secrets I tell

cardia, 22 for all hearts are broken, otherwise how would they fit?

[thethoughtfulbitch]

Just noticed today that I hit 23 k followers. Welcome to the fam.

*googles - countries with reasonably invadable population less than 23 k *

[thethoughtfulbitch]

Living a life takes immense courage. The funny thing is life is not a gift. Not really. It is an absurdity. Like a toy without its instruction manual, batteries fully charged. None of us know what it all means, if it means anything at all. We're just putting our hearts on our sleeves, hoping life is kind and we have our hearts as warm as possible. We can't protect it from breaking. All we can do is hope that our hearts break for people who were willing to break theirs for us.

@thethoughtfulbitch

[thethoughtfulbitch]

You may not know it, but you're with me like a shadow. You're something that just lingers. I am not talking about the times when I am doing something unimportant like laundry or making my bed. I am talking even when I am writing a test, or talking with my friends, or searching for some important document for the application that is due next week. Damn. I am thinking of you even when I am not thinking of you. Does that make sense? The fact that you can exist at the back of my mind even when I have something else in the spotlight.

@thethoughtfulbitch

[thethoughtfulbitch]

On the surface, I could come out as rude, unkind, hard to deal with. And I don't expect anyone to take my shit. Because nobody is obliged to do that. But sometimes, all we really need is a person who just stands his ground, and cleans the shit up and finds out the amazing person you are inside all the hurt and regret and anger and unfulfilled expectations. We become the person we are because of our life events. We become the person we are because of how we are treated throughout our lives and we all need someone to show us that pain is not the only way. We don't need to hide behind walls because everyone is not shooting bullets at you. Someone is out there with a comforter and hot chocolate. Be that person for someone. Be the reason someone believes that taking down your fort is not going to be the death of you.

@thethoughtfulbitch

[thethoughtfulbitch]

To that sadness that never leaves, that sadness that is heavier than all the burdens of the world, that sadness that makes me so numb that I don't react anymore, I can't react anymore. I hate how tiring it is to be sad. On days that my sadness is not crippling, I am lighter than cotton flying up in the sky and breathing in every flower I see on the road. On days that I am more used to, on my sad days, I would rather be dead.

- @thethoughtfulbitch

[thethoughtfulbitch]

Modern love is moody. It is faked orgasms, cute couple stickers and dates in fancy restaurants. Modern love is chatting for hours online and awkward meet ups. Modern love is long drives to nowheres and seeing the sunrise together. Modern love is sharing netflix and pizza. Modern love is angry. Modern love is envy sex and on a whim breakups. Modern love is lonely. It is sleeping to the green glow of whatsapp and dating on tinder. Modern love is lovely. It is waiting with dinner after fighting whole summer.

@thethoughtfulbitch

[thethoughtfulbitch]

Love is an immensely brave act. Love is the only emotion which we are "in". All other emotions can only be felt. You can be angry, you can be sad. But you are "in love". To think, that the makers of semantics decided to break the rules of grammar for love, to allow the oceanic-ness of love manifest liguistically is testament of what love can make us do. Despite being a chink in our armour, love makes us whole.

@thethoughtfulbitch

[thethoughtfulbitch]

We need to see the good in people but more importantly, we need someone to see the good in us. And thus propagates the vicious cycle of trust. We give and give and give- with the hopes of getting it all back. With the hope that the universe will notice and reward us with significance. With trust. With love.

@thethoughtfulbitch

[thethoughtfulbitch]

There's no polite way of saying this but I want you to fuck the loneliness out of me. I want to fuck you till I am happy again. Masturbation has to be the loneliest thing on earth and I am tired of asking for love. I am tired of asking for love to love me the way I don't love myself. I want you to tell me how I shouldn't punish myself everytime I am sad. I want you to take out my remorse and fill me with so many beautiful things that the angels start crying. I want to be happy. I want to be happy with you.

@thethoughtfulbitch

[thethoughtfulbitch]

True intimacy is experienced when you miss someone's childhood. When you are sorry to have not met earlier. When you regret not knowing them when they were too little for the world to get a hold of them. When you want to know why they think bubble is a funny word. When you want to go to their school and meet their teachers and thank them for taking care of the child who will one day become this wonderful, wonderful person. When you are thankful that their parents met and gave birth to this amazing ball of fluff you want to carry in your arms. When you miss someone's childhood, you know they have touched you there.

@thethoughtfulbitch

[thethoughtfulbitch]

Loving someone with your whole heart is frightening. To allow someone to come close enough to see your fault lines, your tremors, your cracks and your crevices is an act of valour. To invite someone in your house, to trust them to not break the perishables, to not stab you where it hurts the most requires infinite courage. Yet we do it. More often than not, we believe in human beings because we are children of light. We expect good from others. Everyone needs some good in their lives. But more importantly, everyone needs someone who believes the good in them.

@thethoughtfulbitch

[thethoughtfulbitch]

Did you know? The human eye is efficient enough to see a candle flame in darkness from 1.7 miles away and yet in the darkest times of our lives, we seem to go blind. We can't see a way out. We become the proverbial man on boat- waiting for God to help, refusing to take help from the boats God sent to us. Nobody helps those who don't help themselves. We must remember that we are made of the same elements as the sun, moon and the stars. Can we ever go dark?

@thethoughtfulbitch

[thethoughtfulbitch]

This is for everyone of us who is sad for no reason. Remember it is alright. These are trying times. Being unable to explain your sadness doesn't make it invalid. You are a beautiful person. Please hold on. We are all very proud of you.

@thethoughtfulbitch

[thethoughtfulbitch]

In greek mythology, it is believed that god created humans with 4 hands, 4 legs and 2 heads. But god feared we'd be too powerful and hence divided us in half. 2 hands, 2 legs and 1 head. And throughout our life we keep aching for that other half. Our better half. We keep looking for them to make us whole again. I find this myth immensely satisfying. Not only is it NOT annoyingly anti-women like a woman being nothing more than a rib from a man, it rings of an understanding of what it feels to be in love. That aching for that person we have never met and that coonnection once we do. Of course, cosmos is at play.

@thethoughtfulbitch

[thethoughtfulbitch]

In life all we need to be is happy- if you ask me. And happiness has a different definition for everyone.While ending world poverty and ensuring class equality is a great dream, I would also be happy to have a small house by a river with good food and good people around me. I wouldn't want any riches- no gucci, no versace- just plain old love and warmth. But this, in the world's eyes would be the opposite of success which is simply monetary gain for a capitalist ass society. So enjoy the sunset. No fucking man has the right to judge you. You shine like the firefly you are baby.

@thethoughtfulbitch

[thethoughtfulbitch]

I have never been into grand gestures. I see my friends getting gifted expensive stuffed animals and exotic chocolates. For once, I feel- maybe I would feel nice if I got these things. But the truth is I will never be. I fail to understand myself. I don't know what makes me happy. I wonder what makes me happy. He sits by my side and we talk all day- I am happy.

Grand, @thethoughtfulbitch

[thethoughtfulbitch]

A gentle smile, a tug at his collar, that slightly hunched gait, his messy hair which he hand combs at the rear view mirror when he get off his bike, his hazel eyes that become translucently black when he cries, his childish babble- you never grow tired of these. You just love, love, love knowing him, memorising every tic and every vice until you can predict his sentences like a human autocorrect. Naah. Love never gets old. You just get used to it.

Love, @thethoughtfulbitch