Magic is dope

but I'm so FUCKING tired. Name says it all. Lazy wizard. That's what apprentices are for. Also fuck terfs so don't bring that British book trash into my tower.

[hooved]

we're fucked

[the-laziest-wizard]

Dammit I've lost six apprentices to that thing! I keep sending them to fetch ingredients and they don't come back!

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Some people are so annoying about commissions. Recently someone asked for a crystal labyrinth, and when I asked for more details or for references/prefences they just said ‘I’ll leave it up to you! 🤗’ only now that I’ve finished it they are angry that I made an endless labyrinth inside a crystal and not a labyrinth made entirely out of crystal (which like hello they were not paying anywhere near enough for). They refused to pay until I ‘fixed it’ so unfortunately I had to trap them inside the crystal labyrinth. Which brings me to my next point- for sale: crystal labyrinth, lightly used

[evilwizard]

gnome scientists have discovered how to split the atomberry

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

The invention of bombasticly berry flavors, and their death toll, based on this break through, ended up becoming gnome physicist Alberry Tinystein’s biggest regret in life.

[evilwizard]

upon hearing the term, “mushroom cloud,” many gnomes ran outside laughing and giggling with glee, only to be caught in the blast

[lakevida]

does getting cursed by a witch show up in drug tests

[lakevida]

if i got cursed by a witch about two weeks ago will it show up in a urine sample

[the-laziest-wizard]

Unfortunately yeah it does. But it also passes the curse onto the tester so you'll be fine after this one.

[rslashrats]

(∩^o^)⊃━☆ casting a spell on you!!

[tiawesomeness]

Op what spell is this?

[rslashrats]

spell of explosion and death !!!!＜（＾－＾）＞

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

[dogpuppy]

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

What is the wizard council going to do about illegal pixie fighting rings?

We are pushing for legalization but PETA is fighting us on it

[batsycatsy]

Yeah PETA doesn't seem to understand that the pixies are actually organizing it themselves. They fucking love the violence.

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

They love the violence!

[i-am-a-fish]

treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding youd offer to an ancient wizard

[i-am-a-fish]

i didn't realize this would be a problem when I posted this but some of you don't have the respect and admiration for an ancient wizard that I assumed would be more inherent and universal

[cimicherrychanga]

what is the FUCKING POINT then???

[manglesimp-not-foxysimp]

THIS CAN'T CONTAIN ME

[circeswhore]

When you make love potions, you have to add the thing where they turn whatever they’re added to bright magenta and give off pink vapour in the shape of little hearts. Love potions don’t do that on their own when you make them. It’s like how they have to add smells to natural gas in case there’s a leak. The high magic council is really strict about this

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Wizards! To your stations! It’s Halloween and you know what that means~

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Cozy night in ‘accidentally’ handing out wildly overpowered items disguised as candy to trick or treaters

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

That’ll keep those adventurers busy for a while

[trankinstein]

Less magic schools. More magic universities. Unlearn the simplified models of your secondary education. Discover how to reference scrolls written by a wizard possessed by a different wizard. Identify bias in the voices that whisper from beyond the veil. Have your institution be accused of promoting a Merlinist agenda. Become addicted to energy potions.

[earhartsease]

start an onlyacolytes account to pay for tuition

[kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd]

SAUCE AND PROTEIN, VEG AND RICE

FEELS SO FILLING, TASTES SO NICE

VEG AND PROTEIN, RICE AND SAUCE

HELP BRING BACK WHAT ONCE WAS LOST

[ampervadasz]

[l0s3r-g0r3-d3s7r0y4]

[liebelesbe]

Yeah man, this wizard sleepover is cozy. I just saw a guy gently clap his hands together and say "hot beverage conjuration" or something, and suddenly everyone was holding a perfect mug of their favorite warm drink in their hands. Nobody who was already sleeping even woke up, that's how cozy it is. I'm over here casting pillow and level 2 pyjamas. I think I just heard "power word: blanket fort" two groups over. I gotta get in there.

[the-laziest-wizard]

Now this is my kind of party!

[lokaror]

Casting lightning magic alone in the parking lot

[lokaror]

Cops are here.

[lokaror]

Casting lightning magic alone in the parking lot

[peachnix]

fuck dude you cant do anything in wizard world. i parked my broomstick on the street for 5 minutes too long and it's already getting toad