gender: confused

25, it/its, they/them, he/him minors dni please I beg you, I will block you

[the-blinding-neon-lights]

So I guess I'll start where any normal person would and make an introduction post

My name is Neon and I am a 26 year old trans masc and I like to make things! I post writing and writing concepts for things I can't quite make into a whole story. I have an AO3 account (because of course I do) where I post some of my longer stories, maybe I'll actually remember to link those someday. I also post stuff about my Jewish conversion journey and my chronic illness journey too. Sometimes i'll vent and rant about shit too if that takes your fancy

DNI: minors, terfs, phobes, antisemites, racists. i am so ready to block anyone and i will so just don't

As for nsfw things, I write a lot of not safe for work concepts and stories and sometimes I write things that are extra dark and fucked up but any and all content I post will be appropriately CW'ed here and on AO3 as well.

As for boundaries, you're welcome to share and interact with my posts as long as you're 18+. Just don't immediately jump in calling me pet names or honorifics right out the gate.

Links:

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

damn i guess there really is only one link i'm comfortable sharing on here XD

[godpup]

uh oh

[lookmomnouterus]

I might be transmasc but I am NOT A MAN.

I might take testosterone but that does not make me a man.

I might grow facial hair and wear feminine clothes, this does not make me a feminine man.

I might get a deeper voice and body hair and sometimes wear makeup, this doesn’t make me a feminine trans male.

This also doesn’t make me any less transsexual. I am not cissexual for refusing to identify as a man (because I’m not one)

Why are so many other trans people obsessed with reminding me that they see me as a man or that I *must* live as a cisgender man does otherwise I’m transphobic for implying a transmasc isn’t a man?

I have to call myself “transmasc” while kicking and screaming because too many people can’t tell which direction I’m transitioning in and they feel entitled to know what I was assigned as. Being called a man is genuinely dysphoric

[avpdvoidspace]

Having a traumatic childhood means you cannot talk even objectively about your basic foundational experiences without it being "venting", even if you're not actually venting. You just straight up have a huge chunk of your life you can't talk about, full stop, without it being trauma dumping.

And it not being socially acceptable to talk about your own childhood is super alienating. Sometimes people want to know why, and any answer you can give them is going to be off putting.

It's to the point I get irritated when something I said is framed as venting when I'm literally just talking about my life experiences, doing my best to keep emotion out of it.

[savouryduck]

when I was in high school, I overheard two older students talking about a friend of theirs.

One of them said something like, "it doesn't bother me that [Friend] was in residential mental health treatment, I just wish they wouldn't talk about it ALL the time".

The other replied, "Well, that was all of last year for them. So when they say 'when I was in treatment,' it's like when you say 'last year'."

I try to remember that any time someone says something that sounds Shocking to me. sometimes one person's scary special crisis is another person's last year.

[wherethewildcatsare]

If you want to be accepting of mental illness, you need to accept the fact that some people's everyday lives are going to be terrifying to you. That doesn't mean they don't get to talk about it. Stop forcing hurt, isolated people to become even MORE hurt and isolated because you can't fathom toughening up a bit.

[bewbin]

LETS BRING BACK 1337 SPEAK 

[bewbin]

why do i even try 

[bunney]

I THoUGHT YOU MEANT THE YEAR

[esoanem]

my l0rd, t3h p34s4nt5 4r3 r3v01t1ng! W3 mu5t s411y f0rth 4g41n5t th3m 4thw1th!

[addamatic]

Happy ten years of being so old no one knows what 1337 is

[dragon-in-a-fez]

it is like talking to a fucking g3n13 with you people

[the-blinding-neon-lights]

It feels so strange being an adult that mostly experienced Tumblr as a kid through Facebook pages that reposted Tumblr stuff and then finally getting a Tumblr as an adult (I know guys, sorry I missed the boat a little) and seeing all of these legacy posts I only experienced through other social medias

I feel like I'm walking through the worlds weirdest museum sometimes.

Or that feeling you get when you finally see the piece of media that that one specific meme is from.

[the-blinding-neon-lights]

Me and handler are so quantumly entangled it's a little scary sometimes.

Like sure there's the saying the same thing at the same time thing we got going on. But even for close friends I feel like that's a typical thing if you have the same kinda vibe.

But recently I'll do this thing when handler is on a long drive. I'll open our tracking app and while handlers location is loading I'll look on the map roughly where I think handler has got to by this point.

And I'm almost always in the right place.

Sometimes I open the app at the EXACT point handler gets into the radius of home.

Being so entangled with another being can feel a little scary at times but it just makes me long for the time I get to finally be in handlers arms even more.

[intheholler]

[freeusefox]

The three types of kinks

[mypronounsarehehehaha]

[pillowspace]

Sometimes my brain does what I call a split second mental “refresh” which leads to me abruptly getting disoriented and going “ah! I just had a refresh.” It is unclear what to make of this because I made the term up

[pillowspace]

It’s so normal probably maybe potentially

[pillowspace]

[lunar-flower]

Having many, many normal thoughts about being a muzzle-bound hound for a Handler

[wintymute]

Hey are you okay? You’ve been fantasizing about being institutionally abused and dehumanized while hooked up to an iv drip of enough drugs to permanently prevent you from reassociating and having all responsibility taken away from you by a mean lesbian who doesn’t care about your autonomy, again.

[bebsi-cola]

disabled people are often in permacrisis

[bebsi-cola]

there's never enough money each month. there's always an unexpected illness. new symptoms pop up or old symptoms flare up. meds have to be managed always and refilled constantly and any refill has the opportunity to go wrong. any regular care has the opportunity to go wrong. any mistake can send your health spiralling. it's always "i just need to get through this bad patch" but as soon as one ends another begins. another crisis begins in the middle of the last crisis. managing one thing leaves another thing to be neglected until that becomes a major issue and has to be managed asap and the cycle starts anew over and over and over

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

via prev

[torsnach]

Fool me once I kill myself on the spot

[infertilityidol]

it's always "why do you pace so much" and never "how was the pacing was the pacing fun"

[goldensunset]

[palehorror]

Subby boys are kind of like pigeons because they’re technically wild, but if you find one you like, you can just pick it up and put it in a cage and it probably won’t fight back that hard

[thememedaddy]

[a-friend-of-mara]

Honestly I'm just kinda going with it. Thought I'd be dead by now. Just gonna keep going and assume things will work out. They have before, it got better. It will get better again.