I'm so strung out on you I might relapse (I might relapse)
I'm dying for a taste, please, God, don't let this last (please, God, don't let this last)
And you've been burning all of the leaves on palm trees
I'm left with nothing more than ashes
Falling to the ground like snowflakes
I almost wish we never happened (we never happened)I still burn for you
Like the sun burns in the sky
I still burn for you (burn for you)
I still burn for you
My whole life I've been on fire
I still burn for you (burn for you)
She could tell she had struck a nerve with the Dominic quip, but if he wasn’t acting like Damien, then who was he acting like? She had never seen such a serious side before, except whenever Jossilyn had been brought up, which Lila had quickly learned not to do early on in the relationship. Of course, that was fine by her. She had hated Dae’s ex, and always held a lingering fear that one day the girl would one day come back. Did that make Lila seem desperate? Probably. After all, Damien had been the one person in life, she had truly connected with. But now that all seemed to be fading away. And somewhere deep inside, she seemed to blame herself. Was this going to be someone else who she had pushed away, “Oooooooo. Did I strike a nerve with the Dominic comment? Because it sounds like I struck a nerve.” She narrowed her eyes and took another hit.
Somewhere deep inside she knew he was right. Her mother had cut her off long ago. In fact, she hadn’t even called for the holidays, which meant if Lila was lying dead in a ditch, Victoria probably wouldn’t care, until she knew she could gain pity and sympathy from the people she assumed liked her not for her money, but for her personality instead, “Yeah, I get it okay. You’re not the only person with rich parents.” She rolled her eyes letting the remainder of the fog out of her lungs. He was already starting to grate on her nerves, but she was going to let it go. Just make like Elsa and let.it.go. That was, until she heard him snap at her.
Smile fading and eyes turning to slits, she glared at Damien, “Wow, you’re really starting to turn into a dick you know that? Sober is definitely not flattering on you.” Lila put the joint back to her lips and inhaled it before slowly forcing herself off the couch. Stumbling towards him, she got right behind the man and blew smoke at the back of his head, “Maybe a fucking contact high could do you some good.” Coughing softly, she turned around and walked back towards the coffee table and grabbed her phone. If Damien was going to be a dick, she was going in the other room.
He decided to ignore the Dominic comments this time, his concentration back on this damn paper that he was trying desperately to get done. Maybe if he got it done he could try to quell the fight he felt brewing between them. Fingers flying over the keys, he only got tripped up when she made the comment about rich parents, his loose lips moving before he could stop the comment from coming out. “Except I’m the only one still in my parents good graces enough to be taken care of.” It wasn’t the best thing to say to her but it was true. That had to count for something, right? “Do you want to get a job at the local Dairy Queen while I wash cars for a living? We could have a nice shitty apartment in Antioch and die young by shooting.”
He was overexaggerating but Damien knew neither of them could live without the comfort his parents money brought them. The two of them had never lived a life without being rich and getting whatever they wanted. Maybe that was part of the problem here. They were so spoiled that he could see them not lasting long in a setting that called for budgets and giving up the luxuries they were used too. “I don’t even think you’d last a week using two-ply toilet paper.”
Again, his flying fingers paused over the keys as his girlfriend did everything in her power to piss him off. Because that was the goal, right? To piss him off because she didn’t like not having a smoking partner anymore. “I’m the dick?” He turned in his seat, finally abandoning the paper to stand and stare down at her. His stature compared to hers had to be intimidating but if he knew Lila the way he thought he did she would believe in her mind that she was ten feet taller. “I’m trying to keep us from being homeless while you do everything in your power to ensure we’re thrown out on the street and I’m the dick? Fuck you, Lila. I’m so tired of this ‘lets never grow up and always be mindless assholes’ routine. It’s not working anymore. Aren’t you tired of it? Of having nothing to live for, to work for? It was nice to escape for a while but it’s time to face reality now and if you can’t get behind me doing that then why are you even here?”
Ever since Damien had gone back to being straightedge, he just didn’t seem that fun anymore. She had begged him to join her. To spend time with her. One joint. That was it, but after a while she sounded like a broken record. And even to her, it got annoying. So instead of waiting on him, she decided to keep doing things her own way. Unfortunately, her way didn’t seem to fit his new lifestyle, and in many ways, it hurt. Since they had first met years ago, he had been the one that had saved her. Kept her moving forward, if not at a sloths pace, but not giving up and pulling away, but he was different. He was like…Dominic, and she couldn’t fucking stand Dominic.
With “Santeria” blasting in the background, she inhaled the smoke from the rolled up blunt between her fingers, letting it linger in her lungs just enough to feel the burn, before letting the smoke seep out of her nose and through her lips. It was his voice that somehow emerged from the fog she was in that sent her attention in his direction, “God, do you even know how much you sound like your brother right now? It’s sort of horrifying. Are you sure you’re not Dominic, and I’m on Punk’d right now?” Lila leaned forward and looked around the room for the cameras, “Damien. Come out, you fucker. This isn’t funny.” A stupid laugh escaped her lips, before she took another deep inhale from the joint.
Leaning back into the couch, she closed her eyes and blew out the smoke once more, “Tired of this crap? No. And you didn’t seem to be tired of it either a couple of weeks ago. If I recall, you were all kinds of giddy when I brought home that stupid ass looking bong that looked like a…dong.” She paused for a moment before laughing so hard tears were rolling down her cheeks. Everything was hilarious when Lila was high. It meant that life was easier, and she didn’t have to think about the real problems in her life. And that was something she valued, even if it meant wasting her life away.
He paused in his writing when she brought up his twin, the very thought of turning into him kind of terrifying. It was sort of who he was before everything had happened with his mom but he still had that rebellious streak that Dom could never touch, right? As his fingers lingered over the keys of his computer he listened to Lila try to play this off, try to make it seem as if he wasn’t the guy she knew. And she was right. They had met before his sudden personality change but the schoolwork hadn’t been his main priority then either. He got it done, yes, but with him now trying to catch up with all of his classes it seemed like that was all he did anymore.
“I’m not Dominic. You know how to tell us apart, stop pretending that you don’t.” His head turned so that he could look at her, watching carefully while took in another breath of the smoke, and for a split second he considered forgetting about the paper. This was why he’d been worried about her bringing in weed again in the first place. Even going to therapy wasn’t making all of his issues go away overnight. He still held a lot of anger towards his parents for lying to him and making him feel like there was this dark family secret hanging over his head. But he was slowly learning to let it go as he spoke about it more and more with a complete stranger so maybe Lila needed the same thing. Maybe she needed saving and he couldn’t be the one to do that for her. “Li, they’re going to cut me off. Do you understand that? No more fancy apartment, no more free weed from me, no more fridge full of food, nothing. We will have the clothes on our back and whatever we can carry out of here. Do you not get that I’m doing this for you too?”
Rolling his eyes as she started laughing hysterically, the boy turned back to his computer and did his best to concentrate. “I’m not saying it wasn’t funny. And I’m not saying I’m completely done with alcohol at least but this paper is important. Just let me get through this semester and things will start to feel normal again. But for god’s sake, put that fucking shit out and let me concentrate, dammit!”
“Lila, can you turn that shit down?” It was late. Damien had been writing this final paper for hours and he still had six pages to go with it due the next day and Lila was not helping things as he burned the midnight oil. Ever since the ultimatum given by his parents Damien had done everything in his power to stay on their good side because he knew he wouldn’t be able to make it in life if they cut his ass off. He could try, yea, but he and Lila were so used to having their money that he wasn’t sure they would make it on their own. This was as much for her as it was for him.
But the music was distracting and the stench of the weed she had in hand seemed to call to him. This paper was going downhill and fast and if he didn’t do something soon he would fail it and the class altogether. “And please get rid of that shit. I can’t smell it right now.” He felt bad, yes, they were used to a certain lifestyle at this point but now that he was actually trying in life Damien felt...different.
He liked knowing his purpose and working towards what he wanted. He liked not living in a filthy room and getting along with his brother again. And, god help him, he loved being sober for most of his life as opposed to being blitzed out of his mind on a constant basis. He just wished that Lila could see it was time to grow up as well. “Aren’t you tired of that crap anyway? I feel like you’ve been high for a week straight at this point.”
Damien, obviously drunk for the first time in quite a while now that school was over with, was scrolling through his contacts on his phone when his eyes landed on Lila’s name. It had been a while since the break up and he hadn’t heard from her in such a long time despite him trying to reach out every now and then and in his drunken state he’d decided to try one last time to get her to talk to him. Pressing her name, the phone started to dial and with each ring his heart sank a little more until it completely dropped at the sound of the automated message for her voicemail. He waited for the beep before he spoke, his words slurred ever so slightly.
“Hey, it’s uh..well you know who it is. I was just thinking about you....I wish you would just answer your phone so I know that you’re okay. Don’t tell him I said this but I even think Dominic is worried about you.”
He paused before taking a deep breath, Damien closing his eyes as he spoke again.
“I didn’t know I would miss you this much. I know things got rocky in the end and that fight we had was...horrible but I just wanted a better life for us. All we were doing was wasting away our days and after being sober for a while I was starting to realize my family was right. Not about you but about wanting more for myself, more for us, and getting back on track. I was tired of being angry at the world Li. I needed something better...we needed something better. But I want you to know that I’ll-”
The voicemail cut off as he had gone over his time, the voice on the other end saying the message was sent. With a sigh as the phone hung up Damien finished his last thought to no one but the empty room.
“I’ll always love you and I want you to come home.”
As soon as Damien had received a text from his mother that morning it seemed like a dark cloud was hanging over him as he went through the rest of his day. A family meeting, or dinner as his mother called it, was the last thing he wanted, even on a good day, so the dread that settled into the pit of his stomach was no surprise. It was the fact that it kept growing more and more as the day went on that seemed a little out of the ordinary. Normally anxiety wasn’t a huge issue for him, and when it was, he would just smoke to quell all the feelings coursing through him, but his mother had warned him not to show up to dinner that night high or things would not go well for him. For some reason he felt it wouldn’t go well either way, but he remained sober as he trudged through his classes despite that.
When he arrived at the Ford mansion that night with his brother in tow his dark cloud grew to twice its size, Damien feeling as if the rain was that much closer to pouring when the sight of his parents made his stomach clench. The two of them were in each other’s arms, his mother gazing up lovingly at his father, and the older twin rolled his eyes as she reached up and brushed a piece of his father’s hair to the side. He couldn’t believe the woman was keeping up the charade that she cared. The doting wife role was getting old to him and Damien was finding it harder and harder to hold his tongue around the two. Noticing her two boys, more specifically Damien’s narrowed eyes, Mrs. Ford smiled sadly before taking a step back from her husband to greet them. The woman moved to hug Dominic and then turned to her oldest only to have Damien side step her and move further into the foyer of the mansion to greet his father, his mother’s sad eyes following him the whole way and brother furrowing his eyebrows as confusion set deep into his chest.
He knew Dominic had no clue about their mother’s affair, knew that his twin never understood how their mother’s actions had affected Damien’s life so much, and he knew that he was the one who refused to tell Dom but he still seemed to resent the boy for being ignorant to everything going on around them. It wasn’t his brother’s fault that Damien still felt a certain loyalty to the woman and that he also wanted to make sure his brother was protected from the damage he had sustained but Damien couldn’t help the rage that coursed through him at that moment when he noticed the confusion on Dominic’s face.
He didn’t say much as the family made their way into the formal dining area, the table set up immaculately as servers moved around trying to fill water glasses at their seats before they sat. Damien was eyeing the kitchen door as a wonderful smell drifted through it but soon, he was sat in front of a fancy china plate with all the silverware he could ever ask for on each side. “Didn’t realize our company required such a pristine set up. What’s the occasion? Did someone die?” He saw his mother purse her lips, Dominic rolled his eyes just slightly, and his father sighed before taking a sip of the water that had just been filled as if he were trying to think of what to say. “Actually, Damien, it’s just been so long since we’ve had a family meal that we thought it would be nice to break out your mother’s favorite china. She’s missed you both so much, but school’s been keeping you so busy.” He had to suppress a laugh at the comment, the boy bringing his own water glass to his lips so he could resist the urge to say something sarcastic in response, but the thing that really saved him was Dominic speaking up in his kiss ass voice that grated Damien’s nerves. “Sophomore year’s been pretty intense. I wish we could be around more, but things have been pretty hectic with exams and paper deadlines approaching.”
Dae had to admit, his brother was pretty good at covering for his ass sometimes. But he could tell by the way that his mother looked at him that his twin hadn’t convinced her much. Small talk continued with Damien adding in his quips and sarcastic comments, until dinner was placed in front of them. Suspicion started to rise when Damien realized it was his favorite meal sitting in front of him and he couldn’t help but ask the question that popped into his mind. “Why…exactly were we asked here tonight?” His mother looked up from her plate after taking a bite of her food, making sure to swallow before answering him so she could keep up her etiquette. “We just wanted to see you boys.” Damien wasn’t buying it though. In all the times he had come home he had never once been asked to not be high since they were certain he would show up like that anyway. That coupled with the strained smiles being sent his way and his favorite meal being served was enough to make him refuse to touch his meal as he narrowed his eyes at his parents.
“Alright, what’s going on?” He hadn’t even lifted so much as a fork, something his mother took notice of, as the other three members of his family looked up from their plates. Dom, as always, had a mixture of annoyance and confusion on his face whereas his parents gave each other a look that clearly stated Damien was right in thinking that something was up. His father wiped his mouth with a napkin before abandoning his plate as well and turning to look at Damien. “Do you realize your school still sends all of your paperwork to our house? I guess you didn’t change the address when you and Dominic moved out to be closer.” Damien shrugged his shoulders, not entirely sure where this conversation was going and wanting to seem indifferent to it all. But his twin, he noticed, was now chewing a little more slowly as all of Dominic’s attention was now on their father who began to speak again. “We’ve been putting them aside for you since we didn’t want to read your mail but there were too many coming in that said urgent, so we decided to open a few. Did you know you were failing most of your classes?”
Dominic stopped chewing his last bite immediately, his eyes traveling to Damien and his brows slightly raised. Their mother wasn’t looking at him but at her plate as she continued to eat but Dae could tell she wasn’t pleased. His father just kept staring at him, waiting for an answer. “I…was not aware.” This was a lie, of course. There was no way Dae had missed most of his classes and was still passing, but he wasn’t going to tell them that. But that was when Damien heard the clatter of his mother’s fork as she lost patience with him and started to speak herself, all niceties lost. “Cut the crap, Damien. We called the school, it’s mostly because your attendance is atrocious. What are we even paying for if you’re going to skip every class? You failed most of them last semester too and we stupidly agreed to continue throwing money at a college education that is not being appreciated.”
As she was speaking, Damien had finally started to eat his meal and he thoughtfully chewed on a bite of his food while he tried to think of how to answer this. The table was silent while all of them stared at him, so Damien finally swallowed, sighed, and set his fork down. “I guess I just don’t have a lot of motivation for school anymore. Strangest thing, really, considering how utterly devoted I was freshman year. Wonder what could have changed…” His eyes landed on his mother as the sarcasm came to an end, but it was his father who spoke next, a venom in his voice that Damien hadn’t heard in a long time. “Dammit, Damien, stop blaming your mother for everything that you’re doing wrong. You’re not the one she hurt last year, I am and I’m doing just fine.”
It was like the air had been sucked out of the room, Damien’s head snapping in his father’s direction when the words clicked. So, he knew…he knew and neither of them had even bothered to talk to Damien about any of what he had seen. They had just decided to keep going on with the perfect family routine and let him feel like he was keeping secrets from everyone. Before he could say anything, his brother cleared his throat and set down his own fork. “What are we even talking about?” Damien continued to stare at his father, not even paying attention to the rest of his family as his mother cleared her throat uncomfortably. His father sighed and looked at Dominic to answer the question that Damien refused to speak about. “Your brother walked in on your mother with my business partner a little less than a year ago. Pretty sure that’s what changed his attitude and started…whatever it is he’s doing.”
Everyone grew silent. Damien’s appetite was completely gone at this point, so he just looked down at his plate as he moved food around on it. He didn’t want to look at his brother to face the thought process he knew was racing through the boy’s mind as he tried to catch up. He definitely didn’t want to look at his mother as he was sure the embarrassment of the whole situation was getting to her now. But he did have a question for his father, an important one at that. “How long have you known?” His voice was softer than he had intended it to be, all the harshness he had intended for his father’s other half being drained quickly to only be left with guilt and sympathy. His brother was quiet still, no doubt in Damien’s mind that he was probably staring at their mother in shock and not sure what he could say. Another sigh from his father broke the silence and Damien heard him answer just as quietly as he had asked. “A couple of months after you found out.”
Again, silence permeated the room and all the family could do was sit in the awkwardness. Anger at this whole situation started to flood Damien and soon words spilled from his mouth without thinking. “So…for more than six months you’ve both let me go on thinking that I was keeping some humongous secret from dad? Do you even realize how guilty I felt about this? How much I hated her for even asking me to keep it from you?” For the first time Damien looked at his mother and noticed that she at least had the grace to look ashamed. There were tears in her eyes while she gazed back at him, Dae noticing that his brother was staring at the table in front of him with that almost dazed look that he was sure mirrored Damien’s the day he had found out about the affair. How had this conversation turned from his grades to this so quickly?
“Damien…” His father’s voice was still soft. He turned to look at the man, disbelief stilled etched all over his face. “The reason we wanted you both here tonight is because we thought it was time to discuss all of this, and maybe get you into therapy or something to help you try and process all of it.” The boy’s eyes narrowed at the man sitting next to him before he started to look back and forth at both of his parents while the older man continued talking. “We know this has effected every aspect of your life. I mean, you used to be such a good student, you and your brother got along famously, you had a perfectly respectable girlfriend and now…”
“I have a respectable girlfriend now, thank you very much.” Damien heard a scoff come from Dominic which caused the older twin to turn on him, finger pointing threateningly in his brother’s direction. “Screw you, Dominic. I love her and just because you can’t get along with her doesn’t mean you have to shit on her all the time. None of you even know her.” Dominic went to open his mouth to retaliate until their mother put her hand on top of his to stop him. She cleared her throat, clearly trying to make sure the emotions were out of her voice before she spoke up. “Damien, we’re not trying to gang up on you or Lila for that matter. I’m sure she’s lovely. We just don’t want to sit back and watch you throw your life away because of my mistakes. What I did was the worst thing I could have done to this family and I regret that more than you could know. But your father failed to mention that the two of us have been seeing a therapist as well and it’s helped us through this tremendously. We just want you to be okay and we’re suggesting that Dominic go too now that he’s…been privy to my transgressions.”
Shaking his hand, Damien pushed his chair back from the table and made to stand up before his father’s voice, this time with a little more authority, rang through his ears. “Damien, you get up from this table without discussing this and you’re not going to like what comes next.” His anger was telling him to just leave, just walk out the door because what was the worst they could do to him? But a voice in his mind told him to stay seated. His father never really used that tone with him unless he was utterly serious about what he was saying. So he stayed seated, his heated gaze moving from the older man to the two sitting across from him. Dominic was biting his bottom lip, no doubt to keep him from saying something idiotic with all the tension in the room, and his mother looked exasperated. He knew nothing was going as planned for them.
“This is the deal, Damien. You’re going to start working hard at school again. Your grades are going to get better and you’re going to be attending every class. You’re also going to be attending therapy at least once a week on your own and we’re all going once a week as a family. You and your mother will be talking about what you witnessed even if Dominic and I have to leave for you to do it. We just want our son back to who he was before this whole incident…or at least someone we recognize. And the drugs stop now. That one is non-negotiable.”
Damien sat there staring at his father once again. He wasn’t being given a choice with any of this just like he had no choice but to keep everything a secret before and the boy didn't appreciate it. Biting the skin on the inside of his lip, he gave his father a defiant look. "And if I refuse?" Dominic sighed softly, letting out a breath the boy had been holding seemingly since the secret had been revealed to him only because of the frustration he felt towards his brother at the moment. Their father ran a hand through his hair before shrugging a shoulder. "That one's simple: you'll be cut off. No more money from us, no more fancy apartment or new cars, no more of us paying for your education. Everything will fall on your shoulders, Damien. So you decide what you want to do."
For the second time that night Damien felt like the air was being sucked out of his lungs. He had never once had to live without his father's money and the boy knew he would be completely helpless if it came down to that. Dropping all of his animosity as he realized what his choices were, he slumped down in his chair with his mind racing. Give up his simple life of ease where he didn't have to lift a finger to get anything he wanted or give up his only coping mechanism. His father had him backed into a corner and the man knew it judging by the satisfied look on his face as he started to speak again without waiting for Damien to answer him. "It's settled then. Your first therapy session is tomorrow at four. I checked to make sure it didn't interfere with any of your classes...which, by the way, your professors have agreed to keep letting you attend with the condition that you make up any tests that have been missed so far this semester."
He stayed silent, knowing that there was no fighting any of this. There was no way Damien would survive in the real world where he had to pay for everything so the only choice he had in the matter was to do whatever his father requested. Staring down at his plate, Damien let his mind race while his twin brought up the affair again, obviously wanting some questions answered. Dae didn't hear them though. He was too busy thinking about everything he was about to give up and about the girl that was currently lying in his bed at home. What was he going to tell her? Obviously she wouldn't be able to bring drugs into his house again and that was their favorite past time together. All he could do was hope that these changes wouldn't rock his world enough to send Lila packing. Their love could survive this...right?
By the way he was consuming his drink, she knew he had to have been on something. No one chugged caffeine, sugar, and glitter down that fast, but once she heard his offer, the idea to question him, left the room, “$400 a week? Really? Just to walk your dog? Heck yeah! I mean, yes, yes I’ll take the job.” $400 a week would be a tacked on help that she really needed. She couldn’t believe he was offering this to her. Ruby was more grateful than he would ever know.
“Well, it’s settled then. He’s a pretty chill little dude just doesnt get our much because....well, because I’m me.” Damien grabbed a pen and a napkin before writing down his number and sliding it over to her. “Just text me tomorrow and remind me about this in case it slips my mind, I’ll give you the details then and we’ll work out a schedule or something.” With that Damien discarded the last half of his drink and stood after looking at a text he had just gotten on his phone. “Now I gotta go deal with my shithead brother and some kind of smell coming from my room or something. He really is a pansy sometimes. See ya later.” Damien grabbed his things and gave a mock salute to the girl before walking out of the store to head home.
Lila was taken a bit by surprise when Damien pulled her in close. She didn’t quite prefer the cigarette smoke being in her face, but fuck, he was turning her on, “It’s a good thing you don’t have raper- face. Otherwise, I’d be kicking you in the balls right now.” Grabbing the cigarette from his hand, she put it out in a nearby ashtray. Feeling his teeth graze her flesh, she closed her eyes and growled in sexual frustration, “Fucking tease…” Opening her eyes and letting her, now, free hand move from ashtray downwards, Lila let it brush against the bulge between his legs, “Feels like someone’s one horny kitty.” Pulling back, she ran her tongue across her top lip seductively, before leaning in to kiss him harder than he had nibbled on her neck.
“Always so fucking hostile, baby girl.” Damian’s fingernails dug into her waist when her hand ran over his crotch, his fingers pushing the fabric of her tshirt up before dragging his nails down her sides to the waistband of her jeans. He ate up the kiss she initiated, teeth dragging across her bottom lip before his hands go to hook around the bottom of her thighs so he can pull her up to straddle his waist. “Why do I find that so damn sexy?” The question gave him enough time to slowly lift the tshirt over head before tossing it to the side and allowing his hands to travel down the length of her torso, thumb brushing over the lace of her bra.
It didn’t take them long to make the drink. Walking back over, she sat it on the table in front of him, “To answer your question…when you’re poor? Yes. You take what you can get. Which isn’t much these days.” She wasn’t going to sugarcoat it. It was hard, but she’d be in worse situations, “I’d be grateful for $700 a week, unfortunately, I’m not a chef, so looks like you’re stuck with him.”
His taste buds basically exploded with sugar and edible glitter with his first sip and the thc in his system craved even more. Damian was sipping on it for a minute before he went to answer her. “Poor, huh? I mean, I need someone to walk my dog every day. Maybe not worth $700 a week but maybe $400? Might help you out a bit and I don’t have to walk....”
A smile slipped over Ruby’s soft features when the cigarette fell out of his mouth. While being a phoenix had been rough, it had also proved to have it’s exciting moments. This was one of them. She loved seeing people tripped out by things and being able to trip this guy out was the highlight of her day, “Oh, oh, oh it’s magic!” The lyrics quietly slipped out of her mouth, before she let the flames die down leaving her skin as if nothing had ever happened.
The flames his fingers hand been running through were definitely real, heat scorching his fingertips and making a little more aware of his surroundings. Without even asking Damian ran his hand down hers when the flames were gone to try and find some way as to how she had done what she had just done. “Okay, what’s the trick here? You got some kind of invisible igniters or something that disappears after the heat gets to it? This is weird, even for me.”
