The_ShatteredHeart_System

Hello. I believe I may have OSDD-1b and am the host of a traumagenic system. You can call me Juu. I am a transmale and go by he/him pronouns. 18+. DNI if you're racist, homophobic, transphobic, pro-endo, pro-tulpa, pro-life, ableist, or fakeclaim. Honestly, just don't be ignorant or an asshole.

[theshatterheartsystem]

I get it, I know that look. I see it all the time when I look in the mirror. and we both sigh cuz here we go again, the downward slope has come. It’s that time again where the world is bleak, everything’s numb but also we’re feeling too much, nothings good anymore and all we do is snap and bare our fangs in annoyance. Cuz we’re one and the same. Sometimes I see ur face in mine. Ur eyes. Ur hair. Ur smile. The twitch in my jaw, in the same spot when ur angry…And yelling at me. Screaming and dragging my name thru the mud bc wat? I’m not good enough? I didn’t live up to ur standards and expectations? I’m so stupid. So so stupid and annoying and such a fucking disappointment. A burden, disgrace and dishonor to our family. But wat family? This “family” was nvr honorable to begin with. It’s full of alcoholics, drug addicts, wife beaters, rapists, pedophiles, child abusers, adulterers. There’s nothing to be proud of or uphold. But at the end of the day all u see is him. And now we’re looking at the other side of the coin. The face that peaks out thru the cracked mirror. Him. He ruined ur life. He’s the villain to both of our stories. Our plots r intertwined and suddenly we’re tumbling down the rabbit hole called the blame game. Now it turns into me being him. The Man U hate most. U see him in me. I have his eyes, his devilish smirk, his obnoxious laugh, his angry face that spits foul words left and right. The arrogant upturn of my chin as I “look down” on and disrespect u. U blame all my negative attributes on my father and take all the credit for my good ones. But it’s not urs. I built this shit from the ground up. Me. Not you. Never you. I will never be like you. Sure I bite and sometimes find those cruel words that you’ve said come out of my mouth on to innocents. But I catch myself. I always catch myself. Cuz I’ll never be like you. We’re worlds apart and I can nvr forgive u for being such a shitty parent. So wallow in the misery. I’ll let u slip away into the abyss, and watch as ur eyes grow glassy from all the pain and suffering you’ve had to endure. bc my eyes do the same. And not once have u held me in ur arms and truly cared.

[theshatterheartsystem]

Yikes. Haven’t been active in a couple yrs. Finally 18 and able to have access to social media and reading old posts has got to be a form of torture. Shit was cringe as hell

[t0bysstuff2]

When you hear a random bit of a Convo from headspace

[jamestryinghisbest]

Man I'm getting tried of being a grown ass man that stuck in a not grown ass man's body like I'm 25 in my head I should be living in my own apartment but no I'm stuck living in this kid's parent's house well at least I don't have to pay rent

[theshatterheartsystem]

-TJ

[jame7t]

Would you cum if a beast bit you?

🤨

[jame7t]

[theshatterheartsystem]

idk wats happening here but ive been lmao for the past 5 minutes 😭

[catchymemes]

[theshatterheartsystem]

im so fucking tired of doing the same shit over and over again. we just need to get the fuck out but i dont know how to do that considering the options arent ideal. im just trying to do my job, watever that is, to the best of my ability. but even then im failing because i havent gotten us out. what do i do? (rhetorical question. istg if i see someone try and comment suggestions im going to slam my head into a wall)

sincerely- a tired protector

[nyannibalistic]

this cat sniffs gay people. rb to put him on ur blog

[theshatterheartsystem]

...yeah buddy, it's smelling our gay from a mile away

[sleepy-shutin]

here’s a very hot take a lot of people probably aren’t going to like, but i don’t care because i’m kind of sick of seeing this.

i’m going to be honest here. i’m so, unbelievably tired of people getting uncomfortable or going quiet when i point out that many parts of the DID community do the same exact things endos are doing: spreading misinformation about DID and how it works. just, for some reason, this misinformation is almost always blindly accepted when the person spreading it happens to be anti-endo.

just because they agree with your stance on endos and appear to be “pro-science” doesn’t make them correct. 

examples of misinformation i’ve seen plenty of horrifically misinformed anti-endo DID systems spread:

“you can split from hyperfixation and not just stress and trauma, it just has to be ANY intense emotions!”

“fictive-only systems are valid, source: dude trust me.”

“there’s a correlation between polyfragmentation and autism because of media special interests!”

“polyfragmentation is when you have 100+ alters.”

“i get tics when i dissociate and only when i dissociate.”

“a DID diagnosis is bad because they can take away your options for housing, your driver’s license and even your ability to buy alcohol!”

“a diagnosis is bad because all doctors are evil and want to force you to final fuse, and you shouldn’t trust them.”

“final fusion is murdering your alters and if you go through with it, you’re a terrible person.”

“fictive is a DID-only term!”

“i’m 15 and i’m 100% certain i have 300,000 alters and if you tell me i’m misinformed about how DID works and that the largest amount of alters recorded has been 4,000 and that jeni haynes, with 2,500 alters had one of the most horrific cases of child abuse that australia had ever seen, then you’re ableist.”

“this carrd i made totally doesn’t over-simplify an extremely complex disorder, i promise! it’s so super-duper accurate. the most research i have done is watch tiktoks and youtube videos and read twitter threads and also i did a google search once.”

“saying polyfragmentation is caused most often by severe, complex, extremely early and extremely long-term abuse/trauma is doing the trauma-olympics and youre ableist.”

“my source memories completely 100% happened and i’m going to use them to enter closed communities even though my bodily experiences don’t match up.”

if you can’t learn to call out the bullshit in your own community, especially when a lot of that bullshit was started by endos misunderstanding DID in various ways, you aren’t ready for syscourse. because there is bullshit in our community, just as much as there is in the endo communities, and pretending like it’s a one-off thing when someone spreads misinfo is being willfully ignorant. pretending like endos are the only problem that the DID community has with misinformation is being willfully ignorant. pretending like the DID community doesn’t have a problem with misinformation at all is being willfully ignorant.

[theshatterheartsystem]

glad im not the only one who’s seeing bullshit in the community

[trueshredguitar]

i love that post thats like “never trust how you feel about your life after 9pm” that shit changed my life. every time i feel bad i look at the clock and i’m like Aha It’s 10:26 PM You Cannot Fucking Fool Me

[striders]

me staring at my calculator app for 45 seconds before i remember i was trying to open my clock app to set an alarm

[dankmemeuniversity]

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

dads talking about their childhood

[theshatterheartsystem]

o look its me (not the dad part tho lol)

[real-uwu-hours]

I honestly just can’t relate to the experiences of those with less stigmatized mental illnesses, and I find it insulting when they try to speak for me.

If you can search up help on your disorder without coming across articles on how to deal with/spot/avoid People Like You, if you feel safe around therapists, if your disorder isn’t immediately associated with serial killers or abusers then you cannot understand my relationship with mental illness. You don’t get to tell me or anyone else in my position how to cope, or talk about our disorders, or advocate for ourselves. You don’t get to tell us that we are “romanticizing” or “glorifying” our disorders, you don’t get to tell us we’re anti-recovery, you don’t get to tell us that our experiences are wrong. You don’t get to tell us how our disorders should or should not impact our lives/behaviors. You don’t know what stigma is, you have absolutely no right to speak over us.

[theshatterheartsystem]

relate to this bc of my ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) and my mom telling me im a narcist and a sociopath. i feel like im the crazy one cuz know one sees my logic and understanding of autonomy and me being an individual with rights. im scared if i go to a therapist and tell them my side of things that im wrong and that i have to follow this rule and that bc its good for me or watever bullshit my mom says. bro like i just want to watch berleezy and corykenshin, and listen to corpse husband and rap music, even if theres cussing in it, IM NOT A DAMN KID, IM A GROWN FUCKING TEENAGER WHOS ABT TO BE AN ADULT. I DONT NEED TO BE CENSORED. let me enjoy my life and the things i like. even if its scientifically proven that vulgar lyrics affects the brain negatively idgaf its my life and my brain.

(ik this got into a rant but watever, this is tumblr, half the shit on here is a rant anyways)

[neotrances-deactivated]

i cant fucking take it anymore. (standing perfectly still, is not visibly stressed, appears normal)

[sawasawako-archived]

unstoppable force (needs structure imposed on me in order to be able to function) meets immovable object (i hate the restrictiveness and rigidity of structure)

[theshatterheartsystem]

stop, this is my life and i hate it, dont call me out like that

[allsystemsblue]

Yasmine Wüster

[lild3m0nsworld]

[theshatterheartsystem]

Im in this picture and i dont like it👺