Master List Currently in E.D. Recovery!! Yay me! E.D. Help Masterpost I love dance and writing fics! Supernatural, Criminal Minds, Doctor Who, Sherlock (BBC), Avengers, Loki. 90’s baby
it’s annoying to me as a Fanfic Elder that y’all don’t understand how consent works in regards to reading fanfic
last night I saw a fic that had EIGHT of my favorite tags included and a great summary BUT it also contained a tag for a topic that bothers me. I weighed the pros/cons and decided NOT to read the fic because the ONE tag I disliked was something that could trigger a panic attack if the scene went into any sort of detail - it wasn’t worth risking the eight good tags.
from the first moment I noticed the fic to the moment I decided not to read it, the entire experience was MY RESPONSIBILITY. the author tagged the fic correctly, I knew what my limits were, and I respected them.
if you find a fic with tags you don’t like, JUST DON’T READ IT
don’t harass the author, don’t post a big whiny rant about it on Tumblr, just keep scrolling
It’s your job to know when to not read something when the fic contains topics that you don’t like or get triggered by.
If a writer does that and you chose to read it anyway- whatever you experience with the fic is your responsibility. You chose to read a story that contains the topics mentioned.
And btw: if a writer misses a tag or doesn’t tag a fic correctly- you can and should message them and ask them to add that tag… Because that’s their responsibility and they should do it. More often than not the writers will be nice about it and listen.
And also- if you are pondering the pros/cons you can always reach out and ask the writer- “hey in your x fic, i saw the tag for y topic and i am not sure if i can read that so i wanted to ask if that is a big deal or if it is only mentioned, (and if you want details-) can you also tell me the details that involve the topic y in this story?”
Ask them to spoil it for you if you are unsure. Better safe than sorry.
The writers will gladly help clarify stuff and talk to you about it, i once read a series and reached a chapter that had a tag that could trigger me, so i sent the author a message and asked for them to explain why it is there- then they told me it is involved a lot and i realized i can’t read it… But it was a series and so i asked- “can you spoil the chapter for me and tell me what happened? I can’t read this chapter but i want to know overall what happened so I can be caught up with the series”… And then they happily responded and wanted to help me and told me what happened and i didn’t read the chapter and i didn’t get triggered and i went on to read the chapters that came afterwards and i was happy.
You as a reader have the resources to figure out if you will like the fic or if it will hurt you… Use that, make a wise decision. Don’t come after the writer afterwards if they tagged it correctly.
summary: reader has been playing chicken with their feelings for their boss, and they’re sick of it. (i’m terrible with summaries, so pls don’t take this seriously 💀)
warnings: NSFW, smut, unprotected sex (pls use protection), oral (reader receiving), slight size kink, fingering, a touch of thigh riding?, dirty talk (reader is called princess), i hope im not missing anything
this is sfw :) and i think im going to make this a 2 part-er, bc i cant help myself 🤪
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summary: you’ve been known to skips meals during work and replace them with coffee, and Hotch wants to change that. (seriously don’t take these seriously)
warnings: fluff, admission of feelings, first kiss, mentions of food, sexual innuendos
word count ~ 1.6k
“Have you eaten?” Hotch asked as he towered above you on the catwalk.
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x GN! reader
Words: 1.2k
Summary: Everything feels like falling apart around you and within you and every minute feels like an eternity. You find your way to Aaron's office, hoping he'll know what to do.
Warning: Heavy in hurt/comfort. Depression, anxiety themes. Stay safe lovelies.
A/N: I have no words. But remember that you are not alone.
Hopeless
It feels wrong to pour the expensive, golden brown whiskey inside a white FBI marked coffee cup. You knew Aaron had a bottle somewhere in his office for days like today, and you’re glad you were right. It feels almost illegal to pour such a delicate drink into your own coffee mug, but you don’t care. It doesn’t matter anymore.
You raise the bottle back upright once there’s about an inch of whiskey at the bottom of your cup. But instead of putting the glass bottle back to where you found it, you bring it with you to the sofa. You set it down on top of the glass sofa table and the screech of glass against glass hurts your ears, even if it isn’t that loud.
The leather seating now underneath you is somewhat comforting, but the empty office makes you feel even more alone than you already felt. But you know your boyfriend is supposed to be back soon, so you try to settle on the couch and wait. You raise the mug to your chest, nursing it on both of your hands.
Only the lamp on his desk keeps the deep darkness away, but only barely. The warm light tries its best to light the room, but the darkness within you seems to fight just as hard. Everything around you feels like it’s about to swallow you and make you disappear. In fact, a big part of you wishes you could. But a small voice inside your head is telling you to keep going, try just a little bit longer. And that voice sounds a lot like Aaron’s voice.
But you’re sick and tired of trying to go on. Every day feels heavier than the one before it and at every hour of the day, the news and media brings worse and worse news. It feels like there is no hope for the humanity no more. No matter how you and your team tries to fight for peace and human lives, it doesn’t take away the pain and suffering in the world.
What’s the point? What’s the point in trying? What’s the point in fighting when the pain in your heart gets heavier by the hour? The tears burden your eyes more often and your head feels too crowded to feel anything anymore. Not to mention anything else but hopelessness or despair.
The world would go on without you.
The last thing you wish to do is worry Aaron. So you try to pick up your own pieces and glue it together, hoping he won’t notice. You try to smile through your pain and sorrow, he’s gone through enough. He deserves to be happy, after everything life has put him through.
Are you on his way? Are you just bringing him down, causing him more pain?
You wish you could just disappear. Just go away and take your pain with you. Not let it hurt anyone else. It’s too late for you, the darkness has consumed you until there’s nothing else left. Only the shell of what you once were. A shadow of the version of yourself that was happy and enjoying life. The version that had purpose in life; Something to fight for.
Sure, you have a couple of friends. But they have enough on their plates, you don’t want to burden them anymore. You’ve already talked enough and it always feels like you’re just begging for attention. It always sounds as if you don’t love your friends or appreciate them. That’s the furthest thing from the truth. You love them so much it hurts. They’re good people, they are in fact wonderful people with hearts of gold. They bring so much light into the world just by existing and you hold them oh so dear to your heart. But it doesn’t take away the pain in it.
They’d get over losing you, they’ll forget. Everyone always does.
The tears have filled your eyes again and are overflowing, falling down your cheeks. To replace the salty taste they leave in your lips, you take a sip of your liquor. As much as you wish to savor the expensive, smoky taste of it, only the burn of it soothes you as it flows down your throat.
The time nor place is no more relevant. The only thing that matters is breathing and sitting down. Holding on to the last pieces of yourself and trying to get through this minute. Thinking any further than that makes you want to fall apart.
10 seconds.
20 seconds.
Soon, one minute is full. You can hold on, just one more minute.
Repeating this cycle two more times, the office door opens and familiar steps echo in the room.
You close your eyes and let the tears flow without making a sound. You feel invisible. You feel like you’re nothing, you’re not really here.
But the steps come to a stop and it makes you lift your head towards the man at the door. Aaron. He’s finally here. He’ll know what to do; he always knows what to do. You don’t have to stay strong anymore. He won’t let you fall, no matter how bad it may seem. He’ll be there to catch you.
In a second’s time, he looks you up and down, trying to assess the situation. He’s no longer SSA Hotchner, his role as your partner is now so much more important. With two strides, he comes up right next to you and wraps his arms around you. You’re too tired to protest, no matter how you wish to stay strong for him. Once his arms pull you tightly against his chest, you let yourself fall apart.
You violently sob, nuzzling your head to his chest. Aaron soothes your hair softly, giving you something to focus on. Every now and then, he plants gentle kisses on your temple and cheek as if to praise you for holding on another minute. “I’m right here, sweetheart” he whispers and pulls you even tighter against his chest.
You’re not sure how much time passes by. It feels like just seconds, yet a lifetime at once.
“I’m so, so proud of you” you can hear his voice crack as he speaks softly and it breaks your heart. Hurting him was the last thing you wanted, and here he is, trying to stay strong for you now “Every single day”.
You try to open your mouth to speak, but another wave of tears takes over you instead.
Aaron slides off his dark suit jacket and wraps it over you. It’s warm and big and it makes you feel even closer to him.
You don’t know what to do and how to get through this. Everything feels hopeless and dark. But you’re thankful that in his arms you don’t have to pretend to be okay and he doesn’t expect you to ‘snap out of it’. He’s patient and he’s gentle and you know he’s going to be with you all the way.
A/N: this is more of a blurb than a one shot but when I tried to lengthen it, nothing felt organic so here’s a short piece while I finish some others
Gif credit goes to @ssacharcoalgrey <3
“Honey, I love you,” you started with an eerily calm voice, stealing a cue from your husband, “but if you don’t put the cookies back, I’m going to leave you here.”
One of the ladies who was looking through the oreo section started giggling at the two of you, hiding her face as she pretended her humor stemmed from something on her phone. Your husband was trying to remain impassive, eyes wide in a slightly larger version of the puppy dog look that Jack uses to get away with just about everything. With a roll of your eyes, you gestured to the shelf and waited for him to put the goodies back.
You were trying to grocery shop, a task you liked to do and always volunteered to do alone. It was a task that your husband despised and generally left for you to do. Haley had done it when they were married and you did it now because whenever he was left to do the shopping, he picked protein shakes for himself and pre-made lunchables for Jack. Anything that was easy and quick to get them through the day.
This day was different. Aaron had gotten back from a case a couple of hours ago and didn’t want to be left in their empty home while you did the grocery shopping. Jack was away at a sleepover and you would not be convinced of take out and a night in. Not that Aaron’s plans sounded bad, but you knew how much he hated the unhealthiness of fast food and how much of it he consumed on cases. Thus, whenever he was home you tried to make meals he enjoyed and would keep him healthy for the job.
“But sweetheart-”
“No. We don’t need any more sweets at home. I picked up those cannoli’s you really like from the bakery on 4th street and if you really want chocolate chip cookies later, I’ll make some” you tried to reason, grabbing the cookies out of his hand and swiftly putting them back on the shelf as you wrapped your arms around him. He gave you a big, toothy smile, wrapping his arms around your back with a light squeeze.
“What did I do to deserve you?” he murmured, leaning down to kiss the crown of your head, lips lingering for only a moment longer than appropriate in such a public setting. When he pulled away, he walked back over to your steadily filling cart and motioned for you to lead the way. You grabbed what you came for, the vanilla wafers you had plans to use in a banana pudding recipe - Aaron’s biggest weakness - before you steered him towards the next aisle. You had most of the non-fresh foods that would be used in recipes for the next couple of weeks, all that was left was the produce.
Aaron was humming as you made your way through the vegetables, checking off your list while you picked up the items, “tomatoes for the soup, I figured we would do grilled cheese and tomato soup for dinner tomorrow after the soccer game. Cherry tomatoes for the salad tonight. I grabbed lettuce already and the steaks are thawing at home so all that’s left are the potatoes.”
You grabbed the last ingredient needed for your dinner and the two of you checked out quickly. There was no line since you were doing your shopping at 7 pm on a Friday night, most of the population already camped out at home or getting ready to go out. There was a time you thought you would miss date nights and nights out on the town, but there was nothing better than the time you got to spend with your husband - no matter the time or place.
Summary: He met you on a snowy winter day, and since then, a tradition was born.
Content/warnings: pregnancy, soft and domestic Hotch <3.
Word count: 1.1k.
A/N: Guess who finally managed to finish something 🥲 I’ve had this half written since December. It’s a Christmas themed little story and it’s the cheesiest most silly and soft and tooth-rotting thing I’ve ever written and I love it so much. So I hope you love it too!
It wasn’t a dangerous activity – swimming on an almost freezing lake, or at least try to – but this time, the weather was being too passionate about covering everything with a thick blanket of snow.
Your hands were ice clutching his bicep, holding onto it him if your life depended on it, and his eyelashes were turning heavy, making it difficult to see beyond his nose. It was your tradition, though, and you were already with just your underwear on in a 27 degree Christmas morning.
Story Summary: You've been away for the weekend, meeting your family for your nephew's birthday. But you feel like you've never really fit in and it was everything but lovely to see them again. Thank god it is sunday and you're back home with your boys.
Words: 1.4k
Warnings: Mostly just Domestic fluff <3 Some talk about toxic family members.
A/N: Blood is what makes you related, care and love are what make family. I'm trying to remember that myself, too.
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~~
You’ve not minded the traffic lights before. The red light rarely annoys you. After all, it is an important tool for everyone’s safety. But this evening, as that red shines in your car, it makes your already boiling blood gush in your veins. It gets you fuming, the same way a red cloth does to a bull in all of those comic books.
You’ve never wished for a weekend to be over as much as you do tonight. Sunday has never felt this long and you’re almost looking forward to a Monday morning and getting back to the safety of your regular life and routines.
You’d been out of town since Friday noon, going to see your family and relatives. To many, that’s a lovely way to spend a weekend; to you it was a dreaded nightmare. The “funny” jokes from your racist uncle and snarky comments from your aunt who’s always on a new diet. Judgment from your mother’s cousin and pity from their partner. Only thinking back to it makes you squeeze the steering wheel, blood draining under your grip, making your knuckles all white.
It was supposed to be a cheerful event: your nephew’s second birthday, but you knew it would be everything but that. It always is when it comes to your family. Your family had been begging for you to come over, and of course you wanted to be there for your incredible little nephew. But the moment you stepped through the door, it was like you didn’t exist unless someone needed something from you.
Of course Aaron had offered to come with you, he’d hate for you to go through it all alone. But you’d insist on him staying home with Jack and enjoying his time off. That was in no shape or form because you didn’t want him to come or that you are ashamed of your fiance. But you are beyond embarrassed by your family’s behavior and you don’t want to put him through it.
You know they take every opportunity they can to make mean comments about anyone and anything just for the excitement of it. Aaron and Jack have gone through enough of that already, without your family making comments about him being 15 years older than you and widowed. Or of you, not being Jack’s mother and you should quit acting like one, even if you’ve been in the boy’s life for the majority of it and he loves calling you Momma. There’s absolutely no need for added pain and sadness.
Aaron wasn’t happy to stay behind but he respects your space. But he made it extra clear that he’d be there in a heartbeat if you needed him. He always is. No matter the time or place, you know you’d be able to call him. Since Friday evening, you’ve wanted to call him and ask him to come and save you. But instead, you cried on the phone with him but told him that you will be alright and it’s just a lot of mixed feelings taking over you.
After endless red lights and street signs you’ve seen a million times before, you turn to your driveway and neatly park your car next to Aaron’s. It’s late, but if you’re lucky, you’ll be on time to say good night to your favorite little boy, who’s bedtime is just around the corner.
You take your bag from the back seat and close the door gently. Across the street lives your lovely neighbor Hilda. She can be a bit nosy and so damn chatty, but you know she means well. But right now, you really wish to not see her, so making as little noise outside as possible, the better.
And for your luck, you make it to your front door without having her come out at hers. But as you take a glimpse back, you see her by her kitchen window, waving lazily at you. Biting the inside of your cheek, you wave your hand at her and push your front door open, hoping to avoid further contact with her tonight.
As you close the front door, having made it inside safely without talking to Hilda first, you’re surprised by how quiet the house is. Especially as the lights are still on, implying that Jack is still up with his dad. There’s sound coming from the tv, and you navigate your way to it.
You’re about to call for Jack or Aaron, but as you make it to the living room, you’re glad you’ve kept your mouth shut. You see your fiance asleep on the couch, with his head on the pillows you’ve chosen. He’s laying on his back and his long arms are tightly wrapped around his precious little boy, who is also fast asleep. Jack’s light, soft hair was partly on Aaron’s face, but it didn’t seem to bother either of them.
You go to turn off the tv. Apparently your boys have been watching ‘Finding Nemo’ for the hundredth time. You’ve learned to recognize the movie even from the credits that are rolling on the screen. As the screen goes dark and the faint music ends, Aaron flinches awake.
“Just me” you whisper soothingly, a wide smile forming on your lips as you meet his eyes “just me”.
His hands remain around his son, who’s snoring adorably on his chest. “Welcome home, sweetheart” he greets you gently. Only the sight of him makes your heart feel warm. You kneel down next to him and kiss him, both of you trying your best not to wake up the little one.
It always amazes you how he’s able to get up from the sofa, hold his son secured in his arms and not wake him up. It’s some kind of a dad talent, you’re sure. You lead his way to Jack’s bedroom and get everything prepared, so he’s able to just safely lay Jack down on his bed. The moment his fluffy hair hits the pillow, the boy continues his snores, implying Aaron’s sweet success of keeping him asleep. You tuck him in as Aaron kisses his forehead gently, like he does every single night.
After him, you lean in to kiss the top of his head as well. Your hand brushes on his hair so lightly, you don’t mean to sabotage Aaron’s hard attempt of keeping him in the dreamland. But you just needed to feel him there, even if it’s just for a second. You never realized how much you could love a little boy, until you met Jack. You treat him like your own son, but you never intend to replace his mother. Haley will always hold a special place in both of the Hotchner’s hearts. And to her you are thankful and you’ve promised her you will take good care of them for her.
Aaron gently grasps your hand and leads you towards the hallway. He makes sure Jack’s night light is on before he closes the door. And the moment it clicks shut, he pulls you into a tight hug. You hadn’t realized how much you had needed to feel his arms around you, but the moment the warmth of him surrounded you, everything started to make sense again.
Your cheek against his warm chest makes the pain from your weekend fade away. His hands soothingly running on your back make all the mean words sting less until they’re the furthest things in your mind.
What the Hotchners have taught you is that family is most certainly not the same thing as blood. Blood is what makes you related, care and love are what makes you family. And ever since you met Aaron, it’s become more and more clear to you. The care and understanding he’s shown you, no matter your flaws or imperfections, is beyond what you’ve ever seen before. And through him, you’ve met amazing people and gotten so many friends. His team has become more of a family to you than what your blood relatives have ever felt.
“I’m glad to be home” you tell him before he leans in to kiss you, properly this time. Your boys are where your heart is and where it will always be. You can’t wait to officially become a Hotchner as well.
Story Summary: You and Hotchner go way back, but haven’t seen each other in years. Until he finds you inside of his office one day, out of the blue. The old flame is to spark again, but the world keeps on pushing the two of you apart. Can it keep you apart, this time for good?
Words: 2.1k
Warnings: Fluffy Hurt/comfort, some description of wounds etc.
A/N: THIS FIC IS OFFICIALLY NOW FINISHED! I'm not sure if I'm fully satisfied with the ending, I might do another epilogue kind of a chapter eventually, but for now, I am finished with this series. All feedback is more than appreciated, thank you everyone for your patience, notes and comments and all! I love you.
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~
Chapter 20.
Back in lawschool, sitting alone at the back of a coffee shop is not exactly the place you had expected to spend your evening. Especially not the evening of Valentine’s day. But here you are, alone when almost every other table is filled with couples and everything pink and red.
You were looking forward to the evening. You had even dressed up to an outfit that flatters you perfectly and you felt comfortable in. But right now, it’s only a reminder of a failed evening. Therefore you have your coat on in an attempt to cover it up to the best of your ability.
It was meant to be a good distraction. Law school is hard, especially as you don’t want to be in one. It’s not something you wish to do with your life, altho you admire the people who do; your parents included. The only reason you haven’t left yet is because you’re not sure what else to do with your life, plus you’ve made great friends with a couple of students.
But your friends are also the reason you needed this distraction. You’ve found yourself having a major crush on your best friend Aaron at school and you don’t know how to tell him that, without ruining your friendship with him. He’s a bit shy but really smart. He’s also really passionate about becoming a prosecutor some day and it shows. He has a bit longer black hair that looks cute and fluffy. He has such kind eyes, altho you have to look up to see them, as he towers over you.
So, you tried to focus on someone different instead and asked out another student. But they didn’t show up. It’s now been an hour and he’s still not here. You’ve finished your drink some time ago now, but you don’t feel like going home yet. So, instead you just sit at your seat at the back and let your mind wander.
“Excuse me, is this seat taken?” you hear someone ask and break your train of thoughts. You look around you, trying to locate the source of it, until you realize it’s coming from right in front of you. You meet the beautiful brown eyes you’d recognize anywhere to be Aaron’s.
“Hi! What are you doing in here?” you ask him and realize that just seeing him makes you smile. “Um, no. Please, sit” you gesture towards the chair in front of you once you remember that he’d asked a question first.
Swiftly, he pulls back the chair and lowers to sit down on it. You realize he has a plastic cup in his hand, implying that he hadn’t intended to stay inside the cafe for his drink. “I needed some fresh air and coffee, so I found myself here. I thought I’d go to the library to study, but I saw you sitting here all alone, I couldn’t leave before checking on you” he speaks and you’re once again mesmerized by his voice. It’s smooth and deep, so captivating and you can already hear it fitting perfectly in a courtroom. “How did your date go?”
“I - uh” you try to laugh through your disappointment “I kinda got stood up” you explain and you hate the look inside Aaron’s eyes. You’re not sure if it’s pity or concern, but you didn’t want either of them. “But it’s fine, I’ll survive. What are you doing, going to study on a valentine’s? Do you have any idea how many girls wish you’d asked them out tonight?”
You lean forward to your arms on the table and Aaron’s quick to mirror your posture “No, ma’am. You want to enlighten me? How many?” He asks with the most smug smile you’ve ever seen on his face.
“Actually never mind, Hotchner. You don’t need that ego boost” you smirk back at him and even the little playful pout on him isn’t enough to change your mind and tell him any names.
“Were you one of them?”
“Huh?” You ask him, caught off guard.
He clears his throat “When did he cancel? Your date?” He decides to change the subject and take a sip of his beverage. Probably just black coffee, even if it’s past 8pm already.
“He didn’t” you trail off, hoping you wouldn’t have to explain the whole situation but for him to read between the lines instead.
Hotchner sighs in front of you and you can almost hear him cursing all the men in the world in his head “I’m sorry to hear that” he says and you can tell that’s how he genuinely feels “Totally their loss, but I know that’s not how it feels right now”.
“Yeah” you agree, turning to look at your empty cup on the table “I’m okay. Don’t let me interrupt your evening plans” you smile at him and the one you get back is almost blindingly gorgeous. No wonder so many students have a crush on him.
“Have you eaten?” He ignores your comment fully. You haven’t, not in a while. “I know everything’s going to be full today and we stand no chance of getting a table from any restaurant, but what we could do is go to Wendy’s, order some food and you can curse this douche for not showing up for you and forget about him”.
His suggestion does sound tempting, and after some thinking, you agree to it. Hotchner grabs his coffee in one hand and reaches the other towards you. Hesitantly, you take his hand and let him help you up. He leads you out of the coffee shop confidently, knowing exactly how to cheer you up. And it works and it’s still one of your favorite valentine’s you’ve had.
~~
It’s hard to believe that it’s the same man here, today, leaning to the kitchen island with a white coffee cup in his hands. The same, sort of lanky man you used to know in early twenties. He’s much more solid nowadays, so grown up and tall. You can see the drink steaming and you love how comfortable the smell of coffee feels and you’ll never not associate the smell of coffee with him.
It’s now been two months since you’d sat beside his hospital bed, waiting for him to wake up; two months since that god-awful warehouse. After three days at the ICU, he was released to a regular room but another week went by before he could go back to his own bed.
For weeks, he’d been so stressed out and frustrated due to his injuries and not being able to do as much as he’d want to. It took him weeks to gain enough stamina to walk properly for a few minutes without taking a break. But taking any deeper breaths would hurt his chest and throat, so he had to let go of his ego and give himself time. Not an easy thing to convince a Hotchner. About a week ago, he’d gotten rid of the shoulder support and for that he was beyond grateful. It had been driving him mad.
To a blind eye, he looks almost healthy. The cuts and bruises have healed and bones have been repaired. But you know how he still struggles, and how he will continue to do so for a long time. It will still take him time to build up the strength he had before; both physical and mental.
He tries so hard to be strong, it’s what he’s been taught since he was a child; hide your pain, don’t be a bother. But he’s trying his hardest to learn from his mistakes. He’d divorced from Haley because he couldn’t let himself feel. He loved her, but he felt like he still had to hide a part of himself from her and from himself. Work became the perfect distraction and he’d feel in control of everything. Until it was too late and his marriage crumbled down.
He doesn’t want to repeat his mistakes. He doesn’t want to hide anymore. Not from you. You’d seen him struggle, patiently training with him and cheering for him. You’d been there through nightmares and panic attacks; you’d seen him so vulnerable. And it hasn’t yet scared you away. You make sure to tell him everyday, that it never will.
You have been there for him, the same way he’s been there for you, as you are watching your whole career and part of your personality crumble down due to Charlie’s arrest. He’s been there for you through so many legal conversations and paperwork, teary phone calls with your team and crew. He’s supported you every step of the way as you try to figure out where to go from here and how to continue on with your life, out of the public eye. The uncertainty of it all is scary.
You softly walk from him and brush your palm against his back once you’re able to reach him. “Penny for your thoughts” you look up to him once you’re beside him. His eyes come to meet yours and he goes to wrap his right, healed arm around your waist. Your back meets with the kitchen counter as well as Aaron pulls you closer to his side.
It takes a moment for him to find the right words. “I got a, uh, call earlier” he starts quietly and you’re wondering where this might be going. His brow is in deep furrow, just like every time his mind goes a million miles an hour.
Of course, your head immediately goes to him getting bad news. Was the call from his doctor? But whatever the doctor’s told him, his insurance is world class, meaning you could handle whatever could be coming your way. Has something else happened?
He continues before you can worry any longer “from George Washington University” you were not expecting him to say that and his expression is unreadable, so you’re confused why your old school would call him after all this time. “Apparently news travel fast and I was offered a position there. There’s an open position for a law professor” he looks down in his coffee cup and you can almost hear the gears in your head.
“Really?” you ask, not sure how else to respond to the news. You were not expecting this and you’re not sure how he feels about it.
He nods and the look on his face softens “I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, but I’m just not sure what to do” he admits.
“Would you like to talk it through?” you take his hand and lead him out of the kitchen and to sit on the big sofa inside the living room. He follows your lead and lowers himself to the comfortable seating, right next to you. His thigh presses against yours and he leans back.
A deep breath leaves his chest and he slightly flinches to the sting inside him. “I love my team and they are what have kept me in the bureau” he thinks out loud, staring at the ceiling “But I think the past year, it’s been causing me more anxiety and sleepless nights. And after everything that’s happened, I don’t think I’d be able to return to field work anyway. I’m not interested in the politics that would be a major part of any other position in the bureau”.
It makes sense. The politics would drive him mad and if he was unable to ever return to the field, the disappointment and the reminder of being on the sidelines would be too much. But you also do understand the urge to stay; his team is his family.
“It’s scary to think about leaving, I’ve been in for so long” he turns to look at you. You stay silent, giving him a chance to talk and get it out completely. “But I know how afraid you were to leave Top Priority, too”.
You lift your head and turn to look at him. Your heart hurts, thinking how many times you two have been pushed apart. How many decisions have been made by the both of you that have separated your worlds from one another. The fondness of his smile is one of the purest things on earth. You love how a few lines form around his features as he smiles and the way his eyes light up.
“Of course it’s scary. Change is scary” you nod and go to lean your head to his shoulder. He kisses your forehead and leans his head to yours. It feels so comfortable, being close to him like this. His hand mindlessly rubs up and down on your back and his breath feels warm on your hair. “It was scary to leave and I’m terrified, not knowing what to do now. But – as cheesy as it may sound – I am confident that it will all work out, as long as you’re by my side”.
