I Want To Address Smth (SA AND BDSM)
As someone who's kinky with my own trauma, I feel like the BDSM space is very... not safe. I mean, im sure there are TONS of amazing people and groups who do their best. But... im not just speaking about possible predators. I think hook-up culture and hypersexuality has ruined a lot of it. Yes, you can hookup. Yes, hypersexuality is a normal mechanism.
But people need to learn when it's not for them or what they're really looking for. There are TOO MANY mentally and emotionally vulnerable people looking around like everyone is object before the play even starts. You view your sex and yourself as an object, a need to fulfill and begin seeing others the same.
I understand if you communicate, you talk about it, if youre aware of what you're trying to do and also seeking professional help. But this isnt an answer, this isnt a fix, this can easily become a bad coping mechanism and you start to see others as objects. I believe that if you want to do anything with anyone, you have to keep in your mind that this is a person-to-person connection. You're not just there to "get off", youre there to experience something with SOMEONE. Show them appreciation for being a human or else the consequences can be severe.
Obviously, this isnt for everyone and the people I've met who can healthily hookup tend to be majorly autistic. I just... I know everyone's path and learning will be different, but I think something needs to be said when you could possibly be hurting others. If you dont know how vulnerable someone is, it can be a REALLY bad experience, even traumatic.
Example: A common story I hear is that someone they hooked up with will tell them their trauma immediately after. Like "I was r*ped a week ago.." or "You know, my dad used to beat and r*pe me.."
If thats the first thing that comes into your mind AFTER having a fling, if thats the association you have and you never warned or spoke about it beforehand, youre hurting yourself and others. You know the problem, stop using sex and BDSM to fix it. If you dont, you hurt others and give THEM trauma. My BF is working on his sex addiction he didnt realize he had. I will admit, it led to him cheating a few times, and he felt disgusting and sad. None of it felt good, he just wanted love and attention and i learned that most of his life, he was used or even SAed by others. Everything made sense, ive been through the same thing. Searching for attention in all the wrong places and making it worse.
How they only talked again when either one of them "needed" sex, how they could care less abt eachother otherwise, how they knew NOTHING of eachother, boundaries would be pushed, lack of blunt consent. It all just seemed wrong.
If you like hookups, its supposed to make you happy. Before, during and after. Youre not supposed to consistently feel disgusting, used, hateful, depressed, self depreciating.
And I know part of it is lack of sex education. Hell, i didnt even know that an answer other then a clear "yes" wasn't consent which became traumatic.
Please, we all want to make BDSM safe and welcoming. The whole point is consent which takes communication so. START. COMMUNICATING.
If you have trauma you want to explore in that way (first have professional help), you have to talk about it. Explain your interests and your goals clearly; "I want to explore these kinks for myself and for my trauma. By the way, I'm a trauma survivor." And you know what? You might even create an even better connection that way. You have to have to form of love, platonic or not. (I had this problem with Fetlife and other communities that arent just local friend groups.)
kianamaiart
gummygunk
origamiaround
