Bachelor Life

Laziness is the Brodog of Invention

[thebachelorlife]

SCENE: Apartment. The recycling is overflowing. Roommate (R) and girlfriend of roommate (GF) sit in the living room.

Me: Take out the recycling.

R: Make a new bag.

Me: What?

R: Put it in a new bag.

Me: No, I don't have more recycling to add. 

R: Then what's the problem?

Me: That the recycling is full and I've been asking you to take it out for the past week.

R: Uuuurrghh but it's so much work.

GF: You're going downstairs anyway, just take it with you.

R: Fine.

R goes to gather the recycling.

GF: Wait, are you wearing my shorts as your underwear?

fin

[thebachelorlife]

"What if that was my job? What if that was how I put food on the table?"

"Yeah, what if that was how you put little microwavable soup cups in the cabinets?"

"Yeah, what if it was that?"

[thebachelorlife]

BachVentions

Flavoring Pot

Problem: A previously used, unwashed pot that has a residual crust. 

Solution: Wash and re-use the pot. 

BachLution: Cook in the unwashed pot, so that the crust softens and melts into your food, adding a fun new flavor!

[thebachelorlife]

Part three: 

Bachelor Rule: If it works, it works. 

If you're sitting on a chair, it's a chair. 

[thebachelorlife]

Part two: 

Bachelor Rule: If it works, it works. 

If there's light in the bulb, it's a lightbulb. 

[thebachelorlife]

Three part post:

Bachelor Rule: If it works, it works. 

If it stops the door, it's a doorstop. 

[thebachelorlife]

"I can't find a strainer to wash these cherries. I'll just wash them in this pan."

-CH

[thebachelorlife]

"It's sort of nice that my windows are this dusty, because now I don't need to buy blinds."

MK

[thebachelorlife]

Garbage: Where Does it Go? How about when you are very lazy? 

Problem (from what can be determined given the evidence): You have garbage. You are also maybe sitting on the toilet. 

Solution: Put it in the trash can/bucket. 

BachLution: HOLD UP! Maybe there is somewhere else to put it that is closer/weirder??? Yes, there is. 

[thebachelorlife]

Problem: Dishes not done.

BachLution: Place photo of empty sink over them. 

[thebachelorlife]

When Do You Have To Wash Your Clothes?

Bachelor Rules of Thumb: 

You can't wear the same shirt three days in a row, because that's gross. 

You can wear the same shirt three or more nonconsecutive days in a row. As long as the shirt has a "rest day" in between each wearing, it remains clean. The day on your floor/dresser gives it time to "air out" and "clean itself" (don't think too much about it)

Pants can be worn however long if they don't have visible stains. 

Actually, stains are fine, as long as they're not super noticeable chunky stains. Therefore, black pants stay clean longer than light pants. 

-Rules gleaned from conversation between SSC and MK

Additional contribution: 

If it smells enough that you can smell it when the shirt is about 1 foot in front of your face then you cant wear it anymore - but if you can only smell it when sticking your nose in the armholes then you are probably ok. Per this rule, I have some sweaters that I have never washed. -LD

[horseplushorse-blog]

Horse + Horse’s first video!

THINGS THAT LOOK NORMAL WHEN YOU LIVE ALONE

The weirdest roommate ever: yourself.

Starring LAURA GREY!

Featuring Kent Kincannon & Moujan Zolfaghari

Director/Writer: Melinda Taub Director of Photography: Patrick Mahoney Editor: Kent Kincannon Producer: Moujan Zolfaghari Sound: John Timothy

Brought to you by UCB Comedy. http://www.twitter.com/ucbcomedy http://www.facebook.com/ucbcomedy

[helloiamarobothere]

Must admit the carrot bit is based on my life. NOT ASHAMED. 

[thebachelorlife]

I have also totally used that salad-making technique. But WHATEVER YOU HAVE KNIVES IN YOUR MOUTH, USE THEM.

[thebachelorlife]

BachVentions: The Shoe Drawer

Problem: You have a bed with two drawers in the frame, but one of the drawers is on the floor, not in the frame.

Solution: Put the drawer back in the frame.

BachLution: Flip the drawer up on its side and pile things on it awkwardly.

We tried to help J clean his room. 

Me: Is that an upended drawer in the corner? 

J: Yeah, why? 

C: Why don't you put that drawer in the drawer hole in your bedframe?

Me: Yeah, then you can put things in the drawer. 

J: But I keep stuff in the drawer hole already!

Me: Stuff you use often?

J: Yes. (Pulls out notebook literally covered in dust balls) Maybe not that often.

C: Great, so put the drawer back. 

J: But I like the drawer being over there! I use it for my shoes.

C: You use it to keep your shoes...off the ground? Because the whole point of shoes is that they stay between you and the ground. 

Me: You have a pair of dress shoes and one flip flop on that drawer. 

J: Uuuugh fine, I'll put it back. 

[kellysingsong]

Visit Original Link

In this next song, a charismatic man in his mid-30s invites a beautiful woman he’s been seeing back to his apartment for sex… or so he hopes.

SONG: “Back at my Place” by David Pickard

[thebachelorlife]

This song is going on the "Now That's What I Call Bachelor LIfe! Vol. 9" CD out later this month.

[thebachelorlife]

PHASE ONE

Me: Why are all of our magazines wavy like they've been waterlogged? 

JG: I read them in the shower. 

CB: Oh thank god. I was worried it was urine. 

Me: Yeah, that's actually a relief. 

PHASE TWO

1) Rip out and tape up individual pages/articles to read while showering. 

2) Tape other, newer articles over the ones you've already read. 

3) Be clean and informed. 

[thebachelorlife]

Current Food Options

Carrot Cake

Organic American Cheese slice

Ben & Jerry's Peach Cobbler Ice Cream

Enough week-old pancake batter, plus a strawberry, to make almost a pancake, plus a strawberry. 

Frozen banana stuck to ice cubes in ice cube tray

Bachelor decision process:

Peach cobbler ice cream is too obviously not dinner.

Need pancake batter for semi-breakfast tomorrow.

Frozen banana with ice cubes on it needs to be thrown out.

Eat slice of Organic American Cheese for dinner.

Eat half carrot cake for dessert because it is like bread, sort of. 

Eat Peach Cobbler ice cream for second dessert.

[thebachelorlife]

DIY iPhone Cover Project

Problem: You've dropped your phone so many times that the screen is shattered and piece of glass are in danger of falling right off the phone and into your eardrum or wherever.

Possible Solutions: Have glass screen replaced. Buy new phone.

BachLution: Wrap phone in sandwich baggie so that a) You always have to talk on speakerphone, b) Speakerphone is incredibly muffled and buzzy, c) You are basically talking into a bag of glass.