Curious Machine

A collection of random bits of greatness Cat - Ace - NB - They/Them Asks Are Always Welcome Please ask me to tag

[tanadrin]

dislike the digestive system. do not need my flesh to randomly gurgle.

[tanadrin]

off the cuff ratings of various elements of human anatomy and physiology:

eyes: very nifty design only a little undercut by the viscera horror of something terrible happening to them. 8/10

nose: a lil goofy ngl but it works in context. 6/10

ears: also goofy, don’t like them, why do they produce wax and get infected. but the core concept is fine. 4/10

brain: very cool, does lots of neat stuff without having to gurgle, ooze, or twitch. 10/10

liver: like most good organs it is a calm, steady machine. a tranquil filterer of the blood. don’t like the whole oozing bile thing though. 6/10

kidneys: piss is actually slightly less gross than bile. 7/10

bladder, gall bladder: i strongly feel organs should not grow random rocks in them. 4/10

bones: very aesthetic. functional in sort of a primitive mechanical way but they give us an extremely useful set of imagery for death and time. 8/10

skin: terrifically design, though it does sometimes flake. 7/10

tongue, lips: crudely mechanical but in kind of a cool way. 7/10

digestive tract: why does it gurgle and ooze?? why must it engage in peristalsis and jerk and shudder? it’s not even the products of digestion I object to—it’s that so many organ systems in the body are at least on a macroscopic level serene and still and almost plantlike, quietly performing their function without calling any attention to themselves. and then we have the system that farts and burps and generally reminds you you are trapped in a prison of wet red meat. 1/10, only because eating is often pleasant.

heart, lungs: for such crucial organs the fact they have to continuously move feels so… primitive. we should respire by like passively absorbing air through our skin. our blood should be whisked around our body by millions of tiny invisible cilia in our veins. what is this rube goldberg shit, with an extremely vulnerable single point of failure? 3/10

hair: almost completely unnecessary. mostly functions as a way to further customize our flesh-prisons. that’s actually pretty neat. 8/10

[loveridden1999]

top 3 hobbies for young adults:

1. borrowing misery from future

2. carrying grief of the past

3. agonizing over the present

[remnantglow]

[gay-irl]

[judgejudyofficial]

yeah u freaks up north look and sound exactly like this when u pretend that us southern queers are perfectly complicit in our own eradication - for the heinous crime of not living in a liberal population center.

[hoshikostar]

[glitterygolem]

I keep this image on hand for whenever I see similar sentiments.

[valtsv]

my problem is if i enjoy something enough i will be nitpicking. i Will have things to say about where and how it failed. out of nothing but love straight from my heart. unfortunately this often makes me indistinguishable from a hater who has never experienced joy or kindness. such is the amateur critic's burden.

[valtsv]

all of my favourite things are like beautiful racehorses that trip over their own feet a hundred times. but they get back up again. and goddamn, you should see them run.

[angeelicdevil]

my flavour of yearning is more carnally disturbing than sex ever could be

[mapleejay]

does anyone else think about how brave all their friends are and get really emotional about it

[mapleejay]

I'm glad everyone is alive rn

[395nm]

Fuck Meyer-Briggs whatever typology. This INTFP shit is only for redditors up their own asses to substitute for a personality. Use my new typology instead!

Your ideal environment is:

Hot/Cold

Wet/Dry

Bright/Dark

Loud/Quiet

[bedupolker]

HWBL - beach boy

HWBQ - tropical fish

HWDL - dingy club bathroom hookup

HWDQ - the swamp woman

HDBL - CoachellaBurningmanSouthbysouthwestACL attendee

HDBQ - Lizard

HDDL - Vegas babeyyyy

HDDQ - Trapped in a slot canyon

CWBL - Rowdy Lobsterman Crew

CWBQ - penguin living

CWDL - port angeles basement show

CWDQ - bruminating amphibian/hypothermic mammal

CDBL - ski resort

CDBQ - Christmas in Nebraska

CDDL - mcmurdo station rave

CDDQ - corpse

[corantus]

locked the fuck in get my money up

[skoomabong]

[micromontage]

give me 10 years and maybe I'll finish a thing or two

[dj-of-the-coven]

trigun 1998 episode simulator

[3 minutes of guitar solo]

Vash the Stampede: hi my name is Vash the Stampede. I am a hunter of Peace chasing the elusive mayfly of Love. all I really want to do is have a sandwich and a morning coffee without getting chased by bandits

some bandit: (gunshot) absolutely not. square up faggot

Vash: rats.

[gunfight]

Vash the Stampede: my name is Vash the stampede. I am a hunter of Peace chasing the elusive mayfly of Love.could I please have a sandwich

Meryl from the Bernardelli Insurace Society: how long are you going to sit on your ass doing nothing but playing games with children and doing chores for the elderly and disabled and looking after lonely youths and cooking dinner for the homeless

Vash: I've been here for like 2 days

Milly Thompson: Hi Vash!

Vash: Hi Milly

[exit left pursued by bounty hunters]

Vash the Stampede: (panting, entering a bar) my name is Vash the stampede.... I am a hunter of Peace chasing the elusive mayfly of Good L*rd what is going on in here

Hostage: mphdsfhapff!!!! mffmpphhf!!!!

Villain of the week: well if it isn't the elusive Vash the Stampede! you see it all started when I was 4 days old and you kicked me like a football and then exploded my parents to death with a laser canon and killed every puppy in a ten ile (translator's note: this is the No Man's Land equivalent of the American Mile) radius

Vash: I don't remember doing that but well I suppose you can shoot me if it'll make you feel better

Side character of the week: Are you insane? Just shoot him instead???

Vash: but my mom told me not to be mean to people

Villain of the week: (still going) And as I am now 47 years old I have finally decided to get my revenge. Say your prayers, Vash the Pisshead

[Wall explodes and reveals a motorcycle with a sexy priest on it]

[sfx: guitar with a hint of electric distortion]

Vash: is that..... Wolfwood?

Meryl who was in the background this whole time: the priest?

Nicholas Dickolas Wolfwood: (brings his fingers up to a pair of luscious lips to grab the cigarette from right between them, taking one more slow inhale before crushing the cherry red underneath his heel)(sensually cocks one of his 8 guns) Are you just gonna let this guy talk down to you like that needle noggin?

Vash: I g-

[guitar riff bumper]

[guitar riff bumper]

Vash: -uess not, since you're here to help now... (slow, warm smile) Wolfwood

Nicholas D. ranged Wolfwood: Vash

Milly who was also in the background this whole time: Hi mr priest man! isn't this lovely, I haven't seen you since the last time you spoke with mr Vash yesterday evening when you were helping him buckle all those silly belts on his pants after he had lost them somehow

Vash: On a cactus

Milly: On a cactus! Oh it must've hurt so terribly; how fortunate that Mr Priest man was there to help you

Wolfwood: Hi Milly

[gunfight]

Villain of the week: ohhhhh curses!!! CURSES!!!! I have spent my whole existence getting ready to fight Vash the Stampede but he's just too good at swallowing all my bullets!!!!!!

Vash the Stampede: my tragic dead mother would be sad if I didn't swallow everyone's bullets so I've trained diligently every morning at digesting gunpowder without dying immediately

Wolfwood: [internally: I can't believe it. All this time I've spent walking the path of darkness, reaching to a pure light that I could never grasp, and yet here is a man who's dedicated his life and his body to the pursuit of Peace. I wish he were a woman so I could fuck him romantic style. I've got a whole plan for it and everything. Whiskey, sunset, a bed with no sand in it, 6 hours. This would be fully and completely possible if only he were a woman. Unfortunately he's not, but I can still think about the what-ifs. platonically of course. Maybe if he got some good dick he'd stop being so annoying. And maybe he'd stop making me rethink my morals. I wonder if the seven drunken handies meant anything to him. Platonically]

Wolfwood: Well anyway it looks like my job is done here

Vash: (teary) Will I see you again?

Wolfwood: I don't know. And besides, whenever I look at you, I'm reminded of everything I hate about myself. You know, it hurts.

[exit Nicholas D. Wolfwood pursued by repressed homosexual desires and immense catholic guilt]

Vash the Stanned Peat: (looking out the window like a widow whose husband was killed in action) Nicholas... D... Wolfwood.......

Meryl who was in the background that entire time, yes, the whole time: shut the fuck up already

Vash: when will it be my turn Meryl. When

[roll credits]

[cousticks]

bungo stray dogs is just a bunch of the most achingly human guys you've ever seen trying to prove to one another that "no, no, i'm actually an exception to the rule. i'm not human at all. see this soul? its rotten. its not there at all. but you? you're so human it makes me sick. you're human in all the ways i'm not."

[yellow-cat]

actually hate that the bodys response to anything is nausea. ate too much? nauseous. ate too little? nauseous. an imaginary threat got you scared? be nauseous. on your period? you guessed it. sawed into your hand and need to go to the emergency room? perhaps throwing up into your open wound will be of help

[ri5k]

i’m giving up personhood to become a full-time abstract concept

[northirish]

Bet it feels good as fuck to be disassembled, cleaned and then reassembled as a firearm

[transmechanicus]

o yeah babey

[evilselfishfool]

this is why they shouldn’t have banned normal porn

[transmechanicus]

no amount of cishets going to plapsburg could ever distract me from the cold certainty of steel

[fleshst4r]

.

we're not going to make it

we will make it

it'll take too long to rebuild ourselves

we will make it

but what if we don't wake up in the morning

we will make it

i don't see a future with me in it

we will make it

we'll give up long before then

we will make it

im scared

i love you. we will make it

Voting ended onApr 11

[animnightmare]

The votes on this post. Oh. A poem in poll form, interactive art, the fact we can see how the other people reading it felt. im. this is really good.

[ricekrispyjoints]

a 6 year old i work with told me how much she got from the tooth fairy for one (1) tooth and it seemed insane so now I need to know

how much did you get from the tooth fairy as a kid?

up to 25 cents

up to 50 cents

up to $1

up to $2

up to $5

up to $10

over $10

didn't get money for teeth

got something other than money

Voting ended onApr 8

bonus- put in the tags if you're an 80s/90s/00s kid etc.

(I used USD as the frame of reference but answer however u want)