ENTP

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[funkymbtifiction]

What's the difference between 3w2 and 3w4?? I'm an enneagram 3 (typed by a close friend based on your description) trying to settle on her wing.

When considering wings, you should look at the numbers separately and then consider what they reinforce or take away from the main type. Then you have to self-reflect to figure out your motivation and if that is “true of me.”

Basically, the 2 believes it has the knowledge to help other people solve their problems and likes to generate dependencies as a way to hold power over others. 2s are helpful because it gets them something (love, respect, honor, praise, approval) and because they know they can solve someone else’s problems. They have a strong sense of confidence, in that regard, because you have to esteem your own abilities to think you are worthy of love -- the 2 knows they are, so they tackle things firm in their understanding of what they can and cannot accomplish. This means the 3w2 is self-assured, but also wants more people to like them than just a few; how they do that, is by providing others with opportunities and/or seeking to become what the situation ‘needs.’ This of course changes somewhat with the social stacking, so make sure you know yours for your core 3 and then look at the 2 stacking that matches (if you are so/sp, you have to be so/sp 2 also, not just sp/so 3).

The 4 meanwhile has a lot of self-loathing, self-doubt, and envy issues, which manifest in constantly comparing oneself to other people and one coming out on the “losing” end. They are more insecure than 2s, and do not think they deserve love, so they shy away from it more. The 4 learns to develop a persona of ‘being unique’ to cope with their feeling of being born damaged or different or ‘not normal.’ Often, they turn this into a form of arrogance to conceal their insecurity -- people enjoy that, but I can’t find happiness in it, so they must have ‘common tastes’ whereas mine are clearly superior, because I am not easily pleased! With a 3 attached, this means the 3w4 is more insecure, more easily inclined to self-compare to others, and to nurture feelings of insecurity, doubt, and worry about not being ‘enough.’ Unlike the 2 wing moving outward into the world for reassurance through becoming popular, famous, or necessary, the 4 wing may withdraw and become moody, introspective, or work on getting to ‘know’ myself, since the 4 believes in self-awareness. As always, read the 4 post and the matching stacking order to your core to know for sure.

The 3w2 is more easily able to reach out, but less self-aware; the 3w4 is more snobby and moody, but also willing to self-reflect and shift toward growth.

- ENFP Mod

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Typing the STJs

I decided that, fun as it is to be extremely shady about how bad everyone is at typing STJs, I’d like to clear up those stereotypes so that you stop typing every screaming middle manager or emotionally closed-off father as an STJ.

Note that this is about average STJs. Unhealthy types can do all kinds of messed up stuff - regardless of what their type is.

High Si users are pragmatic and high Te users are also pragmatic so STJs are extremely pragmatic. If it doesn’t work in real life, then it’s perfectly fine as a story or an intellectual exercise, but it’s not a plan.

Relatedly, STJs accept reality. They may not like a particular change, but they are not going to pretend like it didn’t happen.

STJs want things to work. If something is ‘how we’ve always done it’ and circumstances have changed, then STJs will want the thing to change along with the circumstances! If it’s ‘how we’ve always done it’ and it’s never been a great idea to begin with, then change it! When STJs who are not unhealthy push back on a plan to change things, it’s often not because they mind change; it’s because they don’t think the new plan is better.

STJs typically work within the system. See the previous post; some of this comes from familiarity, and some of this comes from realism: truly external disruption is the exception, not the rule. Changing a bad policy from within through the existing process is slow but often more likely to take hold than disobeying it, which often puts the other side on the defensive and causes them to double down on the bad idea.

STJs are more interested in what must be done than the entire backstory. They want enough context to understand why something should be done, but if someone needs to explain or know how every little piece in a vast system fits together…that’s Ti, not Te. Te users want what’s relevant and then can fill in the rest later if it becomes relevant.

STJs are not particularly sentimental. Te is arguably the least sentimental of functions, and high Si appreciates the past as a source of information - not a place they necessarily want to stay forever. Sentimentality is more associated with the use of low Si, and/or high feeling functions.

STJs like things to be predictable, which is not the same as familiar. They can handle a new scenario provided they feel prepared from old scenarios. As such they aren’t great with the completely unexpected and spontaneous, but a simple heads-up is often sufficient. Refusal to leave one’s comfort zone is a sign of low health in general, not any specific type (also, one’s comfort zone is a highly individual thing; refusing to learn how to make small talk is an example of staying in one’s comfort zone).

Similarly, routine and organization is a highly individual thing. Someone who goes to bed at 9 pm is just a morning person, not necessarily an STJ (though see the next point).

STJs are typically very good at understanding their own limits - physical, knowledge, etc. As a result they are unlikely to stay up for days on end or go without eating not just because of routine, but also because they know they’ll be ineffective and unhappy.

Most STJs tend to value integrity and reliability very highly and at times have these things heavily tied to their identity (low Fi). As such, they tend to be pretty intolerant of flakiness in others.

[spooks-typology]

The Enneagram, Simplified

Below is a simplified overview of the Enneagram types and their wings, useful for introducing people to the theory objectively – I tried my best to keep all descriptions unbiased and to-the-point. They should be okay to print, too, depending on the formatting. Translations into other languages are available in the notes. With that out of the way, the rest is below the cut!

Keep reading

[infj-mbti]

Can you describe what each loop looks/acts like, please?

ISTJ Si-Fi loop: An ISTJ in a Si-Fi loop will replay past events, usually traumatic ones, and relive these past experiences in their head and then wallow in their negative feelings. They compare new or present situations to negative memories and assume that every situation is going to go badly, interpreting how the situation is going to impact them personally. They have difficulty putting their ideas into actual action, lose their ability to reason logically in a situation.

ISFJ Si-Ti loop: An ISFJ in a Si-Ti loop will replay past events, usually traumatic ones, and relive these past experiences in their head.They will also try to come to a logical reasoning for why these things happened, and overanalyze the situation. However, they would not be able to come to a conclusion and would instead become stuck in this loop of recalling memories and analyzing them. In addition, they lose some of their ability to interact with the outer world in a healthy way, and instead withdraw into themselves and neglecting to talk over their feelings with others in their life.

INFJ Ni-Ti loop: An INFJ in an Ni-Ti loop attempts to suppress their emotional side, shutting themselves off from others and becoming unable to share their feelings with those around them. They will become extremely withdrawn and private, attempting to become analytical and logical without employing their feeling side. They will attempt to view everything in a logical light while shutting off their tendency to consider things in the light of the feelings and values of those around them. In addition, they will repress their feelings.

INTJ Ni-Fi loop: An INTJ in an Ni-Fi loop overanalyzes everything in their life and wallows in their negative feelings. They overthink their emotions and become very focused on what they want in life. They project how every situation is going to go, usually assuming the worst, and how the situation is going to impact them personally. They have difficulty putting their ideas into actual action, lose their ability to reason logically in a situation, become overwhelmed by their inner experience of emotions, and stew in their negative feelings. They obsessively think about their own emotions, values, and beliefs towards morality and life, but in a very negative way that often lands them in a depressive state.

ISTP Ti-Ni loop: An ISTP in a Ti-Ni loop overanalyze situations, getting stuck in their head and find themselves unable to act on any of their beliefs. They may become convinced that they are completely right and know best in any situation, also becoming overly anxious in situations and mentally pick them apart in an attempt to understand them. They will also become overly worried about the long term implications of an action or the underlying meaning beyond what they see on the surface, and have trouble acting in the moment.

ISFP Fi-Ni loop: An ISFP in a Fi-Ni loop overanalyze situations, getting stuck in their head and find themselves unable to act on any of their beliefs. They will wallow in their feelings and overanalyze situations, also becoming overly anxious in situations. They will also become overly worried about the long term implications of an action and have trouble acting in the moment, worrying about whatever future emotional repercussions will result from actions. They will read into things past what is on the surface and come to negative conclusions which result in negative emotions, which they then stew in.

INFP Fi-Si loop: An INFP in a Fi-Si loop will get stuck on negative past events and begin to overplay them, reliving their emotions in the situations. They will stew in these emotions and become unable to look to the future. They will become withdrawn, and unexcited about the prospective of new ideas and possibilities, instead fearing that these negative situations will replay themselves.

INTP Ti-Si loop: An INTP in a Ti-Si loop will get stuck on negative past events and begin to overplay them, analyzing why things happened the way they did. In addition, they can use their sense of logic to come up with negative beliefs about the world and use their Si to provide past experiences that reinforce these ideas. They will become withdrawn, and unexcited about the prospective of new ideas and possibilities.

ESTP Se-Fe loop: An ESTP in an Se-Fe loop is going to be very impulsive, reckless, and want to do adventurous things for the sake of getting external validation from those around them. They will become very concerned with what others think about them and want to spend all of their energy impressing those around them. They almost cater to the desires of those around them and lose their ability to think independently and logically.

ESFP Se-Te loop: An ESFP in an Se-Te loop becomes overly concerned with “doing” all of the time, unable to let themselves stop to take a break. They become forceful, aggressive, insistent upon taking action whether or not it hurts those around them or fulfills their inner sense of duty. They dismiss their necessary stage of stopping to reflect on whether their choices are in line with their values, instead shutting off this voice and focusing on outward manifestations of logic and planning.

ENFP Ne-Te loop: An ENFP in an Ne-Te loop comes up with a million possibilities and tries to put these all into action without taking time to consider their personal values or opinions on the matter. They become very externally driven, wanting external validation and recognition. They also become outwardly hardened, trying to compensate for their usual lighthearted and sensitive demeanor.

ENTP Ne-Fe loop: An ENTP in an Ne-Fe loop would imagine a bunch of negative future scenarios and lose sight of reality as they fail to apply logic to their unrealistic beliefs. In addition, they become extremely sensitive to others’ opinions of them and are extremely concerned with being accepted by those around them and feeling disliked.

ESTJ Te-Ne loop: An ESTJ in an Ne-Te loop comes up with a million possibilities and tries to put these all into action without taking time to consider what is realistic, or consider structures or past lessons that would guide them. They become very externally driven, wanting external validation and recognition. They will become unable to settle and focus on a single plan, instead becoming stressed out as they are pulled in a million different directions.

ESFJ Fe-Ne loop: An ESFJ in an Ne-Fe loop will go to any lengths to please those around them, without being able to consider what is realistic or within their own principles, or consider structures or past lessons that would guide them. They will become stressed out as they are pulled in a million different directions, attempting to please everyone else.

ENFJ Fe-Se loop: An ENFJ in an Fe-Se loop seeks external validation and pours themselves into others without being able to consider their personal feelings or take time to consider themselves. They become particularly sensitive to others’ view of them and their image, obsessing over ways to bolster this image through material goods and sensory experiences. They over-socialize and look to fulfill their short term impulses and desires.

ENTJ Te-Se loop: An ENTJ in a Te-Se loop becomes power hunger, grabbing at anything that can bolster their image or control without considering the sensibility behind these actions, obsessing over ways to bolster this image through material goods and sensory experiences. They become overly concerned with “doing” all of the time, unable to let themselves stop to take a break. They become forceful, aggressive, insistent upon taking action whether or not it hurts those around them.

[funkymbtifiction]

Healthy / Unhealthy Heart Triad:

Pulled off PersonalityCafe. Saw no cited source. (Know it? Tell me.)

Enneagram 2

At their best: radiant altruism, selfless empathy, appreciative nurturing.

Mid-levels: sentiment, intrusive intimacy, sanctimonious vainglory.

At their worst: manipulative blame, coercive hysteria, parasitic victimization.

Healthy 2w1: find their true calling involves helping others grow, often children. They become able to help themselves as wisely and lovingly as they help others. They enjoy watching people find their calling, accepting the delightful differences among us. Sevenish joy from one’s integration combines with fourish depth and empathy from the integration of two. The result is tolerant, patient celebration of growth and diversity. Advanced 2w1s have deep love and inspired wisdom. They are especially good at helping those who in the most desperate situations. They plunge boldly into terrifying scenes to bring forth glorious hope, love, and healing. Usually it is the least self-sufficient who benefit the most from their endless charity.

Unhealthy 2w1: lose the ability to sense their own needs, and become more likely to speak their negative judgments of others. Their increasing self-criticism usually gets repressed, because the vainglory of the two is more powerful than the one’s guilt. Their inner conflict is as dangerous and powerful as the 1w2, but less visible because it is heavily repressed by self-deception. When two goes to eight, violence erupts. In the name of love, manipulation turns into physical coercion. Self-deception reaches amazing levels as destructive acts are rationalized into hard love. Fourish guilt is submerged and converted into further denial. I am doing this for your own good, and it hurts me more than it hurts you. In the end, “loving confrontations” may generate such hatred and fear in others that they may become the target of violence, as well as the origin.

Healthy 2w3: get beyond the immediate desire to please. Pride and image-consciousness drop away and they experience real, heartfelt love. They no longer need the constant reassurance of someone else’s admiring gratitude. Two integrates to four, opening up new realms of creative expression, while three goes to six, bringing in a deeper appreciation of the value of belonging to a real community of friends. They become genuine, loving companions. Someone whose generosity is so continuous and so genuine it seems an inseparable part of the personality. Never is there the tiniest hint anything is expected in return – advanced 2w3’s become so good at giving, the recipient never finds out where the help came from (or even that it has happened). Generosity comes through them, not from them.

Unhealthy 2w3: less able to restrain repressed desires. In a misguided attempt to get others to meet their (unspoken) needs, they manufacture more and more imaginary needs to fill for others. Their intrusive, self-satisfied help causes others to move away. 2w3 may hide the resulting loneliness and anger behind an outwardly carefree appearance, but others can see the hypocrisy involved. They may break down under the stress. Suddenly the truth pops out from under the increasingly strained wrappings of self-delusion, and in a desperate effort to paste over the uncomfortable vision, they may fly into an eightish homicidal hysteria or sink into nineish psychotic withdrawal. The repressed feelings of a lifetime might spew out in days or weeks. Relationships that have lasted for years might be discarded like used tissue.

Enneagram 3

At their best: genuine acceptance, poised assurance, motivated confidence.

Mid-levels: competitive diplomacy, efficient expedience, self-promoting narcissism.

At their worst: opportunistic scheming, deceptive sabotage, relentless monomania.

Healthy 3w2: loses the false polish and becomes more real. The vanity of three turns into genuine self-observation, and the seductive pride of two turns into humility. Friendly and personable people whose natural social skills help others feel comfortable. They find a new kind of pleasure at playing without always having to win, although they still choose to be competitive when it’s appropriate. Genuine feelings emerge and are given expression as two integrates to four, while three going to six provides a sense of belonging that builds powerful bonds of friendship. Further 3w2 integration leads to an astonishing ability to generate enthusiastic optimism and self-confidence in others. Usually an expert motivational speaker, often taking advantage of that skill. The uplifting message is delivered with style and power, zooming to the heart of the listener, where the magic of positive thinking can begin. Unhealthy 3w2: become trapped by the vain desire to be admired and attractive. They hide behind their false emotional facade. Trying ever harder to show the emotional states they think others think they should show, they get further out of touch with whatever real emotions they are ignoring. The anger and pushiness from the two-wing’s disintegration to eight combine with the three’s nineish emotional deadening, for an annoying hostile self-promotion. Eightish anger at the world is the only emotion strong enough to penetrate the cotton wall of nineish deadness. They might commit horrible atrocities in a peculiar, zombielike state. A façade of niceness that covers a veneer of cruelty. See who brought you to ruin! I am the one.

Healthy 3w4: gentle, compassionate, and effective. When three integrates to six and four integrates to one, a new sense of social responsibility combines with the wisdom of emotional equanimity. Effective at accomplishing real-world goals and intuitive good advisers. Quiet self-assurance with deep emotional insight into other people’s experiences. Good at spreading confidence and optimism among team members. Wherever they go they leave behind a feeling of deep connection and belonging.

Unhealthy 3w4: hides loss of self-worth behind a veneer of artificial coolness. If the success-orientation of the three becomes too compulsive, and the fourish introspection gets out of hand, 3w4s lose their genuineness. They become less socially adept, and manipulative, as their fourish self-dislike leads to a twoish desire to reinforce self-image by “helping” others. The resulting self-deceptive pride is hidden behind emotional deadening as three pulls in the worst of nine. Such people can be difficult to like, because of the way they constantly remind themselves and others of their accomplishments. Capable of great atrocities just like 3w2, except that due to the greater self-examination of the four-wing, such crimes are more likely isolated cases. Can be self-destructive as all the normal rules of social conduct are abandoned in an attempt to generate attention of any kind from others.

Enneagram 4

At their best: inspired originality, self-aware intuition, subtle humanity

Mid-levels: symbolic drama, withdrawn melancholy, self-indulgent disdain.

At their worst: desolate confusion, guilt-ridden torment, suicidal despair.

Healthy 4w3: finds the peace of equanimity. When four integrates to one and three integrates to six, deep compassionate wisdom is augmented by a feeling of brotherhood and belonging. Reaches a point where comfort is possible without being tormented by a desire others recognize their special uniqueness. Gives sensitive, unselfish understanding to others who are feeling emotional difficulty. Tremendous emotional integrity. Others feel they are being heard, but not judged. An equal and a teacher, a sympathetic listener and a disciplined advisor. Real transformations happen in the lives of those who tell their stories to them. People become powerfully motivated to find real meaning in their lives.

Unhealthy 4w3: swings through wild emotional cycles. As fourish emotionality gets more out of control, bringing in the selfish expectations of special treatment of the unhealthy two, the three-wing’s nineish tendencies cause a split within the psyche. The more intensely the dramatized pseudo-emotions are felt, the less in touch the 4w3 becomes with the real, honest feelings underneath. The dramatic emotions become more and more staged and false. In the unhealthy extreme, there is little actual contact with real feelings, despite the possibly awe-inspiring intensity of outward expression. All the theatrical emotionality is a fearful cover for an inner emptiness that will not go away. Extremely unHealthy 4w3 has become so attached to the outward expression of the false emotions that the real feelings are overwhelmed and drowned out. The conviction of being hopelessly flawed may lead to desperate attempts to end it all in some dramatic, attention-grabbing way.

Healthy 4w5: lightens up. The five-wing’s integration to eight adds solidity and strength, while the integration of four to one provides clear judgment and rationality. Begin to escape from the obsessive, dark, inner view, looking more outward into the world. There they find new connections with others, to their surprise. They discover they have been loving people all along, although they may not have known it. The realization love has been present all along strengthens into an unquenchable thirst for deeper inner connections with an inner source of meaning. These connections are strengthened by loving compassion for other humans. A gentle, strong, deeply passionate teacher. Keen observations of the subtle states of others provide a miraculous ability to elicit powerful, transforming feelings.

Unhealthy 4w5: can move into the extreme withdrawal of depression, then into dark impulsiveness. Deeply troubled by feelings of utter worthlessness and extreme isolation, may look for opportunities to perform degrading, menial tasks, rationalizing that they deserve such a fate. Servility and self-abasement provide a kind of barely-adequate, temporary relief from the constant torment of self-hatred. As life becomes less tolerable, suicide becomes increasingly likely, and may be done in a gruesome way. Extremely dark, horrifying inner imaginings are welcomed and encouraged. The whole world, both inner and outer, is seen as grotesquely diseased and utterly without redeeming qualities. 4w5 Hell is a place of unimaginable ugliness, populated by those deformed, psychotic monsters, the human race. Revels in hopelessness and despair.

[enneagramthreeambitions]

Personality Style Three: The Effective Person

Core Value Tendency: THREES are attracted to and value efficiency, industriousness, and competence. They want to be productive persons, seeking to make the world a more efficient place to live in. Bringing projects to completion, accomplishing goals, working effectively is what life is about. The cosmos is an orderly harmonious system and THREES work to keep it running smoothly.

Adaptive Cognitive Schema: Hope is the principle and attitude THREES have to keep them living in the real world. Hope believes the cosmos works effectively within and according to its own laws. It will continue to run smoothly even when THREES are not working. Entropy won’t occur the instant THREES take time off. The most effective way to function is in harmony with these natural, personal, and social norms and processes.

Adaptive Emotional Schema: The state that accompanies THREES objective paradigm is truthfulness, the acceptance and expression of their inner self as it actually is without covering, exaggerating, or marketing it with external images, roles, and personas. THREES remain true to themselves and their commitments vs assuming whatever appearance they believe will make them look successful in the eyes of others.

Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: THREES have a natural organizational ability, easily assessing a situation, setting goals, and working efficiently and single mindedly toward them. They know how to get things done. They are optimistic, enthusiastic, and self confident. THREES are motivated and motivating. Being good salespeople, they intuitively know how to present themselves and their product. They can translate ideas into workable saleable systems. They are good team people and effective managers. They are pragmatic and can compromise to get projects on line and accomplished. They have the ability to sense what others want and expect from them and can adapt to fit that image thereby winning people over to their side.

Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When THREES exaggerate their efficient qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am successful. To compensate for their maladaptive belief that they are failures and will be rejected, they become over-programmed, overly efficient, and can become workaholics.

Maladaptive Emotional Schema: Perceiving themselves as successful entrepreneurs, THREES believe they are above normal protocols and are not constrained by the laws and conventions that others live by. They deceive themselves and others into believing how successful they are. Their energy goes into their image, their public self, and the persona they think others want them to be. Over identifying with their roles and projects, they convince themselves this is who they really are.

Maladaptive Behavioral Schemas: Perceiving the world as disorganized, and presenting themselves as efficiency experts, THREES become workaholics, falling into Type A behavior, driven to succeed and climb the ladder of status and prestige. It’s hard for THREES to stay with their own feelings, desires, and preferences. It’s important to them to look good not to feel good. Work takes precedence over self. It’s conflictual for THREES to do something unpopular, to espouse values that get unfavorable audience response. They are pragmatists. The end justifies the means. If it works, it’s good.

What is Avoided: Since they strive to be successful, THREES avoid failure. They don’t undertake projects unless they sense they can complete them. Their motto is: In life there are no failures, only learning experiences.

Defensive Maneuvers: THREES avoid failure by identification with their successful image, role, and projects. They change appearances, careers, interests in a chameleon-like manner to keep up with whatever image is currently popular.

Childhood Development: THREES got approval for their achievements. Their worth derived from what they did instead of from who they were. Performance and image were rewarded in place of personal disclosure and emotional connections with others. Looking good, getting ahead, being successful were emphasized in their family. Being adaptable helped them survive. Assuming the role and persona others wanted them to be increased their recognition, status, and prestige.

Non-Resourceful State: When THREES are under stress, they do more of the same, that is, they become more efficient and organized, work more frenetically, take on more projects, are on the go more, shake more hands, and advertise themselves more. When this doesn’t work, they turn off their smooth running machine and stop. Doubting, numbing, neglecting themselves, avoiding responsibilities, and resigning themselves to failure, they go from exertion to exhaustion. They drop out and turn off. In this depressed state, their belief is their efforts don’t matter, so what’s the difference, why bother.

Resourceful State: When THREES are in a resourceful relaxed state, they get in touch with their inner feelings, preferences, and desires. They are honest and resist changing themselves to manipulate others. They show their true colors. They are loyal to themselves and to their values. They stay with what they believe in vs switching to what is popular. They are also loyal to others. They are trustworthy as well as competent. This combination makes them good leaders. They cooperate with others vs compete with them. They trust that others will get things done in their own way and in their own time. They embrace failure as a natural part of life. This loosens the hold of their image and helps them connect with their true self and with others. Now able to say to themselves I am loyal, I do what I ought to do, they believe they are acceptable as themselves. I am therefore I am active replaces I perform and produce therefore I am O.K.

Introduction to the Enneagram Spectrum of Personality Styles, by Jerome Wagner, Ph.D

Link to website: x

[asinskare]

Fi

so i’ve been thinking about this a bunch lately. when people compare Fi and Fe they often state the “morals vs ethics view” and that could be true to a certain extent. but, as opposed to Fi, Fe gets these lengthy descriptions of why it is not that simple. and i thought i’d give a different view of Fi too and explain what it does and what it is actually good for. 

because Fi will not necessarily manifest in strong morals, in my opinion. that’s why i for a very long time couldn’t see myself as a Fi user - i don’t really have a moral code because i have no need for one. instead what Fi does is constantly evaluate “what is better?” this is why immature Fi will frequently develop as the sort of extremely black and white thinking that can be often seen here. because immature Fi users will have a sense of this is not better, therefore it’s wrong and should be avoided at all costs (and if the Trusted Sources™ say it’s bad then it becomes officially the worst thing on the planet. this is how circle-jerk prone sites like this one can lead to extreme Fi). 

but a mature or at least a somewhat healthy Fi will be able to recognise that not all outcomes that are not better are bad and not all actions that are not better are bad. sometimes actions are complicated or have motivations behind them that will justify some “bad” actions. and bad here does not necessarily mean bad for society. soc-blind Fi probably could not care less for what’s good or bad for society and even for me, who’s a soc-dom, caring for society’s desires is a rarity when i make the vast majority of my “better or worse” judgements. what i care about is if it is consistent with what i consider better or worse for me. i have some notion of what i want my life to be and the majority of my decisions concern that. so i will make choices that appear better for my preferred way of life. 

so what Fi gives an insight for me is what decisions i feel will lead to the most optimal consequences. those optimal consequences will be different for every Fi user (it is a subjective function after all) and for me it is how to reach a point where i can work on stuff i love so all of my value judgements will be with that goal in mind, for others it may be grander - a world with no discrimination. but the point is - Fi does not have to be moral.

i hope this is consistent with how other Fi users experience the world so uh hmu and tell me and otherwise hope it’s shown something to those who are not Fi users and don’t understand the inner workings. 

[wovus]

Karen Horney & The Relational Theory

•Who the Hell was this Douche?•

Karen Danielson Horney (1885 - 1952) was an female german psychiatrist who, contrary to the original “orthodox” psychanalists in her period, theorized and researched the origins of mental disorders not as originted from the conflict between sexual desires and social repression (a moronic hypothesis, let’s be honest), but instead, considering the origins of those distress were result of bad nurturing and parental conflict during the childhood (a more realistic aproach ffs). She also had the insigth to understand the cultural, social and enveriomental influences on the development of the psyche and the origins of mental disorders.

Having a rare opportunity for the woman in her decade, she was able to attend an college and graduate in medicine in the University of Freiburg at 1911 (age 26). After moving to Berlin, she became a psychoanalytic patient to a disciple of Freud, Karl Abraham, and with time she developed interest over the field, becoming a specialist and recieving her degree in 1915. She lectured on the Freudian Theory while her own challenges to the theory brewed on her mind.

In 1932, escaping the hostile professional environment in Germany due to her (already more stabilished) criticism over the stagnant views of the Freudian psychoanalysis, she moved to USA where her career and research would develop more on the following years till the end of her life.

•What were her ideas?•

To explain personality and the diseases the mind has, Horney focused mainly on understanding the effects of the relationship of the young human and their nurturers have on the development of the little one.

The child is highly dependent on their nurturers not only for physiological needs and survival, but also for psychological security.

1)Basic Anxiety and Basic Hostility

When psychological safety is not garanted and the infant is exposed to less-than-ideal circumstances, the child feels extremely vulnerable generating a feeling that Horney called as basic anxiety, which she defined as “the feeling of isolation and helplessness in an potentially hostile world”.

Parental neglect and rejection also make the child angry thowards the supposed nurturers (and also the world), this feeling, named basic hostility by Horney, adds even more anxiety to the kid’s burden: conflicted between expressing this hostility and be punished by doing so or holding it to themselves and accept the harsh situation they live on.

All of this generates stress for the infant: in one hand they need their parents’ care and wants to be noticed by them but, on the other hand, the neglect makes them frustrated and they want to “punish” and show hostility to their nurturers.

2)The Three Interpersonal Orientations

The young one then has to take a stance and find a solution for this distress. Horney pointed out that in the end, one of three ways of dealing with the anxiety happens as the child makes their stance: either them contain their hostility and appeal to have love and attention from their nurturers and peers (Self-Effacing Solution), or they express their hostility to relief the stress and trying to harness power and mastery over the world and whatever may harm them (Expansive Solution) or they seek isolation from the world and try to grow as independent as possible for themselves(Resignation Solution).

I)Self-Effacing Solution/moving towards people - The Compliant Personality & The Appeal of Love

This stance is focused on the seek of support and affection while minimizing selfish needs that could interfere with being loved and accepted.

The strategy that this personality lives by is summed up by the motto: “if you love me, you won’t hurt me”. Characterized by an overall submissive attitude, they tend to give in to others to avoid being rejected and hurt.

On unhealthy neurotic states, this personality is self-depreciating and practices constant martyrdom, feeling that everyone else is better than them and falling into extreme abusive relationships.

morbid dependency: the need for a partner (friend, lover, spouse);

“poor little me”: feeling of being weak and helpless;

Self-subordination: assumption that others are superior;

martyrdom: sacrifice and suffering for others;

Need for love: desire to find self worth in a relationship.

Altruism → “I like to help others”;

Need for relationships → “I feel better when I’m in a relationship”;

Self-Abasement → “I’m self sacrificing”.

II)Expansive Solution/moving against people - The Agressive Personality & The Appeal of Mastery

These people adopt an stance of emphasizing the mastery of skills and power they have over the others, which is actually an struggle to have protection over the vulnerability of being helpless on the world.

An strategy that may be summed up by the motto “If I’ve power no one can hurt me”, the appeal for having power can come through less subtle ways of affirming domination or more quiet ways through competitive mastery.

narcissistic: in love with idealized self-image;

perfectionistic: high standards;

arrogant-vindictive: pride and strength;

need to be right: obsession w/ wining a fight or a competition;

need for recognition: to be admired;

Malevolence → “The weak make me angry”;

Power → “I like to be on command”;

Strength → “I test myself in fearful situations to make myself stronger”.

III)Resignation/moving away from people - The Detached Personality & The Appeal of Freedom

If the attempts of connecting to the nurturers and the world fails and the child is rejected and pushed away, it ends giving up and starts seeking solitude by themselves, running away from the dependency & need of recognition from the others.

Giving up on solving the problem of basic anxiety through love or power, these people withdraw to avoid the conflict completely, seemely living by the motto “If I withdraw, nothing can hurt me”.

In lookout for freedom and self-sufficiency, detached types develop considerable resourcefulness and independence.

persistent resignation and lack of striving: the aversion to effort and change;

rebelious against constraints or influences: the desire for freedom;

shallow living: an onlooker at self and life, detached from emotional experiences and wishes;

self-sufficient and independent: uninvolved with people;

need for privacy: keep looking others outside the magic circle of self.

Need for Aloness → “I prefer to be alone”;

Avoidance → “I avoid questions about my personal life”;

Self-Sufficiency → “I don’t really need people”.

IV)Healthy Vs Neurotic Interpersonal Orientations

According to Horney, a healthy person adopts, when appropriate, any of the three orientations towards people because each is adaptative in certain situations. Harmonic interpersonal relationships are important source of life satisfaction and being able to change approaches to multiple interactions is how you achieve that.

Each of those solutions is accordingly applied when the human is Healthy: taking initiative when needed to expose opinion, being kind when needs empathy and affection, backing off when too stressed over a problem.

The unhealthy neurotic, opposingly, will only choose to take one stance towards any conflict or interaction, unable to build rich relationships with people or have a constructive life.

3)Defense Mechanisms

To resolve of the conflict between helplessness and hostility by the neurotic is given through the adoption of “defense mechanisms” by the individual: unconscious processes that the mind adopt to deal with anxiety and that, in unhealthy neurotic personalities, work on deny, manipulate or distorting reality.

Whilst healthy individuals use healthy defense methods to cope with anxiety and life, an unhealthy person will adopt often harmful cooping methods that don’t solve the conflict nor lead to growth as an individual.

Horney classified four main defense mechanisms on her theory, besides other minors ones, those being:

I)Eclipsing the conflict

-moving towards or against others

Firstly, the neurotic may try to enclipse part of the conflict between helplessness and hostility by denying one side and rising the opposite in favor. This is the adoption of one of the interpersonal orientations previously described: by eclipsing hostility or helplessness, the person chooses to move towards or against people (respectively).

II)Detachment

-moving away from others

Moving away from others and detaching themselves from the anxiety and people is the second adjustment strategy. This happens because of the nature of the problem: it’s of interpersonal origin, therefore moving away from people immediately reduces the experience of the conflict.

III)The idealized self

-moving away from the real self

To Horney, the core of someone’s personality is characterized by the potential of growth and being unique, the real self.

The neurotic, unable to cope with deficiencies, having lost touch with the real self and striving for achieving something seemingly better, it generates an imagined idealized self, which, supposedly, is how one can solve the neurotic conflict.

The idealized may become the basis for intense striving, and the constant struggle to achieve and fulfill the demands of the idealized self takes people further away from the real self. Those strives and demands, and the struggle to live up to the idealized self’s image is what Horney called of →The Tyranny of the Shoulds←.

The inner demands urge us to become closer to the idealized self but increase alienation from the real self. This “perfectionism” causes people to strive for high ideals and, even if it may produce high performance sometimes required when working, the cost may be more stress and dissatisfaction towards life.

Horney states that the solution to this defense mechanism’s fault is the return to the real self and their imperfections: recognition of what you truly are and working on solving the imperfections instead of adopting more behaviors to cover them up should lead to growth of the real self again.

IV)Externalization

-projection of the inner conflict

This adjustment strategy involves the projection of the inner conflict on external elements and, therefore, shifting blame the individual’s own faults to external unrelated factors. The projection of the neurotic’s own unacceptable tendencies for the idealized self are instead perceived as someone else’s characteristics.

Externalization may also not only restrain to characteristics, but also involve feelings such as oppression, rejection and worthlessness, for example: someone with intense feelings of being worthless to themselves might instead express it as thinking they’re instead, worthless to others and that others are unable to see worth in them, but in fact, it’s the own person who is unable to see worth in themselves and put as source of it the others.

Neurotics often externalize feelings of self-contempt, either by thinking that others despise them (projection of the impulse) or by despising others (displacement of the object of contempt). Compliant types usually externalize the first way while Aggressive types externalize the in the second form.

All these four attempts at resolve occur in all neurosis, according to Horney, although not with equal strength. The neurotics attempt to create an artificial harmony instead of actually solving the problem.

4)Cultural Determinants of Development

Take the fact that different cultures through the world and ages have different values and concepts: Confucian infused Asian cultures may present higher valuing of close family ties than other western cultures; conservative countries might consider openness to sexuality and libidinous behavior something object of shame, whereas less strict cultures consider it a normal subject without shame; gender roles in older eras of humanity (and sadly in many places still) were more restrictive to each sex and femininity/masculinity were “defined” roles people should fit according to their sex, but in modern ages, through many struggles for a change in mindset, gender roles get weaker in society and culture.

Horney noticed those discrepancies and variety of values throughout human civilization. She understood that “there’s no such thing as normal psychology that holds for all mankind”. In contrast to Freud’s description of universal psycho-dynamics, for Horney, every form of neurosis is result of different social-cultural conditions where the individual is inserted.

Horney was a severe critic of Freud’s theory on a sore spot on his faulty ideas: the idea of gender roles.

Freud diminished completely the idea of social influence in the determination of the roles of each gender and, like a moron, believed that it was completely of biological influence how each sex partakes activities in society and relationships and excusing the blame of his extreme machismo on biology and anatomy of the female/male body.

Horney tried to understand where biology stops and anthropology begins. Culture defines the accepted masculine and feminine roles in a society, not the chromosomes and the physiology of the brain (which is originally gender neutral, in fact).

Horney also pointed out one of the lead cross-cultural differences: the valuing of individual goals and achievement, individualism, & the valuing of cooperative work and group goals, collectivism. According to her, Western cultures of European origin presented more individualistic tendencies while Eastern Confucian cultures, for example, showed more collectivist values. This influenced the stance a neurotic would take, being aggressive in the West, as an example, would be seen as normal more frequently whereas in the East, Compliance is more normalized.

•Her Methods of Therapy•

Her emphasis on the role of culture in the development of neurosis, Horney opened the door for realizing that the therapist, too, is influenced by culture, bringing assumptions and bias to the understanding of their clients.

Therapy must analyze the entire personality. For her, no quick interventions focused solely on specific symptoms would actually solve neurosis or any psychological problem. She stated that the treatment of any psychological problem should be continuous as quick interventions or one session treatments would never actually help the patient to develop healthy mechanisms to cope with their lives and solve their problems.

The therapist, for her, must uncover the unconscious strategies the patient has been using to deal with neurotic conflict. These have implications for interpersonal relationships, self image, and the perception of the world. Then the detailed implications of these strategies for living are explored with the patient. These insights, supposedly, provide guidance for building new less neurotic ways of resolving conflicts. The idealized self must be given up, replaced again by the real self.

Her psychotherapy’s ultimate goal is to make fundamental changes in personality and allow the individual to develop again. This involves many aims: to increase self-responsibility; to become more genuinely independent of others; to experience feelings more spontaneously; and to become “wholehearted”, unpretentious, and fully and sincerely involved in life.

•Relations between Horney & Enneagram•

The hornevian triads are the most obvious and direct influence of Horney’s ideas and the enneagram theory. Based extensively on her researches, the Compliant, Aggressive, and Detached neurotic approaches are the basis for understanding the three different ways different personalities stablish contact with the world.

For example, compliant types in enneagram are One (1), Two (2), and Six (6). Those types fall in the compliance neurotic scale and have a tendency to “surrender” themselves to some kind of people-related aspect of society and life, and their core fears and desires demonstrate that as well. Same goes for the Aggressive types Three (3), Seven (7), and Eight (8) and the Detached types Four (4), Five (5) and Nine (9).

Understanding the general theory formulated by Horney helps understanding ennegram theory as a whole due to the insight and consideration both give to interpersonal orientations.

•Repercussions•

Although orthodox in her acceptance if the importance of childhood experience in developing personality, Horney did not believe all psychoanalytic treatment required delving into childhood recollections. Horney criticized the Freudian overemphasis on the exploration of childhood origins of neurosis, although she would doubtless agree that faulty parent-child interacting can be mended in therapy. She believed that the important insight for therapy is to understand unconscious tendencies and their functions, and exploring childhood is only useful to the extent that it enlightens this understanding.

Her detachment from “orthodox” psychoanalysis and her WILLING to RESEARCH more than just guessing and biasing sessions and writing faulty theories after, allowed psychology develop as a field scientifically.

Her insights over cultural and interpersonal influences on the personality brought a better unbiased understanding of how humans work, interact, and cope with stress in their lives. Reducing the bias over the importance of childhood and pointing out that capable humans are able to overcome such traumatic events and are able to adapt into adulthood, she demonstrated that the mind of the humankind is more dynamic than previously thought.

Crédits in one line cuz fucking 100 blocks wyd welp, fuck idc: •CREDITS• Resources •Links and Books• “O livro da Psicologia” (The psychology book) / DK - Globo Livros ||||| “Theories of personality: understanding persons / Susan C. Cloninger / PEARSON Prentice Hall https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karen_Horney https://www.britannica.com/biography/Karen-Horney

[funkymbtifiction]

Welcome New mod, really excited to read you!! As you're labeled as enneagraam mod I have a question, what question(S) should we answer ourselves to find our enneagram type, triad, and their wings?

What are my core fears? (Compare them to each type’s fears.)

What are my core desires / what do I want out of life? (Ditto.)

What do I act like under stress? (Compare to disintegration behaviors.)

When you’ve found one out of each of the three triads (heart, gut, head), look at the wings. Ask yourself:

Which wing is more like me?

Which wing expresses what I want from life?

Read up on how they impact the core type.

For the tritype: ask yourself which one motivates you first / all the time (which one do you SEE the most of yourself in, when you disintegrate?) and go from there; your blind spot is the one you least-recognize in yourself (the last one in your tritype, which is a hum in the background of your life).

DO NOT IGNORE DISINTEGRATION. THAT IS CRUCIAL.

- ENFP Mod

[biosigh]

Entry 235: How I see the Intuitive functions

Ni

The function of probability. Ni is by far the most internal and indescribable function. It also has the most grandeur of all the functions. It works diametrically to Se, turning information and data into insights and understandings by filtering through experience, generalities, trends, and knowledge.

Compared to the other functions, it can see the farthest into the future with reliable precision so long as it is supported well. On its own though, Ni is helpless, judgmental, and narrow-minded. It acts on a singular mode attempting to contort the real world into its eternally-evolving framework. Like Ne, it works in futuristic terms but with a more decisive and narrow scope of view, therefore it tends to be more far-reaching but prejudicial. Ni can be described as probabilistic.

I associate Ni with passive introspection where unconscious realizations from external data bubble up until they reach a threshold of consciousness.

Image credit

Ni is associated with a magnified vision and this convex optics diagram portrays why.

Ne

The function of possibility. Ne is the most expansive and sporadic function. Compared to the other functions, it has the most breadth and scope. It works in opposition to Si, transforming past experiences into potential. 

Ne can see all the likely events in a situation with comparable weight. On its own, Ne is scattered, random, and directionless. Ne acts on multiple modes attempting to account for all the branching points from present events. Like Ni, it works in futuristic terms but with more openness and broad scope of view, therefore it tends to be wide-reaching but shortsighted. Ne can be described as possibility.

I associate Ne with active theorizing where unconscious data from internal understandings branch out into potential insights.

Image credit

Ne expands from one focal point into many, and this is what this concave optics diagram shows.

[mbti-notes]

In relation to that last ask about lower functions and emotional closeness, could you explain how each function can be used to connect with another person? (i.e. according to that ask Se = physical closeness, Ni = mental closeness, what about the other functions?)

This is the reason why reverse compatibility (of functions) can work really well. People, at certain stages in life, will feel an unconscious pull to explore and develop their lower functions. If one listens to those urges, one will likely be drawn to opposing types. However, people who are very defensive about their inferior function may find the following scenarios hard to imagine or even threatening on some level, therefore, such relationships require a certain level of psychological maturity in being able to accept and appreciate differences.

Si-Ne: since one is prone to understanding the world in terms of familiar details and prior knowledge, it will be a special experience to let go and be completely free and spontaneous in exploring new ideas and possibilities, e.g., taking completely spontaneous and unplanned trips to exotic places with a loved one

Ni-Se: since one is prone to existential detachment from the present and concrete, it will be a special experience to let go of oneself completely and feel immersed with another person through physical activities, e.g., contentedly caressing and cuddling with a loved one and enjoying the depth of connection for a long period without needing to analyze or think or talk

Ti-Fe: since one is prone to self-sufficiency and emotional detachment, it will be a special experience to completely let down one’s guard and feel emotionally intimate and fully connected with someone or a group of people, e.g., enjoying deeply personal sharing of feelings and experiences as well as intimate displays of affection

Fi-Te: since one is prone to feeling that one is separate from external rules and systems, it will be a special experience to take on an important leadership/proactive role in a relationship or group and work towards achieving goals together in unison, e.g., being fully devoted, committed, and responsible to a team that achieves systematic and tangible progress

Se-Ni: since one is prone to pursuing new and exciting yet short-lived opportunities, it will be a special experience to make a long term commitment to patiently developing deep mutual understanding through an intimate intellectual/spiritual connection with someone, e.g., being able to accurately anticipate each other’s deepest needs/desires and explore interesting life issues/philosophies in order to achieve long term growth together

Ne-Si: since one is prone to being easily distracted by new ideas or possibilities, it will be a special experience to focus all of one’s attention for a long period of time on another person and feel completely mesmerized by every detail of their existence, e.g., feeling completely satisfied in building a life of comfortable routine with another person

Te-Fi: since one is prone to working hard to maintain structure and order in one’s life and surroundings, it will be a special experience to feel as though one can completely let go and be free to be oneself with another person in an unstructured setting, e.g., finding connection with someone through reflecting on personal feelings and emotions and being able to spontaneously “do nothing” with them for long periods and still feel completely content

Fe-Ti: since one is prone to working hard to maintain social bonds and relational harmony, it will be a special experience to feel as though one can be completely and freely oneself without having to worry about being judged, “managing” the relationship, or disrupting others with one’s beliefs or behaviors, e.g., having the kind of relationship where everyone is comfortably independent and free to speak frankly and critically to each other in order to directly confront and improve upon personal flaws and mistakes

[sanguineacedia]

Enneagram Tritype Test

Since the enneagram tritype test I made and posted on Qzzr has been taken down for a while, I figured that I might as well post the ‘test’ here. If you’d like, feel free to send me your answers, (Message/reblog) and I’d be happy to discuss your results with you. 

1.) Select all of your fears. - The fear of deprivation and pain. - The fear of lacking a unique, significant identity. - The fear of being evil or corrupt. - The fear of being harmed or controlled by others. - The fear of being unloved or unwanted by others. - The fear of loss and separation from others. - The fear of being unaccomplished and worthless. - The fear of being helpless and inadequate. - The fear of being without support or guidance.

2) Choose your three worst tendencies. - Becoming frustrated with others because of their faults. - Conserving everything for yourself. - Showcasing your successes and failing to admit you have faults. - Becoming anxious about things that might happen. - Never being satisfied, constantly wanting to experience more. - Wanting to acquire what other people have. - Thinking that others can’t help themselves as much as you can. - Constantly expressing anger. - Not taking action.

3.) How do you express anger? - Externalized anger: Openly displayed anger. - Repressed anger: Avoidance of showing anger openly, but it sometimes manifests as passive-aggressiveness. - Internalized anger: Harshly criticizing one’s self. May also appear as judgmental tendencies.

4.) How do you express shame? - Externalized shame: Openly displays shame. May manifest as constantly needing approval or positive feedback. - Repressed shame: Avoidance of shame. May manifest as trying to prove yourself to avoid the shame that you feel. - Internalized shame: Keeping shame to yourself. May manifest as failure to believe anyone can understand your pain.

5.) How do you express fear? - Externalized fear: Expresses fear openly by displaying paranoia through hoarding, Information, possessions) as well as detachment. - Repressed fear: Avoidance of showing fear. May manifest as surrounding yourself with safety/security and suspiciousness of the unknown. - Internalized fear: Keeping fear to yourself. May manifest as engaging in fun activities to avoid facing the fear contained within.

6.) Select all sets of traits that are somewhat like you. - Strong Willed, Decisive, Tough Minded, Domineering, Controlling, Aggressive. - Analytical, Knowledgeable, Observant, Detached, Isolated, Nihilistic. - Unique, Emotional, Creative, Self-Absorbed, Self-Deprecating, Self Conscious. - Easygoing, Trusting, Conciliatory, Self-Effacing, Escapist, Passive Aggressive. - Empathetic, Altruistic, Sentimental, People-Pleasing, Manipulative, Victimizing. - Ambitious,Energetic, Self-Assured, Scheming, Narcissistic, Monomaniacal. - Loyal, Practical, Trustworthy, Fearful, Distrustful, Defensive. - Moralistic, Perfectionistic, Self-Disciplined, Self-Righteous, Critical, Obsessive. - Future Oriented, Extroverted, Open Minded, Compulsive, Reluctant, Arrogant.

7.) Select all traits that apply to who you are. Optimistic. Escapist. Adventurous. Extrospective. Compulsive. Hasty. Futuristic. Versatile. Exuberant. Curious. Experiential. Vivacious. Entertaining. Bold. Spontaneous. Enthusiastic. Excessive. Occupied. Materialistic. Pleasure-Seeking.

8.) Select all traits that apply to who you are. Dominant. Conning. Autonomous. Self-Confident. Direct. Powerful. Willful. Charismatic. Dynamic. Destructive. Insensitive. Exhibitionistic. Assertive. Protective. Honest. Decisive. Confrontational. Strong. Demonstrative. Aggressive.

9.) Select all traits that apply to who you are. Melancholic. Emotional. Sensitive. Refined. Individualistic. Introspective. Self-Absorbed. Temperamental. Pessimistic. Self-Centered. Socially Awkward. Romantic. Negative Self-Image. Low Self-Esteem. Shy. Idealistic. Complex. Self-Expressive. Self-Indulgent. Fantasizing.

10.) Select all traits that apply to who you are. Expressive. Interpersonal. Empowering. Intrusive. Manipulative. Nurturing. Histrionic. Caring. Helpful. Supportive. Prideful. Demanding. Empathetic. Selfless. Entitled. Hysterical. Friendly. Approval-Seeking. Needy. Kindhearted.

11.) Select all traits that apply to who you are. Over-Adaptive. Resigning. Paradoxical. Habit-Bound. Distractible. Easygoing. Self-Effacing. Receptive. Agreeable. Stable. Complacent. Indomitable. Conciliatory. Submissive. Passive-Aggressive. Stubborn. Self-Forgetful. Indecisive. Conflict-Avoidant. Unclear.

12.) Select all traits that apply to who you are. Alert. Inventive. Isolated. Contemplative. Private. Fearfully-Uncertain. Independent. Self-Motivated. Withholding. Cold. Insightful. Detached. Observant. Eccentric. Cynical. Cerebral. Analytical. Self-Sufficient. Hypersensitive. Intuitive.

13.) Select all traits that apply to who you are. Success-Oriented. Adaptable. Driven. Image-Conscious. Successful. Paragon. Attention-Seeking. Self-Deceptive. Vain. Deceitful. Superficial. Relentless. Insecure. Self-Promoting. Narcissistic. Competitive. Career-Focused. Ambitious. Opportunistic. Motivating.

14.) Select all traits that apply to who you are. Self-Criticizing. Critical. Perfectionistic. Controlling. Self-Righteous. Principled. Obsessive. Purist. Realistic. Ethical. Punitive. Disciplined. Rational. Dogmatic. Responsible. Reformer. Fixated. Detail-Oriented. Anger-Rejecting. Serious.

15.) Select all traits that apply to who you are. Security-Oriented. Cautious. Suspicious. Trustworthy. Evasive. Cooperative. Doubtful. Rigid. Dedicated. Mindful. Anxious. Reliable. Committed. Defensive. Loyal. Trusting. Ambivalent. Worrying. Perseverant. Concerned.

16.) I feel that my pain cannot be understood by anyone else. - True. - False.

17.) My sense of self is based on my attachment to - My self image of a successful, valuable person. - My association/loyalty to important people/groups. - My idealized, internal harmonious view of the world. - None of these.

18.) I am confrontational. - True. - False.

19.) I avoid suffering of any kind. - True. - False.

20.) My emotional guard is - Down, so I can let others in. - Up, but sometimes I let down my guard when I feel safe. - Up, I don’t want anyone to see my vulnerable side.

21.) I wish to be truly understood. - True. - False.

22.) I feel frustrated with - Things that don’t live up to my standards, because I care about making things better. - That being different doesn’t get me what I seek, because I will not change who I am to be better appreciated. - The present, because the search for what I seek is more exciting than the experience.

23.) To further avoid rejection, I - Try to love others so much that others won’t reject me. - Cut off my emotional needs, so that my lack of emotion will shield me from further rejection. - Expect it and give off the impression that I can handle it.

24.) I often pretend that my fears don’t exist. - True. - False.

25.) I will do anything to hear I’m valued. - True. - False.

26.) I openly express my anger. - True. - False.

27.) I have something missing that I must find. - True. - False.

28.) I don’t enjoy introspection, because I don’t like what I find. - True. - False.

29.) I get angry at and criticize myself. - True. - False.

30.) I can relate to, “I have value in the eyes of others”. - True. - False.

31.) When confronted with a problem, I - Put aside my wants/feelings to remain objective and may not take the feelings of others into account. - Can easily set aside my own feelings and will cut corners to make things more efficent. - Tend to withdraw, since I feel I can solve things on my own. - None of these.

32.) I avoid my anger whenever I can. - True. - False.

33.) I enjoy being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. - True. - False.

34.) I try to keep myself distracted. - True. - False.

35.) I have trouble acknowledging my anger. - True. - False.

36.) Others notice my anger before I do. - True. - False.

37.) I refer to my anger as resentment. - True. - False.

38.) I avoid any feelings that are sad and/or painful. - True. - False.

39.) I feel annoyed when others don’t follow the rules. - True. - False.

40.) I try to never show my anger. - True. - False.

41.) I tend to hide the fact that I’m vulnerable behind anger. - True. - False.

42.) I can relate to, “Why not be angry? It’s only an emotion”. - True. - False.

43.) I have a tendency to make my problems someone else’s problems. - True. - False.

44.) I need feedback from others to know I’m valued. - True. - False.

45.) I feel hurt if someone doesn’t give me the validation I need. - True. - False.

46.) I avoid the shame I feel. - True. - False.

47.) I feel I need to be recognized as impressive by others. - True. - False.

48.) I have a tendency to be overly competitive. - True. - False.

49.) I feel I must put on an act to earn being valued by others. - True. - False.

50.) I feel that others like who I pretend to be more than who I really am. - True. - False.

51.) I feel deficient, since I’m not like everyone else. - True. - False.

52.) I have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. - True. - False.

53.) I feel that the world is terrifying and I must prepare for it. - True. - False.

54.) I tend to be easily overwhelmed. - True. - False.

55.) I detach from my emotions. - True. - False.

56.) I’m more comfortable dealing with thought than emotions. - True. - False.

57.) Becoming more knowledgeable helps me feel less empty. - True. - False.

58.) Being in control of my environment helps me feel secure. - True. - False.

59.) My fear shows itself through worry/aggressive behavior. - True. - False.

60.) I am suspicious of the unknown. - True. - False.

61.) I feel that I cannot trust myself, nor the outside world. - True. - False.

62.) I choose to adapt in order to - Be closer to the expectations/values of others, so I can receive validation. - Be consistent with the beliefs of a figure or system, so I can gain security. - Get along well with others, so I can attain harmony. - None of these.

63.) My sense of self is based on my search for the ideal - Autonomy; Perfection and self control. - Attention; Someone who completely understands and appreciates me. - Security and contentment; What awaits. - None of these.

64.) My gift that I can offer to prevent rejection is - My heart; I focus on the needs of others and help them however I can. - My intelligence; I offer my expertise in hopes that it will be appreciated. - My strength and will; I offer my power and know I can be depended on for leadership and strength. - None of these.

65.) I get into conflicts by being - Overly moody, temperamental and self-absorbed. - Too pessimistic, suspicious and doubtful. - Too willful, defiant and confrontational. - None of these.

66.) I get into conflicts by being - Too clingy, worried and self-important. - Impatient, irresponsible and excessive. - Too complacent, inattentive and stubborn. - None of these.

67.) I get into conflicts by being - Too impatient, rigid and critical. - Too competitive, insincere and boastful. - Too detached, isolated and provocative. - None of these.

68.) In terms of needs, I tend to - Reject my own in favor of the needs of others. - Reject the needs of others in favor for my own. - Try to balance the needs of others with my own.

69.) I am non-confrontational. - True. - False.

70.) I don’t like to acknowledge that I get angry. - True. - False.

71.) I have a tendency to be passive-aggressive. - True. - False.

72.) I express my anger to get what I want. - True. - False.

[mbti-notes]

Masterpost: MBTI & Relationships

Any two types can work well together as long as they are mutually supportive and aware of each other’s priorities, needs, and sensitivities.

Survey of Relationship Preferences

How Each Type Handles Crushes  

Practical Relationship Tips for Each Type

Handling Differences in Relationships

Communicating Through Difficult Conflicts

Analyses of Relationship Pairings (web link)

Related Notes

On Parent-Child Relationships

On Compatibility Theories

On Patterns of Attraction

On What Each Function Seeks in Others

On Seeking Love for the Wrong Reasons 1 & 2

On “True Love”

On Receiving Love

On Trust Issues

On Hypocritical Behavior

On Manipulative Behavior

Notes on Spotting Manipulation

On What is Good Communication

On Function-related Communication Issues

On Encouraging vs Enabling People

On Cohabitation

On Pesky Fi/Fe Differences 1 & 2 & 3

On Disagreeing With People

On Political/Sensitive Discussions

On Handling Criticism

On Forgiveness

On Apologizing

On Coming Out (LGBT)

[personality-studies]

Enneagram Type’s Childhood

Enneatype 1

Children with the One pattern try hard to be good. They have an unconscious feeling of needing to justify their existence. They became their own disciplinarians and often the discipliner of other siblings.

One or all authority figures are either inadequate, not present, or too demanding and punitive. When the parent is not present, they decide to make their own rules and moral code. When the parent is too punitive, they internalize these rules.

They feel deep guilt, intrinsic inner flaw, and try to cover it up with an identity of being good and responsible. They can perceive others as having less integrity, being lazy and messy.

Enneatype 2

Children with the Two pattern learn to put other’s needs first - to give in order to receive - and that love must be earned. They try to read the needs in the family and see how they could fulfill them.

They often learn to please the opposite sex parent and this becomes a special relationship, which causes a difficult relationship with the same sex parent. It also leads to a triangulation, which is often carried out in adulthood.

Enneatype 3

Children with the Three pattern do not feel valued for themselves. They get praise for what they do and become productive to get this praise.

They often unconsciously adapt themselves to become what the nurturer wants them to be. They often pursue a career that may make their nurturer proud of them.

They have a deep feeling of shallowness and deceit, their insides do not match the image they have created.

Enneatype 4

Children with the Four pattern feel different than their parents. They believe they are not seen by their parents.

There is the feeling that they were kicked out of the nest because there is something tragically wrong with them. Often there is some event that changes the family structure and stands out as the event that changed everything.

Some remember a time when everything was wonderful and a moment when they were rejected for no apparent reason. They spend their childhood trying to regain love by being special.

Enneatype 5

Children with the Five pattern feel unsafe in their families. They experience their families as intrusive and overwhelming. There is no privacy, no where to hide except in their minds.

They experience the emotional needs and expression of their parents as invasive. Some create an inner fantasy world.

Enneatype 6

Children with the Six pattern experience their parents as inadequate and unable to protect or care for them well. Early in childhood they feel safe, as they get older something happens that makes them perceive their parents as inadequate.

Usually this occurs during the phase of separating when they need a strong parental figure to show them what is and isn’t safe about the world. At this time they experience parent(s) as inadequate - absent, unavailable, weak, etc.

Enneatype 7

Children with the Seven pattern feel cut off from the nurturer, causing frustration and anxiety. They feel there was not enough love for them in the family.

Sometimes there is someone needier who requires more attention. Sometimes the nurturer is distracted by emotional pain to give to all the children.

Their role is to be positive, not need much, and help everyone be happier, particularly the nurturer. As adults they often have a close bond with their mothers.

Enneatype 8

Children with the Eight pattern grow up quickly for a variety of reasons. There is violence in the family or around the family. The protector is missing and they must protect and provide for the family at a young age.

They survive in bad neighborhoods - survival issues are important. It is not safe to be gentle or giving, that seems weak and soft. They feel rejected/betrayed and learn to be tough.

Enneatype 9

Children with the Nine pattern feel overwhelmed by their families. They try to disappear and/or make peace. They dissociate from drama by becoming invisible or mediating.

They are very low maintenance. They learn that having needs, getting angry, or having difficulties is not acceptable. They lose energy and become listless.

[analysispalace]

What's a disintegrated 3 like?

Have you seen the episode of Parks & Recreation where Leslie Knope (3w2) is no longer holding local office so she just shows up to the Parks and Recreation Department Building in sweats with messy hair eating junk food?

Well, that’s an extreme example.

Usually, disintegrated 3s are harshly fatalistic, scoffing at the dreams they once strove for. Because they identify so strongly with the roles they play in life - jobs, relational dynamics, etc., when that is taken from them, they feel like nothing and become dormant consumers until they snap out of it and realize that they can contribute even without a title.

[estj-destroyer-of-misinformation]

Could you make a post about how someone could differentiate between Sp, So, and Sx blind in each type? Like a "If you're a 1, you're Sp blind if you do __ instead of __" or something like that? Please and thank you! :)

So this is simplified and everything, but here you go.

Sp 1 is self criticism, so 1 is projecting perfection outward, and sx 1 is external criticism.

An sx blind 1 won’t have that zealous element, an so blind 1 won’t have that mentorlike personality, and an sp blind 1 won’t be perfectionistic.

Sp 2 is seduction via a childlike demeanor, so 2 is seduction via helpfulness, and sx 2 is seduction through straight seduction.

Sx blind 2s won’t have the loverlike quality of 2s, so blind 2s won’t actually be helpful to others, and sp blind 2s won’t have an innocence to them.

Sp 3 are the workaholic aspect of 3s, so 3s are classic stereotypical 3s, and sx 3s embody a masculine or feminine ideal.

Sx blind 3s will be without “star power” NOTE: THESE 3s WILL NEVER AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT, so blind 3s will lack the ability to network and present, and sp blind 3s will lack any humility.

Sp 4s suffer pathologically by containing their feelings under a stoic facade, so 4s suffer by comparing themselves constantly to others with this shame and honor thing, and sx 4s suffer with emotional rawness and an aggressive stance towards others.

Sx blind 4s will lack the raw emotion that most 4s present, so blind 4s will not compare themselves to others, and sp blind 4s will not have any quiet stoicism to them and will make sure everyone knows their issues

Sp 5s withdraw from the world to a private space, so 5s serve in an informer role, and sx 5s horde secret or taboo information.

Sx blind 5s will have none of that mystery lovecraftian air to them, so blind 5s will have no filter for their haughty introversion, and sp blind 5s will be a complete mess trying to isolate themselves for research with no instinct for private research

Sp 6 is physical safety, so 6 is social stability, and sx 6 is attacking threats.

Sx blind 6s are fully invested in their fear with no aggressive resistance, so blind 6s reject trust in others, and sp blind 6s are anxious about safety and security with no skill for going on the defensive.

Sp 7 is about lifestyle, so 7 is about generosity and optimism, and sx 7 is about novelty and raw experience.

Sx blind 7s are without the stimulation a 7 feels, so blind 7s are without any impulse to give back to the world, and sp blind 7s are without an obsession with keeping their lifestyle in order.

Sp 8 is about pure survival, so 8 is about leadership over others, and sx 8 is about rebellion and eventual surrender to another.

Sx blind 8 is the most self controlled and unwilling to show weakness, so blind 8 has no filter for its aggression, and sp blind 8 has no strong instinct for survival

Sp 9 is about accumulating resources so it can remain stationary, so 9 is about making connections and being an active 9, and sx 9 is about a peaceful merging with another.

Sx blind 9 is without the instinct to find a companion for its passivity, so blind 9 is without the helpful instinct, and sp blind 9 is still lazy but without the instinct to remain stationary

[midlink]

post because I’m tired of people thinking Fe users don’t have values

Fe actually has its own values. they aren’t the same as Fi values at all - Fe users do have “morals,” but we tend to be somewhat loose in our definition thereof, or base those morals on those around us. they’re not really values, but ethics, meaning that corruption and hypocrisy will be noticed (and pointed out, depending on the Fe user) especially if the nature of these is blatantly against larger human ethical values. Fe users have political stances, preferences for who they interact with, etc. and it’s all linked either to valuing logical consistency (Ti) or sense of ethics/justice (Fe). doesn’t mean we’ll cut these people off like a Fi user would because it doesn’t make us feel bad about ourselves to interact with things we despise, and we lack the sense of personal investment or associated with these things. we don’t define ourselves by what we value, but we do have some sense of ethics or morals because, realistically, all human beings must in order not to be considered disordered.

the idea that only Fi users have values and preferences is highly constrictive and narrows function definitions to a point where they realistically fit almost no one. function use only describes “how” not “what” or “why.” whether I use Fi or Fe will determine “how” I value things, while my lived experience and the kind of information I have been exposed to determines what I value, and why I value it.

for example, consider both a Fe user and an Fi user have a friend who they discover is secretly very racist. the Fi user must decide what they value more - the friendship, or their own moral stance against racism, and act accordingly. they may initially try to compromise by talking to the person about the problem, but eventually they will be forced to choose which they value more, because Fi essentially operates as a metaphorical scale. the Fe user, on the other hand, learns this and incorporates it into their essential understanding of the other person. overall knowledge of human ethics determines whether the Fe user sees the person’s views as good or bad in this case, and their actions toward the person may vary. a low Fe user will probably make fun of them for the social cluelessness such a stance demonstrates or for having hidden their views, or attempt to argue with or persuade the person from a logical standpoint. a high Fe user will most likely try to persuade or argue with the person from an ethical standpoint and incorporate logic into their argument, rather than the reverse. either way, their image of the person changes, and this new information puts subsequent opinions and actions in context.

the Fi user labels this person as a racist and rejects them from a sense of moral consistency, while the Fe user sees them as essentially uneducated, selfish, and lacking in self awareness. for the Fi user, they are highly aware of their values because they consider them personal and self-defining, while the Fe user may not even be completely aware of what they themselves value, only what is commonly considered by others to be right and wrong. Fe users care about their morals because they know human society benefits from having some definition of right and wrong, and these morals will differ based on their view of how human interaction should be. idk if anyone still remembers when yourfaveisproblematic was still active, but its Fe equivalent is shameshack, and it should be very easy for anyone to tell the difference between the two.

tl;dr: for Fi values, see callout culture; for Fe values, see cringe culture.