Take care of yourselvesÂ
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Not today Justin
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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Aqua Utopiaïœæ”·ăźćșă§èšæ¶ă玥ă
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Today's Document

⣠Chile in a Photography âŁ
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Claire Keane
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@the-internal-screaming
Take care of yourselvesÂ
Mistress Chen, Queen of the Pirates.
Chenâs human is @demonic-angelicc
The one eyed menace herself⊠<3333
I really hate to do this but I have animals I need to rehome so I can move and I have no idea how to do it in a good way so they go to good homes. I love them but I don't have a choice anymore I'm not getting out of here with all of them. Id be giving away their cages and all of the supplies that I can. I have budgies in a flight cage and two g pigs in a 8 sq ft cage. I have tons of perches for the birds, bags of food and hay for the piggies. I know the budgies will be hard to rehome since theres already so many in need. I'd probably give them up for free or whatever someone wants to pay to help me save to move. Please signal boost if you can, dm if interested. I'm in Michigan and can give a better location in private.
I have replaced the dragons in Skyrim with the state of Ohio.
I love horror mods!
This is what Rasputin would've wanted.
Happy birthday to The Man Himself
Hi food companies? I have a suggestion. STOP PUTTING "GUILT FREE" ON SUGAR FREE/LOW SUGAR PRODUCTS
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You love and support trans women!
Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word âburritoâ to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and Iâm surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
Youâre an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burritoâs end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you donât stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans canât usually dislocate their jaws, and Iâm not a fucking pelican. But you must think thatâs how itâs done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably canât guess anything, because Iâm pretty sure youâre just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, hereâs what:
Humans also donât eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS IâLL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS ITâS JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG IâM IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE ITâS NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And donât even fucking think Iâm about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THATâS HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THATâS BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
Whatâs that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DONâT WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DONâT WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
Youâre the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID âJUST EAT IT WITH A FORKâ:
A fucking fork?
I DIDNâT ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
Thatâs like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKERâS GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. Theyâre called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I havenât cried since I was six, but Iâm fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)
I always need this on my blog.
I canât be laughing this hard in the morning.Â
Yes
Every reblog removes one HP from the queen
i cant wait until she actually dies and everyone freaks out saying the final reblog did the last hit
This is so fun its just like Jenga
me irl
confession: in the Russian alphabet, the letter Ń is pronounced like a hard h so whenever I see a phrase like âSorry for your loss xoxoâ, instead of hugs and kisses my brain always briefly interprets it as  "Sorry for your loss HOHOHO" like some jolly Santa Schadenfreude laughter there
84k notes. Tumblr truly has no taste
I buried grandpa in the sand
this actually reminds me of when i was in second grade and it was snack time but we had been misbehaving so they gave us assigned seats on the rug and i had to sit next to this girl whoâs snack was mangoes but i didnât like her because she bullied me so i told the teacher that i was allergic to mangoes and i couldnât sit next to her and my teacher was like âoh it doesnât say anything about any food allergies on this paper right here you might have to update the school nurse on thatâ so i went to the school nurses office and she called my mom and my mom was like (and i genuinely have no idea why) but my mom was like âyeah sure sheâs allergic to mangoesâ so then the school had on paper that i was allergic to mangoes so at this point i was like in wayyy to deep so i just pretended to be allergic to mangoes for the next 5 years like i went full throttle into this lie i even came up with a backstory to explain how i found out i was allergic to mangoes it got to the point where even my parents just genuinely believed i was allergic to mangoes until one day when i was 12 i just came clean and explained the story to my parents and they where like âyeah that sounds like something youâd doâ but anyway i never got to enjoy my new found mango freedom until about a year later when i was over at my friends house and they had mangoes and i was like âactually i havenât had a mango in 6 yearsâ and they where like âomg theyâre so good you have to try someâ so i did and they were sooooo good like i look exactly like the picture above i was gobbleing that shit up like cookie monster it was insane and anyway basically 20 minutes later i broke out in hives.
Really excited to see the years pass since this joke was first posted, and seeing the new generation thinks this is some non-sequitor when it in fact references a specific old flash game that has long past its day in the light, in which the goal was to fucking demolish this guy.