Grubbing in the Ashes
March 29, 2026
I'm a sucker for movies that depict the end of the world. Giant asteroid? Big ass flood? Alien invasion? Zombie invasion? British invasion? Give 'em to me. The dumber, the better. Tell me that there's a new movie that just came out where the world is about to come to a violent end and the only one who can save us all is a former rapper or WWE wrestler whose shirt gets ripped halfway through and I'll be like "Movie tickets are how much? Fuck that. I'll just pirate that shit."
Part of the reason I love disaster movies is that I kinda want the world to end. If it's going to happen, I want to see it! However, it won't be a supervolcano or aliens or whatever that finishes off the human race. It'll be AI. You know, that thing that nobody wants except billionaires and dumbass tech bros? Right now, there's someone who saw the picture on the left, believed it was real, thought "I want to look like a sexy Assassin's Creed character turned inside out! I also think getting a timeshare is a good idea!", ordered that... thing... whatever it is (Dress? Sweater? Straightjacket?), and got the... thing... on the right. That's the beginning of the end of humanity right there, folks.
Score: 0.3 out of 10. Who knew that the apocalypse would be so slow, stupid, and expensive?







