💞 idiots to lovers 💞

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@thatonewitchwhovapes
💞 idiots to lovers 💞
Another Japril drabble. Based on Taylor Swift's Bigger Than The Whole Sky, because if you can listen to this song and not think about Japril and Samuel, then you're stronger than I am.
Warning, the angst is strong with this one.
tw: child loss
___
The first night is oddly quiet. They don't cry, they don't speak, they don't even breathe. They're numb, not knowing how to battle through the thousands of emotions that are at bay. She goes straight to their bedroom, lowering her head to avoid looking at what should have been their baby's room, and curls herself under the covers in their bed.
The doctor's side of her, the one that remembers her medical training and her MD and her years of practice, would never dare to tell a patient going through what she's going through that it's their fault. The rational part of her brain obviously knows that it's nothing she's done, that it couldn't have been prevented. That their baby wasn't meant to stay long with them, that the medical reality was far stronger than anything else, and she doesn't need Jackson, or Arizona, or Dr. Herman to tell her that time and time again.
Because she knows she's done everything exactly right. She has stopped drinking alcohol, she has taken prenatal vitamins, watched what she was eating and exercised regularly. She's read countless books and articles, she has benchmarked every stroller known to man to pick the best one, she has cleaned, she has prepped, she has bought clothes and toys and diapers.
Sure, she isn't perfect. There were quite a few mornings where the warmth of their bed and the hands and tongue of her husband had won against the Sunday morning service. There were prayers she had mumbled hastily, calls she hadn't returned, patients she hadn't managed to save, a heart she had publicly broken, but she refuses to believe that this past has tainted the whole future and turned it grey.
But her guilt is familiar, a long-time friend that has always been by her side, so it seems natural to wrap herself in it. She has a lot she has to learn to live without right now, but the guilt? She knows how to live with it, has done it so many times, and so she's going to embrace it with both arms.
Jackson enters the bedroom, reaching for her as he lies on the bed, and she closes her eyes. Because now, the first thing that comes to mind when she looks at her husband is what could have been. What would have been, what should have been, and she's only starting to apprehend her grief, but she already feels that the what-ifs are probably the worst part of it.
Grey’s Anatomy 12.11
Unbreak My Heart
right?
Jackson Avery has many reasons to feel happier now than he was a few years ago, but one of the main (not so secret) ones is that he doesn’t have to come across Matthew Taylor ever again...
Weirdly cut sandwiches? - He doesn't have to witness that anymore..
Awful nicknames for his daughter? - Never has to hear another one of those..
The smug face of the man that married his ex-wife? - Is as good as a distant memory..
And we love that for him 😂🎉😂
Samuel’s nusery // Harriet’s bedroom
Fingers crossed for new horizons.
JAPRIL + Boston
Why won't you die???
You left out the "Damn it!" or the "Damn you!"
Honestly, it's the first thing they teach you in villain school.
I remember this dude from villain school. They missed like half of their classes and barely scraped by with a degree by doing a bunch of half-assed makeup work in Maddened Muttering and Henchman Abuse. I always hated getting put with guys like that in group projects, they'd go off and faff around the evil taverns all weekend and leave you to collect all the toad slime and witch bones by yourself, then still take half the credit
and then they have the nerve to come to the reunions and gloat about the vile things they did in the past decade, but turns out they only got the opportunities to do so thanks to their parents being very affluent in the upper enclaves of villainy, depravity, cruelty and general Fucked Up-ness.
Look, I'm a proud graduate of the [REDACTED] School of Villainy just like some of you, so I'm going to celebrate the triumphs of wicked overlords as much as the next non-descript gendered individual, but- kidnap a reigning monarch and hang them over an active volcano, great. But don't pretend that you tunneled through their eldritch defenses through the results of your own hard work when really it's just that your parents belong to the same country club and you grabbed them while they were waiting in line at the omelet bar during the Christmas buffet, am I right?
Finished the third chapter of Broken Glass! I have to revise and edit it, but I'm so proud that in between 9 interruptions I wrote the third chapter. It's very emotional though, and heed the tags. All of them. I cried writing it and people will see why.
It's so important to remember that tumblr is bad. Has been bad. And will likely remain bad for the foreseeable future. And that is vital to our survival. If Tumblr was a good website that worked, it would get turned into a corporate hellscape like every other site. It's so important that Tumblr is broken and poorly run and impossible to effectively navigate. It's all that's keeping us safe.
It takes as long as it takes.
Deep soul searching has been done...
I know I have HP fics I've started and not finished... And I'm not sure I ever will finish writing them.
My fiance is trans, and JKs statements hit so close to home in a brutal, agonizing way. I look at him and see her stupid pins that mock his daily struggle with dysphoria. And it makes me angry and sick to my stomach.
I loved HP. But all I can think about is the trans kids who also didn't kill themselves because they had to know how Harry Potter ended. The ones who found a home in those books, and who saw amazing messages in them.
And she is screaming it's not for them. She is mocking them as she rips it away while jeering. It's disgusting. It's appalling. It's downright heartbreaking.
I don't intend to do much in the way of HP anymore. Because that is all I see now when I see HP. And it hurts... But not as badly as it does the trans fans.
For this reason, I am stopping my activity in the HP fandom. I won't take my fics down, as some I am quite proud of. But I won't be finishing them.
I still love those of you who write for the fandom. This is not me judging you. This is me doing what I must to live with myself and not feel sick to my stomach all the time.
I cherish all the friends I made in the HP fandom. All of you are amazing humans. I just can't do it anymore.
I may draw up the end for certain fics and say how it was going to end. I may not. I have a 14 month old that won't sit still anymore, so writing at all, especially when I don't want to, isn't easy to do.
I'm sorry for anyone who wanted to read more. I am truly. I know how horrible it is to be invested and lose that. But I can't do it. Not for this fandom. Not anymore.
I love you all, and thank you for your support in the past. I will write for other fandoms when I have the chance. Until then...
May we meet again.
Oh no, not me writing a mafia Clexa fic instead of finishing my WIP. No, that's someone else. Not me.
them <3
Contrary to popular belief u can support trans women for reasons other than pissing off terfs
the vet needed to shave my baby's legs for the anesthesia and now she just has little boots on, met gala invite when