Regardless of gender, some of us are born with wangs and have not been taught how to correctly piss.
I have spent a very long time having a wang, and have discovered the ins and outs on how to utilize it correctly in a bathroom scenario.
you want to watch for a pressurized feeling about half-way below your naval. if it feels like it's going south, It is.
Proceed migration into an acceptable ammonia disposal chamber. In the event that you are currently under the effects of BIG EEP, big high, or other cognitive modification, be aware that the trashcan is not an acceptable ammonia disposal chamber, nor is your potted plant.
The backyard may potentially work provided you own it, and have opaque walls. Be cautious of frostbite, and mosquitos. You only need to slap a mosquito once mid back-yard piss to realize that violence is a question, not an answer.
Nosy neighbors are target practice.
For now, we will assume you are in a standard issue bio-waste disposal chamber. Be aware that although your sink is an option, I will not provide instruction for that, this tutorial is for toilet pissing exclusively. Specifically standing while pissing.
Lift the primary lid if applicable, this lid modifies the toilet between two states: Chair, and toilet.
Next, you will see a secondary lid carved in the shape of a horse shoe. Although you are capable of using the toilet from this stage, it is advisable that you lift this lid as well so you have an easier target.
You are not as good a shot as you think you are.
Presented before you is a porcelain bowl filled with non-potable water. This is your target.
After unequipping your pants, be it entirely, or setting it into an alternative state of being (modified via the zipper) you will be capable of equipping your tube in a hand of your choice.
Begin by gently applying pressure/squeezing the top and bottom of your tube's exit-hole as if you were squishing a mail-letter to make it talk.
This is to prevent something known as "Split streams." See, similarly to how your lips will stick together over night, so too does your w a n g u s do this, and requires GENTLE re-opening. This minimizes mess.
From there, allow the tube to droop. Providing support with your fingers is fine, but you want to avoid applying pressure to the underbelly of the tube, as the pressure will build up like a mega-man blast, and ultimately cause you pain.
For this same reason, you want to ensure your leg-armor is not pressing against the hidden part of your tube that is behind your sauce containers.
Yes. There is more tube there. No. Pulling harder doesn't make it come out. If you're lacking confidence in your tube, change your measuring starting point to "The Butthole™" to ensure you have measured the entire tube.
Now, you are all ready to piss. All you need is a target.
By pissing near the edges of the water, you can muffle the sound made in order to minimize casualties, such as waking up roommates or loved ones in the middle of the night.
By aiming towards the cave of mystery, you can maximize your volume, asserting dominance and increasing the likelyhood of waking up roommates or hated ones in the middle of the night.
Remember. No piss is louder than the one at 3 AM.
Your hydration is measured through your pee. Remember, more yellow = more dehydrated. If it's anything not clear/yellow and liquid, seek a wang professional immediately.
Finally, cleanup. most people use the shake method, however, the optimal thing to do is to take a single sheet of toilet paper and dab the tip of your tube like it's a polite little gentlemen.
I'd go more in depth, however, I am being confronted by a character limit i didn't know existed.
after ensureing that your tube is no longer dripping, politely tuck it away, equip your leg-slot clothing, and pull the chrome lever of your toilet. Upon washing your hands, you will have successfully pissed. This concludes the tutorial.
