Perverted poetry

Hi, i'm Noah, I live in Denmark and I am a mathematical genius. In 20 years I will (hopefully) be making your medicin, while listening to All Time Low. Aaaand you're awesome! So share your awesomeness with me by asking me anything! :33

[sapphling]

sitting anti-kink posters down in front of a wrestling match and explaining kayfabe to them with the patience of a preschool teacher

[sapphling]

You see that one? He's called the "heel." He looks mean and says a lot of scary things, but it's not real and he's actually very nice. When he says "I'm going to break you in half" you don't have to be scared because it's pretend. These two talked about this beforehand, and now they're playing pretend together. Can you think of any other situations that might be like this?

[sapphling]

no that part was real

[motherfucker-somewhat-limited]

really enjoying all the videos Muslims have been posting of their cats looking like this

when the humans are up at 4 am for suhoor

[motherfucker-somewhat-limited]

[thatnordicguy]

I've failed to read rooms I was alone in

[nadielle]

I hope so dearly i can become someone's safe haven.

[februarytrash]

[vaervaf-deactivated20160101]

[dat-soldier]

[beefbroganoff]

I’m pretty sure that’s called reality

[aeralis]

*rolls d20* I die of polio.

[pukicho]

is Tumblr fame something that just comes randomly or do you work to be Tumblr famous?

I HAD TO WORK FOR IT. DAY AND NIGHT. I HAD TO GRIND FOR THIS VIEW

[mallowmaenad]

christmas is kind of like if for 1/6 of the year everyone got really into ska and started wearing the fedoras and checkered clothing and they only played ska music in stores that the employees clearly weren't enjoying and everything was just ska themed for a while and one day someone eagerly asks you what ska you're listening to and when you tell them you're not doing the whole ska thing for the tenth time in a row its like a 50/50 chance that their face suddenly falls deathly serious and they say "are you one of those people who thinks all orphans should be drowned in boiling shit?" or they chuckle and squint at you and say "oh yeah you must be one of those people that listens to pop punk! Its kinda like a weird, different ska I guess! I am going to a ska concert later today if you wanna come along and see how awesome ska is, as enforced by the ephemeral force of enjoying ska instilled in all moral beings!" and this has been going on for so long that all the ska music is just people saying "pick it up" over and over again and plastering everything in checker patterns and theres a whole wave of people who think everyone has forgotten how to really enjoy ska but they actually just want an older version of the artificially enforced ska mania everyone is having and they made a book and several movies called "the man who did not like ska" about a disgusting evil spinach creature that hated everything and ate broken glass every day who learns basic empathy after hearing an upstrummed guitar for the first time.

[lilaclupin]

In today's linguistics class we talked about metaphors, and we really want two of the ones we talked about to become conventionalised.

So first of all this one girl told us about a newer metaphor in Russian, "I have paws", which is something you say when you don't really want to do something, so you say you're incapable of doing it since you have paws instead of hands. Like, "hey, finish that report" "aw but I have paws :(" and I think that's adorable. It's like "I'm just a girl" but for animals.

We also had the task to invent a novel metaphor and have the others guess what it means, and the teacher really liked my "she's such a capybara" = "everyone loves her". Capybara energy is like golden retriever energy except you're chill about it. You're just vibing and everyone digs that.

Anyway I think these deserve to become more common in English

[lilaclupin]

VERY important addition oh my gosh,,,

[sillywormz]

yes i'm a beginner artist. yes i have been a beginner artist for the past 15 years. don't question it

[thorffour-deactivated20190920]

[treecitysessions]

My mom just told me when was my age she got pregnant while she had two different fwb situations going on and didn’t know who the dad was so she went to the guys separately and said “I’ll pay for half the abortion if you pay half” and collected half the money from each guy . Her mind

[kushblazer666]

[lastvalyrian]

insanely good takes from @sixamese-simblr that shouldn't be hidden in the reply

[puppygirllaika]

men love to talk about how abortions kept them from their hypothetical ideal woman, but they never talk about how abortions saved them from the equally hypothetical murderer that would have tortured them to death years ago.

[abyssaldyke]

*smirking* you couldn't waterboard that out of me, but even if torture was an effective method of information extraction and not a futile display of state-sanctioned sadism, the high percentage of false confessions it produces would mean that even if you could waterboard it out of me, could you even trust the veracity of my statement?

[wizardarchetypes]

funniest convo ever with a guy who said 2 me "nobody uses journalism degrees" and i said "my mom has a bachelors in journalism" and he smiled like knowingly and said "yeah, but what does she do?" and i said "she runs a newspaper and publishes romance novels on the side." and he literally said "oh" and nothing else. like he ended the whole conversation there.

[wizardarchetypes]

i've just been informed he has a trombone degree. like the study of playing trombone. which is all well and good, i genuinely think we should all have the opportunity to chase our academic bliss but i do think the trombone studies guy should hesitate to judge the economic value of other people's degrees no

[wizardarchetypes]

i love the tags on this post because there’s other music/instrument majors implying niche field-specific drama like “of course it was a trombone player 😒” and then there’s trombone majors like “this was NOT me for the record”

[ruinedchildhood]

[selkramazed]

I’m hung up over the piano lesson crab death trap

[jenjensd]

“I’m happy with the progress, which is why…” MotherFucker you better continue. Tell me more about Tako! Show me more performances!

[ruinedchildhood]

[ruinedchildhood]