The guy-de, or how to dude @the-guy-guide - Tumblr Blog

vampantheon

pros of being on testosterone: my kermit impression is getting better

cons of being on testosterone: my Mort from Madagascar impression is getting worse

vampantheon

peace and love on planet fucking earth

the-guy-guide

Better get an actual Kermit Doll as well

mossdftba

Apparently this tiktok was deleted hours after I saved it.

strawberrygiorno

[Video ID: A Tiktok that several users have added onto, each making a different joke about gender.

Person 1: They say “No pronouns? Damn… another victim of gender identity theft.” They start cracking up on the last word.

Person 2: They start off smirking while they appear to think about what to say. Then, they look at the camera imitate a spam call voice, saying, “We have been trying to contact you about your gender’s extended warranty.”

Person 3: They come in through a doorway and yell, “It’s my gender identity, and I need it now!” The camera angle shifts to indicate they’re a different person, and they say, “Tired of not having a gender identity? J.G. Wentworth can help. Call J. G. Wentworth; 877-pro-nouns. They’re your pronouns, use them when you need em’!”

Person 4: They imitate the kind of voice you hear on legal ads and say, “Attention: If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Gender, you may be entitled to financial compensation.”

Person 5: Starting off strong and dissolving into fits of laughter as they speak, they say, “-and now a word from our sponsor: Raid Shadow Genders; conquer all of the genders" End ID]

the-guy-guide

Tumblr is very inefficient media preservation. Not the new PDF

athelind

The Most Tumblr Punchline

I've noted before that my favorite punchline on Tumblr is "hang on, gotta look something up/okay that's funny."

Let me explain why:

It is a way to say "I don't get it" without blaming the joke or the teller.

It is a tacit admission of ignorance without shame or judgement.

It assumes responsibility for acquiring the knowledge the respondent doesn't already have.

It cues other people who Don't Get It to do the look-up themselves, allowing them to get that full impact of Getting It without derailing the post with explanations.

It gives subsequent readers, whether or not THEY got the joke, a little frisson of good feelings when they realize that someone else is now In On The Joke.

It not only makes the original joke funnier, it gets funnier the more often it's used.

mousidy

so like what are men for

the-guy-guide

Cowboys

beans-ahoy

OpenGateLabs is shutting down unfortunately. They're clearing out stock, so if you need estradiol vials for cheap (upto 50 dollars off for some), now is probably the time before they close up

beanieposting

They're also selling progesterone from $10-30 off and estradiol dermal sprays at $40 off right now

vtsomenjoyer

!

jovishark

some advice for people entering their 20s:

-dont go to the emergency room with dental problems. go to the dentist

-bagged greens are cheaper than pre-made salads

-taco bell is NOT worth the money anymore. 1/4 cup mayo, 1/4 cup sour cream, 3 tblspoons pickled jalapenos+2tblspoons of the jar liquid, 2 tsp paprika 1 tsp cumin 1 tsp garlic powder 1 tsp onion powder salt+pepper. all in your blender. creamy jalapeno sauce

-dont quit your job unless you have a bunch of job interviews lined up immediately after

-use resources. food bank, unemployment, housing assistance, financial aid, etc. yes there will be paperwork. but Do It

-dont stay awake longer than 20 hours. you Will start to become impulsive and cranky. resting for 20 minutes is better than trying to stay awake

-for every 2 hours you spend looking up close at screens, spend 20 minutes looking at something far away from you. stretch your wrists a lot

-dont do that yoga stretch where you roll your head around your shoulders. youre grinding down the joints in your neck

-be nice to your friends, bullying them as a joke gets old. if you need a ride somewhere at least offer them gas money

-brush your teeth at any time of the day but especially before you sleep. dont snack in bed if you can help it. make your bed the Clean Teeth Zone. keep floss picks by your bed

-dont tell your boss youre adhd/autism/depression/suicidal. dont trust your coworkers with that. you NEVER know how people will take it and its none of their business

-train your pets to go to the front door when they hear a fire alarm

-get regular oil changes

cupids-poison-blog

trying to prove a point to the boys at school

reblog this if you believe trans men are real men like this if you dont

kat-the-oddity

As a trans man. Yes. I’m a real man and so are the rest of us.

gingerkyuketsuki

i love how the reblog-to-like ratio is 8:1

trytocallmecal

i am rigging this thing

I shall reblog lots more

burrbeast

I might queue this a bunch. To save my moots for once.

zeelatunes

hrt and transgender surgeries being positioned as dangerous and experimental despite being around for much longer than ozempic, which many people are pushing as a miracle weight loss drug while ignoring its real medical indications and any possible negative side effects

it seems like hypocrisy but it's really the same idea: your body is not yours to control. you are not allowed to be fat, you are not allowed to be trans, we will say whatever it takes to keep you in line

anarchistmemedistro

lizardsfromspace

Alex Jones is livestreaming rn and for the first and only time in my life it's appointment viewing. He got evicted from his studio mid-stream and they had to cover for him when he popped up in his "satellite studio" (a room in his house I assume) devoid of the Infowars branding. He's talking about how "tens of millions" of people have watched his final broadcast & you can literally see he has far less than a million viewers in the bottom corner (and this is on Twitter, which inflates views of videos ever since Elon had to convince people anyway gives a shit about Tucker Carlson's livestreams). He's currently whining that they chose not to sell his site back to him at auction, so he could keep doing the crimes that are why he was selling his website.

I didn't see this personally but he's apparently read out the Onion's announcement, which is a fake article by a fake corporation, out loud several times as if it was real. Anyway it should be noted how screwed he is, bc...

...while he can livestream under his own name, they own his warehouses of dubious supplements. He has nothing to sell but t-shirts protesting that his show is going down. Since Infowars was, first and foremost, a lifestyle brand, this leaves him, scientifically speaking, "totally fucked". He doesn't have ads, that's the only way he makes money

He just promised that he will "win the information war" which. You were sued into oblivion for lying about the parents of murdered children & lost your platform so hard you don't even have a studio anymore & your brand was seized by a rival to make fun of you. I didn't think the Infowar was a real thing you could lose, but I'm not sure there's a more definitive way to lose the information war. Anyway he's now ranting about fluoride

lizardsfromspace

The ruling dashed, at least for now, the plans of The Onion’s parent company to take over Infowars and radically shift its content.

A judge blocked their acquisition of Infowars, bc even though their offer was higher, a group affiliated with Jones offered more cash, while The Onion's bid was cash plus part of the Sandy Hook family's judgment. It is unclear what happens now but Alex Jones is back on Infowars

lizardsfromspace

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars. We've enlisted the help of @timh

Reblogs back open The Onion has taken over InfoWars again

Let me tell you a story. When I was a child, I suffered from night terrors. It was always the same dream: I could hear my family and neighbo

lizardsfromspace

Love Wins

chungledown-bimothy

reblog to tell a 14 year old that these are the very, very hard years and they're not wrong to feel the way they do.

nojglisrenaissance

I had a fifteen minute long crying session yesternight over the fact that all I was 10 years ago, at the ripe old age of 14, is lost and lonely, and now, at 24, I am neither and that filled me with so much gratitude

cecil-speaks

reblog to tell a teenager that these aren’t actually the best years of your life and that things can and will get better when you have independance and maybe are away from your situation right now.

Its me reblog to tell me that

sevastiel

Same thing with young adults. It can still get better. Your thirties aren’t when you’re getting old, that’s 70s-80s and we all know old people can be cool as hell anyway.

It might take time. More than has already passed, but it will get better.

It gets better. It does, right? Yeah. Yeah it gets better.

the-haiku-bot

It might take time. More

than has already passed, but

it will get better.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

psychotic-gerard

sorry i will never understand cis grief. your daughter is living her best life and going around with friends and feeling like a human being. your son doesn’t feel like he needs to crawl out of his skin anymore and can actually smile. your children are happy and no longer see their existence as the worst thing in the world. why are you grieving this lmao. grow up.

teaboot

Do you think the devil grieves for angels

the-guy-guide

Holy shit

psychotic-gerard

sorry i will never understand cis grief. your daughter is living her best life and going around with friends and feeling like a human being. your son doesn’t feel like he needs to crawl out of his skin anymore and can actually smile. your children are happy and no longer see their existence as the worst thing in the world. why are you grieving this lmao. grow up.

teaboot

Do you think the devil grieves for angels

lookatmeenoww-deactivated201301

Okay seriously. Reblog if you're OLDER than 11.

rune0n-deactivated20180105

Yep.

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

the thing about dying your hair fun colors is occassionally some random guy (almost always a guy) will ask you "why do you dye your hair [fun unnatural color that evokes joie-de-vivre]?" as if an explanation is somehow needed.

as someone who's had blue hair for a decade, my answers vary but my current go-to is "to attract pollinators" (these men rarely find this explaination satisfying for some reason?)

the-guy-guide

Because we also enjoy having neat little pollinators with us.

punkitt-is-here

now some of you might be wondering why I, a very loudly transgender type of girl, might reblog transmasc joy posts. That is because I love seeing people happy and actualized :]