ThatSoloTaco

[hiveswap]

Not now, kitten, m- da- m- your parental figure is in the middle of a gender crisis

[bgm05]

the reason usa birth rates going down is because we have a whole generation of women whose sexual awakening was Sans undertale and none of the men want to wear jorts and drink ketchup and go Er er er

[obfuscatingintelligence]

if you set off a rube goldberg type death trap to kill someone, if it's a long enough machine, it ceases to become your fault if somebody dies at the end. that's how I've gotten away with it all these years, and why I'm still going to heaven.

[viviantimmet]

(via @yellowocaballero)

[junewild]

i think the scientology speedrunners should start visiting the hospital mitch mcconnell is supposed to be in. i think it would be enriching for them

[artfortheages]

“Clowns are the pegs on which the circus is hung.”

— P. T. Barnum

[despazito]

pegging clowns????

[happys-hall-of-horrible-things]

pegging hung clowns????

[elmachetecriollo]

This is why this website is worth negative money

[laceration-d0ll]

w-wait, what? you finally got me pinned and you’re sparing me?? why!! are we not true rivals? do you not think id look pretty enough gasping around your blade as you twist it into my flesh??

[scottishaccentsareawesome]

Who would win

Miss Piggy

Lestat de Lioncourt

Voting ended onMar 7

[eosphoroz]

Not the Spongebob tieeee 😂 I'm dying

[crowboy-bebop]

oh my fucking god

[serpentstones-blog1]

i literally cannot convey how long i fucking laughed after i realized that boobytrap backwards is partyboob

[serpentstones-blog1]

i really hope that this does not end up being the text post that defines my entire tumblr career

[lordofseagulls]

Lil Nas X should not be allowed to be this funny

[pukicho]

One, two, three, four, and even five, and even six.

[ange-intrastellaire-de-marz]

five is odd actually me thinks

[pukicho]

I haven’t learned that yet

[pukicho]

Please give me time

[pukicho]

I'm not sure if I've ever met my spirit animal before but I hope it wasn't that dumb fucking deer I just saw.

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]

[salamandorange]

The most PATHETIC lil baby sounds...

[whitebear-ofthe-watertribe]

I love when little creatures who are entirely loved and well cared for have the BIGGEST baby reactions to normal things. Like yes sweet pea, you DO have the hardest life of anyone ever, for sure, and you’re SO BRAVE about this minor inconvenience of *checks notes* having some water touch you

[cephalon-sancti]

There is nothing sadder and more pathetic than a baby marine mammal having to get into the water. They are suffering the most out of any baby animal ever. How dare they be introduced to their natural environment.

[sentient-brassiere]

@pukicho pregnant bc he didn’t wish my gf a happy vacation!!!🤬🤬🤬

[pukicho]

This has to be considered some form of bullying

[maidthings]

my 37 year old vampire girlfriend keeps telling me i simply don't understand the woes of immortality as if I didn't also own a VHS player or visit a blockbuster a few times as a kid

[maidthings]

she keeps staring off into the distance saying those shit like "those as youthful as you know not what horrors lie in your past" even though we both know damn well she's talking about the 2008 financial crash

[pukicho]

you got any airports you hate?

Yeah the poison airport. Hate getting poisoned.

[pukicho]

But I have to make my connection