Raising young boys is very different than raising young girls. I was reminded of this just today while driving down the road when I saw a mom and her young son doing this...Watch, Like, & Share.
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@theericupton-blog
Raising young boys is very different than raising young girls. I was reminded of this just today while driving down the road when I saw a mom and her young son doing this...Watch, Like, & Share.
Post Secret: Unknown Truths of Hyper Connected Students
"Truth Is: I'm bulimic, suicidal, a self-harmer and nobody knows."
This was a direct quote pulled from a “Secret Confession” from the remedylive.com website right under their logo. This confession was provided by a student, just like one you may know who has a secret struggle. I think the most alarming part of this confession is the word “nobody”.
So many students are struggling, including many of the students who attend edge middle school ministry each and every week. We do our very best as a team to never let a student leave feeling like they struggle alone. Sadly, as hard as we try, we know that this feeling of loneliness in a struggle still exists.
This is not how it has to be. We have the opportunity to make sure that our students do not struggle alone. The first step to walking into this difficult battle and standing in the gap with our students is learning what struggles, secrets, pressures, and battles our kids are facing each and every day.
This Wednesday night, February 19th from 6.30-8.30pm we have an incredible opportunity to come and hear from two leaders in the world of teen culture & ministry. Clinton Faupel has decades of youth ministry experience, and in 2007 he launched a website dedicated to reaching students right where they are. His message is filled with the hope of Jesus Christ and the words that so many students desire to hear, “You are NOT ALONE!”. These are life giving words, and through the ministry of RemedyLive.com Clinton and his team of “SoulMedics” have assisted in preventing dozens of suicides, countless cases of self harm, bulimia, and many other issues that students face. Along with Clinton we will be joined by Paige Clingenpeel, a Licensed Mental Health Therapist who specializes in teens and parents. Paige has spent the last 3 years with RemedyLive.com as an on air personality as well as host of a show called Trends & Teens. Her show is dedicated to helping parents not only understand the teen culture, but also provide tools for them to thrive during these years with their students.
Clinton and Paige will be sharing the unknown secrets of hyper connected students. They will discuss their mission and vision with RemedyLive.com and also share the ways that your students engage with social media, one another, and even with you in the hyper connected and yet often hyper lonely world they live in. Clinton and Paige will also answer your questions as parents in a LIVE Q&A session.
This is a crucial time in your students life, they have a ton of things they deal with on a daily basis, and often they go through these struggles feeling like they’re the only one who knows or cares. Join us on February 19th from 6.30-8.30pm at Bridgeway Christian Church in OnSite Rocklin as we take the first step together to stand up and let our students know that they are NOT ALONE!
If you would like more information about Clinton, Paige or the RemedyLive.com ministry please check them out here: RemedyLive.com
For more information on this next Parental Advisory Seminar email us here: [email protected]
To join us on facebook and help spread the word to other parents who need to come you can like us and commit to coming to our event here. Please SHARE this event on your page and invite anyone and everyone who would need to attend.
*Even if you can’t make it, please make it your goal to help spread the word. While emails and social media help inform people there is nothing more powerful than your personal invitation. You have the power to make this happen!* If you know someone who could use this type of seminar, insight, or encouragement please share this post with them. We are aiming to stream this live online if possible for those who live outside the local Sacramento, CA area. Stay connected with us for details and a link to join us live online on Feb. 19th 6.30-8.30pm PST
Micheal Sam 1st Openly Gay player to enter NFL Draft
Earlier this evening Michael Sam (@MikeSamFootball) , SEC Co-Defensive Player of the Year publically acknowledged that he was openly gay. This marks the first time that a player who is entering this years NFL Draft coming up in two weeks has "come out" as openly gay. It will also mark the first time that an openly gay NFL player could be on an active team roster.
For a while now the NFL and in fact much of the professional sports world has been moving in this direction. Not long ago a current NBA player, Jason Collins, came out as being openly gay as well. He is a free agent open to sign with any NBA team. As of yet, no team has reached out to sign him.
So, what does this all mean in the world of Youth Ministry? At first glance most people wouldn't see a direct connection between the professional sports world and the world of Youth Ministry. But think about it...how many of our students watch, idolize, and even emulate iconic sports stars? I know in my ministry we have a large group of students that follow sports quite closely.
Does this mean I fear students coming out as gay because of a popular college athlete? Does this mean I will advise against watching the NFL? Not at all. Actually quite the opposite.
Just this morning I was speaking to our students about a mind set that we as believers need to have, especially as young leaders. See, most non-christians are well aware of what "Christians" are against. Walk through a mall and ask anyone you want, "Hey what kind of things really piss Christians off?" and you will get a pretty decent list. Ask the same people, "What are Christians for?" and you will get a remarkably shorter list.
The point is this. When it comes to Faith in Christ I think there is the 1 thing that matters, and then there is everything else. The one thing that matters is simply do you have a relationship with Jesus Christ? Is he your personal savior? Everything else falls into the category of sanctification.
Here's how I define sanctification. Sanctification is the line that stretches in between where a person is and where God wants them to be. It is not my job nor my responsibility to sanctify anyone...that's up to the Holy Spirit. My role is to simply be present, available and willing to help and support someone through that process provided they want me to.
So, how does this all tie together? It's like this. What Micheal Sam did tonight was something that takes a lot of courage. He is taking the risk of ruining his dream of an NFL career before its even happened. A friend of mine and great man, Sy Rogers once said, "It's not gay people who go to hell, it's people who aren't redeemed. Likewise, it's not straight people who go to heaven, it's those who have been redeemed by Jesus Christ.".
In ministry we have an incredible opportunity especially as it concerns students and this story that will likely be talked about extensively in the next few weeks. We have the chance to show students, parents, and all kinds of people what we are for. This is not about pro-gay, pro-rights, or anything like that. This is about being pro-Jesus.
When it comes to people I am someone who believes everyone needs Jesus. I also believe that Jesus has the power to transform lives. Micheal Sam's biggest need isn't heterosexuality, it's Jesus Christ. To be honest, I can't even say factually that he doesn't already have a relationship with Jesus Christ. He very well might. Again, my role isn't to sanctify a person. I know what the Bible says about Homosexuality, sexual immorality, and everything else. Those things are relevant to me, my life, and how I can continue my own path of sanctification. They are not tools, weapons, or bullets to use in pushing someone else through the process of sanctification.
Students already are wrestling with questions about their own sexuality, their friends sexuality, and more. They have concerns, curiosity, and all kinds of other feelings related to this conversation. As the church we are often so quick to shut down and close the door on these topics. We think that if we draw a big line in the sand and tell students there's God's side and then there's the devils side that we've done the right thing.
The truth is by not having open dialogue, by not being empathetic, covered with grace, and striving to always be under the banner of love we are doing so much more harm than good.
I'm reminded of the story of Jesus as he was preaching in the temple when the leaders and teachers of the law brought in a young girl caught in adultery. They reminded Jesus that the law says justice is served through the death of this young girl. When they demanded an answer from him, Jesus knelt down beside the girl and wrote something in the sand. After standing back up he turned to the crowd, now an angry mob with stones in their hands ready to end this young girls life, and he said, "Whoever is without sin, let him be the first one to throw". See, Jesus knew what the Bible says. He knew that justice called for the most severe of consequences. He didn't argue that the girl wasn't in the wrong, that she hadn't made a mistake, or that she didn't deserve what was coming. What Jesus did was incredible. In a moment where biblical justice was being demanded Jesus called for grace and gentleness to prevail.
I doubt that Michael Sam will ever read this, but if he did I would want him to know this: Michael, you are not defined by choices, preferences, or labels that others may place on you. You are not defined by your play on the field, your college, or even the NFL team you will likely play for. You are not defined by your past, your family, or your history. Micheal, you are defined in this way, Jesus looks at you and calls you, "mine". You are created by God, in his image and are given a purpose. You are not Micheal Sam, Gay Football player. You are simply, Micheal Sam.
My prayer is that this would be our message to students. You are not defined by what the world would say. You are defined by your creator, and he has called you his! Oh, that you would know what life is like to call your father in heaven "mine" and to know that he calls you the same.
-EU
#TrentBaalke and I at the @49ers game tonight #49ers #GMofGreatness
#BanjoMan @49ers game tonight #AwesomeBirthday! #49ers
#ThrowbackThursday 4 years ago today, this happened! I couldn't be happier!
Four years ago today I stood next to my best friend and said "I do" in front of God, friends, and family. I am so blessed to have Kristy as my wife! I love you baby. You're an amazing mom, incredible wife, unbelievable youth leader, my best friend, and the love of my life! #Happy Anniversary
Heard this song for the first time. Great image of the amazing value of sacrifice for the sake of Christ honoring love in Marriage. I love it #LoveMyWife @Kristina Upton
Burning the midnight oil on the #Bridgeway 2014 yearlong planning session! Honored to work with these guys! Can't wait to reveal next years theme #Amzing
No more than dodgeball
This last Wednesday was awesome! I was in my office for maybe an hour or less total. The rest of the time I got to do something I don't often get to do anymore. Now that I'm in full time youth ministry most of my time is spent in meetings, planning, prepping, writing, or other stuff, but not last Wednesday. Last Wednesday I spent my time just hanging with students. I picked up 3 guys from our group and after a lunch at in n out (amazing burgers) we came back to the church. They helped me gather supplies for our park night happening later and then we did what any group of guys would do left to their own devices...we threw things at each other! It was awesome. The guys found foam dodge balls, a large yoga ball, and even some finger blasters and we went nuts! Running back and forth, ducking behind chairs, jumping through the air, we were all laughing and having a blast! I think what really highlighted how great a time it was happened later that night. as i was loading up our park night supplies one of the guys was walking to his car with his mom and shouted out at me, "Thanks for today eric it was the best day ever!" Sometimes youth ministry has a ton or planning, prep work , emails and even meetings. Anytime you can break away from that and just spend time with students you've found the sweet spot of youth ministry. Often it doesn't take much either. Many times its the simple activity or spontaneous dodge...everything match in the youth room that creates one of the best days ever. South ministry is always more than dodgeball, sometimes it's much more than dodgeball, but don't forget that there are moments when dodgeball is all you need!
Over the past few years I’ve had the honor and blessing of calling these guys (and gal) friends. More than that though is the chance to be lead in worship by them each year at summer camp and winter camp. Their talent is amazing and only surpassed by their hearts for Christ and youth ministry. <br> Recently they did a kick starter project for a new album. They sent us a couple copies and I love listening to it while I’m doing my quiet times and just needing some good reflection time. <br> Check them out and enjoy the listen. -EU
Hey.. I was just curious. Do you think suicide is a sin?
Tough question for sure…the bible deals with suicide in a few different places and never casts it in a positive way. Judas was an instance of suicide shortly after Christ was crucified and you can also see stories in the Old Testament about suicide as well on the battlefield when death was imminent. Suicide is often a decision based on a couple of factors. The first one is simply believing the lies of the enemy that you’re alone, haven thing to live for or are purposeless, valueless, unlovable, or worthless. We know in scripture that these are lies because John 3:16 says the God Loves us so much that he sent his one and only son to die for us so that we might have a relationship with him. The bible also talks about us being fearfully and wonderfully made, and that God knows every hair on our head, every day of our life, and hears every prayer we have. Those are true because he finds us valuable. Second, suicide often stems from a mindset that is based and rooted I selfishness and vanity. Often we get stuck thinking negatively about ourselves and we dwell on it so often and so frequently that it drives us into a very dangerous thought process. The fact is the bible calls us (when Christ talks about the two greatest commandments) to love God and to love others. When we live out these two things we aren’t thinking of us and thus won’t get to a place of suicidal thoughts.The scriptures also say, whatsoever things are good, pure, noble, righteous, trustworthy, holy, etc. think on these things. Again, scripture regularly tells us to guard our hearts and minds because the enemy prowls around like a roaring lion looking for people to devour, the point of all this is that often we want to know if certain things are a sin. Many of usaAlways wanting to know what lines not to cross as if that’s what will earn us grace, salvation, or forgiveness. The bible is clear though that we can’t earn that. It’s a free gift through faith in Jesus Christ. Whether or not suicide is a sin isn't as important as do we have faith in, do we believe in, and are our lives different because of Christ Jesus. I believe that there is no sin that cannot be covered by the grace and blood of Jesus Christ. I believe that even if a believer does end their own life, while it’s not fulfilling God’s will or purpose and is against his design for us, they are not void from forgiveness. I will add this too...suicide is a touchy subject and can often be the result of serious mental illness or struggles. Many people do need serious medical help, medication, or professional insight. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or temptations don't wait to get help until its too late. Be the voice for someone who needs one and reach out for help. Hope this helps -EU
When was the last time you went on a slip-n-slide?
Tomorrow night we are taking our students out to a local park for one of our favorite events! A giant slip n slide! It's a great and simple thing to do in the summer and usually is pretty low cost too! We went to our local hardware store and picked up a roll of plastic tarp (visqueen) About 10 feet wide by 100 feet long. Then we grab some soap. You can use tearless baby shampoo, even grab big bottles of dish soap or baby oil works too. Sometimes it can be a little windy out there so I like to have some cheap tent or lawn steaks on hand too! We will roll out the plastic, cover it in soap and then grab a hose and soak it down. Next comes the fun part...the games! We have the classic, "Who slides the farthest" but we also compete with a "style slide" basically come up with a creative way to slide down the slip n slide, then we do some "one legged wrestling" this is where two people stand face to face with the outside of their right feet touching and their left leg behind them. Then on "go" they try to knock one another over. First person to lift a foot, take a step, or fall down looses. The whole game is played on top of the slip n slide. All in all it's a great night! If you try it, or already do it we would love to hear what games you play! -EU
A) I heart @TaylorSwift13 B) listened to "Never Grow Up" & cried a little cuz my baby girl is now 2 #toofast #DadLife
How would you approach a pregnant teen girl in your youth ministry? It's a tough call. Me and two other youth pastors discuss the issue here in this video conference. Check it out and let us know what you think.
Grey Expectations:
Recently in ministry I've come across a number of situations where the root problem is unmet expectations that haven't actually been communicated. They are expectations left to walk alone in the grey areas of the "you should just know", "It should be obvious" and "it goes without saying".
The problem is that there are more things in ministry that do NOT go without saying. Every church, Pastor, elder board, ministry team leader, parent, student, volunteer, youth leader, and janitor comes with their own personal set of expectations. While some of these expectations are listed out in job descriptions, there is a sea of expectations which never get spoken about until they haven't been met.
How can you avoid the pitfalls of not meeting expectations that you don't actually know about? It may go without saying, but just to be safe I'll say it. Communication has to be our biggest resource in ministry.
As we work together in churches of all sizes it's our job to be pro-active in communication with others. Waiting until something blows up is too late to start communicating with others about expectations.
Understand it's not our responsibility to meet 100% of others expectations 100% of the time. However, having the conversations in order to get them onto the table so that together we can identify which ones are reasonable and within our capacity and which ones are not is critical to our success.
Here are some thoughts on starting the process of communicating expectations that we have for others and figuring out the expecations others have for us:
1) Schedule the time with the other person/people - Communicating first that you value their time will go a long way in their eyes and earn you the respect needed to have the conversation
2) Don't call an immediate meeting after a BIG issue/problem occurs. - If you or someone along side of you has blown a "grey expectation" don't immediately run into an emergency meeting. Tempers can be high so allow time to cool off.
3) Write down open ended questions to begin the conversation and be ready to write down the responses. - Open ended questions that use words like "what", "how", and "where" are key. Avoiding questions that invite yes or no responses can actually do more harm than good. Also, don't just go in and fly by the seat of your pants. Some people actually have the "grey expectation" that you come prepared for meetings. By winging it you're actually whiffing on an expectation and starting from behind.
4) Assume positive intentions - All this means is we have to approach others in love and assuming their heart is for our best and the success of our ministry and relationship. If we go on the attack it will cause them to shut down and have more reasons to be angry. Rather, when we come in with the attitude of, "Hey Jenni, I've noticed lately that I may not be meeting some of your expectations. I am sure that you want me to be successful and also to see my ministry thrive so I wanted to ask you, how can I better partner with you to make these things happen?" and then be quiet...let them think and respond. Silence isn't the worst thing. Give them the freedom to respond.
5) Pray before and after your meeting - Don't miss the value of this one. Prayer is a powerful tool to invite Christ's presence into often a difficult topic and discussion. Conflict can be one of the enemy's biggest tools to mess up unity inside the church. Inviting the Holy Spirit to work and move inside all parties is key to success.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. What's your experience with "Grey Expectations"? How have you overcome not meeting expectations you felt weren't communicated well? What tips/tricks have you used to navigate this area of ministry?
One of my absolute favorite songs to worship to! This causes memories of praising, dancing, and proclaiming Christ w/middle school students-got a song like that for you?