First of all, if you have paid attention to the Jo/Alex relationship in seasons 9 and 10 you would know that for those two years, Alex spent most of his time with Jo. He barely hung out with his friends outside of work. And this wasnāt something Jo forced him to do, he did it on his own. She was the one who was there for him when his dad came into town, she was the one who was there when he didnāt know if to go into private practice or not. She was the one who thought she could get fired for dating him but didnāt leave him when his friends all voted for a rule to prohibit their relationship. And she was the only one who was there for him when his friends all voted against him in the board seat competition against Bailey. So, if you also keep in mind that Jo has abandonment issues and has never been wanted in her life (her mother gave her up, nobody adopted her etc.), how do you think she felt when Meredith was suddenly in the middle of her relationship 24/7? When she kicked her out of bed and Alex said nothing? When she was cold and rude to her all of a sudden for no reason? When Alex started keeping things from her (like researching Maggie with Meredith all day which of course Jo doesnāt have to know, but he hadnāt been keeping things from her before) or started hanging out with Meredith, Callie and Maggie all the time when he had spent his time with her before? When he completely ignored her presence in front of his friends in 11x07? Would you like that? Would you be okay with your boyfriend acting like that all of a sudden?
Ā But you know, after 11x08 when Alex told Jo that the house stays open she never once again said anything about Meredith being over all the time. Nothing. She accepted that this was how itās gonna be from now on, but I wish she hadnāt. Because Meredith was still being rude towards her for no good reason. Then in season 12 you didnāt see Jo have any issues with Meredith either until in 12x05 Alex made her go to that dinner party only to ignore her all evening. Even before he heard about Penny and knew that Meredith was having issues. Was that okay of Alex to do so? Isnāt Jo allowed to be annoyed that he ignored her? Plus, she was having a bad day too. Yes, she did something wrong with Stephanie, but we all saw how Jo was trying all evening to apologize. The attendings at work were also ignoring her (for literally no reason???) so she was having a bad day too and Alex didnāt even listen to her when she mentioned it to him. Jo never once had a problem with Alex being there for Meredith, or else you wouldāve seen her say that. She had a problem with him ignoring her, and this entire fandom is spinning it around to make her the bad guy in that situation when Alex really neglected her back then and when Meredith was treating her like a gnat for no reason.Ā
So no, Iām sorry but you donāt get to blame that on Jo. She couldāve fought with Alex over that a million times but did she? No. Because she knew he had to be there for Meredith but she also hated being ignored by him. And Iām sorry, but that was Alexās fault. You can be a good friend without being a crappy boyfriend, without making your girlfriend feel unseen and ignored. But of course the Greyās fans would never ever take Joās side over Alexās. Of course itās easier to blame everything on Jo.Ā
Ā Secondly, Iām sorry but you should be better than this. You should be better than to victim shame her for not being able to talk about her past. Yes, Alex deserved to know. Especially since he had been dating Jo for nearly four years. But do you remember what he said to Jo in 9x23? āIf you hadnāt gotten to him first I probably wouldāve killed the guyā, talking about Jason for hurting Jo. Then when they were together and Jimmy showed up he told Jo that he had been almost beating Jimmy to death the last time he saw him and that he was scared heād pick up where he left off.Ā
So even if you canāt understand Joās fears to mention her abusive husband to Alex, I can. Because she knows him and she knows his temper. And she knows what her husband is capable of. So yes, by not telling him she tried to protect him. Nevermind that specialists who work with DV victims say that they should never be pressured to tell people about the things that happened to them. But you canāt make this about her not trusting him enough when Alex is the one person Jo has let in and told everything about herself she could tell him, and when heās the one person she trusts more than anyone else. This secret sheās been keeping from him is huge, itās something she kept from him even though he broke up with her that day. She would rather lose him than telling him that she has an abusive husband, so do you understand at all how hard this whole thing has been for her? Sheās the one living in constant fear of being found, sheās the one whoās been living with this secret for years, and sheās the one who was worrying not only for her life but for Alexās also.Ā
And I think his reaction in the elevator told us everything we need to know, that at first he did get upset that she didnāt tell him, but then he understood. Because he saw her point. And he knows how scared she is because his own mother has been through the same thing Jo did. Only it was apparently worse in Joās case because she nearly died. So yes, maybe if she had told him earlier he wouldāve been just as understanding. Or maybe, because the circumstances wouldāve been different and he wouldnāt be thinking heās going to prison, he wouldāve done something to find her husband, and maybe her husband wouldāve seriously hurt or killed Alex then. Would you have been happy then? Then everyone wouldāve blamed Jo again.Ā
Ā Thirdly, and I think this is not hard to understand: Alex didnāt beat Deluca up because of Joās husband. If they had been broken up for some other reason, if the husband didnāt even exist or if Jo had told him about her husband, he still wouldāve beaten up Deluca when he found him on top of a drunk and half naked Jo. If Deluca hadnāt lost his balance then Alex wouldāve come home to a Deluca standing next to a half naked Jo and he wouldāve probably only gotten angry, even if this whole husband issue existed. So do you see my point here??? The writers didnāt reveal the fact that Jo has a husband to us so that we would go around and blame Alexās anger issues on the fact that Jo lied to him.
Ā They revealed it so that we would have a little bit more compassion and understanding for Jo when she had to witness Alex beat up Deluca brutally. Even for a normal person thatās something terrible to see, but for a DV victim itās more triggering (which was also the reason she hit Jason when he grabbed her, she was triggered. But beating someone in a haze trying to defend yourself because you think he will hurt you like your husband and watching the man you love do that to someone innocent are two different things) She canāt just take Alexās side blindly in that when Deluca was innocent and when she probably canāt get those images of the man she called the love of her life beating some innocent guy to pulp out of her head.Ā
Again, sorry but I find it disgusting the length you and others in this fandom go to defend Alex and blame his actions on Jo.Ā
Ā You are right about the baby thing, that was probably childish of her. But you canāt expect people to always be perfect, everyone makes mistakes. And suggesting a baby to make Alex see that itās not because she doesnāt love him enough that she canāt marry him, well I would maybe call it desperate and childish too, but also human. Iām not saying Jo didnāt make mistakes in her relationship, but your post suggested that she was the only one who made mistakes and you even blamed Alexās mistakes on her. And you showed that you have zero compassion and understanding for someone whoās in Joās situation. Whoās so scared of her husband that she had to run and change her identity. Whose intentions by not telling Alex were probably led by fear, but were also well-meant.Ā
You may not agree with the fact that itās safer for a DV victim on the run to never mention her husband to anyone, but as we saw, it was effective and kept her and Alex safe for the five years sheās been in Seattle. Yes he deserved better than for Jo to keep delaying her answer to his proposal in season 12, and she may have acted selfish there, but she also, like she said to Deluca at the bar in 12x24, didnāt want to say no and hurt him. Iām sure if Alex was a calm guy maybe Jackson or Ben, Jo wouldāve told him before. Some things she did were wrong and maybe childish like you said, but itās a complicated situation and her ex is dangerous, and her current boyfriend also has anger issues, so canāt you understand even a little that she felt like she was in a tough spot here? But maybe not, your post suggests youāre not ready to give Jo or her feelings even a little bit of understanding. Instead you just blame her for every little thing, even things other characters did to her.Ā
Ā Also for the record, Jo said to Alex in 10x16 that once you sign marriage papers the romance goes away which prompted him to have a conversation with Meredith in 10x17 in which he told her that he doesnāt think Jo ever wants to get married. And that was it. He never talked to Jo about it again until he proposed (which was 3 years later), so technically if Jo thought that in those 3 years Alex mustāve somehow lost interest in getting married, thatās not so unrealistic either. Because he did never mention it to her again, and the first time he proposed he was in a shaken up state because of Jimmy anyway.Ā
Ā I really donāt care if you ship Jolex or not, you said you canāt stand Jo outside of Alex anyway, and shipping a couple just because of one character is never good IMO, but Jesus, youāre acting like Jo is the spawn of Satan, you donāt even spend one second to think of her feelings, you blame her for things other characters do to her, and you blame her for Alexās mistakes. You donāt think for one second about how hard everything was for her or that itās normal for her to be annoyed that Alex ignored her for his friends. What do you expect from her, to make Alex happy unconditionally without ever voicing her issues? You know what, that happened for the majority of s11 and 12. Certain situations made her feel neglected or ignored and angry and she only complained about it to Stephanie instead of fighting with Alex. Which of course none of us ever do, right? We never bitch about our boyfriend to our friend? She did make Alex happy for maybe 95% of the time they were together. They broke up once in 12x08 after he ignored her all day and then proposed. She loved and supported him whenever she could and still she wasnāt good enough for him in your or the fandomās eyes. Other characters treat their male partners so much worse but for some reason only Jo gets hate. When so far I canāt even recall one situation where we saw her hurting Alex intentionally. You keep seeing her as the spawn of Satan but sheās just another character on this show, not the villain weāre all supposed to hate. And Iām sorry but she has shown more love and support for Alex than Iāve seen most other characters do for their partners.
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