Just shy of two years ago I came out to my entire facebook/family/friends through an article I wrote. It was hard and yet it was also the easiest thing Iāve even done. It felt like Iād taken these gigantic weights off my shoulders and back and head and my heart and all of a sudden I could breathe again. I no longer had any secrets. Love, Simon brought up a lot of feelings that I hadnāt thought about in nearly two years. Mainly, the difficulty that I had struggled with about coming out and how and to whom and the joy and relief when my life didnāt change in any way that I didnāt choose for it. Recently (I wish I could remember where and who said it) I read a piece from someone who was talking about coming out. They said āaccepting myself, it saved my life, but actually coming out opened up my lifeā, and along with Love, Simon Iāve never resonated with something quite so well. In high school and even for several years of college there was this big blockade that separated me and everyone. It felt like I was constantly on one side and everyone else was on the other and I just didnāt know how to get to where they were. But when I came out I let down that blockade and I have not felt inherently different (though I might still be) than everyone around me.
Recently Love, Simon was the under the critique of The Times. The article headline read: Love, Simon Is a Groundbreaking Gay Movie. But Do Today's Teens Actually Need It? In the article it digs in on the main character by saying he is too straight passing. That he grew up in a good loving home. That it has no depth, it is flat. There is no complexity to it and it could really use an edgy-ache to make todayās teens want to grow up. That maybe 10 years ago teens could have used it but now gay marriage is legalized and thereās NO homophobia! Itās all in the past! Ā And to all of that I give my most sincere and polite - fuck you. Is there not enough R rated raunchy soft-porn homophobic centered movies? Is it so wrong for there to be a movie where queer people arenāt seen as these intense sexual beings and more like actual teenage kids? I am a femme straight passing queer (also way to stereotype Ā DANIEL D'ADDARIO really great job). I grew up in a family that has always shown me love and never once did I think they would hate me for being queer. But let me tell you it is not easy looking at the people who have known you literally your entire life and telling them that they donāt actually know you. Four years ago, during my senior year if I had seen Love, Simon I can only imagine how differently my senior year would have been.
The parallels between my life and Simonās is really where the movie got me. The movie begins by Simon describing his perfectly average life with his loving parents. I may not have his sick-ass room or his good looks and easy going personality. But I too, had a younger sibling, a deep love for music and a secret. I did theater. I had friends who I had known for years and a friend I became friends with my senior year. The first time I told someone I was queer was through an anonymous Tumblr message. I fell for this girl but couldnāt admit it. Unlike Simon however, I didnāt have the nerve to be open. I was stuck between Ā stereotypes and not wanting people to talk about me. Like Simon I just figured I would eventually come out in college. Man, how I wish I had come out my senior year and enjoyed life how it couldāve been.
Thereās one part of Love, Simon that above all else I really felt. Simon gets outed (a spoiler? I guess? Did anyone expect any different?) by another character. The character apologizes and Simon turns to him and says (something like this) to him, āDo you think I care how you thought my coming out as gay would be? Iām supposed to be the one that decides when and how and who knows, and how I get to say it, thatās supposed to be my thing! ā I remember so clearly every time someone decided to come out for me. One time in particular, I turned to the boy who had told a bunch of people and I cried and screamed, āIt is not your decision to tell people. It is mine. Itās supposed to be mine.ā So itās safe to say that part wrecked me. Words normally comfort me but in this instance I feel like a child with a limited grasp of the English language. I want to explain the detrimental effect this scene had on me but I just canāt.Ā
Growing up rom-coms were my favorite. I spent so many nights in high school watching the same ones over and over. I was always hoping-wishing-praying that I would find that kind of sickly-sweet unrealistic love. So while Love, Simon is just a harmless cheesy depthless queer rom-com, it is actually so much more to me. I could you dozens more reasons why you should give Love, Simon a chance. The music, Josh Duhamel and Jennifer Garner,Ā and Alexandra Shipp in a Wonder Woman outfit for starters. But also for the underlying parts like Abbyās parents divorce or Martin telling Simon, āI donāt want you to change me, I want you to make her like me for me.ā Take a chance on this love story.
Love, Kendy