last 😂
A/N: Hey! Sorry i disappeared- Christmas and all that jazz 🤷🏻♀️ Here’s the next part! I hope you enjoy ☺️ (if tone/tense is off I’m sorry! I struggled with this chapter for some reason)
Your eyes felt like lead weights as you tried to pry them open, hesitating only when the copper in your mouth made itself known. It was a putrid taste you’d never got used to in the years you’d been held by Hydra. And their training and torture had only made you hate the tang more. Knowing what came next, you reached blindly for a drink, keeping yours eyes shut tight as you tried your best to keep the impending headache at bay.
“Whoa there kid, what do you need?” Tony’s voice came all to loud in your sensitive ears.
“Water. And less shouting” You groaned as you continued to paw the air until a cold glass pressed itself into your hand.
Bringing the glass to your lips, you drank greedily as you felt the cool liquid wash the headache away. Once you were sure it was safe, you opened your eyes, each one feeling heavier than they should.
“Hey there, how are you feeling” Steve said as he came into focus.
Much to your dismay, everyone was in the medical bay you occupied. Each Avenger seeming to look more concerned than the next.
Guilt hit you hard as you looked at each face, the tiredness and worry seeming to age them all. Slowly, you sat up, allowing the help that came your way as you wiggled your way up the bed.
“What happened? How long have I been out?”
“About 12 hours-” Natasha answered as she rested a new pillow behind you.
“And we were hoping you could tell us what happened” Sam said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, his usual happy go lucky demeanour absent. You frowned, wondering what you could of done that warranted so much concern.
“You controlled your power” Wanda said as she rounded your bed, the team shifting in the small room to allow her past.
I did? You ask in your mind, reaching for the Witch as she settled next to you. Wanda nods, a small, prideful smile gracing her lips.
“You took the book from Dr Spellman and suspended it in a forcefield I can’t even access” Wanda continued out loud, her expression bright as she squeezed your hand lightly.
“It was only a matter of time before the apprentice became the master” You joked, smiling at the Witch.
“Can you remember anything at all? Maybe how you controlled the magic?” Wanda asked, leaning to sit beside you on the medical bed.
Thinking back to before the surge felt like trudging through quick drying cement, each mental step feeling harder and heavier as you tried to remember.
“I remember hearing Bucky-”
Saying his name out loud snapped you out of your memories, your focus razor sharp as you bolted from the bed.
“Whoa there! Where are you going in such a hurry” Steve said with raised hands, his tone lighter than the look on his face. You quickly dodged him though, ignoring your lack of shoes as you began to race down the corridor.
“I need to know he’s alright!” You shouted at the bewildered group as you left, your steps never slowing even when you heard the raised voices of the medical staff you passed.
- - - - - -
You only noticed you’d been changed into your pyjamas when you skid to a stop outside the Pit, the baggy flannel top and shorts allowing the cold of the underground floors to seep into your bones. With a shiver, you activate the door, watching with bated breath as the metal slid open.
Bucky was sat on his bed, his elbow on his knee and his head in his hand as if the weight of the world rested upon him.
To your relief, there was no sign of the chair or robotic arms that had held him only hours before, and due to the serum coursing through his veins, the bloody and bruised marks on his wrists were nearly completely healed.
“Hey” You said softly as you walked the final steps onto the observation deck.
Bucky moved like he’d been shocked, his whole body shooting from the sitting position he was in. Before you could comprehend it, he’d eaten up the space between you, his body now merely inches from the force field that kept you apart.
“I’m alright.” You confessed with a smile, watching as he seemed to asses you from head to toe. You weren’t sure, but it looked as if Bucky was almost blushing as he took in your bare legs.
“Cold?” Bucky asked, his voice rough. You laughed, pulling the flannel tighter around yourself as you spoke.
“Yeah, I didn’t realised I’d been changed into my pyjamas before coming down here. I’ll be fine though” You replied, watching as his eyebrows knit together.
“Anyway, I should be asking you if you’re okay.” You said with mock scorn, hiding your hands in the extra large sleeves of your flannel as you looked around his cell. Bucky waved off your concern, rubbing his wrist against his stomach almost subconsciously before showing you the yellowing bruises.
“Had worse” Bucky replied simply, his voice becoming stronger the more he spoke. Without meaning to however, you flinched, the thought of him experiencing worse making your stomach roll with nausea.
“Sorry” Bucky said in a whisper, his eyes dark as he watched you. You shook your head, trying your best to shake off the images in your head.
“What’s with the outfits? Is this the next step in your recovery?” You ask with a fake smile, trying to lighten the mood as you gesture towards the pile of clothes beside his bed. Bucky nodded, looking between himself and the pile in question.
“Why haven’t you changed yet? Can’t decide?” You continue, thinking out loud as you look at the pile of clothes again. Bucky nodded, his expression almost lost as he gazed at the bundle of clothes.
“There’s a pretty cool flannel in there. We could match. Plus it would look nice with the red t-shirt and those jeans” You say after a moment, gesturing to the clothes in question as he continued to stare.
“Then again, I might want to steal it once you’re out of there. So wear at your own risk” You threaten with a laugh, the sound dying on your lips as he looked at you suddenly. The emotion swirling in his eyes killing the words on your tongue.
“I wouldn’t mind” Bucky replied on an exhale, the sound so quiet you almost missed it. Feelings began to tug in your stomach as you stared at the former Winter Soldier. The only indication he was as rattled as you being the movement of his Adam’s Apple as he swallowed.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I’ve got four very angry doctors ripping the very fragile egos of the Avengers apart upstairs because we let their patient run straight past us” Bruce said with a smirk, shooting a glance behind him as he wandered into the room.
“Blanket?” Bucky asked, no longer looking at you as he directs the single word question at Bruce. You frowned, wondering why he’d need a blanket when he has plenty in his cell.
Understanding comes quickly when a thick grey throw is draped over your shoulders, the front being tightly secured around you by the scientist.
“He’s right, you’re shivering.” Bruce answered your silent question and you take notice for the first time the lack of feeling in your legs from the cold.
“Why is it so cold down here?” You ask through now chattering teeth, taking hold of the blanket now as you acknowledge the cold.
“We’re that far underground it’s impossible to warm the whole room, so we just heat the cells and the surrounding deck. But the decks currently offline.” Bruce replied with a half shrug, his other arm around you as he attempted to rub some warmth into you.
“Come on, before someone else’s ego gets bruised, Sam looked like he was about to cry when I left” Bruce joked, turning you towards the exit.
“I guess I’ll see you later” You say to Bucky as Bruce guided you away, his arm loose against you as you walked. Bucky nodded, his face half shadowed as he raised his hand to wave.
*Bucky’s POV*
Bucky tired his best to beat the unfamiliar feeling down as he watched the scientist guide Y/N away. His arm draped loosely over the woman’s small frame causing something inside Bucky to churn with raw emotion he didn’t want to identify.
Warnings: brief mention of seizures! Generally uncomfortable chapter for anyone who doesn’t like shouting/feeling trapped etc. mention of retrained and bruising.
Theme: slow burn romance.
A/N: Hey! I hope you enjoy this chapter yall! I’m really enjoying writing it honestly. I walk to work and have to write ideas down for the next chapters as I walk lol. Find Chapter 1 here
“What the hell were you thinking Y/N!” Tony shouted, his voice reverberating around the room as he stared you down. Sinking further into your seat, you continued your vow of silence as you felt the eyes of the team study and judge you one by one.
You’d been unceremoniously woken up and practically dragged to the meeting room roughly 2 hours after you’d returned from the Pit, your eyes heavy and your brain foggy with the lack of sleep. The tiredness had quickly left you once you’d realised what you were being brought in for.
They knew.
“Tony-”
“Don’t Tony me Natasha, you’re just as pissed as I am about this whole situation so don’t pretend you’re not!” Tony interrupted, swiftly shutting the Widow down. You continued to stared at the table in front of you, your fingers fiddling with the buttons of the flannel shirt you’d fallen asleep in. When fidgeting failed to keep your breathing steady, you searched for the door, using your fight or flight instincts to somehow ground yourself.
The door was shut.
Since being rescued, you’d expressed your need to keep the doors open wherever you went. You’d been used to cells and cages for years, so like many other things, closed doors had become the enemy.
“You are a wanted asset by Hydra! So what do you do? Go and hang out with their best assassin! Honestly kid I can’t believe you’ve been so reckless!” Tony continued, the vein in his head throbbing slightly as he turned away from you to face the window.
You felt your breathing start to shallow and your hearing become tinny and muted as you began to panic. Everything in the room becoming not quite real as your anxiety began to take hold. The now familiar sensation of your power trickled up your body like a snake ready to constrict it’s pray. You stare at the door again, willing it to spring open so you didn’t feel so suffocated.
He knows I need the door open and he’s closed it. You thought as you tried to calm yourself down. The room going silent as you realised your skin had begun to shimmer with light.
“Tony stop shouting at her” Nat seemed to say, standing from the table to turn the genius around to face you. You couldn’t hear them anymore, just the roar of your blood and the crackle of your magic in your ears. But you knew his words had faltered when you watched his mouth go slack.
With a bang the door flew open. The glass groaned loudly as Bruce barged it open. You could tell he’d been running from his appearance; with his shirt askew and his breathing heavy as he held the door open wide.
“Y/N. You can leave, I’ll find you later okay?” Bruce said calmly as he steadied his breathing. His face setting into an angry scowl as he looked at Tony.
With the door open, you felt as if all three air has been put back in the room and you gulped at it greedily as you bolted for freedom. You barely looked back as you raced out of the room, your legs carrying you away without command.
Free free free free free
*Bruce POV*
“How long has the door been closed!” Nat exclaimed, waving her hand in the doors direction. Tony gaped, fishlike as he seemed to come crashing back to reality.
“I- I must of shut it without realising when I came it.” Tony said finally, falling into Y/N’s recently vacated seat as his adrenaline seemed to leave him. Bruce watched as his friend’s gaze lingered on the now empty corridor, the guilt in his eyes multiplying by the second.
“Yeah, you were so much of a hot head you forgot one of her most important rules. What did I say about talking to her about going to the Pit?” Bruce said with anger, his hands sweeping in the direction Y/N had run. Tony stared blankly for a moment, the rest of the team now looking between the two scientists.
“Tony had a right to be angry Bruce” Steve said as he came to Tony’s defence. There was no conviction in Steve’s voice as he said it, knowing he probably felt just as guilty as Tony now the situation was over.
“Not when she got him to speak.” Bruce countered, staring each team member down.
“You didn’t give me chance to tell you the full story. Just heard me say she’d been down there and boom you’re off the rails like an angry dad finding out his daughter drank for the first time.” Bruce continued, folding his arms as he looked at his fellow Avengers. They all looked away, not one of his friends able to defend their actions.
“I’m sorry” Tony said after a beat, his face ashen has he came to terms with how badly he’s messed up. Bruce scoffed, shaking his head before dropping his arms to his sides.
“It’s not me you should be apologising to. Let me go find Y/N and hopefully I can convince her that you’re not all against her.” Bruce said, striding towards the door.
“You might of shut the door Tony, but all of you sat there and judged her for something you didn’t even have the full facts too. So don’t think that he’s the only one who needs to apologise” Bruce said, turning back to his friends. As much as he loved them all, he hated having to be the level headed one. With a final look, he turned and went in search of Y/N.
*Your POV*
Bruce found you on the Pit observation deck. Your back pressed against the deck rails as you’d tucked yourself away in a corner.
When in Hydra, you’d learnt to make yourself as small as possible, at first it was to try and hide, hoping against hope you’d one day blend in with your cell walls. Afterwards it was to stop them beating you in fear of you using your power against them. You couldn’t blow them up if you were unconscious during transport.
“I’m sorry I told him you’d been down there. You’d think knowing him for years would of made me realise I should start with interesting news first, then the stuff that will piss him off” Bruce said with a small smile, coming to sit in front of you. He still looked tired from running, and you wondered to yourself why he’d done it in the first place.
Was it he feared for me, or was it the fear of me? You thought as you picked at your nails.
“I didn’t even know you were there” You replied, your face tight from crying. Bruce shrugged.
“You seemed so determined to shout at Bucky I’m not surprised you didn’t notice me.” Bruce replied, his smile broadening. You couldn’t help but give him a small smile in return.
“That’s better” Bruce said, slapping his hand against his leg in triumph.
“Now your smiling, I can tell you what Tony was meant to say to you” Bruce continued as he stood, dusting imaginary dust from his trousers before offering you a hand. You take it, wiping your face of any remaining tears as you were helped to your feet.
“And what’s that?” You ask, shoving your hands in your pyjama pockets as you began to walk beside the scientist.
“Bucky has been here nearly 8 weeks, and you’ve been seeing him…?” Bruce begins, gesturing with his hands for you to fill in the missing information. You were silent for a few steps, trying not to feel guilty as you admitted how long it had been going on.
“Every night for about 7 weeks” You admit, watching Bruce’s face for signs of disapproval. You see non, only the interested face of your friend. The lack of judgement in his eyes eased your nerve a little.
“Great, so you’ve seen him every night for a few hours each night. And you’ve already gotten him to speak.” Bruce confirms, looking at you as he clarifies. You nod, kicking your feet out as you walked.
“Right. Whereas me, Tony and the Shield team have been working with him for at least a week longer and for twice as many hours and we’ve got nothing. Not a peep.” Bruce said with an exasperated laugh.
“What are you trying to say Bruce?” You interrupt, eyeing the scientists with suspicion. His smile turned sheepish as he glanced your way.
“We want you to help up with Bucky. Be apart of his rehabilitation.” Bruce said finally, his eyes almost pleading as he looked at you.
You felt your stomach drop. The shock of the statement sending your head in a spin. You stopped walking, your feet failing you as you tried to get your head around everything.
“So I’ve just had an earful from Tony just for you to scrap it all and ask me to be apart of his rehabilitation? What about Steve? What does he think” You asked with disbelief, the frown on your face so deep you could feel it start to ache.
Bruce turned to face you, taking the final few steps backwards and he went to press the button for the lift.
“Screw Tony, his head was up his own ass just then.” Bruce said with a shrug. Although he was smiling at you, you could still see the threads of anger around his eyes. With a ding, the lift opened, and Bruce continued his backwards walk into the now open space behind him.
“And Steve will be fine with it. They all will be. I just gave them a lot to think about before coming to find you.” Bruce finished, holding his hand out to gesture for you to enter the lift. You trudged forwards, your legs feeling heavy as you approached the scientist.
Once the doors had closed, Bruce turned to you, his face sincere as he placed a hand on your shoulder.
“To be honest with you Y/N. We need your help. And the team are rather bias when it comes to you because of what you went through with Hydra. They see you as the little girl who was taken. Not the adult that stands before them now.” Bruce said with conviction, his eyes never leaving yours as the lift descended.
“Why me though? Why do you think he spoke to me?” You ask finally as you tried to work through everything that had happened in the last hour. Bruce shrugged.
“Depends what you talked about. Might be he recognised you and saw you as a fellow survivor of Hydra.” Bruce mused, facing the lift doors.
“But he sees himself as a monster, not a survivor” You counter, staring at the lift numbers as they settled on their requested floor. The Pit.
“You thought that too once, remember?” Bruce said in a low voice, his eyes soft as he glanced at you. You were about to reply when shouting from behind the lift doors caught both of your attention.
“What the..?” Bruce said as the doors opened, the pair of you practically falling through the doors to see what all the commotion was about. You zeroed in on it instantly. In the centre of the Pit cell, Bucky was being retrained by several pairs of robotic arms, his arm and legs being help down as he was strapped to a chair.
“What are they doing!” You shout, looking wildly to Bruce as you both race up to the cell. Overseeing this was Shield’s head Scientist. Dr Andrew Spellman.
“Dr Spellman what the hell are you doing? I didn’t agree to any of this!” Bruce bellowed as he got to the cell. You watched as the Dr barely glanced at Bruce, his expression blank as he continued to gaze into the cell. You felt a sick twist in your stomach as you watched the Dr stare down at Bucky, as if his shouts of pain didn’t bother him.
“The book arrived while you were away Dr Banner. I decided to take action and begin the process. Please remember, I lead this team. We are just using yours and Starks facilities.” The man said very matter of factly, his face never changing from the bored expression it wore.
You looked at Bucky again, his eyes wide and scared as he looked between the three of you before looking down at the book in Dr Spellman hand.
“What book? What’s he on about Bruce?” You ask, the fear you see in Bucky eyes spiking your adrenaline. Bruce ran his hands through his hair.
“We found it when raiding the small Hydra base in Siberia. We assumed it was where he came from when we picked him up.” Bruce explained, his breathing coming out on puffs as he tried to calm himself.
“We ended up finding a book that contained what we believed were The Winter Soldiers trigger words. We deducted than if they’re said in the right order to him it’s meant to reset him to his original Winter Soldier form.” Bruce said in a flood of words. His face strained as he tried to remain himself.
“Why the hell would you bring it here!” You half shout, exasperation and anger flooding your system. You quickly calm yourself when you see a flash of green in Bruce’s eyes. Pausing a moment, Bruce bright himself back down, his posture slumping slightly as he tamed Him.
“I wanted to study it to see if there was a way to desensitise him to the words. Make them worthless. But he’s not ready for it yet!” Bruce continued, aiming the end of his sentence at Dr Spellman.
The Doctor seemed to simply ignore him. His back to the pair of you as he opened the book. It took him a few moments to find the page, his hand skimming delicately as he found what he was after. You weren’t certain, but you were almost sure you saw glee in the older man’s eyes as he read.
“Do something!” You say, pulling on Bruce’s arm. He shakes his head in defeat.
“It’s part of the shield contract, I can’t interfere and I can’t let Him out or they lock me in a cell” Bruce replies, his voice defeated. You could see the conflict in Bruce’s eyes.
“All the Avengers had to sign it before they allowed him to be transported here” Bruce continued, seemingly to read your mind as you fiddled with your communication bracelet.
“Longing” Dr Spellman began, his voice strong as he directs it into the cell. You watched in defeat as Bucky strained in his seat, the robotic arms already leaving bloody bruises where they held him.
“Rusted” Dr Spellman continued.
“S-Stop” Bucky whimpered, his voice horse and broken. Something in you broke as you watched him tremble.
“He said stop” You whisper, your voice not quite your own. The tingle of your magic was a welcome feeling as you walked towards the scientist. He kept his back turned to you, his posture never changing as you approached.
“Go away little girl, this is no concern of yours” Spellman said dismissively, waving a hand in your direction. Mimicking the man’s movements, you watched with dull recognition as the book flew from the his hand. Coming to float above your head, your conscious brain tried to focus on the little red book as it hovered above you, but your magic fought to take over.
“I’ll say it again. He said stop” You repeated, battling the fog in your brain. Noticing Bucky’s shaking hand as he fought against the robot was enough to fight the final throw of magic. You smiled with delight as you felt the warm glow of your skin as you grasped your power for the first time.
“You can’t do this! This is against the contract! I’ll have you in a cell for this” Spellman seethed, shaking his fist at you as he tried to swipe for the book. He quickly recoiled when your magic caught his flailing arms, suspending him in the air like a rag doll on a washing line.
“I don’t think so. I’m not an Avenger. You have no signature from me.” You reply with a smile, watching as the man’s face drain of colour. You could see his terror as he realised there was no document to stop you from killing him. You looked towards Bucky then, watching as his face bounced between you and the scientist. Wondering what he saw, you focused in on your own reflection.
You looked like you were submerged in water, your hair floated around you in a halo of green and blue light as is you were adrift in the sea. Your eyes reflected the same colours, shining brightly in the reflection. Your whole body seemed to vibrate and glow with the power that coursed through your limbs. You felt strong, you instilled fear.
“Instill fear. Be ruthless. That is all you are good for loveless child”
The Hydra drill Sargent words barrelled into your chest like a punch, knocking the control you had over your power. Suddenly feeling drained, you put the man down.
“You’re fired. Consider this your last day” You whisper, watching as the man scurried away with hatred in his eyes. Dr Spellman rubbed his wrists.
“This won’t stand!” Spellman said from a safe distance away, his back straight as he tried to sound in charge. You scoffed, trying your best to hold you power as you spoke.
“I used to be Hydra once too. If you come near Bucky or this book again. I might just forget everything the Avengers taught me about holding back” You say with a smile, the threat so sickly sweet you could almost taste it. Dr Spellman blanched, his mouth agape as he stomped out of the Pit.
With the threat gone, you let go, your power coursing out of you like a waterfall. It was only when your feet touched the floor that you realised you’d been hovering just above the ground.
You had just enough control of your power left to remove the robotic arms from Bucky, each arm disintegrating as you poured your final drags of power into them. With Bucky free, you let yourself collapse.
The last thing you could see was the ex assassin as he crouched beside you on the other side of the forcefield. You tried to smile at him as you felt the pain intensify, your vision finally blacking out as you began to convulse.
