Things I've learned about INTJ’s that go against their stereotype
As someone who has 3 close INTJ relationships in their life, I thought I would talk about the characteristics of them that go against their stereotype/what they wouldn’t tell you about.
They are surprisingly gentle. Now grant it, they are probably only so towards selected humans/people they somewhat care about/like, but still. I guarantee at least 90% of MBTI nerds such as myself don’t associate the word “gentle” with INTJ’s. Like everything about the male INTJ is gentle. The way he touches things/me, his body language (if not surrounded by people), his tone of voice and sometimes even the things he says. The two females also have the physical gentleness about them. When they’re not running into things, they can look quite graceful/put together.
They can be extremely considerate. Really though, for a type that prefers thinking over feeling and has Te in the auxiliary position in their stacking, they really do think about the people they care about’s well being more than most know. Though anybody close to an at least decently healthy INTJ has probably seen this. Part of their goal in establishing any sort of human relationship is to make sure that persons physical and emotional needs are met, but in a more different way than SJ’s do. Every time I mention I’m sick to any of the three I am close with, they immediately ask me what my symptoms are and diagnosing me on the spot and looking up any way they can make me feel better. If I am emotionally distraught, they want to know why right away so they can try to help any problems I have or cure any bad emotion I feel (they may not always be the best with the emotional stuff, but it’s their effort that really counts and cheers me up even if their actual words didn’t do the trick). They will purposefully change the way they’ll say something to be more nice/less intimidating because they know it might upset me if they say it in their natural INTJ blunt way. Of course, they don’t compromise what the original intent of their statement was, they just find a new way of saying it. Basically, they will do things for you they would never do in a normal setting if they care for you and your attention. I could add even more to this but it is getting quite long soooo moving on.
They can be some of the most loyal people in your life. This trait is more widely known I think but I figured I would still include it. I’m somewhat ashamed to admit it but I can be insecure in some of my friendships, always wondering if they truly enjoy being around me or if they’ll just randomly stop talking to me. However, any time any sort of doubt has crept into my INTJ friendships, it usually disappears as fast as it appeared. I know they would not waste their time with me if they did not enjoy my company and I know without a shadow of a doubt that they wouldn’t abandon me (unless I did something unspeakably awful). The loyalty they have is like a cool, calm wave over me and my anxiety that I have with all relationships in my life. My INTJ’s are always there for me in some way.
They are surprisingly….affectionate. There is this whole idea that INTJ’s despise physical contact. Well if it’s from someone they do not trust/like, then yes. They probably don’t like it. All three have told me they don’t do hugs. And actually, in public most won’t even hug me (they’ll tolerate it if I hug them though). However, in a more private setting, they are actually very touchy (maybe it’s the Se?). The one I have a more romantic relationship with is super cuddly. And I think for all three, physical touch is high on their list of love languages. They’re not cuddly in the F way, but they’ll just randomly be assertive and initiate some sort of physical touching whether it just be leaning on my shoulder or full on cuddling. But don’t talk about it with them. All three dislike talking about affection and emotions in general (but they will if they haveeee to, it’s actually quite cute I think). I will say I think they are less physically affectionate with family. First and foremost they are the most affectionate with lovers and second with friends. All three aren’t too “huggy” with their parents/siblings.
They’re super open minded generally. They will try most things once, however, they are usually skeptical. Most people see them being close minded, but on the contrary actually. This is more of a trait found in healthy/developed INTJ’s so don’t expect to see this in your 12 year old INTJ brother. Actually, most of the things on this list are found in more developed INTJ’s. Anyways, the ones I know will always be down to try something new if I can give them a logical reasoning for wanting to do it. And sometimes, they’ll just do it because they know it’ll make me happy. Some coaxing needs to be done sometimes, but since they want to be knowledgeable about all experiences, they’ll usually want to do/try whatever it is. They do put their foot down on some things though. This paragraph should have been prefaced with saying you can not make an INTJ do anything it does not want to do. <–important. They will leave you stone cold and alone if you try to force them into anything they say no to.
*I might make a part two to this because I have a few other ideas I can’t quite put into words at the moment. All of these are observations I’ve made and may be completely false to other INTJ’s, but I can only speak off of my experiences with them. I really hope this post is accurate and people like it but if not, I’m sorry in advance lol. This is all from the perspective of a 4w5 ENFP who has almost daily interactions with INTJ’s*
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