one interesting thing about the solas crestwood catastrophe is that:
if we look at the relationship from solas' perspective, he knows he's already... permanently altered lavellan with his magic, in a way that they didn't consent to/fully understand the ramifications of. oops! that was accidental, and he didn't even know them then, so presumably he manages to get over the guilt enough to have somewhat of a normal relationship afterwards.
but then, let's assume that he did stick to his plan to tell the truth... then he essentially:
altered their physical body with magic.
drew them in with friendship/affection before dropping a Huge Moral Burden onto them.
can't REMOVE the magic in his current state, until he gets the orb back.
if the explanation goes badly, and lavellan ends up hating him/disagreeing with his plan, they wouldn't even be able to tell him to fuck off permanently. bc the anchor is still slowly killing them.
if lavellan agrees with his plan in theory, then... they still have to accept the deaths of most people they knew and cared about. which even if they're ok with for the Greater Good™, will horrifically change their personality and ruin their life.
if lavellan agrees to help with the plan, then... they're basically solas' agent afterwards, and will have to personally bloody their hands even more. and the power differential only gets Worse.
so he's... a bit mythal-esque in his approach, by accident, isn't he? RIP! mythal is of course, the Best Of The Evanuris™ and a girlboss, but that's presumably unsettling to him when he realizes it. it seems like he had thought his confession through up to the point of "hm, maybe if i explain it really well, they'll accept me as the dread wolf, and the necessity of my plan? and we'll be together :)" without planning any further steps fhsjsgjf
so then he goes "oh, fuck. nevermind. what if i just stay as solas the Normal Apostate™ a bit longer. but, i need SOME pretext about why we're even here, or what 'the truth' is that i'm telling them. uhhhh... the vallaslin are... removable?" out of reflex.
lying, and with the expectation that he'd have to keep lying even longer.
encouraging lavellan to change an integral part of themselves, when they trust him deeply.
which is STILL very mythal-esque, or possibly dread wolf vs his foes type of behaviour, and it's towards someone that he loves! even when he's trying to be solas the Normal Apostate™. incredible. then solas either takes off the vallaslin, and realizes that he's altered lavellan further on false pretenses; or lavellan refuses, and he realizes that he's asked them to change themselves, still on false pretenses. and then he decides that it's Joever and there's no way to remain in the relationship that preserves his ethics. presumably, the fact that he killed felassan for showing 2% of this emotional bias towards mortals, is also weighing on him throughout.
BUT. then he does say afterwards that "everything will be made clear once corypheus is defeated". which is a pretty douchey thing to say if he expects to take the orb, and then for lavellan to like... die in the veilfall immediately? hdjsjfhsf. so to me, that seems like he had an intention to retake the anchor, and then tear down the veil and reveal his identity, and expected lavellan to still be alive afterwards to see it. and then they would no longer be magically attached to him, so at least that would equalize the situation a bit.
but then the orb breaks too! so, he has to slink off with 0 additional clarity to lavellan beyond saying "ough... what we had was real 🥺" before going to kill mythal himself. absolute trainwreck of a breakup.
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