Intro: A place to voice opinion, thoughts, and views and get a response out of others. Mainly to further knowledge based on other's observations and experiences. All for purposes of having fun, learning about others and new things; to tap into ideas I've...
A romantic relationship is built off of similar likes and personalities. You cannot start dating someone by talking about how sexy that person is.
This is NOT a healthy relationship. This is NOT a way to start a healthy relationship.
This is NOT a way to woo a man/woman and expecting to nurture a loving relationship.
To all guys and girls doing this...
Please, please, please! Stop it. No one who is capable of maintaining a serious long term relationship will fall for it.
No one sensible will accept compliments and flattery as a substitute for a real human connection.
There's an unpopular thing happening with girls to guys that is:
Guy talks to girl, says: "Hey, let's hang out!"
What he means: "Hey, let's hang out! I think you'd make a good friend."
What girls think he means: "Hey, I want to date you/bang you! Let's go out!"
This situation seems to be growing in frequency, but I want to say something on behalf of both sides. The girl who assumes this and the guy who is genuinely interested in a friendship.
I just want to say, as a girl myself, I'm a few weeks away from 21 and I've only dated seriously once.
I will say that I've been asked out by guys. A lot. Most within the last two months.
Don't think I'm saying that negatively, I appreciate the flatter some guys lay on and the kindness I have been shown many times by kind, thoughtful men.
I can account at least eight guys individually, I remember their names, but I turned them all down. I found no interest in the guys, no common likes, and I just generally did not feel like dating at that time.
This is the inspiration for this post.
First up will be the girl's POV being that I understand it better, but do not worry. I will give proper attention to the guy's side too. As best I can, being that I am not a man myself.
1.) The Girl's POV:
I started technical college this year, started in the Summer Semester, 2014. It was really exciting and I loved starting up. It's not easy still, but I do enjoy it and end up spending a lot of time at my campus just to study/hang out.
Most of the time I hang out alone. I have one friend outside my family that is within "hanging out" range. The other two? One moved to Australia and the other lives in Serbia.
So, as you can imagine, I tend to sit alone and do my own thing about 95% of the time.
I never wore makeup until well into my first semester. Nearing the midterm, I started dressing up a little more. Mainly because, beneath all those salt + vinegar chips, cola cans, and piles of dirty laundry that I refuse to clean; I'm still a girl who loves pretty clothes and fashionable jewelry.
So when I did, I noticed something very, very quickly.
I don't care why a guy decides to ask me out. So none of that makeup-bullshit about how guys give more attention to girls with makeup or whatever. I don't give a shit about that; everyone likes people who look good, that's just basic human knowledge.
What I want to talk about is how a SOME guys talk to girls...
Now usually when you think of talking to the person you want to ask out, you get rather nervous, worried; what if they turn you down? What if they're actually in a relationship? What if you embarrass yourself?
That's all normal, but the guys I've known that feel alright approaching a girl... Well, this is the majority I've come across.
(remember, this is based on a generalization that is, of course, ONLY pertaining to a minority of men, MOST MEN ARE NOT JERKS. MOST MEN ARE NORMAL MEN.)
With that out of the way, here's what I've come across.
Names are changed to protect the innocent!
So, I was sitting in the cafeteria, on my laptop, with headphones on. Pretty much my normal summer semester Mondays and Wednesdays.
I was approached by a guy, let's name him... Cameron. Though Cameron was interested in asking me out, he never did (he was too young for me, but I wasn't going to be rude and turn him down before he ever even asked!)
Through Cameron, I met York.
Shortly after, Cameron just disappeared and I haven't seen him since. This is when York decided to step in and start asking me out. Talks about how he's seen me around a bit and wanted to ask me out for a while, but I'm really unsure about people I just met.
I told him I would think about it and invited him to hang out as friends, which I explicitly stated that we're just friends until I know what I want. (I was beginning to near finals + new job I was quite busy and needed to figure out what I wanted)
I also told him not to wait on my decision and feel free to move on regardless of the time it takes for me to find out what I do want.
Of course, he didn't do this. He spent a lot of time and effort using terms of endearment (love, beautiful, etc.), texting me, and telling me that he spent quite a lot of time looking down my shirt.
As you can imagine, that ended all my decision making on that guy. I said no and moved on with no second thoughts.
This is the same problem I had with all of the other guys.
Eight of them (still all fake names):
York: Told me he likes my boobs and was looking at them for a long time while I was talking to him. Openly admits this.
Sam: After exchanging numbers under the understanding of being friends, he texted me to ask if I am easily pleased. There was no conversation before that even mildly suggestive.
I was talking about playing a horror game and he said that out of no where.
Phillip: Hung out once and after that will not stop calling me "Beautiful/Gorgeous/Sexy" and talking about how much he wants to spend time with me because I apparently make him so happy that he wants to just be around me even if it inconveniences him.
Bobman: Started texting me after we started talking initially about wanting to take me out and talking about how sexy I was to him. Using specific examples. Like my boobs.
Jake Jakerson: Asked crazy personal questions about my sexuality that I wouldn't even tell my best friend. Because it's not appropriate for a discussion.
Uriel Septim: Okay no, you get it by now. It's a recurring issue.
The point is that the guys who tend to approach women, commonly; tend to be jerks. Or just hormonal guys who can't get shit under control.
I've not been asked out by a guy who has not done any of the above listed things or other inappropriate things like that.
The only guy I dated was a guy I asked out myself. I liked him, he's pretty cool. We talked about sexy stuff all of the time. ONLY after we started dating.
That's why a lot of girls don't hear:
"Hey, let's hang out!"
They hear:
"Hey, let me tell you about how much I want to do the sex with you and all the ways I like your tits, ass, and, with hopeful enthusiasm, your vagina!"
On a bad day, they don't want to deal with it or just aren't interested and would rather be straight with a guy rather than dealing with some strange guy who texts them nothing but "Hey, nice boobs" almost everyday.
This is not an excuse for poor behavior to normal guys. It's just an explanation to show that a lot of girls who respond with "Ha, no" does not mean they're bitches.
Sometimes they're just... tired of it all.
I'm exhausted really, I've turned down every guy I've talked to in the last few months because I can't stand trying to juggle one guy who likes my boobs and another who likes my ass.
I just don't care enough. After around two-three months, eight guys, I'm already so numb to being approached by guys. I never had been pre-2013 but now I only want to be left alone.
So please don't think all girls who turn a guy down immediately is a bitch. Sometimes they are just so tired of the guy who chases them for sex that they adapt a weird thing called "Desensitization."
2.) The Guy's POV
Now for guys, I'll do my best, but again, I'm 20 year-old chick. I've never been a dude. I have to go off what I feel as a person, emphatically and objectively.
Honest guys will approach a girl and ask if they want to go hang out. Hang out. Which means to be friends.
Hang out is just another way of saying "I think you're cool, so let's be friends." Unless agreed by both parties, explicitly stated, that they were going to date.
So a chick replied "Ha, nice try." (or something along those lines)
You have the absolute right to think that girl is a bitch and move on. Most likely, that girl is a bitch and you're right to dodge that bullet!
Also consider that there might be a minority of girls who just reply "No thanks" and not because they're a bitch, but because they're just desensitized to being asked out.
Like me for instance, those guys who asked me out, as I'm sure most normal guys will agree with me; those dudes were weird and do not represent the male gender as a whole.
Most likely any guy who ever reads this will agree and even if they don't, they can see why asking a girl out and immediately talking about sex is a very bad move.
It is rude for a girl to not even look at a guy and reply "No, nice try though."
It is rude for a guy to talk about her boobs just because he talked to her.
However, neither girl or guy in the situation is wrong, providing this is all true in the scenario that comes to mind.
Because guys and girls are not naturally born bitchy, sex crazed assholes. This usually comes along with age and experiences.
A guy has just as much right to turn down a girl for generalizing the guy's personality as a girl does to block a guy for focusing on her physical attractiveness.
(I'll get into relationships, physical attraction, emotional connections, etc. etc. All that at a later time. This is just to supply some experience to a quickly growing problem)
I hope I was fair in this. I don't want it to seem like I'm taking sides.
I'm a woman, 20, and super single. By choice, I've had chances, but I'm tired of the options I've been given. I'm choosing to wait and find someone that I like because that's what it's all about anyways.
However, so many guys and girls don't seem to understand that:
Sex is not a way to start a relationship. It's a couple of miles into an on going relationship.
You cannot build a solid, healthy, long lasting relationship based solely on the connection of sex and sexual common ground. There is a ton more to a relationship.
Yes, sex is a large portion of a relationship. It can bring an intimacy few other acts with a significant other can.
You should never open a relationship with nothing but sex to start with.
Unless, of course, you build up a healthy relationship with it. Likes and dislikes, pet peeves, shared interests, hobbies, etc. etc.
If you try to tell a guy: "You look like you have a big dick, let's date!" A guy's reaction to that should be "... That's weird as hell."
If her reply is anything continuing about how hot you are with no apology for her rudeness, then you do not want to put your dick in sex crazy.
If you try to ask a girl out: "I like your boobs, we should go out." A girl's reaction to that should be "... That's creepy."
If his reply is anything other than an apology and continues to go on about your tits, then you do not want to let sex crazy put a dick in you.
You are oppressed as someone living in poverty in a country where the system is rigged to keep you poor. You are privileged because you’re white, straight, and cis, so you’re not discriminated against otherwise in a way that...
All I really want to say is that I am severely sorry for these people doing this to Plebcomics.
I only found Plebcomics through this whole ordeal, the Imgur community is a strong place and they all (generalization) support Plebcomics and are disgusted by the horrible things that people have done to hurt the artist.
I'm not going to contribute to the arguments of 'privilege this and privilege that' because it's a little overdone.
Yes some situations of 'privilege' beating out good people who earn their work/position. Yes, sometimes people discriminate regarding these 'privileges.'
There is no reason to attack people for writing a satirical comic about the people who go overboard.
I know. I know. Everyone has talked about this, the new lightsaber is scary, scary new world. Full of confusion and mistakes.
I will say that I made a lot of those jokes too. Mostly because I see the new lightsaber as nothing more than a way to get attention. Which it... appears to be.
Now, we were all around to see Darth Maul whip out this:
And Asajj Ventress pulled this craziness on us (it splits into two separate sabers):
There are a few other 'sabers,' like the lightsaber pike or Maris Brood's baton sabers.
So we know for certain that weird and wonderful lightsabers are not uncommon and they are made to serve the purpose of the wielder.
Few things I want to get out of the way:
Lightsabers are built by those who intend to use them, not as a product to sell to jedi/sith/lightsaber users. It is a unique object made to fit whatever hand the creator has.
Alien, human, tentacle... other. The lightsaber is such a wonderful tool, the answer to the "Don't bring a knife to a gun fight."
You can bring a lightsaber to a gun fight and win by a landslide. It's super cool and inventive. I adore the idea of this weapon wholly.
Now, I want to say that I only ever made fun of the new saber to myself, I enjoy the jokes about it, laugh about the flawed design.
I just want to say that I am not without blame in all this, but I never did so to deny the possibility of this saber:
Please remember: A lightsaber is made through the use of a chosen crystal.
This means you have a crystal that you want, which also decides the color. It does not, however, create the lightsaber itself.
The lightsaber is a descendant of the forcesaber, which had a... few flaws.
For instance, every time those who wielded it used it, they had a greater chance of succumbing to the dark side. Which, as you can all imagine, is a very big problem.
So the lightsaber came around, a powerful tool for the jedi and the sith... and anyone who know how to use it.
In the hilt of a lightsaber is the focusing crystal that is powered by a whole manner of tech:
You know how to read, so there you go. This is Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber and the structure he used to make it.
Now, not all lightsabers are like this, but you can see that there is a way to adjust the power of the blade and a lot to customize the strength, appearance, and effectiveness of the lightsaber.
It truly is a 100% customizable master weapon.
Well, excluding from the fact that you cannot cross the internal crystals to make more blades.
I.E.:
This cannot be made by separate blades... unless...
Let's say that these are blades, the same as the main blade, than this is... kinda' confusing. There is not enough room for the usual necessities of the lightsaber blades.
Okay okay okay, we're pretending right now so let's try this.
If they are actual blades, just shorter and set to a weaker strength, so that they appear this short and unrefined. So how would that work in relation to the schematic of Anakin's lightsaber? Those pieces are required, not just there for effect.
So how do we make this work?
Maybe...:
Using the already provided schematic from Anakin's lightsaber, this is the only viable option I can see, right?
Green: Blade Power Adjust
Red: Blade Length Adjust
This is the way I can figure the Crossguard Lightsaber works.
So the 'science' behind it in Star Wars does seem fine, there's nothing inherently wrong with this design. I mean, the pieces are switched around, but that's nothing new with sabers. If it works, it works, right?
Alright, so that's handled. Relatively.
But what about the practical application?...
Okay, no it does not. This crossguard lightsaber does NOT prevent this from happening.
Darth Vader, in this scene, does not slide his lightsaber down Luke's lightsaber to cut off Luke's hand. He comes at a completely different angle, so even if Luke had a crossguard lightsaber he still would have lost his hand.
In fact, this is one of Darth Vader's repeating styles of attack to stop a Jedi.
He has done this before, in the comics and books, etc. etc.
Like anyone who has ever faced a person with a weapon in their hand. The best way to stop that person from attacking them with said weapon, is to incapacitate that hand, since the weapon stops you from incapacitating the person.
Darth Vader has used this combative technique against Jedi during the Great Purge many, many times. So cutting Luke's hand off, specifically his lightsaber hand was not merely an accident:
He did it knowingly, skillfully; because he used this to defeat Jedi before.
Now that this is out of the way, let's discuss some actual practicality of the crossguard lightsaber...
Hmm...
Okay, I tried out a few styles that are around. I don't mean the long standing techniques to swing a saber around, I mean the simple action of standing in a defensive/offensive position.
As in... just standing there getting ready for battle.
The only way I can see that happening is one handed. You can't handle the crossguard lightsaber with two hands, it's a single hand only weapon.
That being said, the usual twists and spins you saw Obi-wan, Anakin, Yoda, Mace Windu, Shaak Ti, Ask Aak, Kit Fisto, or any of the jedi from the movie doing is not possible with this crossguard saber.
It's a one handed weapon, designed not for finesse, but intimidation.
It is a lesser weapon than the double-bladed saber that Maul carried or the lightsaber pikes.
(By the way, the Lightsaber Pikes were also carried by the Jedi Temple Guards... during the Clone Wars. So they aren't rare.)
The double-bladed lightsaber and the lightsaber pike are in no way defensive weapons. They are built for those with exceptional skill... in attacking.
Darth Maul was wicked because his ability with a double-bladed lightsaber did not require the use of a defensive style. He utilized a very rare style that not many jedi or sith could ever master.
Asajj Ventress was also alike in this regard, only difference is that she used a double-bladed lightsaber that could be turned to two separate lightsabers so that she could confuse, daze, and take advantage of her enemies.
These are prime examples of brilliant masters of odd lightsabers.
The Crossguard Lightsaber is different than these...
So far, from the style of this new lightsaber, it does seem... impractical. That's my problem with it.
There is no known way that this lightsaber can assist the wielder anymore than the common single blade lightsaber.
Except that the wielder now has a higher chance of cutting their own hand off.
It just feels a bit much... but that's not me talking about the movie in general.
J. J. Abrams might make a fantastic movie, worthy of the original three Star Wars movies. He could redeem the series from the terrible, horrible, and utterly sickening movie "Phantom Menace."
Two things:
I would rewatch "Phantom Menace" just because I love Liam Neeson.
And...
J. J. Abrams other name is J. J. "Lens Flare" Abrams.
Please don't lens flare the shit out of Star Wars.
Star Trek had enough problems with it and he apologized, he has an addition to lens flare that I hope he can overcome while he films Star Wars.
That is all.
Rock on, my fellow Sith brothers and sisters.
(screw off jedi scum)
Cited Sources:
Asajj Ventress:
Image of Asajj Ventress lightsaber:
Araiel
Information on Asajj Ventress' Lightsabers:
Wookieepedia: Asajj Ventress Lightsabers.
Information on Asajj Ventress:
Wookieepedia: Asajj Ventress.
Darth Maul:
Information on Darth Maul's Lightsaber:
Wookieepedia: Darth Maul's Lightsaber.
Information on Darth Maul:
Wookieepedia: Darth Maul.
This is a post I made in reply to iAmCloudSky's journal discussion about the new logo deviantArt implemented. If you're a dA user, I would suggest reading iAmCloudSky's post.
I don't really think my opinion matters much on this issue but I'd like to say something at least.
At first, the new dA logo didn't matter to me. I really couldn't care less what the deviantArt company wanted to be associated with. They are a business, not a community of social workers who live only off donations. They are a bit larger than that and thus have to consider business before consumer.
Just like any business, what the consumer will buy/is attracted to is more important than their opinions.
I.E.:
A person could say, "Chocolate is unhealthy! Too many calories and it rots your teeth! People shouldn't sell it in such large quantities and market it to children!"
At the same time, that very person goes off and buys chocolate as a gift or for him/herself as a treat.
No one cares about opinions, no one likes them; what they will buy or donate to is vastly superior in contrast.
Now, that does not ever mean that I think little of the dA staff. They're neat, I guess. I mean, I don't know them personally nor have I ever heard much about them, but I do respect the work they have done and thus I do not speak out against them. This isn't about them, but rather the... oddity that is the new logo.
Orgy...? Bleed and Breed art...?
I know what this is. It's modernist crap.
Disclaimer: Modern Art is as much art as any other form of art. Modernism in the Humanities is part of culture. I am not disputing either of these facts.
What I am saying is that this is more meant for high art galleries rather than online hobbyists. I don't do art professionally (obviously) nor am I good enough to think my work could be even close to great. But I will call out bullshit.
The new deviantArt logo doesn't even look like it represents art, it looks more like a symbol of currency. It looks like a symbol for money. The new dA logo makes me feel like everything is about to become monetized.
Like:
$ £ ¥ ₡ ₱ ₪ ₦ ₩ ƒ zł ₤
Somehow, when I imagine this new logo, all I see is money. I do dislike that, there are a few currencies that actually already use this kind of logo.
I don't like the idea of Modern Galleries, I don't like feeling like people's art is less to be admired and more to be auctioned away by most popular.
Actually, all I really dislike about this new "make over" dA has going on is the layout... I really, really hate it. It's clunky and disorganized. I feel like I'm trying to run that nightmare Windows 8 on a laptop. It's a mistake and poorly put together.
I don't feel like I'm browsing the fun and inventive artists anymore, I feel like I'm trying to navigate giant "Buy Me!" posters. I don't like seeing the same popularized crap all the time, it feels like it never changes and all that touches the front page is anything that sells.
Maybe that's just me, that's okay. I don't mind. Everyone has their opinion and I have mine. All I want is for people to leave it alone, stop trying to change to better fit in with the popular kids. DeviantArt is only popular to the artists who use it, rarely do you ever find someone who does not participate in the arts on this site.
In fact, this site has a relatively sketchy reputation with other popular sites. People make fun of deviantArt. A lot.
Why? Because of weird things like these:
"Bleed and Breed art."
"There is no question that DeviantArt is green. Like art, it is in our blood."
"Our typeface is called Calibre (not Calibri)"
"Our new logo is symbolic of everything we believe. It is an audacious and inspired evolution of our original dA mark—literally turning the art world upside down. We love it because, like DA, people might not get it right away and, like all great art, it challenges perceptions and perspectives. Most importantly, it elevates DeviantArt and our artists"
"Every voice was heard. Everything was put on the table. We were exposed—stripped back to our essence and forced to reconcile our past with our future."
"Tough questions were asked and answered. What does it mean to be a deviant? What is the nature of art and of artists? What are the universal truths about DA? Who are we, really?"
"...the question, “will this Bleed and Breed Art?” is the first thing we ask of ourselves. If the answer is anything but an emphatic “yes,” we go back to the drawing board."
"In many ways, “Bleed and Breed Art” is the most important piece that came out of this journey. It has always been true and will always be true."
...
I'm sorry. I need a minute.
This is... pretty weird shit.
Exposed? Stripped to our essence? Reconcile our past with our future? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat the hell does ANY of that have to do with ANYTHING.
Please explain that to me, I want to know if it means something. Am I retarded?... Or is this actually the most confusing and pointless thing they could've possibly said.
What does it mean to be a deviant...?
"A person or thing that deviates or departs markedly from the accepted norm." That's what it means to be deviant. Now ask an actually important question, y'know, like:
"What can we do to improve the site for the average user?"
Bleed and Breed art? What does that even mean? Does it matter to anyone, does it change anything? I get that it's a logo but if someone said that to me, I'd think they were... off. Probably some combination of those annoying, stereotypical modern art enthusiasts that don't even understand what they're saying or what actually makes a good work of art. They just say it because it sounds cool and artistic.
... Calibre... So creative. Because that tells me they're creative.
Sooo...
Gibbs: "Look alive and keep a weather eye, men! It's not for naught it's called Shipwreck Island where lies Shipwreck Cove in the town of Shipwreck."
Jack Sparrow: "You know, for all that pirates are clever clogs, we are an unimaginative lot when it comes to naming things."
I just stared really hard at the screen when I read "Calibre (not Calibri)"
And what the ever loving hell does any of that mean? "Our new logo is a symbolic of everything we believe. It is an audacious an inspired evolution of..." yadda, yadda, yadda.
None of that makes any reasonable sense. It isn't artistic and inventive; it's just sounds artistic. It sounds like a speech to open a new Apple product. I don't look at this logo and think "Oooo, so audacious and inspired!"
All I think is:
"Wow, what a poorly strewn together rationalization of a blind decision."
To: DeviantArt
From: UserX
Please stop knocking on my door and trying to sell the same crap that other guy is selling. His product is just as overblown and I really don't care. I just want to watch my show, eat my food, and do my work in peace.
Regards,
An exhausted user.
None of what they said makes any sense.
It's not exciting.
It's the same lame shit everyone else hocks at us.
It's not inspired.
It's been done before... a lot.
There is nothing about this that is new or 'cool.' The kids down the street will always think of you as the place for 14 year-old's to see boobs 'artistically', the birthplace of furries (who live at two addresses now, their daddy DeviantArt's home on the weekends and their mommy Furaffinity).
((not that I have anything against furries or anyone using this site; just please stop posting obvious soft porn and try to pass it off as 'art.'))
I just hate being bunched in with other people.
I don't want people to say "I speak for the community!" Because there is no way in hell anyone speaks for me. It just doesn't happen. No one can announce my thoughts and feelings, just like no one can announce yours. But I am just one person and there is no possible way for any person, whether it be one or fifty, that could ever bring together the ideas of a larger number. It's impossible, simple as that.
The idea of this "representing" dA and its users is nonsense.
I am represented by what I choose to be represented by. By what I want to be known as and known to be.
This new logo and design is not for me, not for any single person:
It is, has been, and will always be for DeviantArt the company.
I don't really care in the end, they may do as they please. The staff will continue their work, they will speak their minds (to themselves, because saying something publicly is always a mistake), and I will go about my life.
I will not change my daily life, I will not be a different user. I don't buy things off dA, I don't buy a lot in general. I do not contribute as a staff member to a job I do not have nor do I want.
I am who I am and DeviantArt is a company comprised of workers who look to improve their job so that they make more money at the end of the day.
That is all this is and all it will ever be. To ask more from them is to ask too much, which sucks for the people who look deeply into these things, but that's alright. Speak your mind, shout it to the world. That is your right and you should always have it.
Just don't expect anyone to do anything about it unless you are in a position to change it yourself
(which, again, sucks. I do agree with you, I really really do)
You did a good job on this, it is a respectable and commendable position to a problem that will not be attended to because, unfortunately, we as a group are not in a position to change things.
Here's to hoping nothing else changes,
I really would hate to have to leave this site if it becomes too much more difficult to navigate or deal with. I do enjoy dA, but my heart does not remain with it.
There are other places I spend my time. I am not popular, I am not famous. I have never sold my work or been 'noticed.' I am not a great artist, I am only decent.
That is me and my own. But I love it, I love me, and I love what I do; even if no one else does.
I love spending time on dA, commenting on other artists work, choosing my favorites with reckless abandon, and studying other artists style to improve on my own.
All in all, the end result is the same as any. We will sit and agree or disagree, but our opinion is more respectable for simply being our own, rather than being right or wrong.
You rocked this pretty hard though, Ikue's reaction and discussion with you did seem more defensive than helpful. You spent more time having to explain yourself as just a person with an opinion and Ikue spent it just telling you the good ol' what for.
Good work, you're definitely on my watchlist now.
(also, this is a rant most likely filled with errors, please forgive them and if you dislike what I said; do not take it personally. Opinions are just opinions, the only way they can affect anything or anyone is if they allow it to)
With that, I end this overly long rave. I'll see you guys around.
No no no, not like we charged someone or anything like that. It was a simple divorce case.
[My mother] filed for a No Fault divorce and asked for nothing from her (now ex)-husband. He already owned his own home, we rent ours from my brother, and everyone would remain with the objects/property that they had now.
Sounds simple right? MMMMM. How I wish.
She was divorcing an abusive, vicious man who was trying to do everything in his power to make it as painful for my mother as humanly possible.
He did this by:
Having the divorce postponed for upwards of about 1 1/2 years.
Faking various handicaps and failing to provide requested (and required) information and papers to the court.
Constantly harassing my mother, my brother, and my sister.
Taking his time to hire his own attorney required by the state to represent him in court.
Not showing up for meetings like the required meeting to discuss, and reach, an agreement on property, custody, and alimony.
He actually went into court, was called as a witness, and failed to answer nearly every question.
When my mothers attorney asked him some questions and, all of which, he answered with: "I don't know," "I don't remember," "It's been too long," and "My signature isn't on it."
Which was all very, very good for us. Because of this, the judge caught onto him quickly.
My mother was very punctual, specific, and answered every question by both naming a time and progress of events accurately.
So it was really no stress when the judge gave his final say, at least, I'm glad it wasn't a surprise.
I explain this because I want to restore some hope that the justice system works:
My father was abusive, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I spent my childhood-teenage years caring for him as he did suffer both mental and physical disabilities.
He was cruel to us, treated us like dirt and generally berated us.
When we finally left it was a surreal relief. My family moved on and began to heal from decades of torment. My mother works and provides for our family, she has done so for around 10-11 years now. Before that, we were all part of a family business.
Our father abused the court system, attacked police officers, and escaped with countless accounts of public drunkenness, DUI's, and drug abuse.
He has a serious alcohol problem and a drug addiction that has caused our entire family to struggle every day just to survive. He could blow money away for alcohol and drugs within a few days.
We are not rich but neither are we poor. He could spend anywhere between 100-1,000 dollars on drugs and alcohol at any time, monthly, weekly, bi-monthly. It didn't matter to him.
He harassed my family for years after we left him. He broke into our house, threatened our family, and tried to 'blackmail' money from my mother.
My mother who paid his utilities, give him a car (for free!), and gave him money to support himself even after they had been legally separated.
The court [the judge] picked up on his horrible behavior and called him out on it in court. Not inappropriately, just to state that my mother would not have to pay alimony.
(all children, including myself, are 20+ years old so there is no custody issues)
I want to thank the courts for being so great about this and taking such a horrible stress off our shoulders and allowing us to continue our lives in peace.
This does not mean he won't try to harass us again, but my mother was awarded a life-long restraining order against him so she is legally protected from him for the rest of her life.
Which it will be a long, happy, and quality life now that he can no longer hurt her or our family any more.
I would say the names of the people who helped us, but I don't know the law about that.
So I'm just going to say thank you to the people involved, the judge who protected a victim of domestic abuse, and freed us of that horrible life we lead.
You guys rock.
I'm exhausted, I feel as though I ache with overwhelming happiness and I want to just pass out and sleep for a few months to collect myself.
Hi guys, I am an undergraduate psych major and for my final project in research methods I am doing a study into the acceptance of the bisexual identity. If you could take a minute or two to complete this ANONYMOUS short survey, it would help me out a lot! If you could reblog this to get it out to more people that would make my results better!
Feel free to message me if you have questions or comments.
I'm biased, because I identify as Bisexual. So if my answers are inadmissible that's fine.
I'd like to talk about Bisexuality and people for a moment.
If an individual identifies as bisexual, how likely is it that they are claiming this for attention?
I hate to really say it, but a lot - and I mean a lot - of 'bisexuals' are just guys/girls doing it for attention. It drives me insane and I cannot stand the people who do it, but I also understand that it can be because they have not received the attention they, as a person, deserve.
Being Bisexual is not and should not be treated like a fad. That's as insulting as telling someone you're gay just because you want to talk about how "oppressed" you are for attention, when you really are not gay at all.
Bisexuality is over-sexualized as being 'hot' because a girl that's willing to have sex with another girl while with a guy is seen as sexually thrilling and adventurous.
Alright, I understand that. Just... if you actually are Bisexual, please don't broadcast it like it's some kind of sexual fetish. Bisexuality is an orientation.
I am as attracted to the male physique as much as I do the female physique.
Do I 'choose' to be bisexual for attention? No, fuck that noise.
I am bisexual because that's just me. I have no preference.
Also, that being said, bisexual is kinda' a wrong term for someone with no preference to gender.
That term is actually Pansexual, as many people already know. Bisexual suggests the person is attracted to men and women, but have a preference to one gender, but also is willing to date the other.
Pansexual is the idea that someone has zero preference. And I guess that's the term for me, but I don't care. Bisexual, pansexual; whatever you want to call it.
I know people do it for attention and that sucks, but it doesn't offend me. Just don't do that shit around me. :P
However, I feel like when I hear someone else say, "I'm bisexual" I almost assume they do so for attention. I do correct my assumption and just tell myself to, "Wait until you get to know them, then figure it out."
If someone identifying as bisexual enters a monogamous relationship, [are they] still bisexual[?]
Yes, I dated a guy and I was still bisexual. We could talk about girls we both found attractive, while he understood that I was still attracted to guys.
I hear, from online sources, that bisexual's are often confronted by their significant other for being bisexual. Something to do with how unsure their SO is about them.
I remember, vaguely, the reason being that their SO questioned the faithfulness/loyalty of their bisexual partner.
Okay. I've never experienced this personally, but if this is true and I'm sure it is, then just... listen here.
Bisexual's are no more or less likely to cheat on their partner than any other person, regardless of sexual orientation.
I also hear that the lesbian/gay community of the LGBT community shows less equal respect to the bisexual's.
I don't know about that, true or not, that's obviously wrong to think. So... you make the call on that one.
In order for someone to know they are bisexual they must have had a sexual/romantic relationship with someone of the same gender and someone of a different gender.
I don't think this. I've never 'experimented', but I know I am bisexual. Not because of anything I've done, just on the basis that I feel it.
Someone who is gay, lesbian, transgender, etc. etc. They don't have to do a test run to find out about their sexual orientation.
Okay, okay, there are a lot that do and that's how they find out. That's fine, no problems there.
However, I believe someone of any of these orientations are simply born that way. It's how they are, who they are; they do not have a choice about it.
Bisexual is no different than either of these. Some people do learn this way, some people don't. It's all based on the individual. Nothing about any of that is required to know though.
Anyways, identify how you do. I just wanted to talk about bisexuality for a bit.
I am, perhaps, in the 'ideal' situation with my family as none of them hate LGBT's just for their sexual orientation.
My mother loves me, my siblings do too. I've never really had to tell them that I'm bisexual, even though I have mentioned it to my mother.
If I brought a girlfriend as my date to a family event, no one in my family would question it. I wouldn't have to explain it or feel nervous. They care about me more than they care about what gender I date.
That being said, I know they would like to ask questions in this scenario and I would be more than happy to answer them.
I feel for the people who are LGBTQA who are in bad situations involving people like this.
While I've never experienced homophobia or hate for the LGBTQA's, I do know it exists and wish for the best for everyone.
Although asexuality 100% deserves recognition and support (just like any sexuality) It, by definition is the lack of sexual interest in anyone. It is however a sexual orientation. Some people don’t know the difference."
I like this a lot, mainly because I watched this little video on YouTube that was called 20/20. I think this is it:
20/20 The 4th Sexuality - Asexuality
I never thought much about it, I don't spend a lot of time contemplating other people's sexual orientation, but seeing those two consenting people talk about asexuality so assuredly provided a good starting point to understanding asexuality.
Mainly because I did not think the [asexual] orientation was anything less than extremely rare. It's (I think anyways) the least common sexual orientation of all.
Regardless of all this, asexuality not a choice, just like being gay, lesbian, transgendered, etc. None of that is a choice, it's who they are and I have no problems with that at all.
Asexuality is not very well explored yet for people to recognize this, I suppose.
Power to the Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Transgenders, and Asexual's. It's your lives, be who you are without fear.
That being said, I think I forgot to mention that I am bisexual, even though I do not consider myself part of the "LGBT" community. :x
There are reasons to that, mostly just individualism and all that kind of shit.
"For full transparency of who I am, I’m a white 18-year old straight, cis-gendered male. I am a full believer of the feminist movement and really want to see it move forward and evolve.
However the name “feminism” I feel has just been butchered so badly to a point of no return. Radical feminists..."
What about Equalists? In a similarity to Egalitarianism, except that allows the exceptional person, freedom of individualism, etc. etc.
I don't know if people would call me a feminist. I care about the rights of all people. I love all races, both genders, anyone who is LGBT or not. I just love people and I care that they are given the same rights as the next person.
I like the ideal of Equalism. It's true and stern, but the kind I'm talking about is the kind that just... let's everyone be who they are.
Which, in turn, allows the annoying, infamous 'feminists' to be sexist and misogynistic. This also allows people to continue being the naturally jerk-like people they are.
This sounds counter-productive. Hear me out.
People should have equal rights to anything/everything, right? Especially the basic necessities of life.
Alright? Good.
People should have the right to be who they are, anywhere they go; on the condition that they:
Are not racist, sexist, misogynistic, or overall ill to other people in public.
Do not force these views on others.
They are allowed to do any of this within their own homes and communities that are based on the subject of their choosing. So long as they do not target or attack the other people who disagree with them.
Do not announce these unpopular views to the world and, when attacked for them, then claim that they are not equal to others.
Those 'feminists' you see in situations like (my personal go-to fake feminist 'issue') the Matt Taylor's shirt incident.
Those are not real feminists. I know you know that, from what I've just read on this post, you are smarter than that.
I want to see anyone who acts like those 'feminists' did, publicly shamed for how they abused and bullied a good man into tears.
I want to see Femanism. A collaboration of both genders, one that does not focus on men or women, not on race, nationality, or religion. There are enough people fighting for those rights.
In this case, that made-up word seems a bit more appropriate.
Equalism or Femanism. Neither resembles either gender anymore, I think anyways.
I'm rather interested in what you think about all this random shit I just spewed out.
With luck, it's exactly what you're talking about.
"So sick and tired of being told to go fuck myself and that I don’t matter because I have an eating disorder. I’m a “skinny bitch” apparently because I have a mental and physical illness since age 11 that makes it impossible for me to eat regularly. The body that I’ve wasted away into is fetishized..."
"if a guy took a creepshot of a hot girl while she was at work and it went viral and guys were talking about how much they want to fuck her and about how hot she is, tumblr feminists would be having a literal shit fit about how they’re objectifying her and probably figure out a way to work some shit about rape culture in there while they’re at it, but since it happened to a boy it’s fine."
Ugh, that'd be horrible both ways. Poor guy/girl who has to suffer the verbal abuse set upon them by outsiders who have little to no care about their person.
Fuck people who do this kind of thing in general, fuck creep shots, and promote equality. Bash anyone who tries to do anything like this to a guy or a girl.
Pretty cool, he is a big dude that would get a lot of attention on the streets. I could feel myself cringe at the woman who ran up to say "My friend thinks you're hot, can she get your number?"
I've never seen catcalling to a man before, I don't live a big enough city to see a lot of people on sidewalks and streets for there to be much of it. (the occasional construction worker or bus stop and that's about it)
Kinda' makes me glad this video is around. Part of me always wonders about staging in these kind of videos, I still wonder about this for the "Hollaback!" video.
On the other hand, I'm not a dude so I cannot rightly say that this could ever be untrue.
"Respect goes both ways. Feminists, if you want respect, you have to treat others with respect (Yes, even men). MRA’s or Anti-feminists, if you want to be treated with respect, you have to treat others with it, even if they irritate you. I know not all Feminists or Anti-Feminists are like this, but a few are and it should really be noted."
I like this because it is a classic idea of respecting the enemy. (or, just, someone who doesn't agree with you)
Respecting the person that stands against you is a positive force. You can learn from it, grow as a person, and move beyond the petty lifestyles and arguments of the lesser "feminists"((misogynists) or anyone that is weak in your field)
I don't really want to label myself a feminist or anything, but I want to have my voice heard when I say; I care about my fellow man. Men, women, and anything in between.
I hate the women who talk about earning love and respect from men(and some women) but do not, in return, show the same kindness.
"I’m totally pro-feminism.I love feminism. Equality for women? Yes, and it also implies gender equality! Awesome, right?
And then there is Tumblr feminism: it always ends up being a hateful rant against men, because all men are bad, according to those rants.That is misandry, which is just as bad as misogyny (notice how they are both equally bad).
I like you, for this. It's such an easy, clean, and correct answer to a very lame problem that has cropped up.
I hate thinking that people (men and women) might think that the public feminists we see going on about hating all men speaks for me.
It doesn't. That's not me, that was never my mother, my sister, my female friends; women as a whole do not think like this. It's those attention hogging women who can't handle not being in the spot light. (no matter how negative it is)
And okay, some of those women think they're actually doing something good. Actually believe that they are right and bringing this shit up is helping fix a problem.
-Sigh-
I have to accept that those women are out there, but they are not feminists, but misogynists. I see that, you see that; majority of the world can figure it out.
They just need to stop affecting people's lives over it. That's all I care about.
"Turns out the video with the woman pretending to be drunk with men trying to hit on her was all just an act. All the tumblr feminists who give a really bad name to feminism can all take a hike now and find another reason to hate men and blame them for everything."
Oh shit man, I didn't even see this video before. I just watched it and it was kinda' funny. They did a good job on making it look real, but usually these kind of videos are staged so I guess I just assumed it early on. That's probably because I wasn't around for the "Tumblr Feminist's" going on about it.
Either way, I like the "Hollaback!" video more. Not for anything but bringing real day-to-day annoyances like that to light.
Not being a bitch about it though, all I'll do is donate to their cause and hope that no one gets hurt. I was scared for the girl when that one guy followed her.
There are assholes and idiots of both genders, a lot of bitchy 'feminists' complain about how this 'proves guys are sexist.'
All I see is a few morons, but there were plenty of normal guys who didn't say anything and just went on with their life.
But this also makes me angry (which the "Hollaback!" video was a response to):
Hey, ladies - Catcalls are flattering, deal with it!
I don't know about a lot of women, but when I'm out for a jog near the city and there's a bunch of construction workers hanging around catcalling me and stopping to approach even though I'm jogging faster than they're walking.
There's minimal people around, cars on the road, but no one with me on the sidewalk. I get a bit scared even though I know they can't reach me and I'm faster than them.
That's the kind of shit that needs to stop; that and the lame feminists that claim to speak for women everywhere.
They don't speak for me and I hate that some people might think that they do.
