what am I even supposed to say here Sep 5th 1997 I don't even identify as fem anymore, but I've had this blog name since the beginning and refuse to change it
if there was any justice at all in the world “every helen has her troy” would be an idiom (“every beautiful woman leaves a disaster in her wake”) and misogynistic renaissance authors would use it to describe hot women they didn’t like but, of course, inadvertently making her sound insanely awesome in the process. and then in modern times instead of talking about things being their hill to die on women could say “this is my troy to burn” and people on tumblr would be kind of horny about the whole thing and it would get incorporated into the whole “can yuo put that out on me” genre of posts. anyway just a glimpse into my beautiful mind tonight
An average day at Flambae's apartment, the door bell rings, its a delivery of flowers for Flambae.
Flambae: Bob bob, did you get me flowers?
Robert coming from the kitchen holding a towel: no, why would I do that?
Flambae: *chuckles dryly* yea like you'd be able to do anything romantic like that *takes out the card and reads it, already grinning* "Dear Bae, I lied, they're from me, Love Robert *looks at Robert grinning giddy*
Quick thought and then I really need to get back to work 😅
Stripper Robert:
Has anyone else considered Robert stripping on the side? Money runs out, repairs aren't cheap, Beef's got to eat.
Starts out as a means for survival but it turns out he's pretty good at it and he likes it.
Even after becoming a Dispatcher he keeps doing it, he's not ashamed of it, but it's not something you just bring up at work so the Z- team doesn't know.
I'm picturing the team invited him out, but he declined saying he was busy so they go without him.
Next thing you know, all of them are choking on their drinks when Robert comes out in something lacy with frills.
The Z-team loses a lot of money that night but Robert makes a killing.
I woke up in the middle of the night with idea for a series of comics; basically the ending scene of BOTW, but Zelda reacts differently depending on which armour set Link is wearing. of course I had to start with the rubber set which is one of the funniest to me lmao
i know most people have seen it but i cant emphasize how much this is literally my favorite breath of the wild clip of all time. also i can never fucking find this clip when i need it especially in high definition so here it is
He didn't steal 10 million dollars. They made that number up as a loss, they never fucking had it. Rockstar has spent more than a billion fucking dollars on GTA VI and will likely make billions more when it gets released.
Uber is a fucking shell game of a company designed to leech investor capital and output bootleg cabs.
Nvidia posted a profit in 2023 of $4.37 billion. This is like someone stealing less than a penny from me.
And they lock this kid in a prison hospital for LIFE?
What with GTA VI going up for pre-order i'd just like to remind everyone that rockstar conspired with the UK government to lock an 18-year-old away for life for hacking them.
Thank you, Black people in fandom spaces. Thank you, Black creators and Black lurkers. Thank you Black artists, Black writers. Thank you, Black bloggers, Black influencers. Shoutout to those Black characters, both canon and original. Thank you, Black people, both queer and cishet.
Your perspectives matter. Your representation matters. You are not bothersome for demanding equal treatment in fandom. It is not your responsibility to make fandom more welcoming and inclusive to you. It is not your sole responsibility to create all of the Black-centered content. You are not "ruining" anyone's fun for demanding better for yourself, and anyone who says otherwise can go fuck themselves. Any fandom worth being a part of should have no room for racism in it.
Black people in fandom, you are wanted. You are needed. You are loved and appreciated. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
And since they don't get told it near enough, thank you, Black women especially!!!
You are not "ruining" anyone's fun for demanding better for yourself, and anyone who says otherwise can go fuck themselves. Any fandom worth being a part of should have no room for racism in it.
Something I want to incorporate into one dispatch fic or another (and feel free to steel it if you like the concept) is this idea I've had that Robert actually has a pretty big network of people/entities/groups that owe him favors.
It runs the gamut on how big the favors he's owed, who owes him these favors and how happy they actually are to actually repay these favors.
There are everyday people in his neighborhood that owe him the equivalent of a ride home from work. There are heroes that owe him their lives or their careers. There are major villains that owe him more than they could ever possibly pay if he ever made good on the promises they made to him.
Some owe Mecha Man Blue, some owe Robert Robertson the Third, some the random fake identity he was using at the time he met them and helped them out. All of them, though - no matter how reluctant they might be about it - would answer if he ever called on them to settle up their debts.
He never does, though.
Because Robert is Robert, at the end of the day.
And because Robert thinks - believes with the certainty of a priest giving a sermon - that he's nothing but the empty space between all the things Mecha Man is supposed to be.
The idea of reaching out, of asking for help for something he feels is his duty alone to handle, for anything at all really, is anathema to everything Mecha Man and the legacy that came with it and the dead father that condemned him to such a life had taught him. A betrayal to the very life he'd dedicated himself to and the grave he'd been promised was waiting for him since his earliest memories.
So he never calls in any of the favors, just collects more and more and more of them over the years until the number of debts he's owed rivals the stars in the night sky.
Not until he starts working with the Z-Team.
He can't and won't use any of the favors he has piling up for himself, no matter how much easier it'd make his life, but for them? He'll make good on those old debts for them.
Prism suddenly fighting for her life against dozens of armed and dangerous super villains in what should have been a simple call to get an angry couple to calm down? When it becomes clear that no one else on the team is going to be able to get there in time before something bad happens, Robert reaches for his phone, calls a number he hasn't even thought of since it was given to him over a decade ago, and cashes in a favor.
For a moment, Prism thinks the situation has gone from bad to apocalyptic as one of the biggest, scariest, most dangerous villains in the entire country just casually walks in seconds after Robert told her he was going to get her help. But then said villain just... helps her? Guarding her like his fucking life depends on it while dropping bodies with a terrifying amount of ease, not letting any of the other villains she'd been trying to take on even look in her direction.
He politely offers her a handkerchief to wipe some of the blood off her face after everything is said and done. Tells her to let "that feral hellcat Robertson" know that accepting this as his debt being clear would be an insult and to keep his number on hand in case there's something actually worth his time that Robert wants to cash in that favor for.
Attempts to get answers about how Robert knows the Dispatch universe equivalent of Ra's al Ghul or why the man owed Robert a favor go unanswered.
(There is a non-zero chance that he's Robert's ex.
Flambae is seething about that fact, but only because he hates not knowing things and totally not because he has any strong feelings about Robert possibly having dated a villain, let alone one that Flambae might not actually be able to beat in a fight.
Not that he'd, you know, fight someone over Robert or anything.)
And it all just keeps happening.
Someone on the team will be in trouble, or will need help with something or any number of things, and Robert will make a call or text someone or - in one memorable instance that led to a powerful demon queen of hell showing up - draw a complicated symbol with his blood and boom. Problem solved.
The Z team has no idea how Robert knows these people (they can't all be his exes...right?) or how he's managed to rack up so many favors over the years or what about him makes it that everyone actually shows up and delivers when he calls those favors in.
What they do know is that Robert clearly hasn't been using his wealth of connections and the debts owed to him for himself. Man is sleeping on a plastic lawn chair because he doesn't have a bed even though last week a minor god of wealth and prosperity showed up to save Sonar's ass after a crypto scheme he got involved with (predictably) went south.
Obviously, in order to make sure they aren't stuck having to help random future assholes out when Robert ends up calling in the many favors they now owe him for helping them out so much, they're just going to have to help this poor, sad bastard themselves.
(Robert keeps trying to tell them that if they feel like they owe him any favors they could repay him by not aggressively trying to take care of him.
The Z team, in typical Z team fashion, ignore him completely.)
okay people, walk with me here. sdn is holding a massive company party with people from all branches. it's a yearly thing, maybe, or maybe a celebration for taking down the red ring.
and then rumors spread. mechaman's gonna be there, someone says. suddenly things get a lot more intense. mechaman's bowed out of invites before- he's not a member of sdn, or at least he hadn't been, and he's notoriously private. but pretty much every hero looks up to him in a way they don't with many others.
it's even worth the gossip that spreads right after- the torrance branch z-team's gonna be there.
people are picking out their best outfits, hoping to entice mechaman onto their team. they send kind notes through the company to the torrance branch, asking if mechaman would like to talk at the party, and maybe save them a dance?
(blonde blazer fields all these notes. she doesn't even bother giving them to robert).
everyone's world is a little bit rocked when they get there and- oh. the phoenix program "heroes" are all over mechaman.
while torrance might've warmed up to them after they took down shroud, the rest of sdn sure hasn't. it's almost...embarrassing to see them hanging all over mechaman- he's gotta be uncomfortable, right? i mean, sweetalker absolutely remembers mechaman putting some of these villains away.
someone from dtla heads over, tries to introduce themself, and the phoenix program heroes all snap to attention, practically growling to get them away. but mechaman steps up, gets them to stand down with just a wave.
they back off, but don't look happy about it. backing up just enough so it doesn't look like they're hovering, but they're still well within lunging distance.
and then the person from dtla makes the mistake of saying "you wanna get away from them for a bit?"
mechaman's voice drops low. "sorry?" he says.
"the- uh. the phoenix program. you're too nice, man. most of us agree, you don't have to put up with them. come on, come dance!"
behind him, the phoenix program heroes are all simmering with fury. one's reloading his arms, one's pulling god-fuckin-knows how many knives from god-fuckin-knows where, that guy's on fire-
all their eyes are trained on mechaman's raised hand, like they're waiting for something.
"so you think you're better than they are?" he asks. "no, no, don't try to cover it up now. you said it, you can't walk that back. do you, or do you not, think you are better than the z-team?"
dtla hero stumbles, says, "i mean- n- yes. i do."
they somehow get the sense that may have been wrong to say.
"cool," mechaman says. "follow-up question. where were you when shroud attacked."
it is not a real question.
"because my team was out there, covering four times their normal routes, not able to rest back at headquarters between calls. because you fucking heroes couldn't do your fucking jobs."
"woo, tell 'em!" a woman in pink yells behind mechaman.
"shut up, visi, i want him to rip their dick off," another woman says, clearly filming. "you got this, baby, just twist and pull!"
at the edges of mechaman's cowl, there's an embarrassed flush, but he sighs. "so yeah. and hey, heads up, because i saw all those notes ma- blazer tossed." he raises his voice so that everyone can hear it, and the other attendees all immediately do a bad job of pretending they weren't listening. "flattered you all want to dance with mechaman, but, uh, the z-team doesn't share. not me, anyway."
behind mechaman, the team breaks into whoops and shouts, all rushing forward as one. a bunch of them are pressing kisses or slinging arms around mechaman.
the rock construct scoops the team up and says "we're out. to the sardine?"
"we're not banned from there yet?" mechaman laughs, leaning easily against golem's face.
"we can try tonight!" a short man says. "i'm down for a good ol' pub brawl!"
the team exits together, leaving the sdn employees- heroes and dispatchers alike- staring after them.
supers are notorious gossips, by the way. easy to have something to talk about that isn't the wreckage you see daily. so word spreads fast.
don't try to badmouth the z-team in front of mechaman. it doesn't go well. and if you try to hit on mechaman in front of the z-team, well...god help you.
and if the rumor's helped along by one robert robertson the third, unassuming dispatcher for the torrance branch, then...well...
I want pov outsider of Robert Robertson but not from z team, but from the other dispatchers
Like imagine, there this team of (ex) villains, that bullied everyone else from this job. And you have to work with them, because Blonde Blazer has a bleeding heart for them. They don't fear god nor devil.
And then there this new dispatcher. You think he doesn't last a day. And then he does. And z team slowly improves. And they seem to respect him!? And then FLIRT with him?!
Someone walk behind him seeing him hacking another camera and is like "is that allowed?" People who have to listen to recordings have to hear soooo many sexual jokes and they not even sure they ARE jokes!
Soon everyone learn to not badmouth z team in his earshot. Because this dead eyed motherfucker will throw hands for z team.
They even say that he's threatened Blazer to not to cut anyone from the team not what happened but that's how rumours goes
They check their tictok and there's video of z team having a bar fight with this dude. He rips brain implant with his bare hands. video have a million likes. This is PR nightmare.
Anyway, what I'm saying, I want more of other dispatchers thinking that Robert is ex villain, and when z team learn about it, they only add more fuel to the fire
I feel like Robert just has a list of the most insane but ‘useless’ talents from being Mechaman but pre-reveal he can’t say where he got it from. Like he’s an insane speed reader because a lot of the information the suit shows him is on screens mid combat, and he needs to read them quickly while fighting someone. Or he can identify specific ingredients in meals because he trained himself into recognising when a meal might taste wrong or messed with.
(At some point post-reveal the entire team go out to a bar with a mechanical bull/something similar and bully Robert onto it. He lasts the longest, and has to patiently explain to all of them that he routinely got thrown around while sitting in a giant metal suit, staying sitting while being tossed around is not difficult for him)
me, rubbing my evil little hands together because i finally have an excuse to post my 'Robert is flexible as hell' headcanon
↓ at least- he used to be, you know? before the explosion and coma robbed it from him, i like to imagine he was one of those kids who could get his foot behind his head. Hypermobility and shit yk? all that lovely undiagnosed stuff
so yes! to all of this! especially that last part... Z-Team has some realizations watching him
i think, specifically, Robert knows how to do that cloud in the mouth trick- because he thought it'd be a cool thing to try if he ever needed to calm down a kid
↓ this gets utilized exactly once around the Z-Team, and it's because Flambae blows smoke in his face. Not cig smoke- no, he's not an asshole. He's not gonna blow nicotine into his dispatcher's face.
↓ It's just- yk campfire smoke. And it's just a little bit. A tiny puff of smog. He's just trying to rile the skinny man up
↓ And it works, sorta, Robert wrinkles his nose and presses his lips together in- what Flambae assumes- is agitation. So he's a little smug when he leans down with cocky grin
↓ Only for the skinny latte prick to puff right back at him- the clean white cloud mixing almost prettily with his own lingering grey. Flambae reels back, blinking wildy in surprise
"The fuck was that?"
"Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it? Don't blow smoke in people's faces, asshole."
"How did you-"
↓ It's like that one meme with all the calculations
it gets a little more awkward when Robert, pre-reveal, gets taken as a hostage.
↓ Z-Team is beyond pissed, ready to tear these assholes 9 new holes, when their fucking twig of a goddamn dispatcher takes matter into his own hands. Literally.
↓ He yanks himself out of his captor's hold, easily maneuvering his hands back in front him to drag them into a chokehold. Once they're out for the count, Robert just as easily dislocates his thumbs and slips the cuffs.
↓ The only reason he searches their limp body for the key is to re-fasten the things around their own wrists
"S-sir- Robert- er.. Boss? How did you.. um... fig-figure, uh.. know how to- do... do that..?"
↓ Robert, popping his thumbs back into place
"Do what?"
“The Shonen Protagonist joins The Organization” is such a cheap and easy hack for framing a narrative because the author never has to come up with a reason why the protagonist gets involved in each arc. It’s just that The Organization has a new Mission for the protagonist every time and the protagonist gets to say, “Righteo, thanks plot for telling me what to go do.”
Which makes Fullmetal Alchemist so much funnier because Edward Elric very very much does join The Organization. He’s in fact quite famous for joining The Organization. Where The Organization is a hostile fascist dictatorship with immense military power which is good at both giving orders and punishing defectors.
And yet over the course of the series Edward is so allergic to ever being told what to do that he in fact never ever goes on an Organization-Ordered Mission. And the exactly one time The Organization DID try to tell him what to do Edward hated it so much he fucked off and impaled himself at the bottom of a mineshaft about it.
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