I stumbled upon a MTV blog entry in facebook and It says 5 Songs You can Ugly Cry to. I know four of them and I never heard about this song Each Coming Night, it is by Iron & Wine so for sure it wouldn’t hurt so much if I dare to listen to it and it sucks. I’ve decided to listen to it and it didn’t disappoint me. I, then, (illegally) downloaded the song.
I’m listening to it right now. I don’t even know what the song means because I haven’t intently listened to the lyrics yet, but it gives me this weird feeling-- the feeling that says how time is passing by.
When I was little I was always thankful that my birthday is on September because I wouldn’t have the struggle of late-December and summer babies. I always wanted to celebrate my birthday with my classmates. I’m one of those kids who secretly like when they’re singing the happy birthday song for me or they’d give me even the lousiest birthday cards ever, maybe that’s why during grade school I hate it when my birthday happened on weekends. I was in high school when I realized I’m not as special as I thought I’m ought to be. My birthdays are weekdays and we do have classes. Most of the time I would ditch my classes just so I’d know if they’ll remember. (Forgive me, uso emo noon) I’d receive fair birthday cards and text messages from time to time. When I was in College I’d always hope for weekend birthdays so I can spend them properly (as in getting wasted with friends.) I didn’t even know what it really means to me. Now that I’m older I don’t care so much if they’d erase the 30th of September on calendars. I’ll just make sure I wouldn’t remove my birthday on facebook because there’s no way any of them would remember. Maybe five years from now I wouldn’t even care.
And then I thought of my sister who’s gonna have my first nephew due on the second week of April. I thought of my Titas’ stories about their preggy days and how they take care of each other. I thought maybe they’ve heard stories like that from my Lolas too. I thought how long or how soon is it gonna be until our own children would have the same talk. Or if I would ever have any.
It’s weird how time flies so fast but when I look at where I stand right now, suddenly things are not the same anymore compared on how it was a few years ago. It’s as if nothing has changed, but I feel different. Nothing has changed but everything is not the same. I thought how many friends I am yet to lose. How many friends am I gonna gain? How am I friends with people that I never thought are gonna be my good friends? And how did I lose the ones I thought I’m gonna have forever? I thought how many songs are yet to make me wonder like this?
The song stopped playing. And it’s a knowing quietness.
My nephew will never celebrate his birthday during school days. I just wish there would never be a day that he’d stop caring, too.
I’ve been told a lot of times that I should feel exceptionally thankful that I don’t have to worry because I’m single as fuck. My friends have no idea what I’ve been going through. Siguro nga may iba’t-iba talaga tayong hangups in life. But I don’t feel lucky that I don’t have their struggles. I get where they’re coming from naman. I like keeping things to myself so I don’t have the rights to be all NO I’M NOT LUCKY but I guess I’m entitled to my cons. They don’t know my struggles so most of the time I just like shrugging things out. I always think it’s better than explaining.
I don’t know what’s worse: to love someone silently and unrequitedly; to love someone who would never look to you the same way you look at him or having a relationship and the love of your life to love you back but couldn’t make things work.
Most of the time I just feel really alone.
If I’d be given the chance, I’d definitely choose to fight with someone for our little something than to just love someone. I always say that to my friend Reyan, “There’s just a little too many people in this world; you are so damn lucky when you choose that someone who would also choose you over every bit of us. You have the love of your life, she chose you, why the fuck are you gonna let that go?
Most of the time I just feel really alone. And I don’t know what’s worse than having to feel loneliness.
I used to love having my entire time for myself, but I guess when you chose that someone, you are then yet entitled to love them more than anything else. Yes, you can always choose things that in accord to the universe’s code are far more important than love, but will you ever be happy? I guess not.
Most of the time I feel really alone. And I don’t know what’s worse than having to feel loneliness except the need to choose something over someone. And it’s all just because the universe says so.
You got me writing again. This time it wouldn’t be so full of hope because right now I don’t think I still have any. It’s been what, four years now? I don’t think I’ll last a day having the same optimism like the past years. Nakakapagod din pala. I just don’t know how you do that. I don’t understand how can you be so inviting without saying anything. I don’t understand how you can always convince me to stay without asking me not to leave. It’s like I’ll always do great with my life then you’d come tearing everything I built without you apart and stitch the ones that I ripped because of you. When it comes to you, I’ll always end up coming back to Day 1 that I have a bunch of Day 1s with me already. I hope I’ll get pass you this time. Because it’s tiring. Because I’m not sure if it’s still worth it.
I already posted this one on Instagram. I was so bored last night so I came up with covering a simplified version of He’s A Pirate: Pirates of the Caribbean OST.
I woke up today hearing, I think, the 23rd snooze of my 15 daily alarms, but it wasn’t Accidents by Cheats that woke me up. It was the striking sunlight that goes straight through my curtain-less window through my face. It’s usually a reminder that I’m waking up later than usual because it occurs every time the clock strikes 11. Usually I would just get up and resume my sweet time sleeping on the couch. It’s not what really happened today.
I looked for my cellphone. Checked messages and the time. I received a series of messages that made me sit up straight. I was sitting on my bed for a very long time as the sun would continue hissing through my skin and I just didn’t mind.
I didn’t know what happened next. All I know is that I realized that when there’s something life-changing that happened to you, each little thing will probably change.
I went out of the house early this afternoon and I felt detached to the world. Everything looks the same but I feel different. The winds are still blowing hard. The sky is blue and the sun still brights rudely but everything looks shady. I see the same faces doing the same things. It’s weird how life can possibly go on when things are different in an instant. How weird it is for things to make sense but still feels weird. Ignorance is bliss, they say. But I’ll always take it bitter if that means knowing.
I don’t know what future holds. But from now on I wanna stop hoping for things to get better. I want to have a say when it comes to my life. That goes the same with the people I love. After all, we are the ones to make the final say.
Maru’s Indefinite Playlist: Mumford & Sons - Little Lion Man
Weep for yourself, my man,
You'll never be what is in your heart
Weep little lion man,
You're not as brave as you were at the start
Rate yourself and rake yourself,
Take all the courage you have left
Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head
But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
Didn't I, my dear?
Tremble for yourself, my man,
You know that you have seen this all before
Tremble little lion man,
You'll never settle any of your scores
Your grace is wasted in your face,
Your boldness stands alone among the wreck
Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck
But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
Little Lion Man was released in 2009 along with as equally awesome songs in M&S’ Sigh No More album. It received several nominations all through the VMA’s, Billboard MAs and even the Grammy’s.
How this song caught my attention?
“I really fucked it up this time. Didn’t I, my dear?”
It’s the most no-filter and the most striking lyrics I’ve heard these days. So here I am, featuring my first song of 2016 in this barely-there blog. I like this song so much. It’s like how someone is so capable of messing things up but it’s more of accepting and sucking everything up. It’s so weird that it’s kind of a sad song but it made me feel feelings that are not.
The thing is I’m so frustrated about so many things in life right now but somehow this song speaks a lot for me as I stutter. It’s as if I needed to hear it. It felt like me talking. I worry that sometimes I speak less than I should and this song made the talking for me. It feels like the world don’t even need to hear it anymore, like the world don’t even need to listen to me anymore. It felt like I should hear it myself. Like I should listen to myself. Parang I owe these words to myself. It felt like I needed to hear what I am about to say before I even say things to the world. Na yes, I might’ve fucked things up so bad and that I may have explained myself to the world already and maybe now it’s about time to let that shit sink in. Because there’s nothing left to do. Because there’s nothing left. And maybe that’s okay.
To be fair, I thought that 2015 is going to be one of the best years ever, until it became just memorable. It’s definitely not the best, but it’s memorable. 2015 has been the year that I gained too much and lost so much too. I don’t even think I know where to start.
All I know is that this year I should just stop ruining things for myself. I should accept what I deserve. Also, maybe I should just accept the fact that some people deserve better people in their lives and I should just be fine that most of the time it’s not me.
I have always been awful. I always think that maybe parts of me are not but the things I do, even if I meant doing them or not, proves how bad I get. I somehow think that maybe I should just isolate myself from people. I just feel so bad that I can feel the pain through my bones. I wish I could just make it stop and I don’t like where this might end.
I hope there’ll come a day that I will feel better about myself because I am doing so well and not about anything else. I just want to love being myself. I just want to stop doing everything that harms people even if I did not intend doing anything. I wish to see myself in the mirror and feel good about it. For once I just wanted to be proud with the things I do. I did such awful things that even if I claimed myself back the consequences might be the things that I have grown to love so much. I feel awful that I think there’s nothing left. It’s all blank to me. And it definitely feels like a clean start. And maybe that’s what I should do.
Maybe this year I should start being the good person I claim to be.
I can’t believe that it has been a year already since the last time I wrote the series I have seen last year! I know you’ve probably missed that post so incase you’d like to see it, I’ll just put this here.
Man, this year was super crazy. Most of the time I’ve cheated my addiction on books and movies with tv shows (except with those few times when I was really looking forward to read and watch something). Sadly, I wasn’t able to go anywhere far from home but the bright side is definitely that I’ve been to too many places by watching those awesome shows. I mean it felt so much like I was really busy the whole year that I wasn’t able to properly communicate to people. I am not overreacting. I just woke up and then suddenly it’s just a week left until 2016!
Anywaaay, I definitely tried re-watching some of those series that I’ve grown to love and I have also seen some that I wasn’t able to finish in the past and committed to finish them, but the thing is I fail miserably again. Ehem, Pretty Little FUCKING Liars. I mean, the girls are entertaining but they’re just not entertaining enough for me. it’s just ridiculous to watch something that bores you. Screw your lives over, girls. I’m just gonna give me some sleep. I would always stop on your third season and I couldn’t care less if you’re your own As. It’s boring af.
Okaaaay, enough with the negativity because I have so much to write. So last time I ended things up by writing about the brilliant TV Show by Netflix called Weeds. I wasn’t able to completely finish that too but I still look forward to finishing it maybe next year.
Warning: I tend to talk about random things so just count on that. Now here’s the list of the shows I’ve seen this year. As in eto na:
1. FX’s You’re the Worst
"You're the Worst" isn't a typical romantic comedy. Narcissist Jimmy Shive-Overly thinks all relationships are doomed from the start, while stubborn cynic Gretchen Cutler is certain that amorous bonds aren't her thing. When the two meet at a wedding, though, there's a sea change: They go home together and find they're beginning to fall for each other. Jimmy and Gretchen navigate fear, heartbreak, ardor and other feelings, while their situation seems to establish that non-traditionalists sometimes make great partners.
After watching the early few seasons of Weeds that I had back then, I started watching this series called You’re the Worst. I ended up watching the whole first season but I wasn’t able to catch up when its second season started this September. I was catching up with Game of Thrones and I think that that’s acceptable. But the thing is it's hilarious and mind me, Aya Cash is adorable irl. You should follow her twitter account. She’s really funny! Anyway, I was so hooked while watching it and You’re the Worst’s second season is definitely one of the series that I’m gonna continue watching next year!
2. AMC’s Better Call Saul
He wasn't always Saul Goodman, ace attorney for chemist-turned-meth dealer Walter White. Six years before he begins to represent Albuquerque's most notorious criminal, Goodman is Jimmy McGill, a small-time attorney hustling to make a name for himself. He's a forceful champion for his low-income clients, an underdog whose morals and ambitions often clash. Jimmy works with private eye Mike Ehrmantraut, a former Philadelphia cop and recent transplant to the Southwest. Mike has a specialized skill set -- he's a "fixer" of sticky situations -- that Jimmy soon learns to appreciate.
Well, I hated Saul Goodman in Breaking Bad but for the sake of my strong feelings for Breaking Bad I was so brave to start watching this series. It’s his pre- Albuquerque period. Hehe. I was so bored. I love Mike but I was just so bored I stopped watching after a few episodes. I couldn’t stand the man’s face.
3. HBO’s Game of Thrones
George R.R. Martin's best-selling book series "A Song of Ice and Fire" is brought to the screen as HBO sinks its considerable storytelling teeth into the medieval fantasy epic. It's the depiction of two powerful families -- kings and queens, knights and renegades, liars and honest men -- playing a deadly game for control of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros, and to sit atop the Iron Throne. Martin is credited as a co-executive producer and one of the writers for the series, which was filmed in Northern Ireland and Malta.
People who like Game of Thrones are my brothers and sisters. I say it’s an overwhelming show. I wouldn’t even try to write a decent review for it. An attempt would end up a mockery. Game of Thrones is too precious that it don’t deserve my words. Game of Thrones is too much. I said that Breaking Bad is the best show ever, but I have never been so wrong my entire life. Everything is happening too fast. People are dying. My people are suddenly kissing the Lannisters’ arses. I couldn’t trust anyone. I couldn’t root for anyone because Robb Stark. I’m so glad I don’t have a brother because of too much incest it possessed. But I am the grandmother of dragons. And that’s enough.
4. Netflix’s Orange is the New Black Season 3
Oh, well. Let’s just put this in here because it’s still awesome! Definitely still included in my (non-existent) favorites shows ever list! I have never been attracted to a butch ever before but damn Ruby Rose is hot. She’s really pretty!
Although I wish next season they would actually make a backstory of my favorite latina ever-- Maritza! Also, bring back Nickels!!!! I really love this show. <3
5. CW’s iZombie
When over-achieving medical resident Liv Moore attends a party that turns into a zombie feeding frenzy, she ends up joining the ranks of the living dead. Determined to pass as human despite her pale appearance and newly listless demeanor, Liv forms a plan to resist her drive to consume fresh human brains by taking a job at a coroner's office, where she can secretly snack on the brains of corpses delivered there. Soon discovering that she absorbs the memories of those she feeds on, she finds new purpose by posing as a psychic and working with a detective to help solve their murders.
I love how this series works. So obviously it’s from its own comics and it’s really awesome. Whenever I watch episodes of iZombie it somehow feels like watching a Power Ranger show when I was a kid except the hero is a zombie, except it’s more awesome. I love Liv so much but I wish they killed the other guy on its first season instead. I can never move on when it comes to that death!
6. FX’s American Horror Story
I’ve been binge-watching this tv show right just when I started watching the first season. It’s unlike any other series because each season it possesses completely different horror stories.
First Season: Murder House
I say that this is one of my favorite seasons ever. Others are awesome but it’s not equally as awesome as Murder House. And just like the wagon, I ship Violet and Tate so hard. Although I think the ending was weak.
Second Season: Asylum
It’s during Asylum when the makers of the whole series clearly (but indirectly) said that they’re not here to have fun with us. They are going to probably fuck with our sanity and hell yeah, we get that. Ending was way better compared to Murder House but they have this different charm that I love equally so much. I’m like the mother of this show and I love each in every one.
Third Season: Coven
In this season they said: “Joke laaaang, let’s have fun!”. I say Coven has been the lightest season so far. It all kinda turned into a joke that sometimes it gets boring. Youngsters probably loved it but when you took Asylum too seriously (like me), I guess this is a weak turn of events. BEST PART OF THE SEASON? Maddison Montgomery. The end.
Although I understand and would consider because HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU TOP ASYLUM?
Fourth Season: Freak Show
During Freak Show I honestly didn’t expect anything much. Asylum was fun but it somehow took away all the anticipation I felt during the first two seasons. Freak Show was decent (not with the context though because it’s still fucking inappropriate). The plot has its potential but somehow it didn’t go quite well for me.
Fifth Season: Hotel
It’s a shocker and it’s still on-going. I have seen like 5 episodes and wasn’t able to catch up yet because I’m finishing something but Hotel is doing pretty well as of the last time I watch AHS. This season they’re spoiling us with the Lady Gaga and Matt Bomer lang naman. How is that?!! My mom, although, had enough of this season because according to her it’s full of shit unlike other seasons because Hotel has no story and it’s just a bunch of sex, filth and other disgusting things. (Guess who’s conservative after all? Lelz)
All in all, American Horror Story had its time and I guess it’s trying its best to gain the reputation back up. It used to be really good and I wish them all the best this season. I always try extra hard to like it more.
7. Scream Queens
Exactly two decades after Wallace University was rocked by a mysterious death, another murder takes place -- and all hell breaks loose. As the investigation progresses, casualties start to pile up and anyone could be the next victim -- or the villain. This modern take on a classic whodunit, a blend of comedy, horror and mystery, features a killer cast, including horror-genre veteran Jamie Lee Curtis as Dean Cathy Munsch, who demands that sorority pledging must be open to all students, not just the wealthy and elite. Her decree does not go over well with Chanel Oberlin (Emma Roberts), who rules the most popular sorority, Kappa House.
Apparently they gave Maddison Montgomery a world that she deserve and now as the bitch that she is, Chanel Oberlin. Hate her or hate her, she still wouldn’t know your name. I love her. Lol. The first time I learned about this show I said that it’s something that I would definitely watch. I mean FUCKING ARIANA GRANDE IS HER SIDEKICK! Lelz. As to her nga, WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS?
I like how stupid they are and I like how stupid this show is. It’s like watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians but fictional.
8. AMC’s The Walking Dead Season 6
It’s one of the shows that I used to be all over it. I mean I have its characters photos all over my room! But then I grew up. Lol. It’s one of those shows that used to be so good but the plot gets tiring eventually. Of course, I wouldn’t stop watching it but it’s not that exciting anymore.
9. E!’s Keeping Up with the Kardashians Seasons 10 - 11
Oh, shut up. It’s my guilty pleasure!
10. ABC’s Modern Family
Told from the perspective of an unseen documentary filmmaker, the series offers an honest, often-hilarious perspective of family life. Parents Phil and Claire yearn for an honest, open relationship with their three kids. But a daughter who is trying to grow up too fast, another who is too smart for her own good, and a rambunctious young son make it challenging. Claire's dad, Jay, and his Latina wife, Gloria, are raising two sons together, but people sometimes believe Jay to be Gloria's father. Jay's gay son, Mitchell, and his partner, Cameron, have adopted a little Asian girl, completing one big -- straight, gay, multicultural, traditional -- happy family.
This made to my non-existent list too. I’ve grown to love this family. This family raised me. One of my best decisions is life is watching this show and I’m proud of that because I don’t make good decisions at all. I’ve learned to love my family better by watching this. Lol. I love it so much that if I would be given a chance to turn back time the first thing I would do is experience watching Modern Family for the first time all over again.
11. Hell’s Kitchen
Eighteen new contestants enter the kitchen to compete in the 14th season of chef Gordon Ramsay's rigorous cooking competition. The battle begins as the cooks are split into two teams and assigned their first challenge: to present their signature dishes to Ramsay. As with all the other challenges that follow, one team wins a coveted prize while the other team must shoulder a brutal punishment. Each week the contestants are also faced with pressure-filled dinner services where they try to prove their worth. At the end of the season, only one contestant is left standing, winning a head chef position and the $250,000 prize.
Well, everybody knows Hell’s Kitchen. I just started watching it religiously this month. I’m just curious how it was on its early seasons. And oh my god, he was more scary during the first seasons!
12. The O.C.
This modern soap opera mines the intertwined lives of the Cohen, Cooper and Nichol families for drama, with a contemporary music soundtrack adding to the proceedings. Ryan, a teenager from the wrong side of the Chino tracks, finds himself in well-to-do Newport Beach -- an enclave of Southern California's Orange County. Taken in by a lawyer and his family, Ryan winds up in the midst of snarky, wealthy high schoolers and their sun-drenched angst.
I don’t know how I ended up watching this show, all I know is that it used to be so good until Marissa died. If only the star who portrayed her and the role itself aren’t both selfish then it will have the credit it really deserves.
I mean I didn’t like Ryan at first but I’ve learned to understand his character and he became understandable.
Seth and Ryan are like the pioneers of bromance. They are the ones that I missed the most after watching the whole thing.
Also, I wouldn’t know how to love if it wasn’t for Seth and Summer.
Anything with Seth Cohen is practically everything that I love about it. At times he’s whiny but it’s part of the Cohen’s charm.
But the bitch Marissa, I hate her so much that there’s no room for a gif of her in this entry. I fucking hate Marissa. She’s the reason why everybody’s lives went to chaos. He somehow ruined lives of her loved ones especially Johnny’s, who died because of her narcissism. She never even cared about Summer, who supposed to be her best friend, because she’s too busy feeling sorry for her self. What a bitch. She didn’t even have real problems!
So I searched all over the internet why they so suddenly killed Marissa’s character and I wasn’t so surprised upon discovering that she’s like a diva bitch irl. She even mentioned that she regret playing Marissa’s role in The O.C.. I mean, you quit The O.C. because you received offers to make a movie or something? Like bitch your role as Marissa is the biggest role you’ve ever had.
Also, I stalked my favorite couple forever Seth and Summer and who are they in real life. I started of by stalking Seth and I found out that he’s fucking Adam Brody after all and he end up marrying...
Oh, well, Leighton Meester lang naman! Fucking Blair Waldorf!!!! I was so happy when I learned about this because it’s like I’m destined to watch this series after all because I was life-pegging Blair years back.
And so after more episodes I then investigated about Summer Roberts who happened to be Rachel Bilson in real life and then that’s when I learned that I was born for that day to come.
She married Young Anakin Skywalker. <3 The stars, for me eventually, aligned. I thought: for once in my life I am doing the right thing.
Anyway, Marissa or whoever that girl is end up looking so stressed out maybe because she sold her whole house for her crack money or whatever. So, who’s fucking winning now, Marissa bitch?
(I’m so sorry, I have so much feelings towards her.)
Anyway, The OC was awesome. It gets boring after the third season and I thought they wouldn’t be able to get the hang of the bitch’s death but it all fell together perfectly on its last episode. I haven’t shed a tear for months now and The OC helped me to feel again. <3 Loved The OC.
13. Parks and Recreation
Leslie Knope, a midlevel bureaucrat in an Indiana Parks and Recreation Department, hopes to beautify her town (and boost her own career) by helping local nurse Ann Perkins turn an abandoned construction site into a community park, but what should be a fairly simple project is stymied at every turn by oafish bureaucrats, selfish neighbors, governmental red tape and a myriad of other challenges. Leslie's colleague Tom Haverford, who delights in exploiting his position for personal gain, is as likely to undermine her efforts as to help her, while her boss, Ron Swanson, is adamantly opposed to government in any form, even though he's a bureaucrat himself.
I’m currently watching the last two seasons of Parks and Recreation at the moment and I just don’t want it to end. It’s hilarious and everything is well-put together. I love how every character got their personalities and how they are the opposites of one another but I also love how they happened to need one another.
I have so much to say about Parks and Recreation. All of them are good things and I think I’m going to write an entire new post after I finish watching the whole thing. Right now I would just like to say that my favorite characters are...
I am April with strikes of Jerry. You don’t think it’s possible? You don’t really know me. Lelz
So, that’s about all of it. I think... If I remember watching something else then I would edit this thing. I had a lot of fun meeting new people all year long. I vow to watch more series (and exercise) because I now look like Jerry. Nobody likes a Jerry. Lol.
Next year I still have so much to watch. I think I am brave enough to watch Supernatural. Also, Ram has been bugging me all year round convincing me to start Arrow and Flash. Now, we’ll see about that. ‘Til next year. Thanks for reading!
I was about to write a fun entry for a Christmas Party
2015 is almost over and I’m still on this same old spot I have been in since 2012, except that I am nowhere near where it actually happened. Either way, when I come to think of it, it doesn’t make any difference.
I don’t even know where it really all started. I just know that I wouldn’t know how it is not to look at you that way anymore-- that I wouldn’t know how life’s like when you weren’t there. I wouldn’t know how I felt when just a word from you always excites me. I cannot imagine how I always love that you’re you and how sometimes you made me feel like I can also like me. I admit that most of the time it made me feel like I don’t deserve that kind of happiness or yet something could actually happen, that sometimes I can also love, that there can be something for me, too.
It’s been so many years and months but it always feels like it was just yesterday. I could always go on recalling the days when there’s yet to know to days that hurt the most and how it was all worth it. Because there’s you. And everything else just don’t matter.
Sometimes I still hope. But it was 2012 and it’s almost 2016 and most of the time I feel like an idiot. Because it’s impossible that there’s something. Because it has been so long. It has been far too long.
It started feeling like if there’s something that could take it all away I would let them take it all away in an instant, because it may not worth struggling anymore.
But you can always just say a word. And because you’re you. And I am me.
Maru’s Indefinite Playlist: Araw’t Gabi by Clara Benin
Ito ata ang ikalawang OPM song sa playlist ko at ito ata ang unang Filipino yung lyrics.
Sobrang ganda lang kasi nitong kantang ‘to, not to mention its very beautiful music video. Narinig ko lang ‘to sa MYX. (Hahaha yep, I still sometimes listen to myx.) So nung una ko ngang napakinggan to I knew all along na iba talaga siya sa mga usual na kanta lately. According sa youtube comments people found Clara’s style similar to Regina Spektor. Gusto ko sila parehas so I don’t really mind, pero personally I still find her different. I think she’s just being Clara Benin. It’s so beautiful. It’s either she’s just being a very good singer o talagang pinaparamdam nya yung emotion nya through her singing.
I affirmed my infatuation towards this song one night when I couldn’t sleep and I played this song. I didn’t really fall asleep but instead I learned that it’s like the ONLY song that made me shiver. I literally felt something tingling through my spine. I’m not even overreacting. It’s definitely one of those songs that I don’t wanna listen to too much because I don’t wanna lose this very strange feeling I have towards it. It’s one of the things that I wanted to last.
I love the lyrics. I love its melody. It’s perfect.
If I’m close with you then you’d know how messed up my reproductive system is. (Which I will assume you don’t know because my very few close friends never reads my blog, but if you do know I’m still going to talk about it anyway) So I have this condition that I bleed too much. I usually am having my menstruation for far too long than usual—by that I mean I bleed for like at least 30 days then I’d have a 3-4 weeks of no-blood-allowed break then it’ll just come back instantly. So to make it short I have an additional 25 days of period more than the usual.
Imagine the agony I’m going through. Imagine how I never get used to the feeling of not having menstrual pads anymore that even though the cycle has ended already for about a week I’m still using them because just in case AND I FEEL NAKED WITHOUT THEM. Imagine having to stand by the seashore while your friends are having fun and you cannot just join them because the ocean floor got no match with your own battling waves inside your panties. I could tell you so many reasons and we wouldn’t stop discussing until the end of time but I’m writing this post with so much rage because I have so much feelings about the most annoying downside I encounter and currently battling against for at least a whole bunch of these morbid weeks.
I always think that I can bitch about everything.
If you’re a girl or you have a girlfriend you would know what girls who are having their periods are capable of. They can play god for a whole week without asking questions. They are super sensitive and super weird for an entire week. They can torch a house and rebuild it within a day. YOU CAN NEVER JUST QUESTION THEM BECAUSE HELL WILL RISE UPON THE EARTH. Now imagine having it for a whole month.
A few weeks ago I picked a fight with my best friend, a serious one, just because I didn’t have a good sleep.
I judge people so much. I am a copywriter. I’ve been correcting everyone’s grammar on facebook and never cared if I made a mistake myself.
I would just snap and tell a girl she’s making too much selfies and tell her people don’t like her anyway so can she just not
“You’re so pretty. But you’re so bobo.”
"EW STOP FLEXIN WE ALL KNOW YOU SUCK DICKS"
I motherfucking bought an overpriced water bottle.
I watched every version of the Chocolate Factory. (I liked the 1971 version the best)
“Oh, I see, you’re using my expression. That’s cute.”
I invented irony.
“Really? You think it is THAT expensive?”
“DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING POST AGAIN YOUR FUCKING IPHONE TAKEN FROM YOUR FUCKING DSLR TAPOS MIRROR SHOT PUTANG INA MO.”
“WOW YOU’RE A FAN TOO? You know their neighbor’s yaya’s sister’s dog’s name?”
“WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE? WE ALL KNOW YOU’LL FUCK A FUCKING A HORSE”
“Wow, hip, you’re so cool BUT remember when you were this little bitch and…”
I am on the verge of telling people what I actually think about them.
And I swear it’s not gonna be a pretty picture. My head is such an awful place.
I’m starting to hate the people I love.
And I just couldn’t justify anything if you’ll ask me.
Because I have no reason at all.
Now I’m losing it because I’m thinking I’m just making the period shit an excuse for my really shitty personality. I knew it naman. I’m not exactly a saint. But I think I’m not that bad either. But the fact that I have something to blame for now then I think I’m still free to feel whatever. This too shall pass. AND Hello, I bleed too much.
I guess when you’re in too deep there’s nothing more beautiful than your unbelievable ability to care. It’s nice to care for someone, or something. It’s nice to show that for once you’re being affectionate not just because it’s what you feel like doing or it’s what you should be doing. It’s all because of a single reason: that it’s what you’re ought to do.
As much as I like my self-assigned job of caring I often ends up to the same and consistent conclusion and that is to quit. If there were a thing that’s consistent about my life then that’d be my negative thoughts about tolerating my negative dispositions in life and how I never do anything about it. Every time I think about the thing I wanted the most in the world it just proves to me that I’m so fucking bad at decision-makings. I know what’s right and I keep on chasing for the wrong ones. Because it might not always feels right, it is something, the only thing rather, that sometimes feels right. You get me? Nothing in this world that can make me feel the right things except this very bad one. It’s like having the privilege to watch a coming-soon film using a link that’s been leaked all over the internet. It jolts my senses of superiority and maybe awareness too. But it’s wrong. It’s like feeding my family using stolen money. Or like getting a high to be happy. It sure feels good but it’s wrong.
I guess when you’re in too deep there’s nothing far worse than your unbelievable ability to care. It’s awful to care for something even if you don’t want to. It’s awful to be affectionate because you knew all along that it’s wrong. It’s wrong and you always think that you can beat the game as long as you’re the one playing but the truth is the game has been playing you that day you felt that caring is something you are ought to do.
Maru’s Indefinite Playlist: Honey and the Moon by Joseph Arthur
I’ve known this song for a while now. Just recently I started watching The OC and this song magically played. I just thought it’s amazing. You know the moments when you used to really love a song but as time passes it tends to go to the lost box along with your hair clips and remote control but when you accidentally listened to it again, even for just the first key, you’ll know instantly that you once loved it. So I swore to myself that I really know the song and when I looked for it, I knew that it’s left lying unplayed on my iTunes all along with some other awesome songs waiting to be on air again.
FUCKING WATCH THE OC!!!!
Anyway, I like this song because it’s one of the few ones that can really move me. It’s a song that you don’t even have to know the lyrics just to know it’s good. The musical arrangement itself is moving and well intact. It’s a song that will shift your mood on nostalgia mode. It definitely says so much.
I love the lyrics too. It’s all about finally having the right things but on the wrong time. Upon analyzing it I ended up thinking that in able to be completely happy in life everything must really fall together. It’s something unexplainable really. Even the greatest love is not great enough to some troubled things. Love is great, yes. It can make you do crazy things, yes. But some things in life are unfortunately are not meant to work no matter what. And I think that the things that worked out are beautiful. And the things that didn’t are pure.
VOICE: 20
PLOT: 17
CHARACTER AND DIALOGUE: 19
SETTING AND LOCATION: 18
CONSISTENCY: 16
I have read a little too many of YA Contemporaries and I must say that Wild Awake is something so raw, disturbing and beautiful at the same time. Mind you that the first half was a bit boring but it is understandable because its output needed the dreary to come out like it did.
Oh my god, I went crazy when Kiri, our protagonist, started to get tricky. My only good judgment for books that involves illegal drugs and insanity is when the story strikes beyond my weirdness that it would somehow make me feel like closing down my book for a while because I have to absorb what I’m reading and/or I’m afraid of my own nightmares. Wild Awake, at some point, made me feel scared. It was so good, it’s like the first time I saw Requiem for a Dream. There’s not a book except this one that made me feel so close and somehow a bit first hand to the character. It felt like going through the head of someone and it was so awesome.
I had few issues upon reading this but I figured that the loose ends might be one of the author’s distinct writing styles. The ending was bearable and bittersweet. Maybe I’m not giving it perfect score because at some point the characters were pretentious and superficial but nonetheless I like them very much.
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