anx • i • e • ty | \ aŋ-ˈzī-ə-tē \
Definition: Apprehensive uneasiness or nervousness usually over an impending or anticipated ill : a state of being anxious.
I tap my foot continuously against the dining room table while I wait for each states results to trickle in. My eyes are glued to the screen for about a minute before I pull them away to make myself some breakfast. The volume’s still loud enough for me to hear if anything happens.
“He’s won the state!” My father yells from the living room. I hastily pile together some toast on a plate to serve everyone. I can feel my heart beating in my chest and my stomach feels a bit uneasy. Why do I feel like this? I’m not the one running for president. No matter what the outcome, I don’t really know if this will effect me that much.
“It looks like the state is flipping but we’ll have to wait in for the rest of the ballots to be counted. Tim, any word on the other states?” Says the anchor on the news. Everything’s still predictions now. There’s an odd mixture of excitement and fear everywhere.
It’s already 8 am. I have to start working. I take my laptop out and set up my work desk as usual while the living room is bursting with excitement. I’m going to channel that out while I work. I have to. Checking my emails and, well, what do you know. I have about 10 emails on the elections. I can’t donate anymore money. The time has passed so I’ll just delete you.
I’m trying to concentrate but I’m just so antsy. I can’t sit still and I can’t focus. I check my phone to see 12 new messages from friends all over asking me my opinion on the elections. I love politics, don’t get me wrong, but I’m no expert. What’s my opinion going to do for you? But I still respond to some messages and pass on my knowledge, whatever it may be. No, I have to get back to work. I can’t respond to all these messages.
Making graphs and now all I can think of is what that person will think of me if I don’t respond to them. Are you judging me because I’m not responding? Perhaps you think I don’t know enough on the topic to respond. Or maybe you think I’m ignoring you. Either way, those aren’t feelings I want you to have about me so I’m going to respond to you because if I don’t I’m going to be sick to my stomach until I do something.
Okay, back to work. I’m a few pages in now. Things seem to be looking good right now but that’s not okay with my brain. Oh, no. We worry constantly. Remember those other 5 little things you need to do that wont take too much time? Let me blow that out of proportion so I worry about them for half an hour while not doing anything about it because I’m trying to calm myself down.
Cool, I think I’m a little calmer now. My heart doesn’t feel like it’s in my throat. I’m going to watch the elections for a bit since I’m calmer now because apparently we don’t like being calm over here. And here come the muscle aches and fatigue.