This is my life so far....
Thanks to everyone who reads this. Believe me it's not easy to share this but I'm really desperate right now...
I'm a 21 years old girl and so far my life was not easy.
My family is from Romania but we moved to another country. The reason is my 10 years older handicapped sister. My parents wanted to go to a country where especially she has the chance to live a better life. So we moved when I was 2 years old.
My mother was a captain in the military and my father was a normal soldier. They were raised in the time of the Iron Curtain. So they are very conservative and strict.
When I was 3 years old my father beated my for the first time. We had neighbors with children and they took me to the playground with my sister. They told me that my parents knew about it because they told them. I was 3 years old so of course I believed them! But when we got home I didn't understand why my parents were so angry. I thought they knew where I've been so I asked them what was wrong. My father told me I was a wrong and bad person so he started to beat me with a belt. My mother supported him, saying I deserved it. Believe me I didn't understand at all what happened at that time, I just wanted my parents to not be angry like that at me.
In school I was always forced to learn. When I got a worse mark my father also used to beat me up. I also had no friends because we lived in a small town in another country and ppl where very suspicious about us. I heard parents telling their children to stay away from the foreigner girl... That was me. Children in my class harassed me and bullied me for the way I talked, how I looked and behaved. So basically for everything. I was treated like their enemy.
And at home life was also not easy. I had to start to take care of my handicapped sister when I was about 5/6 years old. My parents were going to work, my older brother was allowed to go and play outside with his friends and I had to take care of my sister, clean and cook for her and of course I had to learn. So that was no real childhood...
When I became older my parents also used to argue a lot with each other. When I was around I always tried to defend my mother because she often didn't know when to stop to provoke my father. He often tried to beat her up but when I was around I stepped in for her and in the end I was again the one who got hurt.
You also have to know my parents drank so so sooo much alcohol. It was the most important thing in their life. You had a bad day? Drink some alcohol. You had a good time? Drink some alcohol! You don't feel well? You are ill? Drink some alcohol. I remember I had scarlet when I was 6 years old. My parents gave me mulled eine as medicine! They were suprised why it didn't help!!!
So when I became older I always felt like my parents control my whole life. They always had to know where I was, why I was there and who was with me. I was not allowed to have friends who had a bad school background or pierced and tattooed bodies. My father always told me if one day I'd get a piercing or tattoo he'd come for me, even if he was already dead and buried, he'd come for me and will kill my with his own hands. The problem for me was that I always wished to have tattoos and piercings.... I felt like I could never be the person who I wanted. I had always a plan made from them who I was supposed to be. So even when I was a child I always dreamed of my own freedom. Also I imagined to run away and live life how I wanted to. But unfortunately I was always afraid to be alone and helpless....
Then came the 14th February. This night changed my life drastically. It was 2:30am in the night when my father dragged me out of my room to the kitchen. He locked me up in the kitchen and forced my to tell him all my sins (yes he literally said sins) or I'd regret it. Honestly I was so afraid.... I thought that this would be the end. So I started to tell him for example that I had a membership at a sports gym without him knowing about it. I also had friends with piercings and tattoos and minor things like that. At that time I also had a laptop and he even wanted to know what I was doing in the Internet. The "best" question was if I was still a virgin.... It was so unbelievable humilating what he wanted to know and I was so desperate I told him much but not everything. Some questions were so private I'd really rather died than answer honestly. Guess what his reaction was? He pulled a knife and told me very calmly "this is it daughter. I raised you but today I will kill you with my own hands. A failure like you is not allowed to continue living. So I'll kill you myself and burry you in our backyard. "
I was done. Really I was shaking and crying so much out of fear. But then I thought I was saved. My mother was at the door and demanded to be let inside. So my father did. First she was confused what was going on and my father explained her that he wants to find out my lies. Honestly I really thought I was saved. I believed in my mother to not let me down and help me get out of there.... So so wrong. So wrong to think that. She was SO exited and went straight to my room to get my laptop to see what the hell was in it. That was is for me! I ran behind her to stop her and my father chased me too and started to punch me wherever he got the chance to. My mother got the laptop but I refused to share my password. So the punching started again.... He punched my in the face, the ribs, stomach, everywhere where he wanted. But he didn't stop. He was so in rage that he started to strangle me. Believe me that was the moment when I'd have welcomed death like an old missing friend. I didn't get anymore air.... I was choking and he was still shouting "I will kill you! ".... So I answered "then kill me finally "... That was it for my mother. She stepped in and also started to slap me and punch me and insulted me "how dare you talk like that to your own father! You don't deserve anything bit to suffer and to die! " they kept it up. Punch after punch, insult after insult. I just wanted to die.... That was everything I longed for in this moment.
After some time they stopped and my father asked me when I was leaving. That was so confusing. What did he mean? I thought I was not allowed to live anymore. But no they let me leave! I was allowed to leave so I left. They didn't allow me to take anything with me so I left with only the clothes I had on and some shoes. But where to go in the middle of the night. The only possibility was to my brother. He lived alone with his wife and child and I had no idea where else to go. Till today I don't understand why but my mother even drove me to him.
When my brother saw my condition he was speechless. He hugged me and tried to help me and I thought I was saved. I broke down crying and slepton his couch.
The next morning I realized I couldn't stay there. I wanted to go to a friend to take some time for myself. And thanks God I decided to go because a few hours later my brother called me and told me my parents were looking for me. They even threatened him with calling the police! He was honest and said he doesn't know where I was beside that I was at a friend. The next thing they'd done was going to the police. They explained that I was a poot delusional girl who hurts herself and that they are afraid that I might do something dangerous like killing myself. So the police searched for me. But at the same time my friend forced me to go to the police and tell them what happened. Thanks god I had the courage to do so because when I entered the police station they immediately recognized something was off. The police let me tell them my version of the story and started to take pictures of my wounds for evidence. They also kept it a secret where I was, so I thought I was safe at that time.
After two days I realized I had to leave. My friend was poor and had no money and also no ambition to help me further. I tried to go to my brother but guess what? He said I was only allowed to stay with him if I pay rent! How was I supposed to have money and pay him? I had nothing! Really nothing!!!!! So the only thing I could do was to go to a women's shelter. There I got some help.
Believe it or not but all my "friends" at that time were shocked of my story. Many didn't even believe me and told me "they are your parents. I'm sure that was a misunderstanding. Despite everything they have done to you, you still have to respect them and forgive them. " yes, that's what many of my so called friends told me. The others turned away because they couldn't handle such a story. So I basically was alone. No family no friends. Only some strangers started to help me. They gave me clothes and a little bit of money to buy food. But it wasn't much....
The story continues. My parents were searching for me. Even after leaving the town they kept searching. I got a warning from a girl from my old town that my parents hired some private detectives to find me. Unfortunately they did find me one day. My parents knew I was in the women's shelter so they demanded from the ladies who ran that place to send me out. Of course they did not do so. But despite that they still have thrown me out because my parents threatened the owner to reveal the location of the shelter to the public. I was not the only women there so they had to make me leave so the other women there were not in danger.
So that's my life so far! I can't tell you where I am right now because I'm afraid that my parents will find out again. I can only tell you that I can't stay here for too long. I'm forced to move often, can't stay in a place for too long. Also I still have nothing besides a few clothes and a little bit of money..... Guys I'm really broken. I'm permanently afraid, can't sleep, I always have nightmares.... also I have to force myself to eat even if I'm not hungry at all but I know I need the strength to carry on.
And I want to carry on! I want to achieve the freedom I always dreamed of! I wand to become the person I was supposed to be! But I need money.... I can't find a job because of the reasons above. So my last idea is to ask people out there if they can spare a dollar or an euro.... Believe me you would help me tremendously with only one dollar/euro! Please help me escape here and find a place of security where I can start to heal, feel safe and start a normal life!
Please believe me I would not ask you if I had another chance or idea....
Thanks for reading and to all other children and people out there with abusive parents: don't give up! You are not a failure, nobody deserves this so please keep on fighting! Peace and freedom is worth it!
Here is a link if you are able to donate
origamiaround
kianamaiart
annaxmalina
stormborns
izzy806
discoholicmusic
