Alt.session @thealtsession - Tumblr Blog

oh fr 😳😳

I hate these posts because they've gotten in my head, and when I was drunk in the passenger seat of my friends car last night I saw a cop in hi-vis directing traffic and my first thought was "ok he do be lookin kinda safe doe"

airlesscell-deactivated20151002

dark google show me locations of illegal farmers markets with secret fruits and vegetables

stimman4000

dankmemeuniversity

#just came tbh #so sexy

mycomputerthinksimgay

You, an edgy mall goth: Personal Jesus by Marilyn Manson

Me: an even edgier mall goth: Personal Jesus by Mindless Self Indulgence

abandonedabandoned

Me, a cowgoth: Personal Jesus by Johnny Cash

spookygirlfriend

Me, a gay cowgoth: Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode

swankyangles

keylethwasleft

don’t worry, i’ve compiled at least 121 distinct and discrete personal jesuses so no one else has to

rintezukas

chimpanzees are the closest thing to demons in this world i am very harsh on chimpanzees considering my huge love for other apes but they are so fucking mean and they are capable of knowing better

rintezukas

if i got mauled by an animal and killed theres a part of me that would be able to become serene and sort of deal with it as like. law of the wild or whatever, humans are the ones out of tune

if i got mauled by a chimpanzee and killed i would be angry at the chimpanzee for being like. i dont know being able to conceptualize pain in others and still deciding to pull me apart with its huge hands until i die

rintezukas

if i got mauled by an orangutan i would feel absolutely no pain as my body was gently opened along inbuilt seams to release my soul like carbon dioxide from a coke can

#fuck chimpanzees and dolphins tbh

summer-arts

can i interest u in

babie

schmergo

The lord giveth and the lord taketh it back now y’all. Two hops this time.

kakashi-vibes

Why should i, sexy tramuatized bitch that I am, have to go to work?

dragontatoes

Warm blooded creature: wow I’m chilly

Warm blooded creature: *vibrates*

quorpiest

Cold blooded creature: wow I’m chilly

Cold blooded creature: goes into a coma

toastpotent-deactivated20250619

Why are we still here. Just to suffer? Every week I must do laundry

gjgjfhfhfgmoved

Hot take bc I love all ghost types

badjokesbyjeff

There was an old man who lived by a forest.

As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting.

He said, “Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it’s completely gone now. My hair can’t be saved. But look outside at the forest. It’s such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they’ll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair.”

“What I want you to do,” the man continued, “is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family’s duty to keep this forest strong.”

So they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them. And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.