Fuck If I Know Anymore, But 18+ Only Please

Writer, wannabe game maker, and large pile of jello. This blog is a mix of writing stuff, homestuck, and video games. Sometimes I even tag it. A note: I’m 30 and would rather not follow/be followed by minors or anyone who has ever written a blocklist for nonironic reasons. I can also be found on AO3 as TheAlien without numbers because the gods shone on me that day. Tumblr user TheAlien come meet me behind the dennys I just want to talk /joking

[clytemnestraaa]

additional note. why do we call it “religious experience.” shouldn’t it be a “spiritual experience.” “religious experience” implies one is like, connecting with a specific religious doctrine or something. like you orgasm so good that you specifically fully grasp the talmud

[butch-witches-deactivated202412]

what doesnt kill you is still valuable data points for a graph im working on titled "how to kill you"

[bidonica]

a funny thing about having a Problematic Blorbo is that you'll periodically come across a post along the lines of "um let's not forget that [Blorbo] is a bad person..." listing their various crimes, and if you have a modicum of intellectual honesty you find yourself nodding along and saying yeah it's true... but it's the greyness of their character that makes them so compelling... At the same time though you have a little Saul Goodman in your ear going "your honor in their defense: who cares like omfgggg who caresssssss like come onnnnnn"

[orcarriagesthatwork]

I think about this cake every day

[tizzymcwizzy]

sorry for exposing your tags but this is hilarious

[microsuedemouse]

OP, I hope you don’t mind me making an addition:

When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.

The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?

This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.

I love a botched cake.

[helenarth]

one time me and some pals spotted one of those big cookie cakes in a store. it was done up with red icing and little X's for kisses and in the middle it said

No One Like You

now, it took us a while to realise it meant "(there is) no one like you". at first, we all parsed it as a botched "no one like(s) you"

for ages after when we'd wind each other up we'd declare "NO ONE LIKE YOU ☹️👎"

[what-even-is-thiss]

I always forget how much of a little shit Legolas is in the books.

When they’re stuck in the evil snow in the mountain pass Legolas isn’t having any trouble at all and Gandalf, tired of him, is like “if elves could fly they could bring the sun down to melt the snow for us”

And then Legolas just fucking jumps to the top of the like eight foot tall snowdrift that Aragorn and Boromir are trying to clear and is like “okay then byeee I’m off to find the sun” and just runs off to scout ahead

[what-even-is-thiss]

Everyone: We are so dead in this snowdrift

Legolas: *eight foot vertical leap* Skill issue.

[squeakitties]

following weird horny furries who are into shit like pooltoys and transformation and stuff is enrichment. the vitamins and minerals of posting

[squeakitties]

[twinkenjoyer-deactivated2023083]

once you get over your ass and realise you will never get some people and that’s ok you are basically immune to right wing fearmongering. otherkin? none of my fucking business

[stevishabitat]

[mandate-transgenderism]

I must not fall victim to disgust. Disgust is the heart-killer. Disgust is the little-death that brings total apathy. I will face my disgust. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the disgust has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

[turbozarky]

hell you may even like it

[elifinchsart]

my new bugsnax.... ibugprofen

[dankxsinatra]

[catsoverloaded]

Poor girl broke her favorite sitting basket.

[kitten-cab00dle]

I’m sorry but this is the funniest thing I have ever seen ever in my fucking life her PEETS are STICKING OUT

[abyssaldyke]

It's spring now which means the kids in my city have started drawing hopscotches on the sidewalk and as a rule I do every hopscotch I see because 1. Use it or lose it (ability to scotch) and 2. If a child got down on the hardscrabble streets of Boston Massachusetts to draw a scotch the least I can do is use it, but in doing the hopscotches, I've learned that about 50% of them are the typical 8-10 step scotch and the other 50% are. Somewhat avant-garde. And of course I'm not vetting the entire scotch before I start it so sometimes it's like haha 8 steps woo! Childlike whimsy! And sometimes they're 20 steps or 30 or they've got a section with three squares instead of two where you have to do a little Charleston to step on all three, or, memorably, FORTY one foot squares. A full BLOCK of jumping on one foot but I'm no quitter so once I've started Jigsaw Junior's fuckin hopscotch gauntlet I'm there til the end just a daily pot smoker in her thirties jumping kasa-obake style through an affluent suburb while some little proto-kennedy watches from his bedroom window rubbing his sadistic little third grade hands together and cackling. It's amazing. I love spring.

[letsnotandsaywewantedto]

[jeremyjohnirons]

tangled gave us so much, but mostly it gave us the beautiful and intense love of a horse and the man he is chasing in order to imprison

[roach-works]

i personally believe that maximus was the former captain of the guard who was cursed into horse form pretty recently, and everyone’s having trouble adjusting to it.

like, he’s entitled to sick leave, he really ought to take a couple months to break the curse and come to terms with whatever the fuck just happened to him, but instead of embarking on a journey of self-discovery and healing he just keeps showing up to work. no one can get captain maximus to go on his fucking voyage of self actualization and fix the curse because he’s obsessed with catching flinn ryder. everyone really fucking hopes that when he finally catches this guy the curse might be broken anyway, but it isn’t.

he just keeps showing up to work. he glares at the stablehands until they saddle him up. everyone’s gone over the regulations a dozen times but there’s nothing there saying you’re not allowed to saddle and ride the captain of the guard if he makes you do it. his former second in command rides him around like ‘sir i really don’t know about this’ and he’s just like ‘are we going to catch some criminals or what.’

you can see in the movie that everyone in the royal guard defers to this horse. it’s absolutely because that’s their boss. and secondarily because now he’s two thousand pounds of percheron.

there is no evidence against this theory and you cannot prove me wrong.

[ekjohnston]

This is pretty much the only fanon idea I have ever decided to hold personally true. I love it. It is the best.

[only-cat-memes]

[koruuko]

Path to see deathly cat.

Simple narilamb doodle I did on a friend's clip studio paint 🐱 🐑

[yanguang]

[yanguang]

the position of the mischevious pig marks the hours

[foone]

Important rules for the "age verification" era of the internet that we're living in:

1. Do not do age verification.

2. If you have to do age verification, cheat. Do not under any circumstances give them your real ID.

[very-gay-alkyrion]

Free Tool Says it Can Bypass Discord's Age Verification Check With a 3D Model

The tool presents users with a 3D model they can then manipulate to, the creator says, bypass Discord's age verification system.

Oh no I dropped my link, what a horrible thing! Sure hope this doesn't get reblogged until it reaches users from the UK and Brazil!

And remember to not make a second account just to test out what works best when verifying your identity

[asksanguinius40k]

A reminder that we still dont support Age Verification bullshit.

[flower-crowns-and-combat-boots]

Paywall removed here

[kkkkkkasgai]

無神論者過激派好き♡🐺　処刑者と仲良しだったってマジすか