I have returned to nightshift. Given how much instantly less stressed I was, it is apparently my natural habitat. There's entirely too much sensory overload during daylight hours.
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I have returned to nightshift. Given how much instantly less stressed I was, it is apparently my natural habitat. There's entirely too much sensory overload during daylight hours.
Depression thought rejected of the day - "I called him 'dear' because he was to me. And he thought it was condescending. I never knew until I saw his post on reddit after the break-up."
You can't read minds. And you are not responsible for what they choose not to bring up.
Oh hi! It's been a while.
A really really long while. I started this thing pre-covid. But we're all a little forgiving of everything going off the rails once that hit.
It's been a ride, y'all. I lost another SO and it took something out of me. I've been coasting as best I can for about a year now. Ever look around yourself and go "holy fuck, dude... what the hell happened?" That's the state of my house right now. Things got dark. Like really dark. It was scary. But to paraphrase the meme "if my depression wants me dead it's going to have to start shutting down my organs like a real disease instead of hiding in my brain trying to trick me into doing its dirty work for it."
But let's make a long story short. I'm 40. I'm single. I've got to figure out how to pick up my life again and move forward while working with/around the ADHD, depression, and anxiety (yay mental health mixer!).
Is it a midlife crisis? Is it neurodivergent burnout? Is it peri-menopause? All of the above? I guess we're going to find out one way or another.
I still play FFXIV, though roleplay has fallen off a cliff. Maybe I'll just have to write stories about what my girls are doing in the meantime.
VTM wrapped up, so Morgan is off living her best life in Mexico. I didn't continue with the group into the next campaign. But I had a great time while it lasted.
That's about all the updates I have for now. I plan to do some reorganizing of the blog so if you like the FFXIV stuff you don't have to wade through my life issues to get to it and so on. Just remember this is a lot of me screaming into the void around here.
At least once a week.
The more I think of Astarion's love-hate relationship with heroic characters, the more I think of this quote from The Last Unicorn:
And where were you twenty years ago? Ten years ago? Where were you when I was new? When I was one of those innocent young maidens you always come to? How dare you! How dare you come to me now, when I am this!
Now I'm unwell
J. R. R. Tolkien, undisputedly a most fluent speaker of this language, was criticized in his day for indulging his juvenile whim of writing fantasy, which was then considered—as it still is in many quarters— an inferior form of literature and disdained as mere “escapism.” “Of course it is escapist,” he cried. “That is its glory! When a soldier is a prisoner of war it is his duty to escape—and take as many with him as he can.” He went on to explain, “The moneylenders, the knownothings, the authoritarians have us all in prison; if we value the freedom of the mind and soul, if we’re partisans of liberty, then it’s our plain duty to escape, and to take as many people with us as possible."
Stephen R. Lawhead
My girls in their Moonfire outfits. Anessa, Renee, Rhyann, and Kaia. 4 more characters to go.... Yes I have a problem.
Here's a couple of the most helpful infographics I've found in other posts then downloaded. If I find more, I'll edit this post to add them so y'all can get an ADHD crash course via image
if you needed proof that i’m really not cut out for the casual environment of teaching from my living room, just know that today i almost ruined a 20 minute long video i was recording about romano-british culture because i almost said “this dude fucks” while talking about the bitchin outfits worn by british chieftains
in my defense look at this dude! the level of ‘this dude fucks’ here is off the charts
I laughed way too hard at this
in case anyone is looking through the notes trying to find the original artist it’s will mcphail !! feel free to check out his site but also here are some other things he made too !!
OOOHHH CLICK ON THAT LINK THIS GUY IS FUCKING GREAT
HOLY SHIT
this guy GETS IT
oh my gosh that last one
it’s 2 am, and I’ve been DYING for 20 minutes from ‘Tip: spice up your panic attack with a harmonica’
We have this one on our fridge. (January 14th 2019, The New Yorker.) it isn’t even funny, it’s just a mood
i love these. so much.
I think the “women are mysterious” thing can also come from:
1) Women actually being quite clear, but not telling men what they want to hear. ”She said she doesn’t want to talk to me? So many mixed messages and confusing signals!”
2) Women not having cheat codes. ”I tried being nice, and she didn’t have sex with me. I tried being an asshole, and she didn’t have sex with me. Come on, there’s got to be some kind of solution to this puzzle!”
3) Women not being a hive mind. ”First a woman told me that she likes guys with big muscles. Then the very next day a woman told me she thinks muscles aren’t attractive at all. Make up your mind, women!”
4) An individual woman doing something confusing, and instead of asking “why is she doing this now?” men ask “why do women always do this?”
Always reblog
Ie: women are only mysterious because theyre individuals but men (and most of media) only see them as “woman”
Growing up fat, you get made fun of for everything you do, even basic shit like eating and laughing and breathing are funny when you do it because youre fat! And its so hard to not carry that with you as you get older, like I’m still embarassed to eat or dance in front of people or smile in pictures and its ridiculous and I hate it and I wish I was treated with more humanity
Thin people can reblog this btw
"Fat kids can't run and are bad at sports" ruined my burgeoning jock life path around 3rd grade. I loved moving, but popular culture told me I couldn't. So I didn't. Please stop doing this to children. If you hear a fat kid say they aren't good at a sport or can't run as fast as other kids, please please please nonchalantly point out that everyone starts out at different skill levels, and if they want to run or play a sport, they just have to keep doing it and they'll get better.
i aspire to be one of those people who are known for always smelling good and treating people kindly
Just like my grandma taught me to be.
if u think im annoying now wait until i get over my fear of being perceived as annoying
if one more nonamerican calls americans unclean or stupid or some shit for dying of rona when our government is actively trying to murder the most vulnerable of our population by using them as expendable cogs in their minimumwage fueled capitalistic machine im going to turn into one of those bugs bunny w gun memes
"But all those people who won't wear masks..."
...WOULDN'T BE AS MUCH OF A PROBLEM IF PEOPLE ACTUALLY HAD TO SIT THEIR ASS AT HOME BY LAW, AND GOT PAID ENOUGH MONEY TO DO SO
Instead, we are given NO laws with teeth requiring people to stay home except for the essentials, NO federal laws requiring masks (with some state governors banning mask requirements), and NO stipend for staying home, which is on purpose, because they want us DESPERATE to go back out and work. DURING A PANDEMIC.
THIS IS ALMOST ENTIRELY A GOVERNMENT-TRYING-TO-MURDER-US-FOR-PROFIT ISSUE.
Shit-for-brains Becky with no mask working at Target wouldn't be near as much of a problem IF TARGET WAS CLOSED AND SHE WAS GIVEN ENOUGH MONEY TO STAY THE FUCK AT HOME.
MOONFIRE FAIRE 2020
New gear and flame dancing with the FC!
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Excellent thread.
Reblogged especially for the de-radicalization info. I don’t know who might need it, but I’m sure someone does.
https://twitter.com/gwensnyderPHL/status/1133057510292824065