The Diary of a Wolf

[thediaryofawolf]

In the end, it’s always the same.

I’m the girl in bed, too devastated to move.

[thediaryofawolf]

When will I get to the point where I can talk about it without falling apart?

When will I hear your name-

{No. Not just your name, I mean YOUR name}

Without feeling the blow to my stomach?

When a passing mention of you doesn’t level me to the fucking ground?

When will I reach the point where I can be nostalgic? Have that dreamy reflective expression on my face instead of being this … this figure that loses its shape when faced with the memory of you?

How much longer?

Please tell me it’s not long, now.

> K. E.

[thediaryofawolf]

I’m okay, most of the time.

As ‘okay’ as I’ve ever been.

Then there are the nights.

[And it is always night]

When the ache hits.

My heart feels stretched too thin.

I can hardly breathe with the intensity of it.

Is it stretched or is it reaching?

I don’t know. Whatever it is, I want it to stop.

It won’t find you anywhere.

> K.E.

[rainagainstthewindowatnight]

I didn’t want to let them in, her and Peeta, but the walls of a person’s heart are not impregnable, not if they have ever known love.

[thediaryofawolf]

My hands are broken. I’ve held on so tight.

Held on with everything I have.

> K.E.

[thediaryofawolf]

I don’t want to hate you.

It makes my stomach roll, and my skin feel like it’s burning.

I love you. I want to love you.

> K. E.

[gattaxa]

HAILEE STEINFELD in SINNERS (2025) dir. Ryan Coogler

"You keep dancing with the devil, one day she’s going to follow you home.”

[thediaryofawolf]

I will never, never forgive you.

Not so long as I live.

Not in death.

Not in any parallel, timeline, or plane.

I curse you, damn you, in every shade and form I may take.

> K. E.

[thediaryofawolf]

It’s a shame.

All of this rage, and the only blood to show for it is my own.

> K.E.

[thediaryofawolf]

I’m tired, so very tired.

Of you.

Of me.

Of this life. This sad fucking joke of a life.

> K. E.

[unaliveish]

nkd intersection

[thediaryofawolf]

I miss him. I miss him so fucking badly, and you know what? I’m allowed to miss him. I’ve paid dearly for the right to.

> K.E.

[thediaryofawolf]

I’m tired.

I’ve been tired for so long, I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t. It scares me.

[thediaryofawolf]

You keep drowning yourself, sweetheart. In whiskey and vodka and worse, but it won’t help. Haven’t you learned by now?

[thediaryofawolf]

Tonight ...

For the very first time, I wish I’d never met you.

The heartache outweighs the ecstasy.

I would choose the pain of never knowing you, over the agony of being loved and then unloved by you.

> K.E.

[thediaryofawolf]

I’ve loved you ... always. Then and now. 

And you’ve let me down. Every. Single. Time. 

Which one of us is worse? 

The fool or the torturer?

> K.E.

[thediaryofawolf]

“She finally got the happy ending, 

She was waiting for, 

Though she’s lying on the floor, 

Without a heartbeat, 

She’s happy somewhere.”

-O