Today i'm scared.
Of problems I once had in the past coming back. They seep into my head and tamper with my insecurities.
I don't want them to come back. I know they are there trying to make their way into my system, and i'm letting it affect me.
That's because it's something I really would love to change about me. It's always in the back of my mind, even if it's a dorment thought.
Today I was waiting for somenone by myself. An hour later that person came by. But I already had had that unsettling of hatred towards me. That feeling of wanting to be whoever except me.
The day went by and my thought had gone from my mind. However at noon it came back. That person made a comment, stupid maybe for the mayority. But so... hurtful for me. Not because it was even supposed to make me feel bad about myself but because it had somehow validated a part of what I rejected about me.
I know too that people will tell me to talk about it with that person so as to avoid them 'triggering' me.
But I can't. I'm not prepared as of now. Knowing it's wrong to think what I do is sufficient to stop myself from talking about it.
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DISCLAIMER:
Not many will read this text. However, I think it's still a good idea to raise mental health awareness people in case the content is sensitive to some.
Writing my feelings down is my way to let go of my negative emotions. By no means do I want this to affect others; they are temporary and I know I have someone to talk about it if I ever want to ir need it. I'm just trying to express and transform all that i'm feeling into words to make sense and for people to feel less alone if they ever feel bad about something.
