21, fem, writting for supernatural, dc, marvel, and others at some point-feel free to reblog, ao3 by the same name-also "spinoffs" of my stuff is welcome if you get inspired and wanna add to things just tag me as the inspo
Alex: short, curvy, red hair, green eyes, redheads go through pain meds way faster than normal people to the point I personally don't even take them, it's a joke, they last 30 min at best
Summary: Alex finds out her bf is red hood, after she spills some not so great secrets to the masked man while stitching him up. Follows JasonxAlex while she continues to lie her ass off about her issues and he pretends not to notice. Not at all going how i wanted it to the story just keeps running away.
Warnings: Vaginismus* angst, sexual assault, self-harm, depression, drug use by Alex, violence, cursing, smut, p in v, nsfw,
Still going but being edited/rewritten to be more cohesive, it got away from me and this is not what i wanted this story to be
Part One
Part two
Part three
Part four
Part five
part six
Part 7
Part 8
part 9
*One messed up bat *
Batfam x femreader Jason x reader eventually
Warnings: angst, self harm, self hate, depression, eating disorder, sexual assault (joker has bad touched), purging, Bruce hate, neglect, anxiety, panic attack, anxiety attack
Summary:Y/n gets cought self harming by Damian, and Tim calls in some backup
ok so we all know the timeline is shit so this is the ages for this story only found it on a reddit post, fight me at dawn if you don't like it
Bruce Wayne (Batman) at 45
Barbara Gordon (Oracle) at 27
Dick Grayson (Nightwing) at 25
Jason Todd (Red Hood) at 22
Tim Drake (Red Robin) at 18
Damian Wayne (Robin) at 11
Y/n 21
Part one
Part two
part three
part four
part five
part six
*Hugs and soul string tugs*
Dick grayson x reader Jason Todd x reader NOT SLASH Jason and Dick's soulmate bond works through the reader and is strictly platonic/brotherly they both love her and she loves both of them
Summary: soulmate au, Jason dies and reader's soul latches onto Dick for comfort bring your tissues, not my usual writing style, bus Jason comes back and acts not so great about his brother taking his bond
warnings: blood, conon typ' violence, rejection, soul sickness (soulmates au ) angst, hurt little comfort, Jason dies but he comes back, fever, Jason being an ass Dick being a softy
Much to Damian's annoyance, and everyone else's worry, she was still none verbal-ish nearly a week later. She seemed to only have a few words, mostly calling Damian 'baby' and the others by their names. Damian was adjusting better than anyone had hoped, more so do to the fact he couldn't stray too far without the bond making him ache, and the poor boy wasn't used to the feeling so he was loath to experience it. He had snuck out once and dealt with a few thugs and she's been tugging so aggressively at the bond he couldn't focus so he gave up and headed back to the manor.
"What would you like for supper this evening young master Damian?" In response Damian looked to Y/n who was currently ( for the last five hours) attached to him, she had him propped up on her hip like a child and had refused to put him down.
"How about pizza, we can help with the dough," she said bouncing him lightly to put him on her back. (Damian is 12 ish because I said so)
"That's a wonderful idea miss, I shall start the dough to rise," Alfred said then headed off.
"Want to go read or something baby," she asked, weaving through the halls.
"May we go outside?"
"Of course."
Dick joined them some time later, under a large tree with coloring books and sketch books. Damian was drawing the nature scene in front of them and y/n was coloring a unicorn with a sparkly pen.
"Wow, I can see the realism," he commented snatching her coloring page and holding it to the light in mock consideration. They'd discovered that Damian wasn't a fan of people commenting on his drawing, calling his work of arts mere doodles, and being displeased with the way most of them turn out. He only sketched in y/n's presence but today he allowed Richard a quick peak before shooting over and angling the page away.
"There's a Pegasus page," she teased flipping to it and tearing it out for him. She only had one clip board so she set it on top of the book itself and patted the ground between her and Damian. He sat with a smile and picked up a green marker to start coloring in the mane.
"Green?"
"Yep," he said picking up a pink marker for the body.
"Are you color blind, Grayson?"
"No, baby bat, just like colors," he said ruffling the kid's hair. Damian batted his hand away and huffed, but grabbed a purple pen and started coloring in his flowers.
"So I hear we're having pizza..."
"It was not my suggestion."
"Have you ever had pizza?"
"Tt, what a foolish question."
"That's not an answer, baby bat, but don't worry you'll love it, it's a large flat bread with tomato sauce, cheese and any other topping you want! I like pineapple on mine but everyone makes fun of me for it. Tim likes Canadian bacon, onions and artichoke hearts," he paused to shudder," we have all kinds of topping for you choose from until you find what you love!" ( Damian didn't eat pizza with the league fight me)
"I just like cheese sometimes," y/n said adding a heavy black outline to her picture.
"I do not have food preferences I simply eat for fuel."
"That's ok, just tell us if you don't like something, or it doesn't agree with your stomach," she leaned around Dick and fake whispered," Dick here is actually lactose intolerant but he likes to pretend he isn't while he's eating." Dick gasped in mock offense and fell backwards like he'd been shot.
"How dare you accuse me of such a terrible ailment, I have no such thing!"
"Right cuz I don't get phantom stomach pains for hours after you eat," she said with an eye roll gathering the coloring supplies. He grabbed her hand before she could stand up.
"I didn't know you could feel that," he said sadly, a not quite pout on his face.
"Dick, it's ok honey, I know you love your cheese."
"But I love you more-" Damian made a gagging sound and they both shot him a look.
"We love you too, Dami baby," she cooed.
He tutted and helped her to her feet then extended a hand to Dick. He felt them both tug out some nonsense on the bonds but he'd refused to learn the ridiculous language, other than the ; I love you'. The pretender Drake had given him a sheet with the words and phrases they'd coded out. Drake was annoying, he tried to speak with Damian constantly though the bond, in tugs and pauses that were surely outlined on the paper and he seemed upset when Damian would only respond to verbal questions. Y/n would send him a disappointed frown and he would stomp off to train until he felt more in control. Richard was content to let him go at his own pace, happy with quick tugs of a love you, throughout the day, never expecting it in return. Todd was...different, having spent time with the league he seemed to give Damian more leniency on some things (if Damian wanted to sleep next to y/n he got to, if Todd was getting ready to shower in the cave but Damian arrived he would wait, if Damian ate his food a bit faster than the others Todd would give him some of his own) but on other things he seemed to push more, expect and demand more ( when Damian refused to do his math homework because it had been an insult, so far below his level of genius Todd had forced him into a chair and handed him a pencil with very clear instruction 'finish the work, and I'll talk to Bruce about skipping some grades' when Damian had snapped at Alfred for something todd had picked him up by the back of his hoodie and dropped him to the ground demanding several dozen push ups)
Y/n was...nice, an oddity in his already strange new world. She treated him both as a son and a sibling, being a mother figure without the harshness of his real mother. When he injured himself during training instead of scolding him for screwing up she fussed over the small amount of blood and used his sword to slice the dummy in half ( which he did not know she could do) she'd cleaned up the small wound and sent him to the showers so they could cuddle. The next day he came down to a training sword, a dull useless stick! He'd yelled at father and pennyworth and the other's but they only laughed at him! Laughed! Saying he would get it back when she felt he wouldn't be injured and that he would never find her hiding spot. Apparently Drake was still missing a set of throwing stars. He'd yet to sleep alone if she wasn't there, then Grayson was, eager for cuddles and snuggles and just smothering Damian in general.
Father was warming up to him it seemed. Damian understood he was a shock to the man who already had a full brood. And with the way they found out about him...his standoff-ish-ness was to be expected, but the others stopped him from avoiding Damian, insisting they all spend time together. And Y/n had locked them in a room together the second day until they spoken for at least an hour.
By the time he'd finished his musing they'd all made it inside to start the pizza making. With hands freshly washed and gloved (y/n hated the dough under her nails) they all set about rolling out several medium sized discs. Jason was called to fire up the outdoor pizza oven and Bruce was given strict instructions to not touch anything. Damian settled on a heavy layer of veggies with some hamburger. (he's not vegetarian yet y'all he hasn't been on that mission)
"Yours looks really good," Bruce said to Damian when their pies had been set on the counter.
"It's inadequate and not nearly as round as it should be."
"Take the compliment kid, mine's a square," Jason said using a pizza cutter to make his into smaller squares. He'd opted for a cookie sheet instead of a round pizza pan so he could be heavier with his toppings.
"It only matters how it tastes, not how it looks," Dick said with heart, digging into his Hawaiian pizza. Everyone was eating at the island, bar stools scattered around and elbows on the surface. Alfred's eye twitched every few minutes from the mess but the smile on his face was genuine. All his little ducks were home, safe and sound and a few new ones.
"An astute reasoning master Richard."
"Thanks Alfie, and it wouldn't be true without your incredible cooking, we just made vague shapes." Alfred gave a nod and continued to eat his pizza with a fork.
(I'm sorry y'all I'm watching British cartoons and there's a frog crying about his magic puddle, so I'm splitting my focus here)
"What about a new baby," y/n asked all the sudden, giving everyone present a heart attack.
"You're not," Jason started.
"You haven't Dick began.
"NO, no, I just umm, pretty sure I...I think I feel another soul bond forming is all. It's not with Bruce of Alfred, least I don't think so..."
"What are you," Damian accused, face twisted in disgust. "Must you collect everything?"
"I'm sorry, can't stop it."
Jason and Dick looked ready to burst so she turned to Bruce with a raised brow and tugged on the forming bond. he flinched.
"Ouch, is that always how your love feels," he asked, rubbing his chest.
"It hurts?"
"It burned," he supplied.
"yeah, that's our Y/n, you learn to love it," Dick said with heart eyes, mildy peeved he would have to share again.
"At this rate we're a damn pack," Jason griped, rolling his own eyes and tugging on the bond he could now feel leading to Bruce. Bruce flinched and Jason smirked. Dick gate his own little tug and Bruce sucked in a breath, then Tim, then Damian and finally Y/n and he got that burning sensation again. Like he was both surrounded and drowning in love, forcing it's way down his throat and into his ears, his heart lurching and singing, soul screaming in bliss. He hit the floor.
"Huh," Alfred said, looking down at the man," I believe I also feel the bond and I rather love it." They all tugged I love you's to Alfred and he beamed giving each one a tug back. "This is rather nice, do you always burn this bright my dear," he asked her directly. Again it was Dick who answered.
"She's always the sun, warm, inviting, pure energy and love. Is somebody gonna get him or..."
"I believe Master Bruce is capable of standing, I fear he's just...overwhelmed."
"I was," Tim chimed in, his mouth full of pizza," I thought I was in a furnace, the feeling was both amazing and horrible at the same time."
"But he has the Cat, shouldn't he be more used to the bond?"
"Sweaty, you're...different-in a good way! Everything about you is...intense," Jason tried (and failed) to explain.
"What he's trying to say is your love is different then others, it's so much stronger, poor Bruce is only used to one bond, he just gained six, including Alfred, and we all sent a bit of love, maybe not Jay, but the rest of us. Alfred is already easier with his emotions, he knows we love him, I don't think Bruce believed it." Everyone looked down when Bruce began to wake up. He propped himself up against the cabinets and took a few shaky breaths. When he was stable he stood and enveloped her in a hug.
"I know I wasn't kind to you at the beginning but thank you so so much for bringing me my children back, and allowing me a place in your circle. I'm honored," he said tugging gently at the bond and gasping when she tugged back. If she was this free with her love to him he can't imagine how loved his sons must feel, no wonder they stay so close. Selina was loving but she didn't make a habit of communicating through the bond, it would take some getting used to, but when Damian gave a hesitant tug he knew he would stop at nothing to master the language. He released her to pull each of his sons to him, ruffling their hair and patting them on the back until he got to Alfred, the old man had tears in his eyes but the soft smile assured him they were happy.
"I never imagined I'd have such a large family, it's an honor to share them with you, dad."
Alfred burst into tears and gathered the much larger man to his chest.
"I have a question," Jason asked Dick one morning after their coffee.
"Uh oh."
"So we all love her. You and I a bit more so and I was just wondering....how would you feel about sharing," he cringed at his own phrasing.
"We already share..."
"I mean genius," he paused for a dramatic eye roll," you and I take turns taking it out for dates and such, we've slacked off on wooing her and I don't want her to feel like we've given up on loving her past the bond. You two were getting pretty close before I came back, and I know I screwed shit up and she doesn't have to marry me or anything I just...I love her and I want her to know it's not just because of the bond, even without it I would...granted I never would have found her, but regardless-"
"I get it little wing, I wouldn't have met her either. I get it I love her just as much as you do, and I know she loves us."
"That I do," she said popping up behind them on the path.
"Holy shit! When did you learn to move quietly?"
"Baby Dami's been teaching me," she explained rocking back and forth with her hands behind her back.
"That's nice, honey," Dick commented scooping her up to spin her around. Instead of putting her back down on the ground, he maneuvered her so Jason could carry her on his back. They changed direction to head over to one of the fancy, but uncomfortable, benches in the manor gardens and he eased her down to sit on it. She brought her legs up and grabbed each of their hands in her own when they sat next to her.
"I think we should start going out. Individually, we could set days or just go on a whim. I don't know about all of us being seen in public together it might cause some backlash. But you both are welcome to kisses anytime in private. I know I've been a bit out of it, with the new bonds I was just overwhelmed and living off instinct. But I feel better now, great even, and would like to move to the next stage of...this, whatever it may be. I only ask that we be sure to split out time, I can't be away from the babies too long," she explained referring to Tim and Damian.
"No, of course, we want to make sure everyone stays healthy. Maybe in a few more weeks when everyone can stand to be away for longer we can go on full dates, how do you feel about some shorter coffee dates," Dick asked.
"That sounds great," she agreed sending joy through the bond.
and they all lived happily ever after until I think of something else to add
@stormz369 girl I know this is all over the place if you have any ideas or requests on where this should go lmk, the next chapter will be fluffy dates
Tim had been sharing a bed with Y/n and Dick without issue but Jason insisted on sleeping on the couch they'd added to the room. He was still close enough the bond didn't ache but it still wasn't helping either. Tim having never been bonded was a wreck. Bouts of panic from having people close to him all the time, fully dissociating when he simply couldn't process all the emotions. He seemed to feel things almost as deeply as y/d did, getting the brunt of all the others emotions on top of his own. They couldn't figure out why, assuming it had to do with three bonds being formed instantaneously and his soul was just struggling to make sense of it all. He spent some nights in between the others a content smile on his face, laughing and talking like it was nothing. Other nights he would cling to the edge of the bed closest to where Jason slept, silently crying himself to sleep. It was annoying, feeling so deeply for his would be murderer, but no matter how much he fought it his soul called out to Jay's, begging for his brother's affection.
Jay for his part outwardly appeared fine. No bags under his eyes, and never a hitch in his step, to anyone else he appeared content. But Tim and y/n could feel it, maybe more than Jason even realized. He was struggling with the constant change. Sharing his soul mate and the guilt from causing her pain.
Dick was ok, he was sad and upset that Jason seemed to be keeping his distance but he understood. And the sheer joy he felt from being connected to several people he loved far outweighed any sadness. When he woke up from a nightmare about not being able to save someone or hands on him he didn't want there was always two people with unconditional and easily shown love and one with still unconditional but less easy to show love to sooth him.
The problem came a few weeks after Tim joined their little group. Y/n's soul sickness had gone away when the new bond formed, and Jason was extra careful to spend time with her and tug 'i love you's' into the bond. But something was wrong, she could feel it. Parts of her were hurting where there were no injuries, and the other's were free of even a bruise when she checked. She swore her wrist was broken when she woke up on Monday but Alfred assured her there wasn't a thing out of place. On Tuesday her ribs ached like she'd been kicked. Wednesday blood started pouring from her nose at the dinner table. Finally someone was listing to her and she was moved to the med bay in the cave. They ran every test under the sun, even had Leslie come out to check but found nothing, not a hair out of place, not even a cavity. On Thursday she was making a cup of coffee for Tim when she dropped to the floor and started seizing the shattered mug making shallow cuts all over as she thrashed.
"Shit, Bruce," Jason yelled as he cradled her head in his lap. Dick was sweeping away the broken mug and Tim was holding down her arms and legs so she didn't hurt herself.
"How long," Bruce demanded sending Leslie an sos message.
"I don't know, she was like this when I walked in." Blood was dripping from her nose and foam was starting to work it's way out of her mouth so he turned her on her side. just as quickly as it started it was over, her eyes unfocused and breathing too shallow.
__
"If I didn't know any better I'd say she has a collapsed lunge and head trauma."
"But she hasn't sustained any injuries," Bruce confirmed. They were all back in the cave, watching the too shallow too slow rise and fall of her chest. Tubes and wires all over even though there weren't any injuries to heal.
"It's possible..." Leslie started but trailed off in thought.
"What, anything, any ideas-" Dick cut himself off with a shudder, tears making a steady stream. Jason and Tim were both huddled up next to him, their bonds aching in response to y/n's pain.
"She seems to form bonds... easily, it's completely unheard of to have two let alone three. Has she come into contact with anyone else in the life? It's possible she's formed another bond without realizing it, and that person is sustaining these injuries?"
"You think someone in the league or Titans is doing this?"
"Not on purpose, they're most likely just going about their day doing their job and can't stop from being injured. Has she met anyone new recently?"
"No," Jason answered. She hadn't left the Manor and nobody had come to visit.
On Friday she woke up screaming clutching at a wound in her stomach that wasn't there and eyes glowing green. Jason dropped to his knees in shock, hands going over his ears trying to block out the sound. She screamed her voice raw, clawing at her abdomen and begging them to make the pain stop, her eyes staying green until they closed and the beeping machines turned to blaring and the sound of a flatline. People moved around Jason working to save but he could feel the bond slipping, green eyes haunting him.
"This is my fault," he whispered, when she was stable and everyone was sitting in tense silence.
"No," Bruce said firmly.
"Me coming back-the pit must'v, the bond must'v absorbed some of the pit 'r somethin'."
"Jason we don't know that," Dick tried, but he was too tired to fight him on it. Every tug on his bond going unanswered by the woman he loved.
"Maybe it would help to put her in the pit," Tim said softly, easing away from Jason in preparation.
"NO!"
"It might help, I don't know even it out? She doesn't hold anger, it might not..."
"Turn her into a crazed lunatic," Jason snapped but made no move to strangle him so he carried on.
"With all of us to help, she might have an easier time," Dick agreed, warming up to the idea.
"And how would the misses feel about this?"
"She'd hate it, but she's been outvoted," Tim said pulling out his phone to track down Ra's.
"I'll call Thalia," Bruce said interrupting his search.
Two days later they were all standing around a bubbling green pit and Jason was doing his best to keep his food in his stomach. Thalia had agreed to carry her in and was doing just that when the girl gasped awake and started thrashing. A young boy stepped out from the circle of guards around them and grabbed y/n's hand causing her to freeze.
(did I just make another bond with dami, are we collecting the batboys like pets, yes)
"So father, why hasn't she attached herself to you," Damian asked with a sniff, wondering around the manor living area and periodically checking for dust. Everyone else was piled on the couch, Y/n spread out on three laps, awake but not fully aware.
"I don't know, I don't spend much time with her."
"Tt, I've spent no time and yet she has latched onto me like a viper-"
"Watch it demon brat." Damian gasped in response bending to put his hands on his knees.
"What was that!"
"She's probably trying to speak to you though the bond," Dick said calmly, fingers running through her hair.
"Why does it feel like that?"
"Like a string around your heart," Tim supplied.
"Yes...how do I respond," he said when he felt it again. She was insistent, tugging in a way he couldn't decipher.
"Is she tugging three times in order, or is it more sparatic?"
"Three times."
"She's saying ' I love you'," Tim clarified.
"Tt, she doesn't even know me."
"Doesn't matter, she loves you. She loved me the second the bond was formed."
"How do I stop her?"
"Damian," Bruce suddenly chastised.
"Dami, not even death can stop it. When Jason died she felt everything."
"Then she is weak," he accused then dropped to his knees at the overwhelming emotions she was sending through the bond. Love fully surrounding him until he was choking on it.
"Stop that," he demanded aloud, trying to convey hatred through the bond but he had no practice. He felt the three tugs again and again, even though she was a few feet away seemingly unaware of her surroundings.
"How is she doing that!"
"She can do it in her sleep, whatever you feel she feels stronger, her bonds to us are...I don't know, just stronger I guess, only small amounts of what she'd feeling gets though to us," Dick explained poorly.
"Small amount! She's burning me alive!"
"With love," Jason said on a laugh and Damian lunged for him. Before anyone could move to stop him he was tackled to the ground by y/n, her arms firmly around him as he thrashed, rolling him under her while maintaining the bear hug. He hissed like an angry kitten and she laughed at him while peppering his face with kisses.
"Mine, mine mine," she said with every peck. Still sending love through the bond.
Eventually he stilled, still glaring and sending hate through the bond but he hadn't released it so she took it as permission to roll them to a seated position, him in her lap with her fingers running through his hair.
"Mine," she cooed at him with a soft smile.
"Does she know any other words," Damian scowled but again didn't wiggle away from the affection.
"She's never been so....," Dick trailed off looking to the others.
"Out of it," Tim tried with a shrug.
"She's lucid, I've never seen her like this, even when I came back from the dead. Maybe two bonds forming so close together-"
"Two," Damian interrupted narrowing his eyes at them.
"Well yeah, she only bonded with me about a month ago. She was a mother hen, keeping me close and fawning over me, but she still spoke and seemed present?"
"Tt, are you saying it's my fault."
"We're saying her emotion might be a little...off right now, and this is how she's coping. Give her a few more hours, she was near death just yesterday," Bruce said standing with a heavy sigh. "I haven't slept in days and neither have any of you, Damian, I expect you can be trusted not to kill anyone for a few hours?" The boy nodded. "Good, the rest of you, bed, now or I get Alfred to tie you down."
"I'm not leaving her with a killer," Jason protested.
to be continued ( I don't know where I'm going with this so hope ya'll stay for the ride)
It took about two days for her temperature to even back out and her vision to stop swimming, making her more alert and aware of the...nest? that she found herself in. Blankets, pillows, and what could very well be coats were piled on and around her and both her lovers were on either side of her, both drenched in sweat but not moving to get the piles of warmth off of them, she must have been shivering and they were toughing out the heat. Her sitting up did nothing to stir them and she checked each pulse with a sigh of relief at the steady thrum, then eased out of the blankets. They shifted in her absence and latched onto eachother. She bit down hard enough on her tongue to taste blood to stop from oohing and awwing at them, but didn't have anything to take a picture with.
Sneaking down to the kitchen was second nature and far easier than she had expected, they must have stayed up to keep watch over her and were deep in the sleep land. She only stumbled once on the stairs and had to take a second to breathe through the sudden nausea caused by being away from her soulmates.
Alfred was up making tea and sent her a disapproving eyebrow raise but said nothing she went about making some coffee. Tim should be down soon for a cup, or so she'd gathered from their short amount of time together. She would ask about slipping him a sedative later, he didn't seem to sleep and nobody was making him.
"I've been cutting his with decaf," Alfred said from beside her, looking down at the second mug she'd say out.
"And he hasn't noticed?"
"No, I'm sure he has, but he hasn't complained yet, I hope to get him down to a cup a day. But wonders never cease and all that."
"Yeah, he's a little addict for sure. Still, he could be hooked on Adderall like most over achievers so..." She trailed oof awkwardly, realizing the kids almost grandpa wouldn't appreciate that.
"Quite right," he agreed putting a gentle hand to her head to check for fever.
"Broke last night, or is it still night? Any way, woke up drenched in sweat, till need to shower," she said lowing her gaze to the coffee pot and scrunching her brows. So maybe her brain wasn't all the way back, she hadn't even thought to shower before coming down and she was acutely aware of how her clothes were sticking to her skin no. Even her hands were damp, ew.
"Maybe I'll shower before coffee," she said more to herself. He took over making the beverages and gently shooed her away so she stumbled out of the kitchen and up the stairs. She stopped at the top and realized she hadn't paid attention to what room they'd been in, it didn't seem like their usual one but in the dark she couldn't be sure. With a mental shrug she headed to where she knew Dick's old room was, she would just steal some of his clothes and use his shower.
She could tell though the bond that both boys were still asleep so she didn't bother to hurry, simply grabbed a pair of joggers, a t-shirt, and a flannel she hadn't known Dick even owned. The shower large, though it was the same as the room she was staying in, she found herself missing the small normal tub/shower combo at Dick's bludhaven apartment.
"Stop that," she whispered to her brain.
They don't love you. Jason ran from you and Dick's just a sympathy bond, he was afraid of you breaking.
"That's not true," she whimpered digging the heels of her hands into her eyes.There weren't any tears yet but that didn't mean anything. She was all too familiar with the come down from soul sickness, Dick had helped her through it after Jay had died.
He won't help...
"Stop." But the voice didn't stop it's taunting reminding her that Dick didn't ever love her, just didn't want her die from not having a bond, Bruce hated her and was disgusted about her being with two if his sons. Tim seemed wary of her. She was curled up on the shower floor, shivering in the cold water and longing for Dick's apartment, the open floor plan that came in handy when she was sick, because being able to see him made the bond happy. She wanted the small bedroom that was stuffed with both their things because she couldn't sleep alone, it made her wake up screaming with memories of how Jason's death felt. She wanted the simple task of keeping Dick fed and making sure he slept at least a few hours a night. She'd been so young, but she couldn't go back to school, and no law enforcement came for her to send her back to her parents when Dick had explained what happened, the public version of course.
Absently she felt a gentle tug on the bond but she didn't know who had done it, afraid it was Jason she didn't respond. He'd denied her, ran away and died, came back to life and still stayed away, agreeing to be near her for the bond to heal but still so far out of reach, seeming to barely tolerate her presence and getting downright violent with his temper sometimes, never directing it at her, choosing to run away and made the bond ache instead. She doesn't even remember what they'd fought about that had him fleeing and making her sick, she wondered if he had felt her desperately pulling on the bond when she'd been high with delirium from the fever. Wondered if he felt the panic and pain flowing through it and ignored it. Emotions were harder to convey across the bond, but Dick had said that he could feel her pain. Vaguely she remembers waking up to him stroking her hair and telling her he was sorry she hurt like that, Jason had been nowhere in sight and she'd tugged at the bond unthinkingly, he hadn't tugged back.
There was another tug, this time she was sure it was from Jason, and the touch starved part of her sung when he did their code for 'i love you' she replied, albeit slowly still freezing with water pelting around her but now aware of how cold the tile beneath her was and ache in her joints.
'i love you' from Jason.
'i love you' from Dick.
'I love you' she tugged back to both of them. She heard two sets of foot steps and tried to force her limbs to move before they saw her but the cold and after effects of soul sickness wouldn't let her.
"Y/n, you ok," Dick said through the door.
"Just getting the sweat off," she said softly, cursing herself for the volume because there was no way they heard.
"Can we come in," Jason asked.
Her mouth opened but no sound came out so she curled in on herself more, trying to cover herself in a futile attempt at modesty. The door clicked open and the opaque shower door was slid open then two sets of hands were working, one turning the knob to make the water warmer and the other draping her in an over-sized towel careful not to brush against her chilled skin.
"Shit baby," Jason muttered testing the water temp and directing it to be on her more. The warm water seeping into the towel and stopping her shivers.
"Sorry," she forced out with a whine.
"Nothin to be sorry for," Dick soothed.
"Need us to call one of the girls, to uh help you finish?"
Oh right, there was still conditioner in her hair.
*****
"You can do it," she assured, her eyes closing in self disdain. Dick has had to do it before, she wore a swim suit and sat in the tub while he carefully washed her hair. Her lack of dress was no longer registering in her mind and she didn't have it in her to care.
"Alright, we'll be quick." Both men stripped to their boxers and Dick sat cross legged on the shower floor easing her into a seated position so she was facing him, he adjusted the towel so it was tucked around her neck and used one hand to make sure it stayed then the other to hold her up since she lacked the strength. Jason got on his knee behind her with the detached shower head and rinsed the conditioner from her hair using his fingers to detangle.
"Did you uh..get your..you know, skin-" he broke of awkwardly cringing at himself. She shook her head and missed the look the brothers sent each other.
"Uh, would it be ok if we..." Dick floundered uncharacteristically unsure.
"With words, sweets," Jason commanded gently, not wanting to overstep.
"You can wash me."
"Not exactly how I pictured seeing you naked the first time," Dick said trying to joke. Jason's nostrils flared and Y/n tugged at his bond to get his attention.
"No fighting, please." she sounded so defeated all the anger bled away and left him feeling like an ass. Since she was already in his arms Dick carefully stood them up and let the towel pool at their feet. Both his arms were around her to hold her up against his chest while Jason started scrubbing her back, arms, and backs of her legs. Gently she was passed back to Jason, his arms wrapping around her and holding her back to his front. Dick washed from her ribs to her hips, then each leg and was careful not to her anywhere he shouldn't certainly not with the state she was in. Even if the sight of her had caused a fog to roll over his thoughts.
She was rinsed and dried and dressed in the clothes she'd brought in then sat on the bed while they got dried and dressed.
"Sorry," she said when both men were on the bed next to her.
"Soul sickness is shit, you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry we didn't have one of the girls here to help you, I should have prepared better, after last time..."
"What do you mean last time," Jason asked in horror.
"Jay when you died she was...catatonic half the time, the bond between us was only strong enough at first to keep her alive, but she still lost you?" Dick was looking at him like he was the biggest idiot on the planet and suddenly he felt just that and only an inch tall.
"'m sorry," he said earnestly grabbing both her hands and ducking his head to meet her eyes.
"It's ok," she said without emotion.
"No, it's not. I was-am horrible to you, I did this, more than once apparently and...that's, shit sweets that's not ok."
"I'll live."
"Your hand are shaking," he noted rubbing his thumbs over the backs of her hands trying to stop that.
"Happens sometimes...after an episode."
"What was it this time," Dick asked knowingly.
"That Jason doesn't want me, and you don't either, you just kept the bond so I wouldn't die..."
"Oh, y/n, you have to know that's not true, I love you." To try and prove it he tugged an 'i love you' on the bond and she responded on instinct.
"I love you too," Jason said letting go of one of her hands for Dick to grab.
"Love you both."
"Let's go get something to eat, yeah?"
"Ok."
Alfred, Bruce and Tim were at the table eating breakfast but paused when they came into the room.
"Feeling better," Bruce asked with what seemed like genuine care.
"Much," she replied taking a seat between Tim and Alfred forcing Jason to be between Bruce and Dick. He sent her a questioning glance and she covertly texted him.
You did just try to kill the kid, maybe he doesn't wanna share a table with you??-M
Shit, i'm an idiot-Cuddle bear
"No phones at the table, please."
"Sorry, Alfie," Jason said tucking it away.
Tim was healing faster than any of them had expected but he still looked like crap and having his would be killer share a house with him made sure the kid was on edge all the time. He'd forgiven Jason especially after watching the green haze leave his eyes, but that didn't mean he wasn't still afraid.
"So Tim, I hear you take pictures?"
"Uh, yeah, not so much anymore..."
"Well, I haven't seen basically anything in Gotham, think you could show me around when you lose the cast?"
"Sure, that's sounds nice," he agreed looking at her with surprise that didn't sit right in her mind. She held her hand out to him, under the table where no one could see and he latched on like she'd thrown him a life vest. Shit the poor kid was touch starved, how was that even possible with Dick as a brother?
"Richard," She said interrupting whatever he'd been saying to Bruce.
"Full name?"
"I'll be playing video games with Tim today, so you will both have to be there for the sickness to finish healing." They both nodded, questioning her across the bond but not saying it aloud.
"I'm afraid I've only played racing games but I'm sure you're a good teacher if you have something else to play," she directed at Tim who looked on the verge of panic. His hand squeezing her own. She felt a new string worming its way around her heart and when it knotted she gasped in time with Tim's yelp.
"Was that...?"
"You're mine now and I'm never letting you go. Uh Bruce," she said turning to face him," I'm now bonded to three of your children, maybe we should figure out how I can do that?"
"What," Jay and Dick shouted both testing the bond to see if they could sense Tim. Faintly they both felt Tim's panic.
"You...how is that possible. You're not even supposed to be able to form bonds after birth?"
"I know, and yet I now have your kids," she laughed, yanking Tim into her arms. Honestly the kid was too damn small, he fit in her lap almost. When her shirt started to get damp, she started carding her fingers through his hair.
"I love you, Tim. You might not understand it yet, but you're mine and I love you," she said rocking him gently. The soul sickness completely gone from the joy of a new bond. The waves of disbelief rolling from Tim were making her wanna punch some people, a few of which were in punching range.
"Th-thank you," he hiccuped into her neck.
"Tim, did you not have a soulmate," Dick asked, with clear discomfort.
"No, I thought I was meant to be alone." He was sobbing now.
"I didn't either, I'm so sorry Tim, I should have talked to you, I could have...helped," Dick trailed off.
"How about we move to the couch," she asked gently, food forgotten. Tim nodded and she tugged on Dick's bond to get him to come carry Tim, she couldn't stand with him in her arms. She kept hold of his hand while everyone walked through the halls to the den. The large plush couch was heaven when she laid down and patted her chest to signal Tim be laid on her. He cling to her like a koala, nuzzling in and gripping her shirt with a fierceness she was afraid would draw blood from his palms.
"So we have another," Jason said without emotion. Not only did he have to share with the first robin, now he had to share with his replacement. What's next she forms a bond with Bruce, he hoped not. Dick placed a hand on his shoulder and shook his head, telling him without words now was not the time. Tim was still crying.
"Blackbird singin' in the dead of night," she started singing softly, one hand on his back and the other still combing his hair.
When they were sure the little bird was asleep they had a hushed conversation about how they would adjust. Jason throwing out the idea for a schedule, both sleeping and day. They might be bonded now but he doubted Tim would wanna spend hours at a time with him, just enough that the bond wouldn't feel rejected. Hopefully just having her would be good, but he knew Dick would take it seriously enough for the both of them. He'd already shoved his way in between Y/n and the back of the couch so he could envelope his bonds in an octopus hug (tm) his leg thrown over them and arm tucked over Tim and under Y/n. Tim woke up for about a second, realized where he was and was back out with a soft smile. The baby bird was cute, and it was surely the bond forcing him into protective mode of the little brat. Dick seemed to agree with a day time schedule, even a loose one, with Dick looking for jobs in Gotham and Jason needing to be out for crime lord things it would make it easier for them to leave her if she had another bond to cling to during the day, of course, Tim had work and school, but the kid could do his work in the den, or they could set up an office and she was willing to bring Tim lunch while he worked, and dinner if needed. Dick has blatantly and on no un-certain terms denied a sleep schedule, he told Jason if he needed space he could take it but no way was Dick sleeping in a different room. And with Tim's bond being fresh he would need to be close to all of them, and at night after patrol was the most obvious solution.
Y/n suggested they all take a day each week to play board games or something so the bonds could recharge. Jason had started to protest when she'd reminded him he owed her for nearly ya know dying over him.
Tim had blinked awake nearly an hour later still encased in love and was tearing up again before he could stop it.
"Hi, love," she cooed at him while Dick combed the hair from his eyes.
"Hi."
"You wanna go back to breakfast?"
"Can..."
"We stay here a bit longer, yeah," she finished for him when he trailed off uncertainly.
Summary: soulmate au, Jason dies and reader's soul latches onto Dick for comfort bring your tissues, not my usual writing style
warnings: blood, conon typ' violence, rejection, soul sickness (soulmates au ) angst, hurt little comfort, Jason dies but he comes back, fever, Jason being an ass Dick being a softy
A/N: I do not own dc this is short, might become a series might stay a drabble lmk what ya think
She didn't know how she ended up in Gotham, she'd just hopped a bus to get away, get out from under her parent's thumb. It wasn't a nice place, she should have paid closer attention to the glowing red sign stating the location. There was a slight tug on her soul, that ever present tightness when you go without your soulmate, and she hadn't even found them yet. Surely they must be here though by the way her heart started to sing. She stopped off the bus readjusting her backpack and gazed up just in time to see batman and Robin fly. Her soul ached to the point of tears. She ran and ran, trying to catch the duo, surely he could feel it, surely this all consuming love and hope wasn't just on her end but he kept getting away. He was running from her, and the clear rejection sent a knife through her heart and she let out a scream, dropping to her knees in pain. The small string that had been tight her entire life fell slack. Loose inside her like he'd let go of his end.
He didn't come back.
The pain didn't die down, never so much as eased. She wondered the streets of Gotham, alone and in pain begging for her soulmate. Crying into the void for him to just pull back on his end, please just tighten the string, he didn't need to pull it closer, just get rid of the slack between them.
He ignored her.
So she dug, and dug until she found the name Dick Grayson and an apartment number in bludhaven. It took two days to work up the nerve to knock on his door.
"Hello," he asked, with wary eyes. She knew what she looked like.
"Your brother is my soulmate and he dropped the bond and I think I might die without him." He just stared at her.
"Please," she added. He stepped aside to let her in and busied himself making tea for them both. She sat on the ground to avoid dirtying his couch. He sat on the floor with her.
"He's mia at the moment sorry." And he was, she could feel it coming off of him in waves.
"That's ok, I've made it this long." The tea fell to the floor when she felt the string tug, tighter and tighter in her chest until it snapped. And she screamed. Screamed and thrashed and cursed. She was faintly aware of arms around her but they weren't his, they would never be his. He was dead, she could feel it. The pain radiating through her entire body like an explosion. She screamed until her throat no longer worked, until her eyes started to close and her body gave up against the pain.
"He's gone," she whispered before giving in and letting the darkness embrace her. Dick rocked her back and forth until his own tears stopped.
Bruce didn't call. Dick was floored. A teammate gave their condolences.
Its rare, so rare in fact its considered legend that if a bond is broken in death a new one can from between the living and someone close to the deceased.
The snapped string hung around her heart like an anchor. A new one formed a loose knot and she latched onto it like a vice. Sobbing in agony over the loss and gain.
Dick was shocked when he felt the pull. The crying girl (because she was years younger than him, the age of his brother he assumed) seemed to glow and the string around his own heart yanked as she pulled on it desperate for connection, she pulled and pulled while he resisted. Finally she relented and the string stayed taut before falling slack. A second rejection would kill her, so he scooped up the string and did some yanking of his own. Dick had never felt a soulmate, he assumed he just wasn't close enough to meeting them to ever feel the pull. But now he understood. His job was to keep her alive. The bond felt odd once it settled into place. He felt warm and content even through his grief.
He called Alfred a week later to ask about coming home. He couldn't get her to eat, he didn't trust her to be alone.
Alfred said no.
Six months after Jason's death she woke up screaming. Nightmares ever since. She won't talk to him about them.
A scrawny kid came to his door demanding he become Robin again, he felt the bond inside him ache.
Tim was a great Robin.
Dick was proud of the kid, he went to Gotham when he could desperate to do it right this time.
Bruce refused to meet his bonded she said it was fine.
He visited less as her pain grew. Even going to work he could feel her clawing at the string, terrified it would disappear too. He would tug back, he would always tug back. Then he would text her and ask if he needed to come home. She always said no.
The red hood hurt Tim. His bonded was waking up screaming each night. He took her to manner, he and Bruce had gotten on better terms. Bruce seemed to like the girl, she was twenty now, to Dick's twenty-seven. Against his better judgement over the last year he's fallen in love with her. She knows, she can feel it through the bond, she replies with hesitant love, he can accept that.
Jason Todd is alive. His brother and the original soul mate of his bonded is alive and seething in front of them. Y/n was shaking, silent tears running down her face and the string inside him burned from her insistent tugging. He tried to tug back but she wasn't paying attention to him.
"Why the fuck are you holding my soulmate." Jason was tied up in the cave riding out pit madness when Dick and y/n had gone down to see what all the commotion was. Bruce and Tim stood off to the side, Tim still in a few casts but walking with a crutch.
"You died," she said softly pulling away from Dick and slowly making her way to him.
"Yeah, and you're fucking my brother."
"Don't talk to her like that," Dick seethed yanking her back to him and behind him.
"I'm not," she squeaked.
"I can feel you panicking, the string..." Jay trailed off, he wasn't used to the feelings being so strong from proximity. He's been able to stay far enough away it only ached, this felt worse than the pit. His skin burned to touch hers, his entire being was raw with need. He could faintly, like a whisper, feel his brother mixed into the bond. His claim over her clear even through Jason's green filled mind, his soulmate wasn't his. And didn't that hurt like a bitch.
"You died. I tried to find you and you ran away and then you died. I would have died without your brother," she begged him to understand but the words meant less coming from behind the protection of said brother.
"How long have you two been a thing?"
"That's none of your-"
"We've been romantic for less than a year but bonded since the night you died," she filled him in ignoring Dick's protest. She owed him the truth even if he had stayed away for so long.
"So you didn't feel me claw out of my grave," he accused with venom.
"I thought it was phantom. I-I looked I swear I did. I dug up your grave by hand, it was untouched...the coffin," she paused to fight the bile in her throat," the coffin had a body in it. I'm sorry I didn't get it dna tested." She couldn't deal with this, even now she could feel him letting go of the string, rejecting her. Dick's pull only became tighter and she fell back onto his familiar strength.
"Jason, why didn't you come to her," Bruce asked. He couldn't fathom staying away from Selena.
"Don't you people get it? I'm a monster!"
"And why not before! I followed you as Robin, chased you endlessly through the streets, screaming in agony over you and you fucking left me there! You let go of the bond not me, fuck you!"
"Did it ever occur to you I did you a favor. Did it hurt when I died?"
"How fucking dare you," she screamed storming over to him and taking his head up by his hair to glare into his green haze of eyes.
"Imagine how it would have felt if we'd been together, I saved you needless pain-"
"That's not fair, I felt everything damn you, every hit, cracked bone, broken skin, beaten flesh, I fucking burned when the bomb went off, so don't you think for one second that it made it better!"
"I didn't know that," he conceded, unable to drop his head in shame from her grip on his hair.
"You died, and you left me. You came back and you still left me. My soul couldn't take it, when you died, it clung to Dick's and his clung back. He is mine and I am his. There's no changing that but dammit Jason I can fucking feel you letting go of me again. I almost didn't survive it the first time, it fucking hurts don't you get that." She was shaking him now, both hands on his shoulders and willing the sense to get knocked into him.
He tugged on the string. She tugged back. And faintly they both felt Dick tug on his.
"I gotta share you don't I," Jason said quietly.
"You didn't even want me. You hurt me beyond words. Either share me or fuck off. I can't take it again."
Dick didn't wanna share, he wanted to wrap her into his heart and never let her leave, but after finally getting Jason back he couldn't do that to her. He was the third wheel, he came second, he knew that but when she turned to look at him, nothing but love in her eyes, he didn't care.
___
It was awkward, sharing a room and a girlfriend with his brother. But Dick was already a touchy feely person and he'd been smothering Y/n in affection for years, there was no way the bond would let them go too long without physical contact. Oddly enough the bond between he and Jason craved nearly the same. His brother would hug him at random then look annoyed with himself, he would go to grab Y/n then backtrack like he wasn't allowed. Y/n of course noticed and would drag them both to the nearest couch, shove them down onto it and lay across them both until the bond was satisfied.
Dick had to go back to bludhaven to tie up some loose ends. You know like quitting his job. The second he was in the car headed to the train he felt it, the little tug on his string, he tugged back, and received two text messages wishing him well, and telling him to hurry up. The first day was tolerable, sucky but ok. The second he woke up with a fever and a quick call confirmed both his bonds in the same state. Day three he felt and looked like death. The near constant tugging on his string when he was trying to eat lunch forced him to excuse himself to make a call.
"It hurts," Y/n wailed through the line, not so much as a hello.
"I know baby. But you've got Jay and-"
"No! s'not the same, please I can't-" she cut herself off with a sob and the string in his heart was pulled so tight he nearly had a heart attack.
"Baby, where's Jay, go sit with him it'll make it better." Like he felt any better, he didn't have anyone to ease the ache.
"He's not here. I can't-Dick please, it hurts!" She kept pulling on the string tapping out freaking Morse code for sos and he couldn't take her anguish anymore.
"Give me an hour." He marched into his bosses office, and quit, screw his two weeks. He didn't even stop at his apartment for his bag, he was on a train and tugging quick 'i love you's' into the string. Jason was getting punched. The hell did he go, he knew she needed care. Her side of the bond had always been stronger, which he found odd since he himself was emotional but whatever he was feeling she got twice or three times as much so if the headache behind his eyes was anything to go by she was going through an agonizing migraine. To be fair they hadn't gone longer than 24 hours without touching each other since Jason died, even when he was patrolling he would always have to swing by to ease the ache in his chest a few times throughout the night. She was used to not feeling Jay, but she couldn't handle not feeling him.
The manor was empty, eerily so, but he didn't have time to dwell the string was still tugging, but it was coming farther and farther apart like she didn't have the energy anymore. He took the steps three at a time, curse long legged people, and made it to their shared room in under a minuted. No y/n.
"Y/n," he called though the halls, tugging at the string in worry.
Your room-Honeypumpkin
He frowned at that but hurried down the hall to his old room. She was laying on top of his blankets, in a pair of his boxers and Jay's shirt practically sweating through the mattress.
"Shit baby," he muttered placing his hand on her forehead. She was beyond burning up. She made a low keening sound at the contact but the fever stayed. He shucked out of his work clothes and curled himself around her. His soul buzzing in joy at the contact. She smiled at him and he was a gentle 'thankyou' tug on the string. she went to sleep and he texted Alfred wondering where the hell Jason was. Out. Is what the butler replied, and Dick had known him long enough to know that one word held more disappointment than imaginable.
At some point he fell asleep, and was woken up by a gentle but firm hand on his shoulder.
"Master Dick, I have brought some supplies."
"Thanks, Alf, she still have a fever?"
He hhmed and stuck a thermometer in her mouth, disturbingly she didn't budge.
"104, we need to get her in an ice bath I'm afraid."
"We need Jason to not be a piece of shit and leave her like this," he seethed standing up to scoop her into his arms.
"I'm afraid they had a fight and Master Todd stormed off," Alfred supplied, leading the way to the cave, where there was medical supplies more equipped. Though nothing could stop soul sickness but the touch of the one who hurt you, isn't that great.
"So he hurt her, again. If I didn't know it would mess her up I'd kill him again." They were quick but not urgent in their treatment, Dick cursed the air black and blue as he lowered them both in a tub of ice water. He didn't have a fever but if he stopped touching her the sickness would worsen he was sure. He kept tugging at Jason's string but the little fucker never answered so he asked Alfred to call and hand him the phone.
"Listen here you little shit," he said in favor of a hello.
"Uh oh."
"Yeah fucking uh oh, get your ass back here, I don't care if it's in one piece or not or so help me I will send a super or a speedster for your ass," he demanded then hung up.
"103," Alfred praised as Dick got them both out of the tub. He dried her off but left her in her wet clothes (hello boundaries) he would call one of the girls in a minute for help. In the time that it took him to get himself dry and in warm clothes her temp had gone up to 105 and sweat was pouring off of her.
"Shit," he exclaimed practically throwing himself onto the bed with her. He wrapped himself around her and pulled reassuringly on his string but she didn't pull back.
"Fuck fuck fuck, she always pulls back, even when she's asleep!"
He tried again, this time tugging out 'i love you's' over and over until he felt a reply. 'k' came a week tug and he nearly sobbed in relief.
"K, I tell you I love you and you say k," he asked her sleeping form.
104* (I cant find the degrees symbol)
Jason was back, Dick could hear his bike. He tugged at his string, Jason tugged back.
"What happened?"
"What happened is that she can't keep taking your rejection, she's sensitive and the bond makes it stronger," Dick explained, brushing her hair back.
"I'm sorry she didn't..."
"What tell you that you were ripping out her soul and killing her, well fuck you!"
"What do I do," he asked wringing his hands in rare uncertainty.
"Just touch her, tug on your string, she likes it. Three long pulls means 'i love you'." Jason grabbed her hand and gave the string three long tugs, over and over and over again until his real hands felt rope burned.
101*
She still wasn't awake, but she wasn't at risk of dying on them so Dick told Jason to 'hit the fucking shower you stink' and meet them in their room. Alfred trailed behind holding her IV bag, but made no move to keep her in the medical wing, after all the only cure was well...hugs, and soul string tugs. Which both Jason and Dick were taking turns doing, until it felt like a dance.
Summary: a relapse, some comforting words and breakfast that doesn't go to plan
Warnings: sa, talk of assault, self harm, self hate, semi-comfort, dissociation kind of a long episode, self harm during said episode, mention of vomit vague, anxiety attack, panic, blood, eating disorder (none, restrictive or compulsive, meal tracking)
A/N: I do not own dc boo hoo
It was their fault really. I mean they were supposed to be watching her, Jason was supposed to be sharing a bed with her. It's hardly her fault that upon waking up alone from one of the worst nightmares she'd ever had her first thought was an old comfortable habit. And that my dear friend is how she found herself curled up on the bathroom floor, the door locked, and a pocket knife she didn't remember stashing clutched in a shaky hand. She should call for help, should put in the minimal effort of simply sending an sos text. Two words, sos bathroom, not that hard. Certainly easier than standing and walking through the halls in search of somebody. She figured a few of them were out on patrol and had hoped at least Jason would be home, but she knew he could only be cooped up for so long and he probably assumed one of the others would stay with her. Maybe they expected Damian to keep her company. No matter, there wasn't anybody here and if she didn't do something she was gonna pass out from a panic attack so oh well.
"Just one," she promised herself quietly before fumbling to get her pants off while she was still sitting. (hard to write angsty y'all with why'd you only call me when you're high playing)
Blade clean and legs clean and the floor not so clean and breathes coming so fast she was shaking she slashed once at her inner thigh, high up enough all her shorts would cover it. The relief was a flood, all consuming and as beautiful as crashing waves to the point it brought her to tears. She'd missed it, missed the rush, and the high, and calm.
Yeah one wasn't gonna cut it, pun intended.
Guilt was tickling the back of her hazy mind but she could worry about that later. Finally after fifteen or so shallow cuts she was cool as a cucumber. There was hardly any blood, all of them barely bubbling up from her careful and light pressure. She stood up to clean herself off and nearly fell back down when someone knocked.
"Hey, you alive in there. My shift," came Dick's voice.
"Just a sec." Well crap.
"Sorry I'm late, Jay didn't tell me he wasn't here until like twenty minutes ago and I have no idea how long he's been gone but I was out and-"
"It's fine Dickie, I'm not gonna blow up or nothin'."
"Don't joke."
She opened the door after cleaning up her mess with a quick eye roll where he could see then she was showing him her arms and the tops on her thighs with and easily forced bored expression.
"What about your ribs?"
Another eyroll while she held up her shirt.
"Wanna see more ya gotta buy me dinner."
"Eww, don't joke like that I'm your brother."
"I gotta be uncomfy you gotta be," she said with a shrug and slid past him to get her bed.
"So dramatic," he said flopping himself down on the mattress.
"Looks who's talking," she snarked grabbing the throw blanket at the end to toss over him.
"No cuddles," he said with a pout.
"Had a bad dream, don't feel all that cuddly."
"Sorry."
"Didn't know you were sand man," she snorted climbing under the covers putting a good amount of space between them.
"I got promoted, or demoted depending on how you look at it."
"Demoted," she agreed laying down and facing away from him. He lasted all of two minutes before she heard him shift and just knew she wasn't gonna like it.
"We used to talk," he said softly.
"Dick don't-"
"I know I've slacked off, ok, I moved away and stopped checking in, and then I only heard from you once a month and I tried even less with Tim. And I went back through and you were the one to start the conversation, every time, and I feel like shit about that, I know that's on me. Then you tried to reach out for help and I was an ass." He scrubbed a hand down his face and through his hair and she knew has was consciously stopping himself from hugging her, he was touchy person.
"Is there a point to this?'
"Before I was an ass, back when we talked once a week why didn't you tell me. I would have helped, would have let you move in or convinced B you needed your own place or-"
"Dick, I've been doing this for so long I stopped caring about getting better. I only called you because...pinkie swear you won't repeat this," she said holding her arm behind her in the general direction of his. His pinkie found hers in seconds.
"Being, benched, grounded if you will...it made me feel small, like a kid being scolded for touching a hot stove or... I don't know but it was jarring and I forgot that I was an adult. And I just remember us being so close when I was younger, and you always gave the best hugs, and I kept thinking...maybe if I told you, you could fix it, my big brother. I knew you were upset about what happened but you've never held onto anything too long and I thought you'd be cooled off. Sorry." His hand enveloped hers.
"I'm such a bitch." She snorted.
"Not gonna argue with that."
"I know nothing I say is gonna make it better. I was criminally neglectful-"
"You're not my parent."
"No, but I am your big brother and I shouldn't have snapped at you. You should feel like you can always talk to me, always. Even if you got a hangnail and wanna complain about it-"
"Not doing that."
"You should! You should snap me or dm me or hell send me an email with a picture of your nail with the caption 'this bitch' and I should respond with a 'yeah can't believe that what a ho' and we should be able to have easy fun and flowing conversation again. But you should also feel ok bringing me the heavier stuff. You should know that if you sent me an sos I would be there. Or if you have a nightmare," he gave her hand a pointed squeeze," you should be able to call me and we can talk until the sun comes up and hate ourselves for the drousyness the next day-"
"Dick I'm not calling you for a -"
"You should! Damnit You're my little sister and I love you. I shouldn't have, fuck I shouldn't have let you go so long without making you know you could turn to me. I know it's tense between me and B but that has nothing to do with you or the others. If you need, if you or Tim or the others," he amended," need me to come to the manor I will. If you need to come stay the night or an ice cream run or a fucking pen you call me, text me, send a carrier pigeon." He was getting louder with each sentence and she half expecting him to start yelling and shaking her shoulders. She'll blame the nostalgia of having her brother there for what comes out of her mouth.
"I relapsed," she said simply, quietly.
"I'm proud of you for telling me." No lecture, no demanding to see them, just acceptance for who she was and where she was at. It made her throat tight.
"Say sike right now," she joked, finally rolling over to look at him. The soft smile on his face hardly visible in the dark but it made her insides churn. She didn't deserve it damnit. She didn't deserve his dismissal over the years but she couldn't handle him like this.
"Did you clean them?"
"No," she admitted trying to take her hand back from his but he used it to pull her towards him instead. His arms were like chains, she knew from experience, there was no escaping a Grayson hugtm.
"Are they deep?"
"No."
"then we can handle it later, or Jay can, or Tim, or Alfred, or whoever you want to. Hell you can clean them and I'll take your word for it."
"Why," she asked into his chest.
"What do you mean?"
"I've been keeping secrets for years and am notably a good liar so why?"
"Because you are a good liar, you could have easily kept your relapse to yourself, but you didn't. It would be ideal to know before you try something but I'm proud of you for being honest after the fact," he said before she felt a slight pressure on her scalp and if she felt a few tears she wasn't gonna bring it up.
___
When she woke up a green eyed Jason was watching her from the floor where he sat with his chin on the mattress.
"Do you need to punch something," she asked pointing to her own eyes. he blinked the pit fueled haze left. "You're getting better at that. 'M proud."
"Need me to hit him," he asked using his eyes to gesture to Dick who was passed out sideways on the bed his arms wrapped around her waist and his head on the bed next to her. It looked like he was gonna have a neck ache and she couldn't remember him getting into the position but oh well not her problem.
"Neh, we were up kinda late talking, just help me escape."
"Anytime princess." He grabbed a pillow to ease under Dick's arm over her stomach and pried up so she could roll out before Dick clamped down onto the pillow and let out a sigh.
"M up."
"Well why didn't you let go, I've had to pee for like an hour," she hissed at his flicking his shoulder.
"You coulda' said 'at."
"Yeah whatever, for my ailment I require at least two pancakes and," she paused to tap her chin even though only Jay could see," you get to hold the apple when I next throw knives circus boy."
"Nope, no knives nice try though," Jason tisked at her tossing her over his shoulder and walking the few steps to her bathroom. He plunked her down on the floor, pecked her on the nose and promptly closed the door in her face. The shock had her blinking at the wood before she shrugged and handled her business. She could hear them talking but not what was being said and they weren't beating down the door yet so she opted to clean and bandage her cuts. They weren't bad and had no risk of infection, she wasn't stupid, so she just used and alcohol wipe and slapped a large bandaid on the area then used a sports wrap for good measure before sliding her (Jason's) boxers back on and washing her hands. There was no longer talking in the other room. She opened the door and pumped some lotion onto her dry hands, she hated touching door handles with anything on her hands, and headed into the room while she rubbed the lemon scented lovelyness in.
"So, my pancakes," she asked with a head tilt and a few toe taps. Both men were on the bed and looked at her with slightly unequal fondness. Jason with heart eyes and Dick with older brother love. Jason made grabby hands at her.
"Hugs first," he demanded with a pout," Dickibird had you all night." She rolled her eyes but allowed herself to be pulled down onto his leg his arms coming around her and his face getting buried into her neck. He sniffed before pulling her hand up to his face and inhaling deeply.
"Weirdo, it's just lemon," she chided but didn't take her hand back.
"Smells like sugar."
"Dick tell your brother to stop sniffing me."
"Uh uh, nope, he's your responsibility now, remember to feed and water him," Dick said hopping off the bed and ditching.
"That true," she asked Jay carding her free hand through his hair," or can you feed and water yourself." The tone was light with an underlying seriousness. He could have gotten hurt on patrol of wherever the hell he had gone and he wouldn't ever tell her, the hypocrite.
"Might need some water every once in a while," he said softly.
"Need some now?"
"Yeah," he said on a sigh.
"Where?"
"Ma shoulder." She hummed and gently rolled the sleeve of his t-shirt up to examine his left. Nothing. On to the right and yep there was brushing.
"D'ya pop it back in?"
"Didn' pop out, just hit a wall too hard swingin'."
Not taking his word for it she gently poked and prodded to be sure and was sickened when he didn't so much as shudder in pain. She crossed her fingers it was the pit healing and he hadn't taken too much of something. Satisfied it was only really bad bruising she gave the area a kiss and rolled his sleeve back down.
"All better," he said with a smile. And so was born the code water, not the best but it was more an inside joke than anything.
"I uh, got my own water but you can check if you want," she said tapping her own thigh.
"Dickie check 'em?"
"No, said he trusted me to clean them."
"Good 'nough for me."
"Are you using your accent more on purpose?"
"Why, don't like it?"
"Love it," she said getting a fist full of his hair to guide his lips to hers. The kiss was soft and slow even with her fingers tangled in his scalp and his own on her back and hip. The dreamy eyed look he gave her when she ran out of air had her stomach rolling with guilt from her relapse and she dropped her head to his chest unable to maintain eye contact.
"Can I have my pancakes now?" It was a small request, one she didn't even truly mean but he saw it for what it was, she wanted out of her room on her terms, not dragged out and forced to socialize against her will.
"Yeah, 'm sure Dick told Alf." He went to stand with her in his arms but she squeaked and wiggled to floor before he could.
"Your shoulder," she tisked at him gently, opting to hold his hand instead and lead him out of the room.
"Yes mom."
"Want me to bend you over my knee," she asked looking at him with the most innocent eyes. He shuddered and she smirked.
"None of that for a long time," he said bumping his hip into her.
"Thanks," she said bumping him back. She could tease all day but they'd already agreed to wait, she got sick just thinking about taking her clothes off for someone and he said that was fine. Of course her brain didn't believe that. the dude lied and went off to kill the joker without her. She knew he's had...relations, since coming back from the dead. Knew he was familiar with his body and how to use it in a way she envied. She wasn't blind, he was hot, pitfire hot, and he was a drug lord and he frequented bars and she really shouldn't have been surprised the first time she saw him leave with girl way prettier than her, and it shouldn't have hurt the second time. The third sent her sprinting for a place to empty her stomach and she couldn't eat for two days after, picturing the girls trim waist and ignoring her own which was well muscled and she would have loved on anyone but herself. The fourth time she watched him take a girl home she laid into her flesh with a blade like she hadn't in years and-
"-oll, sweetheart, babydoll, honeypumpkin, Y/n!" Oh that was Jason.
"Huh," she asked dumbly her eyes unfocused and breathing painful now that she thought about it.
"Deep breath, we got pancaked to eat," he demanded holding her hand to his chest and taking overly dramatic breaths. She blinked at him and realized with complete and all consuming self hatred they were in the kitchen and their were too many eyes on her and she was too hot and her skin itched and her eyes burned and head hurt and she needed out. Out of her own skin and away from them and-
"-p, stop, please be careful." It was Jason again that much she knew, but she wasn't sure what he wanted her to stop doing, she was just scratching her arms in panic and...oh, she realized her fingers felt cool and a glance down showed blood.
"Huh," she mummbled again, still blinking too fast, or was it too slow?
He was holding both her hands to his chest again and she could feel the rise and fall it felt the same as he own so she couldn't understand why he was talking about deep breaths. She was breathing which she apparently said out loud because a reply came from behind her.
"No you're not, kid come on in and out." The new voice pulled her back tight against a firm chest and the smell of lavender made her head hurt more. Dick.
"C'n't, m head. Sm'l, s'too strong," the last word the clearest as she forced it past her aching lungs and huh guess she wasn't breathing. He vision swam as Dick was replaced with someone not wearing too much lavender hair gel but this someone was shorter. Her height ish but the chest was still firm and the arms around her toned.
"You're gonna pass out." Oh, that was Tim.
"T'm?"
"Yep, that's me I'm here, come on you nerd just breathe, if you pass out I'm eating every pancake and waffle."
Right pancakes. She could smell them now, along with different versions of sugary syrup and fruit. She focused on the smell of fake strawberries, and pictured the red syrup-nope, nope, nothing red, that makes her vision swim more. Blueberries, she could think of blueberries, not her favorite syrup flavor but doable, if Damian didn't eat it all, he loved his fruit. She hoped he wasn't here to see this. The smells got stronger as she was moved further into the room and she tried to reach for the bottles she could see to her left. She was in Bruce's lap, she realized Jason crouched in front of her and her wrists still in his grasp. Damnit, she wanted the syrup. She wanted her pancakes. At least she could see them now, her vision returning and ears not ringing as loud. Her chest hurt but she was taking easier breathes and she looked around to get her bearings. Dick was on the other side of the kitchen washing his hair out in the sink while Alfred helped. She was still sitting in Bruce's lap, Tim was gently wiping her forearms, Jason was sitting now, still holding her hands but less from. Damian was crying two seats over, and-wait, Damian was crying two seats over!
"Dami," she croaked clearing her throat to try again. "Dami, I'm ok now, promise." She knew she looked like shit and it made the statement all but useless. He ran from the room followed quickly by Alfred. Dick took the seat next to her.
"That sucked," she said head drooping onto her adopted father's shoulder against her will. She was still pissed at him, but she was so tired.
"What triggered it," Jason asked with concealed panic. Right she'd probably made him blame himself. And given him a heart attack. She didn't answer just closed her eyes and took gloriously easy breathes.
"Sorry, I forgot you don't like lavender," Dick said. He had a dish towel around his shoulders catching the water droplets from his sink bath.
"Gives me a headache,' she supplied giving him a thumbs up.
"I'll toss it."
She gave another less stable thumbs up and forced herself to sit up straight.
"Can I have my pancakes now?" They all jumped to say no, afraid she might not keep them down but Bruce beat them to it readjusting her like she was still a kid and fed her from his plate. He got syrup on her shirt, just a drop, but she hated being dirty in her pj's and her hands clenched and un-clenched nervously at her side making the next few bites hard to swallow. Half a pancake later she felt human, aside from the syrup drop taunting her, the other had moved away to their seats to taking slow bites of their own food. Jason looked like hell and she knew she couldn't explain why she'd had her freak out.
"Has this happened before," Bruce asked, eating after she'd shook her head at another bite.
"I don't think so, but it could have. Sometimes I space out, but it's never lasted so long. Never in the field," she was quick to say.
"What brought it on," Jason tried again, and the look in his made the pancakes roll in the stomach.
"Can I have some water," she asked in reply. He looked torn, but grabbed a bottle from the fridge and set it in front of his chair. She tilted her head at him but he ignored the look and took her from Bruce to have in his own lap. She flinched when he sat and her mind started up again calling her overweight, saying she would hurt his leg. He held her to one side and grabbed the water before she could reach for it. She took it from him and tried to twist the cap, but her hands weren't working yet, the girl strength in her fingers gone. She grew frustrated the longer she tried. Her jaw ticked and she was seconds from throwing it in a fit when Jason took pity and opened it, going so far as to hold it to her lips. Her family treating her like a child and passing her around the table was pissing her off but she didn't fight him and took slow sips until he seemed pleased and set it on the table. She didn't dare pick it up, she'd probably spill it.
She fished her phone out of Jason's pocket where she knew it to be so she could check the time but he snatched it back before she could even push the button.
"Hey," she grumbled. He slid it to Dick who pocketed the device.
"Not till you talk, what made you-"
"Freak out like a weirdo?"
"Have a physical reaction to a mental problem you need help with." She snorted at his phrasing. She was fading into sleep again, the sugar keeping her lucid this long, but she fought to keep her eyes open and on his.
"Wanna tell me and not these losers," Tim asked over his cup of coffee. "It's decaf," he lied when she squinted at the mug.
"I...think I wanna talk to Alfred," she said gently, testing the waters.
"Ok, that's ok, s'long as you talk to somebody," Jason said grabbing one of her hands where she'd started to pick her cuticles.
"But not till he's done with Damian, poor kid shouldn't have to keep seeing what a fuck up I am."
"Don't say that," Bruce chided.
"The kid found me in a pink tub."
"Which is fucked, I'll agree but it made us pay attention to something we should have seen long ago. Some detectives we are," Dick said still shoving his face with pancakes. She wondered not for the first time where he put it, dude was fit, and ate like a horse. She couldn't so much as smell sugar without feeling it go to her waist.
"How do you do that," she said then smacked her free hand over her mouth. Oops, that was an inside thought, guess a tired y/n is an honest one.
"Do what," he asked, tilting his head like the massive puppy he is. Jason gently pried her hand down.
"Eat so much and not get fat?"
"So much. Kid I've done the calculations, with what I burn nearly every night I eat perfectly if not under what I should." His head tilted the other way, stupid puppy eyes.
"But..." She couldn't think of a way to phrase it to make them understand, stupid men and their stupid better metabolism.
"Sweetheart, how many calories do you eat in a day?"
"Two-thousand-one-hundred. Ten carbs, no less than a hundred grams of protein, and whatever fiber is in my protein shake," she said automatically. She didn't have a problem, she ate fine, she ate just right for her job. She was careful. Didn't stop the voices in her head from shouting every time she passed a mirror though.
"That's...specific," Dick said with uncertainty.
"Do you keep a journal," Bruce asked clearing plates.
"A feeling journal, no."
"I meant a food journal."
"Oh, yeah, nothing weird about that plenty of people have one," she jumped to defend herself. She was so tired and they just wouldn't let her be, she wanted to curl into her boyfriend, heh boyfriend, and sleep for days. Distantly she knew that wasn't a good thought.
"Yes they do, and there's nothing wrong with it just wondered if you would mind sharing it."
"No," she said without hesitation.
"We just wanna make sure you're ok," Tim said gently.
"I just wanna go to sleep. I'm tired from my freak out, please can I take a nap in the library or something," she whined using her own puppy eyes on Jason. He sighed and finished his coffee like a shot then eased her off his lap to stand.
'Want me to carry you," Dick asked, knowing about his brothers bruised shoulder.
"I've been tossed around like a toddler enough for now, thank you."
summary: the batboys keep messing up when trying to help y/n
Warnings: mentions of sa, self harm, self hate, suggestive language, angst, Bruce is a POS, talk of murdering the joker, vomit
A/N: I do not not own dc boohoo.
About ten hours later they all hissed at Alfred turning the lights on and rolled over to avoid being blinded. Dick and Tim had ended up on the floor snuggled under the same Queen sized blanket. Jason was curled into an impressive ball for his size in the recliner next to her and Damian was still snuggled in her lap his ear right over her heart.
"Ah, fuck I'm too old for this shit," Dick hissed trying to stretch out his stiff joints.
"You're tellin' me," Tim agreed, the lack of caffeine for so long making his head hurt.
"Tt, you should have slept on the couch or in your chairs," Damian chided not even opening his eyes.
"Ah fuck," Jason mimicked Dick when he tried to stand and every joint cracked loud enough they could have been under fire. "Damn being dead is bad for the joints."
"There's breakfast in the kitchen when you youngens can move," Alfred said with a small smile, his own joints perfect. (the old bastard)
"I may never move again," Dick said into the blanket.
"I thought you were limber, yoga boy," Y/n teased easing Damian off her lap and standing to her own joints cracking.
"how long do you think we'll live, I mean before our bodies can't hold themselves together anymore," Tim asked rolling over onto his hands and knees to try and stand up.
"You say such nice things," y/n said holding out a hand to help him up. He clasped her hand and braced to move but before she could register what he was doing he'd pulled her down onto the floor with him making sure she landed on him so she didn't get hurt then Dick was grabbing her and making her into a blanket burrito. In a very brotherly way so get your mind out of the gutter Dick wrapped his arms and legs around her and cuddled into her neck making loud fake snoring notices.
"Release me," she demanded with a wiggle but her arms were pinned to her side. "Damian help." He looked at 'Grayson' in disgust but shrugged at her and left the room.
"Traitor," she yelled after him. "Jason," she said hopefully, batting her eyelashes and pouting.
"Sorry I need at least another few hours, you're staying," Tim said clinging to her other side.
"You know if you guys had done this before-"
"I know, I'm sorry we didn't make you feel wanted."
She sighed but didn't say anything just absorbed the comfort they were providing. Jason sat on the floor at her feet and rubbed a hand over what he thought was her ankle under the blanket.
"Food's getting cold," he said.
"I have to pee," she wiggled again and they released her with matching sighs.
"Same."
And just like that they left her alone. Not even 24 hours. She smirked to herself as she walked down the hall. Pausing to stick her tongue out at a photo of Bruce's parents. There were no cameras where she was of course.
Your kid turned into a real pos. With stupid rules that ban me from killing Jason's killer, my rapist and the man who crippled Babs.
With a final eye roll she hurried to the bathroom, just in case anyone remembered they were supposed to be watching her. She did her business, cleaned and re-bandaged her cuts. The lighter she kept in her pocket at all times, that nobody had bothered to search, felt heavy and she stuck a hand in to run her thumb over the striker wheel.
Maybe just once more.
"Knock knock," Jason said though the hard wood.
Nope not right now.
"I'm coming, just a sec," she said back with ease. He pulled her to him the second she opened the door. The hug was bruising and if she hadn't been paying attention she wouldn't have noticed he was patting her down. His hand went into her pocket and she let him pull out the lighter.
"You're getting sloppy," she commented.
"Wasn't trying to be sneaky."
"Excuses excuses."
"Are we gonna talk about it?"
"Bout what?"
"You know what."
"Oh! My undying love of you. Yeah I was thinking we could talk....never?" He tightened his grip and kissed the top of her head.
"I'm not good for you," he whispered.
"I'm not good for me, you've seen my skin."
"Bruce is gonna kill me," he muttered before grabbing her face in both hands and tilting her head up to place the softest on her lips.
"I take it you return my feelings?"
"Nah, just felt like kissing my adopted sister cuz I'ma creep."
"Coulda' fooled me," she said pulling him back in for another kiss while one of her hands stole his lighter.
"You wanna tell people yet?"
"That we've kissed before our first date, nope." He placed a kiss on her nose and picked her up to toss her over his shoulder, waited a beat then tapped her lightly on the ass.
"I ain't inta' that bro." To which he smacked her as a bit harder, so she did the same and he froze.
"Maybe I am, sis." Her eyes widened in shock and mild horror but she couldn't dwell on it because he started moving again.
"She put up a fight," Dick asked when they entered the kitchen.
"Nope, she just walks too damn slow."
"Language," Bruce scolded over his coffee.
"Fuck off, you don't get to say jack shit about jack shit until we fix your mistakes-"
"Killing is wrong-"
"It's not wrong when the piece of shit had raped three of your adopted kids!" (in batman death in the family interactive movie and a few other medias it is hinted/or outright said that Jason and Babs were assaulted by joker)
"Jason," Y/n said small and sad from her spot still over his shoulder.
"It's fine, I'm fine. But Babs and you..." He couldn't finish, didn't wanna drag up anymore old than he already had but it was too late he'd opened that can of worms.
"I didn't know," Bruce said standing to move towards Jason.
"You didn't ask. I was with that psycho for a year and you didn't ask." (yes I know that is the Arkham version let me fill my story with angst.) Jason moved away before Bruce could reach him and set y/n down on the counter to wrap his arms around her.
"Little wing," Dick practically cooed in pity.
"I'm fine," he growled into her shoulder. She combed her fingers through his hair and gave everyone a back off look. But Dick took it literally, leaving the room with speed. What the batfam need not know is that he ran off to puke his guts out from guilt. His little wing had called and asked for help and Dick hadn't been there, he didn't know even a fraction of what Joker had done to him and he never asked. What kind of big brother didn't ask about what their baby bro went through. A shit one, Dick's mind supplied oh so helpfully.
"what do you need from us," Tim asked, trying to make a plan. He didn't know what to do with his damaged siblings and it was making him nervous. He downed half a mug of coffee while he waited on answer.
"I don't need nothin' just for everyone to be there for y/n."
"Jason," Damian said. All eyes turned to him, he hadn't said Todd, or any form of cruel nickname.
"Yeah, kid?"
"I'm glad you're alive. I'm sorry you were hurt." Damian looked like he might be moving in for at least a pat on the back so y/n shoved Jason off to meet him halfway. What ensued had everyone's jaws on the floor. Jason holding Damian in a bear hug, his little legs dangling off the ground, and Damian hugging his back. Nobody said anything out of fear they'd break the spell.
"Release me," Damian finally commanded. Jason instead set him down next to y/n on the counter who attacked him in side hug.
"Dick's gonna be pissed he missed the bro moment. The broment," Tim laughed practically running to steal his own hug from Jason while the guy was in the mood. Bruce stood to the side hoping but not expecting. He wasn't surprised when Jason ignored him in favor of hugging Alfred.
"What'd I miss," Dick complained from the doorway.
"Well, Jason and Damian hugged, then I got one, then Alfred."
"What about me?"
"Come here. Then nobodies gettin' anymore 'm done."
"Yay," Dick whisper shouted flinging himself at his younger but larger brother. They hugged for longer than Dick was expecting and he was enjoying hugging his family so when Jay started to move Dick held on tighter.
"We're gonna be livin' in the same house dude."
"You just said no more hugs, I'm savoring."
Finally Jason wiggled away and quickly moved back to y/n propping himself on the counter right next to her legs his arm resting over her knee and hand holding her calf to stroke his thumb over the skin.
"No,' Bruce said from back at the table where he'd moved during the hugging.
"No what father?"
"No that," he said pointing at Jason's hands on her.
"Too bad," y/n said raising a brow and begging him to fight her on it, she'd flash them her scars, after covering Damian's eyes of course.
"Are you guys a that," Dick asked disapprovingly making a mental note to pound Jason into the sparing mats later.
"I think it's great," Tim said, having been the one to push them together of course he had some bias.
"Tt, I think it's ridiculous."
"Noted. Don't you want me happy?"
"Of course, beloved, I just don't see how Todd can make that happen," he practically chuffed, back to his usual self, though there was less bite to his words.
Bruce watched his kids interact with envy, but he knew he'd made too many mistakes to expect open arms. Y/n was sneaking glances of him, the people pleaser in her aching to fix his frown, but he'd gone too far. Maybe at some point they would mend but she couldn't forgive him. Bringing up the mission when he found out about her self harming. Saying no to Killing after knowing what Joker's done to his children. She wanted to punch him, and with a sick satisfied feeling she realized everyone in this room would do just that if she asked. Bruce would punch himself, Alfred would take off his gloves and KO, Dick would break his nose without remorse, Jason...well we all know what he would do, Tim would kick him in the jewels, Damian would insult him while destroying his shins.
They all ate without much talk until Dick joined the trauma dumping.
"I was assaulted too. Twice," he said so casually they all just blinked at him for a moment.
"That's it, Tim, Damian, you aren't allowed out of the house. Nobody is leaving my direct sight ever again."
"Who," Jason asked, ignoring Bruce.
"It was a while ago, ones in jail the other doesn't matter. Just wanted to show I..relate, I'm here if you wanna talk. Not that what was done..I mean-it wasn't the Joker so-"
"Dick, don't..don't make what happened to you less than just because it wasn't a psycho," y/n said firmly.
"Anyone else," Jason said looking at Tim and Damian. they both shook their heads.
______
"You wanna go out for coffee," Jason asked around lunch time.
"Sure, as a date?"
"How about a pre-date."
"What's a pre-date?"
"well, I want our first date to be special, I need time to plan so this will be a teaser-"
"Oh my God," she cut him off her brain suddenly realizing something.
"What?"
The joker took both of their virginity, at least she assumes since Jay was 14 when he died. Joker was both of their first times.
"Yes, to the date but I gotta," she managed to get out before she took off at a sprint to the bathroom. He matched her speed and got there in time to hold her hair back.
"You hardly ate anything."
"Wasn't...wasn't thefoo," she said between gags.
"You were supposed to be watching her," Dick hissed from the other side of the door.
"M not doin' it on purpose." Dick opened the door with his eyes closed not a fan of puke. (not cannon just think after seeing so much crap it would be funny to have a fear of something normal)
"What happened?"
"I just," she paused to look at Jason," I don't wanna upset you..."
"You won't sweets, just tell me what's wrong so we can fix it."
"I mean, you died so young I always assumed, I mean I just figured," she interrupted herself by grabbing a new toothbrush that they kept in all the bathrooms, and brushed the taste out of her mouth.
"You wanna know if the joker. if I was a virgin before..."
She nodded before rinsing her mouth.
"My brain just decided it would be a great idea to tell me that if you were, then we both, I mean...he took-" she cut herself off again with a shake of her head. Dick who'd finally opened his eyes was near tears at the realization and he suddenly understood her illness.
"Oh, sweets," Jason cooed pulling her into a hug, like it wasn't his own trauma as well.
"I'm fine now, I-sorry, my brain just liked to torment me sometimes."
"Maybe you should tell your brain to fuck off," Dick said with a watery laugh joining in on the hug. He'd dealt with his assault, maybe not in a healthy way, but better than the way she had dealt. He wasn't fully back, or ok, more 70%, but he was functioning. No more nightmares, no more freaking out when someone got close to him, or touched him without warning.
"I think we need a vacation," she declared from her cocoon of heroes.
"I think you're right."
________
"This is not what I meant," y/n said with mild disgust at the giant blanket fort the boys had built in the theater room.
"Why not it'll be fun, we can stay up late and braid Dick's hair," Tim said gleefully, setting up a queue (or is it cue?) of easy to follow action movies.
"I agree with beloved," Damian said from inside the fort, though he made no move to leave.
"Alfred gonna make pizza and bring it in to watch a movie with us and Bruce is banished from this room until further notice," Jason said.
"When I said vacation I meant go kill Joker then hit the Alps for some skiing or something..."
"Oh, we're killing the joker tonight," Dick said.
"Without me!"
"Well-"
"If you don't take me I won't tell you where he is, it's that simple."
"It'll be dangerous-"
"Tough shit blue bird, either all go or I sneak out and do it alone," she said crossing her arms. They all sighed and Damian came out of the fort to glare at her.
"You might get hurt, beloved..."
"None of you are going to let that happen, and in case you forgot I'm a vigilante too."
"Yeah but..."Jason trailed off and shot Dick a helpless look.
"What aren't you telling me?"
"We already handled it," Tim said subtly moving to block her exit.
"You handled it? You killed him without me," she seethed. How dare they take her revenge and not even tell her.
"We did it while you were playing checkers with Alfred," Dick said.
"Like two hours ago? You took off and killed the enemy right after breakfast, lied to me and thought what? I would be ok because of a mid afternoon slumber party!" She was pissed. In a way they hadn't seen in a long time, everyone but Damian was watching her with unease, not because he didn't care, but he knew his favorite sibling didn't like feeling cornered.
"We made him suffer," Jason supplied scratching the back of his head. She scoffed and tried to shove Tim out of her way but even younger than her he was still taller and stronger. He didn't budge.
"I'll fight you," she glared at him.
"I have backup."
"I'll go help Alfred cook. I don't wanna be around you right now," she said with barely concealed anger. Bastards.
"I'll walk you."
"I can walk myself."
"And take a detour I think not."
"Tim, sincerely and with my whole heart, fuck off."
"Hey, don't talk to him like that," Dick scolded.
In a petty move she gently gently kneed Tim in his family jewels just enough to shock him so he moved out of the way and then she was gone, down the hall before any of them could move again. She was getting pretty tired of her family making her run. The footsteps were getting closer and she could sense more than hear a door in front of her was about to open so she quickly shifted to the other side of the hall but the others were slowed or stopped from Bruce just trying to get into the hall.
"Catch her," Dick yelled to him but she was already out of reach. With a sigh Bruce joined the chase and holy crap could he move fast for his age. She was so close to her room then she could put it in lock down, pumping her legs with all her might and leaning so far forward she would face plant if she stopped she made it. Skidding to a stop she tried to slam the door shut but a boot got in the way.
"Screw all of you, you wanna know what the letters said? 'Joker's slut' that's what is carved into my thighs, I wanted to hurt him, I wanted to kill him and you took that from me," she all but screamed still trying to close the door on Bruce's foot but with everyone else pushing against the door and only her on the one side the fight didn't last long.
"I'm sorry I took that from you," Jason said dropping to his knees in front of her and making grabby hands. She stepped into him with a muttered curse and he wrapped his arms around her middle and shoved his face into her stomach. Not a care for their audience he just needed her.
"It's not true, the words, my beloved, it's not."
"I'm sorry to keep trauma dumping on you Dami."
"Tt, nonsense, you are to tell me everything." The scene was interesting what with Jason blocking the rest from getting in by being on the floor, Damian had shoved his way through to the front of the pack.
"Do you want us to bring him back so you can kill him?"
"No, I want this family to stop acting like I'm a shadow. Always in the background, always there but never being asked how I'm doing. Never getting checked on after patrol. None of you have...I've stitched myself up time and time again with nobody knowing a thing. You don't get to decide now that you care," she said all this while running her hands through Jason's hair and she chose not to mention her shirt was growing a bit damp.
"I'm sorry I haven't seen you. I'm sorry you felt like a shadow," Bruce said.
"You let Tim slip through the cracks too, after everything he's done for this family, none of you pay him any mind."
"Surely that's not, I haven't been that shit of a brother," Dick asked Tim.
"Not the time big bird we got a sick girl here and everyone else with their trauma-"
"Tim if I have to heal you do too."
"No more overlooking anyone, all of you are giving me daily check ins from here on out," Bruce demanded in his batman voice.
_____
True to his word Bruce checked in every morning like clockwork, even with the little bats that didn't live at the manor. They all received a call or a text and were hounded until they replied. He was the worst with Tim and y/n practically glued himself to them. Dick was no better having felt like he failed as a brother. Jason had moved into the room next to hers, much to Bruce's protest.
"I was thinking...if you wanted that is...I'm supposed to be watching you anyhow, maybe we can have a sleepover?"
"You want to share a bed under the bat's roof."
"We're adults."
"And what about Dick's little wake up calls where he bursts in and practically jumps on the bed?"
"We''ll lock the door-"
"And have him think I'm in here trying to kill myself."
"Ok so we'll kick Damian out of the dining room and explain...explain we'll be sleeping in the same room," he trailed off when he realized how well that was gonna go over.
"You could sneak out early," she said with a light smirk.
"Or we could be caught as fully clothed adults sleeping and nothing more."
She rolled her eyes but nodded yes, and he punched the air with glee.
"We can't, I'm not ready-"
"I'm not trying to rush you."
"Jason what if...I'm never ready?"
"Then I'll need recommendations for only left arm workouts."
"Jason," she squealed smacking him on the shoulder and looking around the garden to make sure nobody heard.
"Relax there's no ears out here."
"I just wanna take things slow."
"Just call me molasses." 10-5-24 more angst to come so enjoy the bit of fluff
Warnings: self harm, self hate, angst, short sorry
A/N: I do not own dc
"Let's take a little trip around the room and you can tell me where all the sharp things are, or, you can be moved to an unused room and only come in here with supervision," Dick said with his hands on his hips.
"It'd be faster to move rooms, after all I have vigilante stuff in here too."
"I was afraid you'd say that, alright well, grab your pillow and anything else you need. Phone charger or whatever. I'm gonna lock the door when you're done and I will have to let you in-"
"This is ridiculous all my games and books and stuff are in here, not to mention my sewing supplies." (because I said so you now know how to sew, Y/n designs leather goods, handbags, fancy wallets etc. and has dreams of people actually knowing they exist)
"I didn't know you sewed," Tim said looking up from his phone to take in her room.
"I've had a machine sitting in the corner for years now, I thought you were supposed to be smart," she said walking over just so she could flick his ear.
"Hey, ow, I thought it was just girly decoration?"
"I suppose to giant shelf of supplies next to it is also decor," she asked with her head tilted.
"Sewing shears are sharp as hell, no way are you allowed around them without somebody's eyes glued to you," Jason said holding a pair of Italian knifes edge shears.
"Hey put those down they were three-hundred-bucks!" He nearly dropped them at her shout but caught them and set them gently back in their case.
"For scissors," Dick asked in disbelief.
"They could cut your arm off. They're Italian and I love them more than I love any of you."
"You're sleeping in a different room but you can be in her during the day, with one of us here."
She rolled her eyes but kept her mouth shut, whatever he needed to tell himself but she knew how this was gonna go. They'd say they were gonna take shifts, but stuff would come up, they would get bored. Tired of following her to the bathroom and sitting outside awkwardly. She'd be a good little pet, keep her skin clear of even a bruise from bumping into something and they would get complacent and lazy, checking up on her once a day. She gave it two weeks before they were leaving her alone again, and a month before they couldn't be under the same roof anymore and she only had to deal with Tim, easy the kid slept and drank coffee, and Damian who she could distract.
"Fine, anyone up for a snack?"
They nodded and she led the way to the kitchen, it was well into the night so it was dark aside from a few motion sensor lights she'd put in herself. (after the boys had said every curse word under the sun from bumping into stuff) She pulled out some chips and the other grabs various foods and drinks.
"We eating in here or you wanna go watch a movie?"
"Movie,"Tim answered starting to pour himself a cup of coffee.
"If you drink that at this hour-in fact if you drink any caffeine after four pm I'll start breaking picture frames to cut myself with the glass," she said snatching the cup from him and dumping it down the drain.
"Oh my God," Dick gasped dropping the bag of popcorn he'd just taken from the microwave.
"But...my coffee," Tim whispered looking at the drain like she'd just flushed his stash.
"Me no slashy you no caffey," she said pulling him into a hug. His arms came around her quickly and held her to him tight enough to make her back crack but neither of them moved. Her eyes welled with tears from the comfort and she tried to pull away but he held on.
"If you don't let me go I'm gonna cry," she warned.
"Go for it, you deserve it."
"If I start I won't stop."
"Oh, Y/n," Jason and Dick said in unison putting down their loot to add their arms to the hug. She was fully surrounded, encased in shear muscle, Tim's arms around her ribs and hands on her back. Dick's arms on top of his more hugging Tim than her but it was fine. Jason's arms were circled completely around her waist and they all took turns placing kisses on her hair. The need to cry and the urge to get away battled inside her but the only way out was teleportation.
"We love you," Dick said finally backing off.
"I second that," Jason said also stepping away.
"Thirdsies," Tim said stepping back to grab her face in his hands. "If you don't want me to drink coffee I won't drink it."
"Nice try, I said caffeine, energy drinks and tea included."
"Damn."
The moment passed they all grabbed their stuff again and headed to the theater room. A half hour into the movie she was the only one awake and she rolled her eye at the predictability, she started to sneak out of the room but Damian came in and snuggled up on her lap in the reclining seat she was in. (picture the Lego Batman seats the red velvet cushy looking ones)
"Tt, so pathetic they couldn't even be trusted to watch you for one night. He was so cute in his little batman pajamas she couldn't help but laugh at him squishing his face in her hands.
"Good thing I have you to look after me then huh?" He batted her hands away like and angry cat and grabbed the remote to change the tv, putting on old cartoon reruns instead. Dick was snoring like a freight train and she felt guilty for keeping him up so late, poor guy hadn't slept since birth. Tim was talking in his sleep something about mergers and 'no you can't sit there you little twat' he watched way too much British tv. Jason was silent and still as the dead next to her on hand stretched out in her direction as if he was offering her a lifeline even in his sleep.
Give me a jason todd fic where he is stressing about telling his so about his night activites but she already knows. Not because he leaves his gear out or does anything to tip her off but because its gotham and theres a new "hero" every night so when he comes home a little beat up she takes one look at his body that takes up the entire door frame and just goes....yep, hes red hood, its all in the thighs, she should have seen it sooner.
Summary: the batfam's approach to Y/n self harming. She makes a run for it, doens't get far of course
Warnings: self harm, self hate, innuendos, 18+ talk, Jason making passes at Y/n
A/n: I do not own dc wah
"I'll be out in a second." At least she'd cleaned up quick. Her eyes were bloodshot from puking but that was easy to pass off for just tears, she's already brushed her teeth and the bathroom was free of evidence. With a deep breath she opened the door to Jason leaning against the frame.
"I punched him for ya, Dick wouldn't let me get in more than one but I'll try again later," he tried to joke but she knew from the blood on his knuckles it was true.
"You didn't have to, I'm sorry I put a back slide in your healing-"
"You didn't do shit, pretty, it was all him, sure we'd been slowly makin' amends but I don't need him. I need you happy and safe, and he can't do either."
"I'm fine, or I'll be fine, or whatever it is you wanna hear, thank you for sticking up for me-"
"I can't let ya hurt yourself, sweets. Dick and I have decided on a plan," he said grabbing one of her hands to pull her over to her bed. She sat on the edge ready to bolt if she needed.
"You two making plans is never a good sign..."
"We're gonna move in here-"
"Oh hell no, we'll all kill each other!"
"We'll manage, for you. We'll take out old rooms, I promise not to smother Bruce with a pillow in his sleep and we can take turns sitting with you-"
"I'm not a child-" He stopped her with a pointed look, his eyes dropping just for a second to her chest.
"I know that-"
"Don't look at my boobs when you say that you weirdo."
"Stop interrupting. When should I look at your boobs then," he said then cringed at himself.
"Uh, um, I don't know? Not -I mean, this isn't a porno bro, so unless you wanna help me get unstuck from the dryer-"
"Ha, you saw that one too," he cut her off with a panicked laugh. His hand working through his hair.
"Just the memes, I don't watch-you know what never mind. Don't look at my tits-"
"Why is he looking at your...um," Dick accused in that 'I'm her older brother I will kill you with a spoon voice'.
"Can we just back to my self harm," she begged burying her face in her hands in embarrassment.
"Yes please," Jason said with relief. Dick was glaring at him, then used a finger to slash across his throat in the universal I'll kill you gesture.
"Anyway, Tim is laying out the ground rules for Bruce. Which is he's not allowed to be in any room alone with you, he doesn't get any shifts as your emotional support buddy-"
"Babysitter."
"-and he's grounded from the cave until we track down the joker and cut him into tiny pieces," Dick continued like she said nothing.
"Damian agreed to drug him if we had to, to avoid the no kill rule," Jason clarified.
"You guys are the best, none-legal, half-step-adopted-but-not-really-sibling-friends a girl could ask for. But you don't need to hunt for him, I know just where he is. I was gonna deliver his head to Jason for his birthday."
"You were gonna give me head-shit I mean a head for my birthday," Jason stuttered. The others blinked at him then Dick smacked him upside the head and Y/n started laughing.
"What is it with you? Do you need to get laid that badly? I'm nothing to look at you dork," she said with disturbing ease, shaking her head like she was scolding a puppy.
"Don't say that," Dick chided sitting on the bed and pulling her sideways into his lap. She flopped over onto him awkwardly with her arms pinned to her sides by him so she couldn't wiggle free.
"I think you're gorgeous, sweets." She snorted in disbelief.
"Yeah, right my family says I'm not ugly and I'm just supposed to take their word for it, nice try. The only person in this house that doesn't lie is Damian."
"I'd prove it to you if buzz kill wasn't here."
"Dude!"
"Oh my God, enough with the sex talk! Tim might hear-"
"Hear what?"
"Ok, seriously does the robin training include popping up at bad times did I miss that lesson?"
"Why are you just now getting the sex talk," Tim asked with a shit eating grin, little fucker knew something. She narrowed her eyes at him but his grin stayed.
"No, Jason keeps making passes like a damn player," Dick explained.
"Bout time," Tim said flopping himself down on her bed on his stomach.
"hardly a time for jokes, Tim-"
"No really, he loves you, you love him just kiss already-"
"You are so dead," Dick shouted rolling her off to the side to make a grab for Jason, who's instincts kicked in and had him out the door in a blink. Their footsteps could be heard pounding down the hall followed by a few crashes.
"Alfred's gonna be pissed," Tim said like he didn't just start it.
"Dude what the hell, why would you lie about something like that," she whispered shouted at him.
"I know you love him-"
"But he doesn't love me you little shit, it's horrible for you to start trouble."
"Speaking of trouble just how much damage did you cause before Jason got up here?"
"A little."
"Let me see."
"No."
"Then I'll just have the others hold you down-"
"Fine fine, when did you get so mean. I swear just last week you weren't saying more than two words to me," she grumbled rolling her shorts up to show him the bandages. They were shallow so no blood had soaked through but he pulled a knife from his pocket to cut them away and check any how.
"I'm sorry I've-we've all been distant with you, but you just seemed so...okay. I mean before Dick pissed you off your voice echoed down the halls as you sang. Every time I passed you you were dancing. You baked cookies with Alfred every other day- I just... I'm sorry I couldn't read between the lines," he said wadding up the gauze and letting her wounds get some air.
"Tim, the singing and dancing and the fake smiles were meant to throw you off, there was no between the lines," she explained softly.
He didn't respond just continues to look at her cuts, the burn scars and what he was really hoping wasn't words carved into her skin, they were so faded they blended with the stretch mark but he was sure he could make out a few letters. Dick came back into the room alone, looking smug but his smile dropped when he saw her.
"Tim! You were supposed to watch her," he whisper shouted crossing the room and dropping to his knees on the bed.
"I did this before any of you got in here, one last hurrah," she laughed. Dick wasn't laughing, he'd found the letters too.
"What did these say?"
"Huh?"
"Don't play dumb, you have letters scared, what did they say?"
She yanked her shorts down and became invested in her cuticles turning her body away and getting ready to run. Dick sat down on the bed about a foot from her trying to give her a bit of space but all he did was give her an opening. She was up and out of reach with a quickness only a past robin could have but she'd underestimated them Dick was in her path and Tim was to her side blocking the bathroom door just as quick. With little to no deliberation she bolted for her balcony. Slamming the doors behind herself she all but leapt from the guard rail and scaled the vine covered lattice with ease. They were close behind and she had to really kick it into gear to run, zigzagging to avoid them.
"Hey, what the hell guys," Jason voice said from only a few feet from her.
"Shit," she said to herself, her shorter legs going as fast as they could, just a little further and she'd be off the property. Of course she was in slippers and her feet were getting soaked from the damp grass, she was just thankful she hadn't-shit she jinxed it, she fucking slipped, right before the damn gate too. Three annoyed vigilantes were dog piled on her before she could even begin to stand back up and fell flat on her stomach in defeat.
"Thanks for the workout," Jason groaned at her his body draped over her legs.
"I forgot how fast you were itty bitty bat," Dick said from his position on his knees next to her, one hand on her back to hold her down.
"Just where did you think you were gonna go," Tim asked, he was just straight up sitting on her like an annoying little brother showing off that he'd grown taller.
"Can I get up now?" They all eased up but before she could get her to her feet Jason tossed her over his shoulder in a fireman carry. His ass looked great in his sweatpants damnit.
"Hey," she shouted smacking his hip, he smacked the back of her thigh in response and she was disturbed to find she'd liked it.
"So what did we learn," Dick asked bending down to be eye level with her.
"That I need to spend more time on the treadmill."
(this entire time I keep picturing Tim off to the side sipping an iced coffee like he's watching a 3d movie)
The walk back to the manner took a little while and Jason was sure to give her a bumpy ride. Unfortunately he'd discovered after he'd tossed her on his shoulder she was in fact not wearing a bra. He could feet her nipples, which had hardened from the cold, against his back as she tried to cling to him for a less rough ride. if Dick was going to kill him before, he was going to make him dig his own grave now. Of course, he felt disgusted for the thoughts he had about his technically adopted sister, even more so with what he'd said to her. If Tim was right, and she loved him back he would die happy. Now though, he had to focus on making her happy.
Summary: the batfam's approach to Y/n self harming, Bruce is a meanie, and neglectful meanie
warnings: Angst, self harm (active), self hate, depression, anxiety, eating disorder,mentions of alcohol and drugs but not use of either, sexual assault mention, non-con mention, joker has bad touched y/n, puke, purging,
I do not own dc, kinda short sorry. Full bruce hate, I never forgave him for not killing the joker, among other things
Bruce, Dick, Tim, and Damian all sat around her while Alfred poured tea. Her leg was bouncing and her fingers were tapping on her knees.
"Somebody gonna fill me in," Bruce asked into the silence.
"I second that," Jason said.
"Well, we are here to support-" Tim started to say before Damian cut in.
"Y/n was cutting herself and you have to fix it," he said from his spot next to her. He latched himself onto her arm and rolled her sleeve up to show off the bandage.
"Y/n," Bruce said softly, running a hand down his face in exhaustion. He's too tired to put up with you.
"Why," Jason asked moving to sit next to her and grab her other hand. Tim was sitting on the back of the couch behind her, Dick was perched on the arm next to Damian and Bruce was across from her in an arm chair.
"I'm in a family of superheros that spends more time looking after strangers than they do their own people."
"Y/n," Dick said on a sigh.
"It's our job," Bruce said. Like that excused all the neglect.
"If you're just gonna undermine everything I say and bring up 'the mission' as an excuse for everything there's no point in having this conversation cuz it's just gonna make things worse," she seethed glaring at Bruce.
"No more work talk, just tell us about you," Dick said.
"Damian go help Alfred with dinner."
"But-"
"Go." He rolled his eyes but stomped out of the room.
"I've been cutting since Jason died-"
"Shit," Tim interrupted quietly.
"Burning too when I feel like it. Definitely have an eating disorder, depression goes without saying. All forms of anxiety, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, hmmm," she paused in mock thought looking to the ceiling for answers.
"What do you mean burning," Jason asked before she could continue.
"I use a lighter to heat up a blade, or something else metal and hold it to my skin. Just 1st and second degree, enough to blister. I prefer burning because the pain lasts longer," she explained casually. Stop talking you idiot!
"Y/n," Dick muttered, so sadly the guilt crept up her throat.
"How else do you hurt yourself," Bruce asked sliding her tea closer to her, like that helped.
"I think that's it, don't know I've done shit for so long I don't even think anymore. I blink and there's a few new cuts I don't remember making." Stop talking!
"Oh my god," Tim whispered.
"You black out? Do you drink," Jason accused, unwilling to ask about drugs.
"Nope, never touch the stuff." Where her hands shaking or was she imagining that? Didn't matter Jason's warm and rough hand enveloped both of hers to stop them. Are your eyes meant to get fuzzy when your crush touches you?
"What can we do to help, what do you need from us," Bruce asked eyeing their hands with a touch of unease?
"Oh, now you care. What fifteen, twenty kids later you care? I don't need or want anything from you, actually, no, what I want is my damn job back." Is your heart supposed to be at 150 BPM?
"Sweets, I can feel your heart through your finger tips."
"I'm fine, my heart rate's always a bit fast." But she was starting to sweat.
"Are you having any other systems, how often do you have anxiety attacks," Dicks asked sitting beside her to hold two fingers to her pulse and count.
"Once a week, once every two weeks, I don't know, why?"
"Do you feel like you're going into one?"
She took a deep breath and did a mental self-assessment. Fast heart, sweat, shaky hands, but clear thoughts.
"I don't-I don't...it doesn't feel like it? Maybe just heightened anxiety, I don't know, I feel more anger than anxiety," she told him smacking his hand away when he tried to check for a fever.
"Does your heart rate usually get to 160 when you're mad," Dick asked.
"Sounds right, I have anger issues." Jason snorted out a laugh.
"Welcome to the club kid." His hand moved to tug on her hair then dropped to her neck to rub circles with his thumb.
"When you call me kid it makes me feel small and useless," she told him with soft smile.
"Shit, sorry."
"I cal you kid, like ninety percent of the time," Dick panicked.
"Chill big bird, it's not gonna drive me to a cliff."
"You're not going back to work."
"Wayta' read the room, Bruce," Tim chastised dramatically draping himself over the back of the couch.
"Careful, Tim your fruit is showing," Y/n said, laughing at her own joke. ( Tim is bi in this)
"His what," Jason whisper yelled whipping his head around to check his brother fly. Dick who was 'hip' to the kids slang these days just laughed and high fived her.
"What's fruit then?"
"When someone is gay you call them fruity," she explained gesturing to Tim's totally not straight pose.
"Oh, got it. Wait a damn minute, that's what you meant when you called me a mango nerd the other day."
"Dude you said and I quote 'you can't wear that spring outfit with that fall purse you heathen' with a hand on your hip."
"It was for a benefit ball, I was trying to help you, you fashionably challenged fool."
"Get a room," Tim complained throwing a hand over his eyes like even watching them was painful.
"Was it that peach dress with the blue clutch," Dick asked, of course, he hadn't attended but he saw the papers and news.
"Sorry, I thought I was the girl in this family, let me just turn my closet over to you-"
"Can we get back to your issues," Bruce interrupted, freaking buzzkill.
"Sorry, was my bonding time with brothers I haven't seen together in over a month cutting into your plans. Are you trying to wrap this up so you can put on your Halloween costume and go beat up poor people. Sorry my depression is such an inconvenience for you. Don't worry, me slicing into my own flesh can take a backseat to your useless and selfish vendetta.-"
"That's enough, I do care-"
"Really! Did you care when your second robin got murdered and you couldn't be bothered to stop his killer, did you care when you forced me into that suit and took me out with basically no training? Did you care when the man you refused to kill took me hostage, when the devil you clearly love sank his claws into my innocent skin? Did you even ask when I came back to the cave with blood running down my legs-" Her jaw might have popped from the grinding of her teeth if Dick and Jason hadn't cut her off.
"What the actually fuck, Bruce!" Jason.
"What the hell!" Dick.
"I didn't know," Bruce said hanging his head and shoving his fingers into his hair.
"You didn't fucking ask. Why the hell else would I have come back looking the way I did, did you even notice I was gone?"
"I-"
"I don't care," she interrupted with an eye roll, shaking the boys off her to try and leave the room. Tim was faster and blocked her path but she knew he would cave, they would all give her alone time after the bombshell she'd just dropped. She tried not to smirk when Bruce moved to follow her and both Dick and Jason stood in his way.
"So not only did you fail to stop a kid from being murdered, you failed to tell me he was even dead until after his funeral, and you failed to protect her."
"I hate you," Jason said and they all knew he meant it. The guilt was back, clawing at her insides and making bile rise to her throat. They'd been mending their relationship and she just turned Jason on Bruce without thinking.
"I'm sorry," he tried.
"We don't care," Tim spoke for all of them stepping aside to let her through. She hurried to leave before they changed their mind but stopped short with a soft 'shit' when she nearly ran into Damian.
"You heard it all didn't you?"
"Father's an idiot."
"I'm sorry you had to hear that."
"Tt, I'm sorry you had to go through that, my beloved." (he calls her that cuz she's his favorite and acts almost as a mother figure)
"You mind telling Alfred not to set my place?"
"Of course."
Thank God, he didn't insist on following her. With a quick hug and hair ruffle she sent him off and nearly sprinted to her room, her trained feet not making a sound on the polished wood. They hadn't taken any of her blades yet so she had her pick for one last hurrah before they found her. With what could only be described as a quiet evil laugh she selected a simple pocket knife and skipped to her en suit locking the door behind her. her shorts were off in a flash and she had four quick and clean cuts in no time, the sting was ok but not enough to ease the guilt from blabbing her big mouth so she did a few more. The feeling didn't ease and her chest only got tighter in panic of being found so she cleaned and bandaged them then sank to her knees in front of the toilet. Pressing on her stomach right where her ribs met she was able to bring up her food without shoving her fingers down her throat. When nothing but foam came up and her eyes stung from tears she rose to clean up.
"Y/n, you have two second before I kick in the door," Jason warned. Well shit.
jason Todd who bought a jet tub while you were at work and strips your clothes off before you're even through the door. Jason Todd who insists he got the big tub for him to soothe his muscles. Jason Todd who cranks the jets to high and sits in the tub sideways with his legs crossed. Jason Todd who tells you he just wants to cuddle you to his chest. Jason Todd who sits you in front of him also with your knees crossed and oops, is there a jet in the perfect spot to hit your clit, he had no idea. Jason Todd who holds your hips down and legs open until you're seeing stars and so sensitive it starts to hurt. Jason Todd who praises you for being a good little test subject and lifts you out to dry you off just to lay you out on the bed and make you scream with his tongue. (if somebody writes a fic of this lmk so I can read please lol)
Summary:Y/n gets caught self harming by Damian, and Tim calls in some backup
A/N: I do not own dc booohooo ooc Tim, I don't spend much time watching/reading his robin sorry **^ so I can't remember if it's canon or from a fic but at this point who cares the storyline is all fucked so in this story I'm saying that Jason tried to call dick for help with his mom but dick was asleep/didn't pick up so Jay went alone and died, now Dick CAN NOT miss a phone call it sends him into a panic attack, thank you for coming to my trauma talk
ok so we all know the timeline is shit so this is the ages for this story only found it on a reddit post, fight me at dawn if you don't like it
Bruce Wayne (Batman) at 45
Barbara Gordon (Oracle) at 27
Dick Grayson (Nightwing) at 25
Jason Todd (Red Hood) at 22
Tim Drake (Red Robin) at 18
Damian Wayne (Robin) at 11
Y/n 21
not my gif^
(2 weeks ago)
"Y/n, you can't keep acting like a child you're twenty-one," Dick whisper shouted in the corner of the batcave.
"Dick, I'm not going to apologize for helping people-"
"You disobeyed a direct order. You could have been hurt, you can't be that kind of influence to Tim and Damian."
"You don't even live here, Dick, you can't just-"
"You're benched until further notice."
"You can't-"
"Benched," Bruce confirmed stepping over to them.
(1 week ago)
"Hey, Dick, do you have a sec," she asked into the phone then immediately bit firmly into her hand to hold back a sob.
"You're still benched," he said without remorse.
"That's not-you know what never mind." She hung up on him and threw the phone onto her bed heading to her en-suite bathroom to release the itch.
(present)
"Beloved! Beloved, look I-," Damian shouted with glee but cut himself off with a scream when he opened her unlocked bathroom door. He thought she was doing her face masks not...in the bathtub with blood dripping from her arms into pink bubble filled water.
"Damian wait," she called after his retreating form. Shit, shit. She hurried to drain the water and throw on her over sized t-shirt just managing to pull some boxers on when Damian burst back in with Tim, practically dragging him into the space.
"Damian what's the problem-"
"Fix her," he shouted with haste and was about to shove Tim into the room when he noticed y/n standing there looking fine.
"Damian, I'm ok, I promise," she tried to convince him softly. He looked from her to the tub, not even a drop of evidence in sight.
"No, you-I saw the blood. Tim she cut herself I saw it," he told the older boy trying to lunge for her arm but she side stepped him.
"Damian, give us a minute," Tim tried to gently shoo him away. Damian shook his head aggressively and latched himself onto her side, clinging to her like a koala. She combed her fingers through his hair and gently detangled him.
"Dami, Tim and I just need to have a quick chat, he's gonna fix me right up, aren't you, Tim," she asked, sending him a look that clearly gave direction.
"Yeah, kid, I'll take care of her, she'll be right as rain."
"You won't hurt yourself again?" He was giving her puppy eyes, looking his own age for once and it pulled on her heart strings.
"I won't," she agreed patting him on the head and crossing her fingers behind her back with the other hand. Damian gave her one last hug then hurried out of the room. There was an awkward silence as Tim stood blocking the doorway, his jaw ticking and toe nearly tapping.
"You know I have to tell."
"Please don't." She shook her head then grabbed the first aid kit beneath the sink.
"Let me," he said softly, taking it from her and getting out the supplies. When she set her arm on the counter for him to work he sucked in a breath. "Those are deep," he accused.
"I wasn't trying anything. I'm not stupid, just a heavy bleeder." She rolled her eyes where he couldn't see and hissed when he dumped alcohol on her arm.
"They almost need stitches."
"Butterfly stickers are fine," she said digging them out of the kit one handed.
"I at least have to tell Dick-"
"NO," she said so firm he actually stepped back to look at her.
"I have to tell someone, I can't watch you 24/7."
"I don't need babysat," she seethed.
"I can tell Bruce or I can tell Dick first. Either way you aren't doing this alone."
"I cant stop you?"
"Not a chance."
"Dick told me I needed to be a better influence for you. Sorry for fucking that up, but to be fair there's worse things about me. I tried to call him a week ago, I was feeling the um...the 'itch' so to speak but as soon as he picked up he told me I was still benched. I was so pissed that he immediately thought that's what I called for I told him never mind and hung up. You can't tell him that, after Jason you know he-"
"Hates missing phone calls," Tim finished for her. **^
Tim had every intention of telling him, he knew it would hurt but come on, she tried to get help. Of course she didn't ask anyone in the house, but he wasn't about to be offended she didn't ask the child or his newly adult self for help, and he sure as hell got the not wanting to tell Bruce.
"Why not Alfred?"
"Hmm?"
"Why didn't you go to Alfred for help."
"He deals with enough shit from the rest of you, coming in half dead each night."
"That doesn't mean you come second, and sure as hell not last, we love you."
"Yeah, well it doesn't feel like it most of the time." He was finished with her arm and she resisted the urge to yank it away from him. One of Jason's flannel was on a towel hook on the wall and she quickly put it on to hide the bandages.
"I'm gonna go make sure Dami's ok," she said gently moving him out of the way. The second she was gone he hurried back to his room for his phone, that he'd left on the charger and yanked the cord out. He hit speed dial 3, Dick's cell, and held the phone to his ear while he headed out on his balcony to totally not scale down the wall instead of taking the stairs. Dick picked up on the 4th ring with a tired sigh and a 'this better be good' Tim told him to wait a sec while he got way out of hearing range.
"Did Y/n call you last week?"
"Uh, yeah, why?"
"Did you jump her case and not give her a second to speak?"
"You sound a bit pissed timbers, cut to it and tell me what I did. I haven't slept in 37 and a half hours."
"And you call me an idiot," he snorted.
"Tick tock bro," Dick mumbled head already sinking into his pillow.
"She'd been cutting herself and she called you to ask for help, well, she didn't say that word, but she was calling to tell you what she'd been doing to herself," Tim stated with little to no remorse for the heart attack he'd just given his brother.
"She what," Dick shouted throwing off the blankets and grabbing his go bag.
"I assume you'll catch the next train?" The sound of Dick falling and cursing while he hopped into pants could be heard and Tim nodded and hung up. Thankfully because the author said so Dick had switched from his police job to a remote roll in Wayne industries he just stayed in Bludhaven to have his independence and not deal with Bruce more than he had to. Alfred insisted he come for monthly dinners and he did.
Tim went back inside to hunt for Y/n and Damian and found them having mugs of hot chocolate together on the kitchen counter.
"So, you're ok," Damian asked in a small voice using a stir stick to hold his marshmallows under the liquid.
"I told you, Tim fixed me, and he probably ran off to call Dick so he could come make double sure I'm ok. You don't need to worry, I promise I'll always be here to have hot cocoa with," she replied, crossing her heart and holding out her pinkie to him. He hooks his with hers and to her surprise continued to hold on, not moving to actually hold her hand but simply letting their hands rest on the counter pinkies linked. Not wanting to interrupt Tim quietly made his way back out, he still had some calls to make.
Jason picked didn't pick up on the first call, or the second but finally on the third he answered out of breath and with gunshots loud in the foreground.
"The hell dya' want," he all but shouted into the line dodging hits and getting in several of his own.
"Sorry, I'll call back later-"
"No, talk now, I got it under *way too loud thud* control."
"Just uh, get here as quick as you can, nobodies dying so-"
"Make it quick but don't freak, got it." And he hung up. Next was Bruce who surprise surprise didn't answer a call or text, so Tim left a message.
"Get off Selena and come help your kid," he said with more aggression than snark. (this doesn't feel at all like something Tim would say but i'm not familiar enough with his character to fix it)
This time when he went to the kitchen it was just Y/n on the counter Damian had gone who knows where.
"So who all did you tell?"
"Just Dick so far, he's on his way. Jason was in the middle of a fight so he's coming later but I didn't tell him and Bruce didn't pick up-"
"Shocker, dude nabs all these kids then can't be bothered to spend time with them outside of a Halloween costume," she scoffed rolling her eyes.
"You're not wrong but-"
"Oh, don't start Stan." She waved him off hopping down to wash the mugs not willing to leave them for Alfred.
Summary: Alex finds out her bf is red hood, after she spills some not so great secrets to the masked man while stitching him up.
Warnings: vaginismus, mentions of puke, angst duh, eating disorder, self harm, Jason 'forces' her to quit her job so he can better help her
A/N: I do not own dc boohoo. none edited this story is running away and i dont kniw what to do with it please send a dog catcher
"Baby, sweets," came his groggy voice from the bed before he registered what she was doing and he was behind her grabbing her hair.
The shame that overtook her when she woke up was enough to have her rushing to the bathroom to empty her stomach. Not only was she a freak for using the blade he'd given her, she was the freak who couldn't get off without her boyfriend putting on a mask. (never mind that she'd never had an hour of stimulation and over twenty minutes of a vibrator on her but in this state she couldn't think)
"Sorry, so not sexy," she said into the bowl. He laughed and handed her a washcloth for her mouth then used the hair tie from the sink to put her hair into the worst bun he'd ever seen. She brushed her teeth and pitched her toothbrush into the trash and turned to him with a light smile. He returned it lifting her up on the sink to wrap his arms around her.
"Feeling better?"
"Much."
"You getting sick or..."
"Would you be mad if I said it was nerves?"
"Nothing you do or say could make me mad. What's got you nervous?" His little head tilt cute enough to kill brain cells.
"You...I feel-I'm sorry, my head's not awake yet. Just awake enough for a panic induced pukey session," she mumbled rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands.
"Pukey?"
"I don't like the word *vomit*," she explained on a whisper. He nodded like it made all the sense in the world and filed that info away for later.
"Well do you want to go home and take a bathey?"
She snorted at his word choice and thunked her head into his chest, his arms coming up to wrap around her tighter.
"Yes I would love a bathey," she said into his bare chest. He gently eased her head up so he could spin around and offer her a piggy back ride.
"I'm too heavy-"
"Bullshit," he growled spinning faster than she could blink and caging her in," you're the most beautiful fucking thing on this planet and I won't let you think anything less if it's the last thing I do," he stated using a touch too much force to hold her jaw and force eye contact. He could feel her jaw tick like she was about to give him an ear full for the man handling but she surprised him by melting into the touch and closing her eyes.
"That was hot," she laughed at herself. His grip slackened and slid to her throat but she shook her head. "Not into that, big boy, sorry." His hand jerked back like she'd burned him and he held her waist instead.
"Sorry-"
"Dude, chill, this is how we learn, by talking. If I do something you don't like, tell me. I'm cool with the jaw, just no throat. Really I meant you getting all fired up about my self-esteem, that was hot."
It didn't take long to pack up and head out, making it back to her apartment. Jason ran her a bath with bubbles and candles and set up a small single step stool for himself to sit on. She eased into the hot water with a one piece swim suit on and he sat on his little stool and opening a book.
(good heavens where should this thing go??)
"You still need to show me your blade," he said with forced ease.
"Jason."
"Yes, love?"
"If I tell you something you have to promise not to beat yourself up over it."
"I promise." With his fingers crossed behind his back
"I've been using the knife you gave me. Not intentionally, it's just such a good knife, and-"
"The pocket knife with the replaceable razor blades?"
"Yes, but I'm careful-"
"Alex, what the fuck! Those are sharp as hell, you could, fucking shit, you could hit bone without much force. Shit babe." The first sentence was nearly yelled but the rest was a forced average tone and she sank into the water on instinct when he stood up and towered over her.
"I'm sorry," she whimpered closing her eyes. He tossed his book aside and scrubbed his hands over his face and through his hair multiple times muttering fuck fuck fuck again and again.
"One slip up and-fuck you could..." Her eyes were watering but she wasn't going to let herself cry.
"Jay, I'm sorry, I'll give it back-"
"You're on 24 hour watch. You're quitting your job and we are going to Bludhaven to stay with Dick. He can watch you when I'm out and we'll switch."
"Jason-"
"No, this is not up for debate. I let you go hoping you would come to me, and I know addiction is shit and is hard and I didn't want you to feel forced but dammit I won't fucking lose you over this. When is the lease up on this place?"
"Umm, next month," she whispered.
"Good, don't re-sign. I'll find us a place when you're better. Quit your job, no two weeks, I'll get you a better one."
"Jason Peter Todd, if you think for one damn second-"
"It's my job to take care of you. You are not going to be freeloading, you don't need to make money, I have more than enough and you damn well know it. I won't tell the feminists club." He sat back down and reached to grab both her hands in his.
"You haven't even asked Dick. How will he and Kory feel-"
"They aren't together right now, he'll be stoked to have you, scouts honor," he said using one of his hands to make the star trek 3 finger sign.
"You stole tires? How is that very scouty?"
"I never said boy scouts, baby I was in Gotham scouts, street addition."
"You're lucky I love you cuz your jokes are crap." He was about to say something when is phone rang and 'dickhead' lit up the screen.
"Yello," he said into the phone.
"Jay, any chance Red can stop and help a guy out, got this huge bust?"
"What a coinkydink, I was just about to call you. I'll be right back, babe," he said to her and left the room. She couldn't hear him so the bastard must have gone out to the hallway.
"What's up," Dick asked.
"Alex isn't doing too well. I know you're still pissed about the alley-"
"Dude, so last season, old news."
"Didn't realize I was talking to a chick, could you put my brother back on the phone?"
"So Alex..."
"Anyway, I can't watch her close enough, and she's not being careful when she hurts herself-"
"What the fuck man, you're still letting her do that. Why does she even have anything sharp?"
"I didn't want her to feel forced into anything, she's an adult she would just go buy more. I was hoping the show of trust would help bring her out of her shell and at least tell me after she does it. She's using the knife I gave her, those interchangeable razor blade ones-"
"Shit, the one you cut that guy down to the bone with?"
"Yeah, obviously I gave it to her way before I knew what she was doing."
"So what do you need from me?"
"A spare bedroom, I don't know how long, but I'll help with your bust and-"
"As long as she needs."
"Dick?"
"Yeah, Jaybird?"
"I love you, you're a good big brother, even though you missed my funeral," he added so the words didn't feel as heavy on his tongue.
"Dude, I didn't even know-wait a damn minute what did you just say?"
"Clean your ears old man I ain't sayin' in again."
"Love you too, little bird. Tell Alex I said thanks for teaching you nice words." Jason rolled his eyes and hung up to go check on Alex. She was out of the tub and in one of his t-shirts sitting on the edge of the bed picking at her cuticles.
"Hi."
"Hi, I uh, I figured you'd wanna ya know check my...wounds, so I didn't bother with clothes," she said to the floor.
"I told Dick I loved him and he was a good brother."
"You did," she said with pride, her eyes snapping to his.
"Yeah, he said thanks for teaching me nice words." she nodded with a soft smile but it didn't last long as she laid back on the bed and bunched the shirt up to just under her breasts. No makeup no bandages and her ribs were shredded.
"Oh, baby," he said crossing the room in a few long strides. He put one knee on the bed to lean over her and run his finger over the cuts.
"These almost needed stitches."
"I know," she responded, jaw ticking.
"I love you, love you, love you," he repeated kissing each mark.
Unedited***Also I swear Tumblr is messing up my spelling on purpose cuz everytime I re-read something I know I fixed it's wrong again
Alex: short, curvy, red hair, green eyes, redheads go through pain meds way faster than normal people to the point I personally don't even take them, it's a joke, they last 30 min at best
Summary: Alex finds out her bf is red hood, after she spills some not so great secrets to the masked man while stitching him up.
Warnings: Vaginismus* angst, sexual assault, self-harm, depression, drug use by Alex, violence, cursing, NSFW, self-hate, insecurities, eating disorder, weight loss, smut smuttety smut, oral fem rec', over stimulation, Jason being a horny bastard, Jason is the best at oral get in line to fight me on that. This part written with a little bluetooth keyboard so sorry for typos
A/N: I do not own dc booho
This part is purely smut;)
Fuck it, he thought knowing damn well she was changing the subject. But she was right, her cuts were fine, well not fine, but not at risk of infection and not much deeper than a scratch so he was willing to put off the talk.
"Jay," she whispered into his mouth.
"Tell me you want this, tell me with words, you want me to make you feel good and you aren't just faking it so I stop asking questions." Her eyes looked past him at the bed and she bit her lip before nodding.
"I want this," she said still not looking at him.
"Damn it, Alex," he released her wrists to scrub a hand through his hair.
"I want this," she said again, looking him in the eye this time.
"And what is this?"
"Jason Peter Todd, I want you to make me feel good. I want your hands on me, and it's only partly as a distraction," she said with a smile.
"We're still gonna talk." She nodded and yanked on his shirt to pull his lips back to hers. She was trying to go for hot and quick but he forced her to slow down, the gentle caress of his lips against hers all but screaming 'I love you' and she tried to portray that back.
He was going to humor her so he carried her over the bed and tossed her a bit harder than necessary so she would bounce then he spun around to grab his domino mask.
"This enough for now," he asked stripping off his shirt and tossing it to the foot of the bed. Her brain actually blanked at the sight, Jason, in his mask, shirtless with low slung grey sweatpants. When she didn't answer he lifted a brow and she lifted a hand to her mouth to check for drool.
"Sorry, it's just-you're so. Fuck that shouldn't be so hot," she all but purred when he smirked at her.
"Red Hood at your service ma'am, and I do mean service." He was still standing by the bed almost like he was-
"Wait you want me to..."
"Order me around a bit," he confirmed. This was gonna end her.
"Umm, I don't..." she trailed off, she couldn't do this, she was all talk.
"Take your time."
"Can you just, um, I wanna be on top," she said with so much uncertainty he almost called it off. He obliged and was on the bed rolling her on top of him. She leaned with her hands on his chest and kissed him. A nice kiss if she said so herself. She worked her way across his face, over each freckle and scar spending extra time on the 'j'. He hummed in content not doing more then rubbing his thumbs over her hips. She kissed down his neck and chest giggling, fucking giggling when he gasped as she bit down on a nipple.
"Not so fun on the other side," she chided.
"By all means, bite me as you see fit," he said with a smirk. So she did and the bastard moaned. Into biting, she could work with that. His abs were given some thorough attention and then she was sinking her teeth into one of his hips much as he'd done to her many times.
"Fuck, sweets!" His hips lifted off the bed and she pushed him back down with more strength than he thought she had.
"Stay," she ordered in a voice that had his pulse raising. He shook his head dumbly and she smiled so sweet at him before sucking a hickey into his other hip. He hissed but stayed still. She hooked a finger in the waistband of his sweats and pulled them down an inch or so to inspect her handy work.
"So pretty," she said with a sigh. "Up and off please," she demanded releasing the band with a snap. He gave a mock salute and rolled her off to stand and shuck off his pants, he put his thumbs on his boxers and looked her way for orders. She visibly gulped and he saw a spark of fear in her eyes so he gave a little runway model walk, turning and striking a pose to get her to laugh before flying back onto the bed.
She crawled back over him and ran her hands over his thighs.
"It's honestly fucked up the way I feel about these," she said squeezing the solid muscle.
"Thigh kink."
"I feel about your thighs the way you feel about my 'everything'." She was gonna leave some pretty marks on them, ya know for him to look at later. He'd started to respond when she actually bit him, not a love bite to suck a hickey no she bit, hard.
"Wo, there vampy, I gotta walk around-"
"I want people to know, I want people to see you and know you belong to me. You can mark me too, make sure everyone knows I'm yours," she purred moving to straddle one of his thighs. "Want them to know who this pussy belong to," she said with a roll of her hips.
"Fuck," he muttered unable to say much else at the visual.
"Want everyone to know who's ass this is." She pinched his hip. "Who's dick." She circled his hard on with a well manicured nail. "My pretty boy, just for me, only for me."
the sound he made was pathetic to his own ears, a mewl of desperation as he bucked his hips to get her to move. In retaliation she wrapped her hand over him though his boxer, her small hands not able to make it all the way around him. She didn't move just applied pressure and 'tisked' when he tried to buck again.
"I'm in charge and right now I'm riding your thigh, you get nothing." Maybe she could do this, the power was going to her head, among other places.
"You're liking this too much," he accused and flipped her to be under him. "Red hood is gonna have to move this along." He kissed her before she could bitch about the change and slid a hand into her sleep shorts and panties to circle her clit. In the words of Doja Cat he 'played with it 'till his middle fingers were cramped up' and then switched hands.
"Jason," she said with a pitiful whine. It'd been at least twenty minutes of none stop stimulation and she was getting nowhere, even the visual of the helmet wasn't helping.
"Shh, I got you, baby." He 'booped' her nose in place of a kiss and rolled off the bed to grab one of the toys. He spread her legs and held them open with his shoulders then he gathered some of her slick on the red vibrator and circled her clit on the lowest setting.
"More," she begged and he pushed the button for a faster setting
"So pretty for me." He kept at it easier with the toy doing the work for him and the coil in her stomach was dangerously tight.
"Pleas-pleas-I..."
"What do you need, sweets?"
"I don't know," she whimpered near tears. He sank his middle finger in just up to the second knuckle and the mix of pleasure and pain finally sent her over the edge. He had to hold back a shout of triumph as she clamped down on him both with her legs and pulsing pussy. He kept circling the vibe intent drawing it out as long as he could if not sending her into a second.
"Fuck fuck fuck," she said louder than he'd heard her be trying to shift away from him.
"No, I don't think so. Red hood wants to see that again, fuck so pretty for me," he chided turning the setting up again. The sound that left her wasn't human to her own ears but he only chuckled and held her firmly to the mattress. One large forearm secure over her stomach while the other worked the toy. A minute later she was cumming again and tears poured from her eyes at the release after trying for so long. Pleased with himself he switched the vibe off and she breathed a sigh of relief that quickly turned to a whine when he sealed his lips around her.
"Think you can give me another?" He knew she couldn't but he never got to taste her and he wasn't wasting a second.
"Jay-J em, I can't..."
"Sure you can, just one more," he commanded softly easing a finger into her all the way.
"It doesn't hurt," she gasped in joy.
"Never gonna hurt you again, sweets," he confirmed with a soft kiss to her clit. He played with her for another twenty minutes, just soft licks and kisses between sucking on her and sealing his mouth completely over her. His finger never moved inside of her, giving her as much time to adjust as she needed.
Finally when she was so boneless she hadn't so much as twitched at his touches he crawled up her body to kiss her, hot and wet until she thought she might pass out.
"So, you like me more than your boyfriend," he accused with a smirk.
"Shu-shut up," she struggled between gasps too weak to shove him off.
"Don't worry, he won't hold it against ya."
"M'glad, wanna sleep now."
"I'll get you cleaned up then you can take a nap."
