The Sarcastic Scribe

I enjoy reading, writing, and sharing my love of both with everyone.

[dantedevereaux-deactivated20201]

For all my writers struggling with weaponry of the sword variety. 

[writing-prompt-s]

This is such a great resource! Thank you!

[valarhalla]

Ok so there’s these tidal islands in Northern Germany that are connected by little tiny trains that you have to drive yourself, which is already delightfully ghibli-esque.

But then I found out UNTIL THE 196OS, THE TRAINS HAD LITTLE SAILS AND WERE WIND-POWERED?

THAT’S THE MOST GHIBLI THING TO EVER EXIST ON THIS PLANET, BRING IT BACK YOU MONSTERS.

[battlestar-royco]

here have 10 pieces of writing advice that have stuck with me over the years

every character’s first line should be an introduction to who they are as a person

even if you only wrote one sentence on a really bad day, that’s still one sentence more than you had yesterday

exercise restraint when using swear words and extra punctuation in order for them to pack a punch when you do use them

if your characters have to kiss to show they’re in love, then they’re not in love

make every scene interesting (or make every scene your favorite scene), otherwise your readers will be just as bored as you

if you’re stuck on a scene, delete the last line you wrote and go in a different direction, or leave in brackets as placeholders

don’t compare your first draft to published books that could be anywhere from 3rd to 103rd drafts

i promise you the story you want to tell can fit into 100k words or less

sometimes the book isn’t working because it’s not ready to be written or you’re not ready to write it yet; let it marinate for a bit so the idea can develop as you become a better writer

a story written in chronological order takes a lot more discipline and is usually easier to understand than a story written with flashbacks

[asforetold]

Favourite narrative tropes:

“That was ONE time!”

“Due to an administrative error”, or any major plot point which is caused almost entirely by bureaucratic fuckups

“Contrary to popular belief” appended to something that’s either really obvious or completely subjective

A character makes an assertion, then cut to the narrator contradicting it (‘“Everything’s fine!” Everything was not fine.’)

First-person narrators who call a specific character by a series of increasingly convoluted nicknames

Unusual narrative euphemisms. I still hold that describing around a curse word is almost always funnier than just using the word.

Establishing character moments which subvert your expectations right from the get-go. The best example is in the Brooklyn Nine Nine pilot, where Jake’s fooling around at the crime scene before revealing that he’s already solved the case.

Montages. Just montages of any kind, for any reason, anytime. I actually think they work better in text form because you can do so many creative things with them.

Side characters with a level of fourth-wall awareness / quasi-supernatural ability which is never quite certain, like the janitor in Scrubs.

Double meanings in narration that take a while to make themselves clear.

Really, really specific similes.

[thecollectibles]

Beneath Lilies by Vanessa Palmer

[spider-hands-mannos-deactivated]

There is a specific and terrifying difference between “never were” monsters and “are not anymore” monsters

“The thing that was not a deer” implies a creature which mimics a deer but imperfectly and the details which are wrong are what makes it terrifying

“The thing that was not a deer anymore” on the other hand implies a thing that USED to be a deer before it was somehow mutated, possessed, parasitically controlled or reanimated improperly and what makes THAT terrifying is the details that are still right and recognizable poking out of all the wrong and horrible malformations.

[spider-hands-mannos-deactivated]

hey I totally fucked up and forgot the 3rd type, which is “Is Not Anymore And Maybe Never Was” monsters “The thing which was no longer a deer and maybe never was” implies a creature that, at first glance, completely appears to be a deer, but over time degrades very slowly until you realize (probably too late) that it is not a deer anymore, and had you seen it in this state first, you wouldn’t have recognized it as a deer at all, and there’s a decent chance that it was never actually a deer to begin with but only a very good mimic, and what makes this one scary is the slow change from everything being right to everything being wrong, happening slowly enough that you don’t even notice it until its too late, as well as the fact that something now so clearly not a deer could have fooled you to begin with.

[endreal]

No idea if this commentary adds anything or not but since monsters are generally couched in terms of danger and threat, and therefore fear, in my mind these posts broke themselves down kinda like this:

The “was not a deer” monster speaks to fear born of deception, dangers that approach under the guise of familiarity, with varying levels of success to infiltrate the familiar before lashing out

The “not a deer anymore” monster speaks to fear born of coercion. Whatever it is was once familiar and perhaps even comforting but through the action of another agent the familiar has become grotesque and dangerous.

The “…and maybe never was a deer” monster speaks to fear born of self-doubt. Most people spend most of the time in a sense of vague assurance that they’re doing the right thing, or at least a right thing, in the situation they find themselves in. This fear lies in the danger of *thinking* you understood, only to be eviscerated by the cruelty of “no…you were never correct, and this is your consequence.”

[hamenthotep]

[tlbodine]

Yes this. Good analysis. 

[supreme-leader-stoat]

Actually, in light of this I’d like to propose yet one more type of monster to this list. The monster is a deer. But you realize you were very, very wrong about what deer are like.

The deer itself has not changed, you were just wrong about deer from the very start.

[sandydragon1]

Things to Consider when Creating a Magic System

What are the drawbacks of using magic? Does it have mental, physical, and/or emotional consequences for the user?

What tools are needed to harness magic? Wands? Spells? Magical artifacts?

How do people learn magic? Instinct? In school? From family members?

Can everyone use magic or are only certain people capable of using it?

Is the capability to use magic hereditary? What about different ways of using magic (transformation powers, teleportation, etc.)?

What is impossible for magic to do?

How long does it take to master different magical skills?

Can creatures other than humans learn magic? Are different creatures better at using different kinds of magic?

Does it require spells to be spoken, written, or thought?

Is it possible for someone to lose their magical abilities?

How do characters’ emotions affect their ability to use magic? Do their emotions affect the magic’s intensity or controllability? 

How does the strength of a person’s magical abilities change as they age?

Can people normally perform any kind of magic or can they only perform things that fall under their specialty? Are their exceptions?

What rules restrict magic use in society?

How do people’s magical abilities impact their career prospects?

What kinds of magic are the most feared or seen as the most powerful? Which are seen as mere jokes?

How do people use magic to help with everyday tasks?

Can magical energy be stored for later use?

What objects or other factors can amplify someone’s magical powers?

When do magical abilities initially manifest? From birth? At a certain age? Under certain conditions?

What is the first spell a character is likely to learn?

What happens if a spell is performed incorrectly? Nothing at all? A weaker version of the intended results? Pain?

Can different spell casting methods be used to obtain the same result? What are their advantages and disadvantages?

[susiephone]

sci-fi jobs that must exist that i find inexplicably amusing:

space customs

tow trucks except they’re towing illegally parked spaceships

for that matter, spaceship thieves, if only for how much more effort i imagine that would take

irs agents who have to find tax evaders who went 2 or 3 galaxies over

literally everything about the concept of the space version of the dmv

imagine being the person who teaches hapless 16 year olds how to fly a spaceship

people who analyze Old Earth media for a living the same way people now analyze shakespeare or beowulf, aka a bunch of scholarly and serious academics writing papers arguing the true meaning of Mean Girls and Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure and A Very Potter Musical

cruise spaceships. you’re taking a slow tour of saturn’s rings and people are still complaining about you running out of cocktail sauce

feel free to add more

[tombstonetourism]

A tree trunk throne in Kendall, England.

[ocean-watcher]

Doesn’t look safe for a mortal.

[joe-bee-richter-deactivated2020]

if you sit there you belong to the fae

[jewishdragon]

That’s the Fae’s problem

[koracs]

That is such a strong, bold, confident statement and I respect you for it.

[utopians]

I have become obsessed with long term nuclear waste disposal warnings

[utopians]

LOOK AT THE HOSTILE ARCHITECTURE PROPOSED TO WARN FUTURE CIVILIZATIONS I’M GOING TO CRY

Like this is the closest thing we’re ever gonna have to old gods I’m really losing my mind

[utopians]

@jonathan-sins​ EXACTLY… THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN ABOUT BABY

[anais-ninja-bitch]

“we sure are a species huh”

[archliches]

this fails to include all of the UN’s proposed companion text, which reads:

“This place is a message… and part of a system of messages …pay attention to it!

Sending this message was important to us. We considered ourselves to be a powerful culture.

This place is not a place of honor … no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here… nothing valued is here.

What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us. This message is a warning about danger.

The danger is in a particular location… it increases towards a center… the center of danger is here… of a particular size and shape, and below us.

The danger is still present, in your time, as it was in ours.

The danger is to the body, and it can kill.

The form of the danger is an emanation of energy.

The danger is unleashed only if you substantially disturb this place physically. This place is best shunned and left uninhabited.”

which gives a nice drizzle of cosmic-dread inspiring je-ne-sais-quoi to te whole thing imo

[cobaltdays-deactivated20210208]

what y’all thinking about fellas

[atavisticem]

So garlic is a natural anticoagulant, but then why would vampires be allergic to it?

Hear me out:

What if vampires made up all the stuff about them being allergic to garlic so that their victims would eat it, thinking it would ward off vamps, but instead it makes their blood easier to drink!

Because it doesn’t clot!

This has really been getting to me recently. Have I uncovered their master conspiracy or am I going insane?

[nyanbinyuri]

you know too much

[writing-prompt-s]

When you got your diploma, you never thought you’d be a therapist for monsters, yet here you are.

[lookingattheedgeoftime]

[panspanther]

Gan Eden

[rumade]

I want to hug that fat little tree so badly it makes my heart ache

[trevenanl-deactivated20200913]

When a drunk girl outside a club bathroom speaks… you listen. If she tells you that you’ll find love despite being hurt in the past? She’s right. If she tells you to stop being so self-aware? She’s right. They are the modern day Oracles at Delphi and must be taken at their every word

[guarded-affection]

outside after a lesbian concert (King Princess), i asked a girl dressed as jesus if she forgave me. a drunk girl ran up and slurred “i don’t mean to interrupt, but you don’t need to be forgiven. you don’t need to be forgiven.”

[weirdmageddon]

girls night girls night girls night

[deseos-de-la-via-lactea]

my instagram

[takethisbrother]

You never appreciate how much of a skill writing well is until you have to edit things written by someone who can’t.