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transmasc butch with endometriosis - focused on centering transfems while not erasing transmascs in transfeminism

[transfemme-shelterdog]

Some of you here are legitimately transmisogynistic, and that's not okay. You can't expect your sisters to support you and your cause when you proverbially slice our Achilles' tendons in order to stand on our backs.

Fix yourselves, else you're going to lose the little support you already have from transfems on this site.

Just because some shitty transfems did something shitty does not mean you're allowed to lump all of us together and force us to answer for, atone for, and face retribution for, the transandrophobia of others.

Being transmisogynistic isn't the way to fight transandrophobia, especially when you're aiming it at transfems and trans women who did nothing wrong and fully support you.

[lookmomnouterus]

Can someone please tell me who is centering trans men in any of this?

Focusing on transfems and transfemicide is important and should be our primary focus. However ignoring transmasc murder and erasure doesn’t help with that. I’d even go as far to say that the murder and erasure of transmasculine people in records of their murder is a form of femicide, too. At least that’s the intention of it. It’s to mislabel the trans man as a woman in order to erase his transness and add him to the list of cisgender femicide

I feel like we continue to ignore the elephant in the room with this. Transphobes don’t care

[thesinisterspinster]

And the elephant in the room is the observable sex that everyone can see and that transwomen per capita are at less danger of being murdered than women.

[lookmomnouterus]

I don’t accept TERFs on my page or trying to endorse anything I say.

I’m talking about trans people. Not cis people

Don’t get distracted.

[lookmomnouterus]

I wish more transfems understood the real reason why transmascs often get labeled as transfem by transphobes.

It isn’t just transmisogyny.

It’s a combination of that and transmasculine erasure. Not invisibility. Erasure. We are only seen if we are trans in a specific way, and oftentimes because transfems are the persona of a trans person in many transphobes heads, we end up getting told we are transfem or treated that way. Even when we try to explain it. Do you think transphobes are rational people?

[penatola]

Yea, i do think the people who oppress us are rational. They are not bumbling idiots who accidentally harm us and so we should never read into it. There's a system set up that our oppressors uphold.

Anyways, the fact we are the main focus? Is? Trans-misogyny? Don't get the point here..

[lookmomnouterus]

The point I’m making is that it isn’t JUST transmisogyny at play when transphobes don’t understand what a transmasc is.

They aren’t bumbling idiots but they ARE willfully ignorant. They CHOOSE to be bumbling idiots when it comes to trans people. You expect them to care about the difference between a trans woman and a trans man? That’s why I asked that. They truly do not care and if you don’t notice that its likely because you’ve never had to try and explain that you are a trans man to a transphobe.

Their focus is transfems because that’s what the media told them to focus on and transmisogyny is the reason for that media focus. The willful ignorance surrounding transmascs is due to their frequent erasure by both the community and society at large. They don’t see us as “true” trans people, they see us as confused butch lesbians. This erasure leaks into our harm stats, where we are labeled as women who got hate crimed for being women instead of transgender.

None of this is said to diminish the fact that transfems are the focus of transphobes and they keep it that way because of their willful ignorance. They don’t care to learn about “all that nonsense” and you’re an enemy to them regardless of their perception of you, even if they mistake you for a trans woman.

Also my entire profile is focusing on transfems while trying to also acknowledge the struggles of transmascs simultaneously. I don’t think you have to ignore what transmascs deal with in order to center transfeminine people

[tboy-cock]

This is a weird ask, but I've been feeling isolated on tumblr as a transfem who isn't wrapped up in a lot of the bullshit other specific popular transfems do. And when I look up things like #transfem vent, #transfem support. And all I've gotten is shit from isff adjacent blogs who hate trans men or from blogs with TME/TMA. So often I'll go onto trans masculine people's blogs and make asks of me venting about being a transfem in the closet in a attempt to gain support from people I agree with. And is that a bad thing to do? Am I erasing their struggles by screaming into their asks and making them address out of sympathy how I struggle. I feel like a fucking loser.

youre not doing anything wrong. first and foremost we are a community and we need to have each others backs. im sorry that trfs have made transfem-specific spaces unsafe for you, thats not fair

if you want advice, its a good idea to just have trans friends in general. like trans people in your life that you can talk or vent to if you need. i have a group chat with some other trans guys in my area and its great to talk to people who understand my experiences as a trans man and who i feel comfortable with. you dont only need to make friends with transfem people of course, i have a lot of transfem friends as well and im married to a transfem person, so it doesnt always matter what gender your friends are because we are a community (also having friends who are different from you is also as important as having friends similar to you. making friends with people of marginalized groups outside your own is a really good way to end up not being as bigotted as you could be otherwise) but like. having trans friends as a trans person is so important. and im not saying this in a "you will only be safe with other trans people, cis people are bad" kinda way, but it is important to have trans friends when you're trans

[lookmomnouterus]

I wish more transfems understood the real reason why transmascs often get labeled as transfem by transphobes.

It isn’t just transmisogyny.

It’s a combination of that and transmasculine erasure. Not invisibility. Erasure. We are only seen if we are trans in a specific way, and oftentimes because transfems are the persona of a trans person in many transphobes heads, we end up getting told we are transfem or treated that way. Even when we try to explain it. Do you think transphobes are rational people?

[fox-faggot]

cis men aren't oppressed for being cis men. Trans men, however, whose manhood is dependent on intersecting with them being transgender—

[lookmomnouterus]

The irony here is blinding for transmascs.

Are trans women not women?

When we say “women and AFAB people” do we not also mean trans women? Should we not just assume that given the word “women” is there? Trans women are women.

New transfeminist idea: when you see anyone talk about having been AFAB, assume the worst, always.

The irony behind this is the claim that trans women are being excluded when in actuality the post is trying to INCLUDE transmascs and trans men. They are a type of man uniquely impacted by systemic misogyny. Trans women are not meant to be excluded here and I’m tired of transfeminists assuming everyone wants to exclude trans women all of the time whenever they make an attempt to include transmascs and trans men.

Maybe, this time, it’s an attempt to include people who aren’t women but are still victims to the patriarchy. Who would’ve thought

(and if they were to actually critique this genuinely it would be on the basis of excluding nonbinary transfems; but no the assumption is that the word “woman” here doesn’t refer to trans women specifically. I’ve come to discover that some of these people hate nonbinary transfems, too)

[lookmomnouterus]

Can someone please tell me who is centering trans men in any of this?

Focusing on transfems and transfemicide is important and should be our primary focus. However ignoring transmasc murder and erasure doesn’t help with that. I’d even go as far to say that the murder and erasure of transmasculine people in records of their murder is a form of femicide, too. At least that’s the intention of it. It’s to mislabel the trans man as a woman in order to erase his transness and add him to the list of cisgender femicide

I feel like we continue to ignore the elephant in the room with this. Transphobes don’t care

[misogyny-affected]

does your sentence about “tme” people make sense if you replace “tme” with “cis men” (who should by definition be included under it)?

if it doesn’t, it’s even more clear that “tme” just means trans masculine

[lookmomnouterus]

I don’t think all cis men are TERFs. Hmm

[the-consistent-anti]

I'm going to explain the whole TMA/TME dichotomy and why I fucking hate it, because I feel like this isn't talked about enough.

TMA stands for "Trans-Misogyny Affected" and it refers to trans women. This term is sometimes used to shut down conversations about oppression that are not related to transmisogyny.

TME stands for "Trans-Misogyny Exempt" and it refers to people who are not trans women. Very frequently, I see it used to shut down trans men in particular, with the implication that because they are not affected by transmisogyny, that means they aren't as oppressed.

Lots of people reading this already see the problem, but I'll spell it out in case it's not obvious; It's stupid because it's a perfect binary dichotomy with no nuance.

It's a kick in the teeth to cis women who don't fit typical white feminine standards of beauty. Very often, black cis women are victims of transmisogyny despite not actually being trans.

It's a kick in the teeth to trans men who have transitioned a little bit, but who are victims of transmisogyny because bigots are stupid and think all trans people are the same. This happens to intersex people too, often because they have mixed gender signifiers (they have breasts AND a beard, for example).

It's a kick in the teeth to, frankly, anyone else who is oppressed despite not being part of that group; Straight kids who had a rumor spread about them that they're gay, so they faced homophobic bullying. White people who appear to be other races because they're tan or because they have monolids, so they face the brunt of racist hate crimes. Logic dictates that transphobic rhetoric is used against people who are not actually trans too.

This is why I made that post that's like, "Maybe you guys should just go back and learn like...regular basic misogyny." because these baddael wannabes on tungl dot hell think for some reason that misogyny can't affect trans men anymore just because they came out as men, as if AFAB people aren't oppressed for like a million different reasons even in the west which is supposed to be "Better."

I would have no problem with "TMA/TME" if it wasn't just literally the gender binary Woke Edition™, but that's how it's used, and frankly, I'm sick of strict binaries with an us vs them mentality. That is just straight-up terf logic, and that's probably why most trans women are also against that sentiment, even if they still use TMA/TME for other reasons (thank you btw ladies, I appreciate you).

In conclusion, I don't see the use of these terms as inherently suspicious, but the way most people use them, it's just another way to divide communities that have more in common than not, who should really be banding together to fight oppression rather than arguing about who is the "most oppressed," which is a waste of time at best.

Disclaimer; I know trans men can actually be transmisogynistic and I know transmisogyny is a big deal against trans women. That's just not what this post is about.

[folly-of-alexandria]

After 4 years of looking at this shit I can now confidently say that the trans men and other transmascs who buy into transandrophobia come in two flavors:

1) Those who would have absolutely been the types to attend Michfest and would act as if trans women were being unreasonable on calling them out on it.

2) The exact same type of man who as a member of a minority feels emasculated by their oppression and takes this to mean they don't have any male privileges and take out this frustration on women within their own minority group (this is something that can be found in all groups of minority men and is not unique to trans men)

[lookmomnouterus]

3) The large percentage of transmascs who have dealt with medical misogyny and transphobia intersecting thanks to under researched female-based diseases (endometriosis, PCOS) and don’t want to ignore that reality in favor of pretending like they don’t experience that sort of intersection due to the systems that oppress their birth assignment.

If you’re part of this third group, I see you. You’re not alone

[fragglesystem]

maybe i'm not a "transandrobro" because i'm an incel. maybe i'm a "transandrobro" because of the $1500 bill i received after getting an IUD because i had the wrong letter representing me in my insurance records. maybe i'm a "transandrobro" because even while passing, i was still feminine enough to be actually hatecrimed while being called a faggot. maybe i'm a a "transandrobro" because my chronic illness story closely mirrors that of cis women with my same condition—being disbelieved, told it's "just anxiety", sent around to doctor after doctor and none of them fucking listen, because they see you as hysterical the moment they realize you have a vagina.

or, yeah. it could be because i'm an incel. let's go with that

[shrimpmasc]

on "misgendering yourself"

often, as trans men (and trans mascs, though this post will just say "trans men" for the sake of simplicity), we end up "misgendering ourselves" when seeking healthcare. not because we are not really trans, or because we're secretly attached to actually being women (whatever that means), but because we have to.

ob/gyn offices are often referred to as womens health centers. i am not a woman. am i allowed to call myself a man in these spaces? it certainly doesn't feel like it. am i then "misgendering myself" because i need a pap smear?

are my friends trying to get care for their PCOS or endometriosis "misgendering themselves" because the doctors they need to see and the resources they need to use are calling their conditions "womens health"?

is a man with an unwanted pregnancy "misgendering himself" when he walks into an abortion clinic? when he fights for his right to have that abortion?

is it "misgendering yourself" to need things society has decided are Women Only, even though you are a man? is it "misgendering yourself" to talk about how you need those things and therefore should be able to access them?

if your answer to any of these questions is "yes" then please, reevaluate: where do you think the desire to "misgender ourselves" is coming from?

i do put "misgendering yourself" in quotes on purpose, i don't agree that it's possible to meaningfully misgender yourself in contexts like this. i might "misgender myself" in these situations because otherwise, i will not get the healthcare that i need. is my "misgendering myself" therefore indicative of a lack of "true" trans identity, that i'm not really a man, or is it indicative of the way larger society does not believe men can need pap smears or endo care or abortions?

are we the ones saying that we aren't men in these situations, or is it healthcare providers?

anyways. trans men with "womens" health issues, i see you and i love you, i wish so badly that we did not have to do this song and dance to get healthcare. having to "misgender yourself" because its the only way to get in at the gynecologist is not a wavering in your trans identity, it's you trying to get care you need in a society that believes that care is exclusive to women.

[str-ngeloop]

Hey, I'm a clocky trans woman who's under-employed and working thru an environmental science master's degree without support from the institution. I will probably be employed by the end of this month but May rent plus food and junk is still gonna be pretty rough.

I know shit's hard for everyone but if anyone happens to feel like they wanna contribute to the survival fund of ya girl my venmo's @str-ngeloop . your support helps me keep making weird overintellectualized posts.

[str-ngeloop]

if you like the way i think you should consider tossing some money my way -- as far as i can tell, one of the best cognitive enhancer nootropics is plenty of nutritious food and stable shelter

[str-ngeloop]

Update: I have a paypal here, if you can't use venmo :

paypal.me/EllieJ594

[phosphorusab]

This is the average response perisex trans men and mascs get when they try to advocate for their trans specific uterine reproductive rights

If your response to a trans man talking about his experience of being a trans person with a uterus is ‘this is offensive to trans women because they are dysphoric for not having been born with a uterus’ or ‘one day, trans women will be able to get someone else’s uterus inside them and have kids that way, so your problems aren’t important’ You Are A Misogynist, Full Stop

This is just misogyny to me in the same way a cis woman who can’t give birth feels entitled to someone else’s fetus. You’re not entitled to anyone else’s uterus - people like this like to thump ‘it’s basic feminism’ over our heads until the conversation is about reproductive rights for trans people born with uteri

This person is genuinely resentful that trans men and mascs because they were born with uteri and they weren’t. So for the sake of “solidarity”, we should ignore material reality of trans people born with uteri, because maybe one day science fiction could become a reality? Some trans people’s sufferings must be endured quietly so we can spare the other trans people’s feelings?

Am I the only person who thinks that’s completely insane and inappropriate?

[lookmomnouterus]

Not having a uterus is a privilege.

- a person who no longer has a uterus

[raingardening]

i think there is a phenomenon where sometimes a trans person will go “hmm. i am treated as a man when it is convenient for others, and a woman when it is convenient for others, and often as a freakish third thing excluded from the advantages of both. surely, because of the gender binary, the Other Type of trans person experiences the opposite: they reap the benefits of maleness and femaleness at once.” like babes no they can do it twice

[sapphic-boy]

"You dont have to be androgynous! There's no one way to look nonbinary" okay cool but I wanna look androgynous

"But you dont have to!" But I want to, I want help on how to look more androgynous

"Ummm theres no one way to look nonbinary, you dont have to be androgynous :/ you cant ask about how to look androgynous,,, you dont need to be androgynous,,," okay well now it just sounds like you have an issue with androgynous people