Honey I shrunk your wife

Bariatric Surgery. Socially Awkward Situations. Random musings of a chub rubber. This'll be fun!!

[theshrinkening]

120# down so far. 27.6 to goooo.

Update on life or whatever coming soon.

I kinda forgot about this blog when the world fell apart and I had to focus on bigger things.

Side note, shopping for clothes when you have no idea what size you are week by week in a world where dressing rooms are not a thing for over a year is HARD.

[theshrinkening]

50 lbs in 2 months.

I’ve lost 50 pounds of body weight, shame from my past, insecurity, anxiety, fear, and anger.  

I cut off 10 inches of hair, deflection, and false confidence.

I look better than I have in years, sleep better, and have stopped actively making myself invisible. 

I’ve fucked up a bit, done super awesome, and have been kind of a twat.  Had a lot of triumphs, a lot of introspection, and social amalgams of complete joy tinged with fear. 

Losing weight, in any amount is a big deal. Its exciting, terrifying, and so beautifully vulnerable its seductive. 

What a wild damn ride.

[theshrinkening]

This is the first time in my ENTIRE PERSONAL HISTORY that I have weighed less than any of the contestants on Biggest Loser.

I remember watching the show religiously every week when it was on ABC, and feeling terrible that I weighed more than some of the contestants.

This morning I was feeling shitty about my stall, but now...I feel pretty okay 🙃😄

[theshrinkening]

Im sitting here in a hot yoga class..

Somehow, today is the first day in the last 7 i haven't argued myself in and out of going to the gym. I weaved through the meatheads, gym bunnies, and resolutioners, and made it here. In spite of myself.

I just gotta be brainless and just do it..hmm

[theshrinkening]

30lbs in 4 weeks!

I'm officially out of my "yo-yo zone!!"

I had been stuck at the weight I've always previously stopped at and regained. I know its all a mind trick because I was obviously going to move past it. But it was really messing with me.

I woke up this morning and WHOOSH lost it!! I'm starting to really trust the process now. :)

Oh and today was start of SOFT FOODS. Which, by all accounts, is basically regular people food!! Merry Christmas to Aubs!

[theshrinkening]

LOW CARB CHEEZ-ITS

Its literally just a slice of american cheese, cut/torn into squares, and microwaved on parchment paper for 1 minute.

It hits that crunchy/salty spot.

Nothing life changing, but it keeps this fatty on track!

[theshrinkening]

Anyone else log their Tums in MyFitnessPal? Just me? Sweet. #vsglife #20calories https://www.instagram.com/p/B6UfqR0l24hjd-FstYICYe3dzL7R_k6NE7NKW40/?igshid=1kkf3awrg6770

[theshrinkening]

NSV..?

We have these chairs at work that have adjustable arms. I've always kept mine all the way up bc when they're down low they would get stuck on my hips or stupid horrible muffin top thing.

Well just out of curiousity, I lowered them all the way down and they didn't touch the hips!

So I suppose, even though I don't see a damn thing happening, there's always the reassurance that my ass and subsequent hips are at least small enough to fit into a work chair.

So theres that! I'll take it!

[theshrinkening]

Ever see an Ex in public, and remember the good times but also remember how toxic they were for you? And then you're like "Nah.." and keep walking? Thats my attitude toward these things now. How weird #vsglife #workpotluck #nah https://www.instagram.com/p/B6Q0m89F9VeqXKOP7VyFGEOIoThKijohxCNZMs0/?igshid=161smh1ottrjh

[theshrinkening]

Day 7 if weight loss stall 😑

Wanna know the ingredients of a Bullshit Burrito?

Behold: Husband gone for over a week. Kid is sick. Other kid has lost his damn mind. House is a mess. Work life/integrity is teetering on the edge of useless. Wrapped nicely in a tortilla of self realization.

Maybe not all of this is surgery related. Maybe it is.

All I know is that I didn't realize how long I had been ignoring myself, making myself smaller, and sucking down sodas, cigarettes, and sugar laden junk food to cope with my anxiety and general self hatred.

The good news is that my physical pain is gone. I am now distraction free and able to figure out healthier ways to deal with the emotions! But DAMN. All I can think/talk about these days is the surgery. How excited I am vacillates between how messed up in the head I feel. This too shall pass. Everyone I know has said the first few months sucks.

Lol I'm empowered and irritated and sad all at once. I'll make it through this. I've literally lived through worse. I'm oddly excited to figure out what my new hobby will take the place of food/soda, too.

I need a fucking hug.

[theshrinkening]

Week 3

The Good:

I'm getting better, and getting most of my range of motion back.

I've also figured out what my limits are, so far. I've not given in to my weird cravings...minues the 3-4 Hershey's kisses I've had bc I convinced myself my blood sugar was low and needed a boost. So there's that.

The Not So Good:

I've hit that stereotypical 3 week stall I read about. Something about the liver getting back to normal and your body hanging on to everything to adjust to the new normal.

Whatever lol

The fun (see: not so fun) part about the stall is that I've hit the weight I have always gotten down to before quitting whatever crash diet I was on and gaining it all back.

So you can imagine the wonderful things running throughy head right now.

I've also been more emotional in the last few days than I was even when I was pregnant.

My poor coworkers must hate me. I tried super hard to pretend everything was great the first days back at work. But I couldn't handle it on Monday. I got dehydrated and cried all over our head nurse. "I wish i had never done this!" And things like that. She was super sweet, as always, and reminded me it was temporary. Geeze Aubs, get your shit together lol

The Ugly"

So, I'm stalled, still in pain, and now I cry at the drop of a hat. Literally, I cried at a diaper commercial this morning. And then cried in the bathroom at work because I remembered the first time I cried about it.

In conclusion, I'm a perfect bariatric stereotype. I'm journaling, blogging (obviously) and generally trudging the miles of clouded hell before I reach that happy thing people always talk about.

It'll happen. It's all worth it. I'll get there.

..right? Lol

[theshrinkening]

Official 1st day back to work!

I'm glad to be back in my normal routine! Which means I am officially out of my post-op bubble! I'm so excited! It's sorta like being back at work means things are back to normal and I can start living life as a weight loss surgery patient. Y'all. I'm so excited.

I got cleared to walk more! And in 2 weeks I can start lifting and doing all the exercise things.

BUT, I do have a confession....I am on 👏 the👏 struggle 👏bus👏 today 👏

Not so much because my job is so demanding. But good lort. I'm exhausted. It has been 12:41 for the last 8 hours. The day is going by so slow! I'm sorta misssing my Dr. Phil and daytime TV. Lol but I gotta earn that paycheck!

[thewordporn]

[theshrinkening]

Today, I had to put on people clothes.

Even though 24lbs isn't an enourmous loss, it is still enough to be weirdly evident in my clothes.

Case in point-i had one pair of jeans that didn't evoke a camel toe. I put them on today, and they were weirdly huge in the thighs and weirdly loose and tight at the same time in the waist.

So, I essentially looked like a melted pear with 90's JNCO jeans.

But, I will for sure take it!! It means progress. :)

[theshrinkening]

24.2 lbs down since surgery! Not too shabby..

[theshrinkening]

Sometimes you just need to whip out your label maker, pull yourself up, and get your shit together. #fluids #wls #letsdothis #compliance https://www.instagram.com/p/B538pGLl0Tx7XUsvki2aPHhNyLkSdCufBQ3nUM0/?igshid=1sy4v2sx10rn1

[theshrinkening]

10 Days Post-Op

 I’m gonna be 100% honest...this has not been my favorite 10 days on this planet. But it hasn’t been completely awful.

I wanted to do like a quippy fun post, but I feel like it would be a disservice to future me to look back on just funny clever stuff. 

The upside, is that I have not had any vomiting or nausea. Not a lick. In fact, I’ve been pleasantly surprised by, that actually.  For me, its more the weird ass pains and being tired.  

1) The Pain-I searing section of abdominal muscles that has been sown together tightly. Its the spot where the stomach is taken out. Any wrong twist of the torso, and Satan himself uses a laser hot knife to climb out of the gates of hell that has just opened through your muscle tissue. OK. Maybe it isn’t THAT awful. It really only is worse at night, for me anyway. Which prevents proper sleep and positioning. I’m up until 1am trying to sleep. 

If you were as covetous of your sleep as I am, you would know why this Satan slash is as annoying as it is.

2) The Tired.  I’ve never been a downer chick. Not a fan of Xanax or Valium. To me, the adjustment to all the changes and like has me feeling like I’ve been dosed with Benzos..and not in a good way.  I know I know..major surgery healing is what has me super tired and lightheaded.   But again, I HATE BEING TIRED. It makes me feel like a useless human. 

Despite having the words “What the fuck did I do to myself” run through my mind and out of my mouth more than once, I know it is worth it.  I’ll be better at some point.  All of this is worth it. 

I’m hydrated, meeting protein goals, and killing it with the walking/activity.  So there’s that. 

But make no mistake, I will NOT be cheating or doing stupid stuff in the future. Especially if it means facing a revision and having to go through this surgery again.  

I’ve got my first post-op appointment on Wednesday.  I’ve been good and haven’t stepped on the scale as directed. So I’m curious to see what happens there!