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@thefantasynotreality
These apps don’t get it. I want to have a ‘crush’ on someone and that is not possible unless they’re someone already in my life by happenstance and then I get obsessed with them for no reason. You don’t get that with a app because suddenly you’re on a ‘date’ having ‘drinks’. Like no sorry I don’t want to talk to you about my relationship history I want to look at you in a group setting and make up things about you in my head. Ok?
Girls don’t want boys, girls want Damiano. 💯
every year around christmas me and my grandma play this fun family game called “maybe you want to put jesus in your room instead, sweetie? :)”. now, it’s important to note that the jesus referred to in our game is not actually the real jesus christ, but instead a wooden figure i made in 2011 that has an uncanny resemblance to the lord and savior himself
so what happens is that i place jesus in our living room, and my grandma smiles and asks me if i don’t want to decorate my room with him instead. i ask her in return if she thinks my jesus figure is ugly (which he is), but she reassures me that this is not the case. however, a couple of days later jesus mysteriously disappears from our living room, and appear in my room instead
now, the real jesus christ might have been able to perform a miracle like this, but please remember that the jesus in our story is only a figure made out of wood. he can not move on his own, so i think we can safely say that my grandma is the prime suspect here
the first year i would often confront my grandma about this, but she would always make up an excuse and never straight up tell me she moved him because he’s so ugly it’s an embarrassment to the family
eventually i grew tired of her lies, so now we only move jesus around in silence. one second he’s in the living room, the next he’s back in my room. in a way i think this adds an extra element of excitement to the holiday season, because you never know for sure when jesus is going to be moved again
and so it begins..
i was not fucking ready for this photograph
observations from urgent care
- People who exercise a lot get knee injuries from overdoing it
- People who only exercise occasionally get knee injuries from being unprepared for the exertion
- People who don’t exercise get knee injuries from being out of shape
- Maybe knees just suck
it me
In knees’ defense, the original plan called for four main leg joints to work together. It’s not THEIR fault the foreleg team fucked off to Hollywood to be elbows!
I can’t believe how y'all forget the true victim in this - the lower back never asked to be involved in this conflict
observations from massage therapy:
STRETCH
For the love of God and fuck,
STRETCH
And I don’t mean for five minutes before you do “real” exercise. I mean stretching is real exercise, and if you do no other form of exercise, you have to stretch if you want to avoid otherwise avoidable pain.
Bring up youtube, type in “flexibility for beginners,” and pick a video. Don’t worry if you can’t keep pace or aren’t as flexible as the instructor. It’s not about being impressive, it’s about preventative care.
Other things you can do to help:
Stay warm. Soft tissue has a nifty little characteristic called thixotrophy which, aside from being a sweet band name, means they go from a more solid state to a more liquid state under heat and pressure. It’s why massage works at all. This will help keep soft tissue looser and more elastic, which will improve your range of motion. I sleep with heating pads every night and soak in a hot bath once a week and lmty it HELPS.
Drink water. Hydrated muscles are less likely to form adhesions (when individual strands of tissue dry out, get sticky, and basically glue themselves together) which will prevent pain as well as improve ROM. Water will also help flush dislodged scar tissue and metabolic waste out of your body when you pee, which is what you want…that shit aches and/or itches when it settles.
If you can, sleep on your back. (Ignore this if you have sleep-associated breathing problems like apnea or snoring…consult with a doctor about that btw.) Put cushioning under your knees until your lower back feels comfortable, and put cushioning under your neck if it’s not already supported by your pillow. It’s ok if you can’t back-sleep the whole night immediately; just keep trying and you’ll train yourself eventually.
If you MUST sleep on your side, use that neck cushion I mentioned, and put the leg cushioning between your thighs (from knee to pelvis); this takes pressure off the lower back.
If you sleep on your stomach, put that cushioning beneath your pelvis and ankles. Idk what you can do to help your neck aside from attach a face cradle to your mattress tho :\
Get massage regularly, or a reasonable facsimile thereof if that’s not feasible. Soak as much as you can of yourself (whether it’s just your feet or your entire body) in hot water. Use self-massage tools that you pick up in stores. Lay on your stomach and let the cat knead your butt.
CBD oil does nothing for some people and works magic on other people. Experiment on your own discretion and in accordance with your local law.
Get therapy. Emotions have a physiological component (hormones, etc) and they will lodge themselves in soft tissue and cause pain if your emotions are not properly addressed. (One time I was massaging a woman’s arm, and she asked me if it was normal that she was experiencing all her hatred of her ex-husband come bubbling up suddenly. It’s not “normal” but it’s totally possible/expectable.)
Anything you can do to keep your soft tissue warm, loose, and elastic is good. Remember, you don’t want highly-defined muscle tissue if you’re not actively using that muscle…highly defined muscle in resting state mean you’re probably dehydrated, holding tension, and set up for injury. It’s okay if you work out a lot and have “shape” to your body, but you shouldn’t have dramatic curves and edges when you’re just vibin, y'know?
To sum: to do yourself a solid, you must stay liquid ✌🏻
As a trained massage therapist, this is all correct. Including the part where sometimes knees just suck, which is why I’m a trained but no longer practicing massage therapist.
i’m not a massage therapist, but i’ve had a lot of massage work done on this trainwreck body of mine, and one of the most valuable things i’ve learned is, to dumb down some of what the previous experts said: cold muscles don’t stretch.
cold muscles are muscles without a lot of blood flowing through them, and they just don’t have much flexibility. you can actually damage your body by stretching prior to warming up, so what you’ve probably been taught is wrong - you need to warm up before you stretch, not the other way around.
for some reason, i tend to have particularly cold, tight muscles in my upper back, and at first my massage therapist would knead at it for ages trying to get it to warm and loosen up, before he had an unorthodox idea. while i lied prone on the table, he would take one of my arms, position it in a certain way, and then have me perform brief exercises that he provided resistance to. i would push my hand up while he pushed back, pull my elbow back while he pushed, etc, and like magic, my upper back would be loose and warm in about two minutes instead of twenty.
now, any time i want to stretch something, i figure out a movement to work that muscle group first. if i want to stretch my quads, i do some squats; if i want to stretch my back, i do some rows or deadlifts; if i want to stretch my calves, i do some calf raises.
it doesn’t need to be much - just a few repetitions will pull blood into the muscle, bringing warmth and elasticity. when you stretch after, it will hurt a lot less and feel more effective.
there’s nothing that can really replace the expertise and skill of a trained massage therapist, but if you can’t afford to get massages (which is most of us, lbr) or have issues with being touched, you can at least get some benefits by using a massage ball. you can also use a cheaper tennis or lacrosse ball, but it’s smarter to use one specifically designed for use on your body.
that type of firm foam ball is good for working out pressure points, while a spiky rubber ball like this one is better for breaking up those adhesions the previous commenter mentioned. yes, they are just as painful as they look, but trust me, if you have a lot of those adhesions, it’s worth it. sometimes you can actually feel the thunk of the muscle fibers coming unglued from each other.
there’s also a contraption called a massage cane, which i saw my massage therapist frequently use on himself. it’s basically a stick with a hook and a bunch of knobs that allow you to reach and apply pressure to tight spots you couldn’t otherwise reach or have enough leverage to push on, like your neck, back, and butt. (you wouldn’t believe how much tension you hold in your butt muscles and how good massaging them feels. not sexual, just really good.)
a lot of people also recommend those foam rollers, but to be honest, i tried it and didn’t like it. i had a hard time getting my disabled body into position and keeping it there, then applying enough pressure without it being too much and becoming really painful. when you’re already exhausted and in pain, holding your body up off the ground and then rolling back and forth is an unpleasant ordeal.
oh, and one more thing: you need to roll out your feet, especially if you’re on them a lot, especially if you often wear high heels. the fascia in the soles of your feet get tight, then tighter, then tighter, it pulls the arch of your foot into a flatter shape, which reduces the shock absorption your foot is meant to provide. and once your feet get fucked up, your whole body gets fucked up. trust me.
there are specially designed foot rollers, but i’ve heard a massage therapist recommend just using golf balls, which are the perfect size to dig into the arches of your feet. meanwhile, i accidentally discovered that some of my cat’s toys, firm little foam balls, work really well without being super hard.
rolling your feet will hurt, a lot, but you will thank me later, i promise. go roll your feet.
Also if you happened to have sprained one or both ankles at some point in your life, and they didn’t heal properly -which is far more common than you think- you WILL need to do calf stretching regularly or the muscles cramp horribly.
From maneskinofficial instagram - I'd love to see maneskin release a full cover of any paramore song!
Add your coping thoughts:
minusthenegative.com
A creepy baby lamp. The rivets really make it. - Mt Vernon, WA
Aight who fucked the Pixar lamp
this is the funniest thing i can’t stop thinking about it
“this is my custom fursuit, I had 30 neon-green wolves killed for it”
WHAT KIND OF FUCKING MILLIONAIRE IS MAKING FURSUITS OUT OF REAL FUR
“Cruella De Vil is a furry” is not the hot take I expected to see on my dash today, but I think it’s the one I deserve
I hate this
*makes bad decisions but in a really boring way bc i live at home, there’s a pandemic, and i have no money*
a child with an undiagnosed mental illness: I think I need help. I struggle with things nobody else seems to be struggling with.
a parent who never got diagnosed for the exact same mental illness: Oh sweetie. EVERYONE struggles with that :)
but it only works if 4 people are having sex lol
how many hands you got
two? don’t see how that’s relevant
allow me illustrate you
that’s still four people
i truly can’t make this any clearer
will smith isn’t gay. he has a wife and three beautiful, talented children
don’t know what you’re on about. will smith and slightly wider blue will smith have been married for years. they’re a hollywood love story
I can’t believe this post predicted the live action Aladdin genie
If we lose tumblr how will we ever replace these posts in which every reply feels like a punch in the face
Shout out to all your internet friends who are gone.
Those messenger screen names that haven’t logged on in ages, some before detailed profiles were a thing on those services.
Those emails that are long since abandoned, some with domains that no longer exist.
Those online friends you knew years ago and who then helped shaped you in some way, who you just can’t FIND anymore.
Those people who once were, and hopefully still exist IRL, that seem to have no known internet life anymore.
And those who have actually passed on, and their online lives are now a memorial to them.
I miss you all. I hope life is/was kind to you, and maybe one day, we’ll somehow connect again.
my personal curse is the knowledge that I function best with rigid structure and strict routine but am almost totally incapable of independently establishing or maintaining that structure and routine
Don’t forget this special feature: at the same time hating when people tell you what to do
